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Single parent, dad doesn't pay maintenance

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I am fed up with parents who will not take responsibility of their own children.  I am a single mother to my 4 year old daughter, her Dad left me for another woman when she was 7 months old.  He has done nothing but move from one relationship to the next and now has a one year old and newborn by his current girlfriend.  He always seems to have some excuse as to why he can’t pay me maintenance.  Meanwhile his girlfriend is sat at home breeding and I’m burning myself down to the ground working full time struggling to make ends meet and being a full-time mum trying to provide the best for my daughter.

It really gets me when my daughter comes back from her Dad's with bottles of Ribena and MacDonald’s Happy Meal toys and then proceeds to tell me he’s only got £10 to last him until the end of the week.  Then why go to MacDonald’s in the first place.  And the amount of times when we’ve been to Tesco's she points out all these things that Daddy’s got from nice food to DVDs.  In the meantime, we live off of value meals and anything we can find at the reduced counter and certainly can't afford to buy DVDs.

Dad's that don't pay any maintenance He's not paying me any maintenance

The other thing that gets me is that he chose to move about 60 miles away from me and many a time has suggested we meet half way when he has my daughter.  No way, why should I pay for the petrol for his convenience especially when he’s not paying maintenance.  When he does eventually give me a cheque 9 times out of 10 it bounces.

The final straw was the other weekend when he took the family to a wildlife park on Father’s Day and when he brought her back he told me that he couldn’t have her next weekend as he didn’t have any money for the petrol.  Get your priorities right mate, don’t spend money on a day out if you can’t afford it.  There are many places you can go for free and take a picnic with you so you don’t have to buy food at the venue.  You do not have to spend money on your daughter to make her happy!

Most recently he told me that he’s finally got a permanent job and things will be back to normal next month.  Normal, what is normal?  He mentioned that the wages aren’t very good and proceeded to tell me that he’s been in contact with the CSA and should only be paying me £26 a week.  Well he’s seems to have forgotten that he hasn’t given me anything for the past 4 months anyway.  What planet is this guy on!

I just wish that he would settle down and face his responsibilities instead of swanning round like he’s got money when he hasn’t got two ha’pennies to rub together.


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miserablemoaninggit

miserablemoaninggit

Moira, your gripe suggests that you are not being wholly truthful about situation. Something else is going on in this for you. It seems to me that you still have an emotional investment in this man, hence your reluctance to do anything more proactive in obtaining maintenance from him.

Try and look at your situation rationally. Quell your emotions. Go the the CSA. Keep the burden on your fellow tax payers to the absolute minimum because, believe me, we are fed up with raising other people's kids.
miserablemoaninggit
28th Jul 12 02:07

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-10
moira

moira

I split from my ex husband 4 and a half years ago , my choice in the end cos we were not in love and I didn't want to bring my kids up in a home where their parents fought all the time. My husband was also a cannabis user and as my kids got older I didn't want them around that and he was unwilling to change that side of his life. We had bought a house between us and were in the process of renovating it when we split, something I could not continue to do on my own so I moved out and he released what equity he could from the property which allowed me to move on and get a rented place of my own. Since we split the agreement was that he would take them on alternate weekends and extra time in school holidays. To be fair to him he has maintained this arrangement but the agreed maintenance of £200 per month stopped. I initially agreed to a break in it as he was struggling to pay the mortgage on the house we had and he wanted to finish renovating it before putting it up for sale. With hindsight I know I was too soft and should have forced the sale but as things were pretty amicable and I was managing and had moved on I let it go. Recently however he has met a new partner, she is spending more and more time in what was our house which he insists he cannot sell due to the current market. My gripe is that not only am I receiving no money for his kids, I am working full time to support them and have a reasonable wage but this restricts me from benefit help of any kind other than child benefit. I try to give them as much as I can even getting into debt to let them have a decent life. I certainly don't spoil them and they are very appreciative of what they have and get. We have cheap and cheerful family caravan holidays, I pay for their days out , riding lessons, skateboarding trips etc etc etc. I clothe them and pay for school trips and school lunches and today he told me he was going to struggle to give me any money this month for school uniforms despite having said he would halve the cost. The reason he gave me for having no money this month is that he and his girlfriend are away to Amsterdam for a week - lucky them is all I can say. This is a guy who earns £2000 a month and drives a company car, she works in the police but all he can give me is £80. I know I am ranting but it makes my blood boil!!! I am so tempted to go to the CSA but I don't know if this is the right thing to do?? Even the kids have started commenting on things and his reply is that its my fault because I tell them hes a bad dad. I do not tell them that I just speak the truth at 10 and 12 they make their own judgements. I can see their relationship falling apart in front of my eyes and it worries me because I want them to have one but when they ask me why dad doesnt take them on holiday but he does his girlfriend what can I say?? I am fed up telling them to speak to their dad about it and when they try to they get ignored or given excuses. They are fantastic kids and I am so proud of them why can't he be and why has he lost interest?? It breaks my heart but it seems I am far from alone.
moira
27th Jul 12 11:07

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mummy kell

mummy kell

Ditto.... my son is 2 and a half years old now and I decided to post a form to CSA last monday because my son's dad is not paying me any maintanence at all, i couldnt wait any longer to see if he gets a job, but as i know him so well he is delibratley not working so he doesnt have to pay.

Today the CSA rang me saying that hes on benefits so i get 0 maintanence... i said to them if he stays on benefits as long as he wants he can get away without paying... they said 'yes'... even if he gets paid cash in hand, they cant do anything about it because theres is no proof and he doesnt pay taxes.... i asked them if he does start work can the maintanence be back dated to when my son was born, they said 'no'...

my son's dad knows the longer he holds out in searching for a job, he doesnt need to pay me maintanence and the longer he holds out my son is getting older and i wont be able to get the maintanence arrears....

it is so fustrating and i am sooo angery that he had taken me to court to get is unsupervised visit/contact order and 2 overnight stays fortnightly and it had been granted for him, and when i want support from my son's dad by paying me maintanence i dont get it. dont get me wrong i want my son to know his dad, its my son's life. but all im asking is for him to support his son by paying me maintanence, ok so he cant so why cant he bring me nappies, clothes, shoes etc... up.

His dad can afford to take his son to mcdonalds, buy him bits n bobs, take him on day trips, he also can afford to have him overnight.... so where is the money coming from!!!
mummy kell
16th Jul 12 12:07

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Nika

Nika

I read above story and below comments.... and i want to cry!!! its like reading my own story. My ex doesnt pay for our child (8 years old daughter).. he has got another child with another woman. He gave up work not to pay me. Him and his partner they both on benefits, living on very high standards. He has just bought another car, he goes to restaurants regulary, buys disinged clothes ... and... laughs at my face!!!! CSA told me he is unemployed so his maintance is : £0.00!!! great... I work full time... i hardly manage . I cant afford anything... And he, well he seems to have only rights to our child, but no RESPONSIBILITIES!!!! - how unfair!!!!
Nika
24th Feb 12 01:02

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covlad

covlad

@niki you say its the men who say this and that what about a women who leaves her 4 kids with there fathers moves away and get married and as more kids this is what happened to me and csa do nothing but screw me for csa for my lad but will not touch her due to living on isle of man

sorry but its not right and some thing needs doing about it
covlad
28th Jan 11 01:01

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covlad

covlad

my ex moved to the isle of man and left me with the kids will csa help crap will thay but thay screwed me while I was single for my lad I feel hard done by having to bring up my 2 girls while having to pay csa
covlad
28th Jan 11 01:01

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-30
jenn

jenn

if only the law would intervene at the splitting up stage. I mean properly to ensure that both parents take responsibility for their kids in both time and money.

Why some men choose to walk away from their own kids is beyond me. As is the behaviour of some women.

Kids are made by 2 people (50%) from each and therefore there should be an EQUAL share of responsibility.

It is too easy for men to walk away unfortunately.
jenn
4th Jan 11 02:01

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jan

jan

my ex has once again decided to give up work. Yes he decided to because he did not want to do it any more.

I wish I had the ability to 'decide' to give up work! If I did decide this who would pay my mortgage and feed my kids? I would not want state handouts thank you. I a fit and healthy and can work - oh just like he is except he will now have the state paying his rent and supporting him!

He has not seen the kids since august. He cant afford to see them - cant afford to feed them apparently. Funny that he can spend over £6 a day on cigs but not feed his kids every other weekend.

He sits back on state handouts while my kids are in full time breakfast, after school and holiday club. All paid for by me so I can work.

I want my kids to see their dad, all kids should have 2 parents. He cant be bothered seeing them or paying for them. It is disgusting.

The law on this needs sorting
jan
3rd Jan 11 10:01

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Paul

Paul

bitter and twisted. i'm a single dad I have two children and get 10 pounds a week and I work full time, don't struggle the way you describe though. should stop get out of your current mind set a do the best for you an yours.
Paul
3rd Jan 11 06:01

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voysey

voysey

Ah, also forgot to mention and it IS a pertinent point, our daughter was PLANNED, with him being the main one who forced the issue but she was only ever a status baby to him, once he'd lost the girlfriend (through his becoming a dealer), he simple saw no pnt doing the fathering bit by himself, there was nothing in it for him, this he admitted.
voysey
24th Dec 10 06:12

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-14
Voysey

Voysey

Sorry last thread was meant to read Russell Voysey who now lives in the Isle of Man, though his daughter only found out yesterday. He moved MONTHS ago, she'd tried to get in touch to start afresh and he didn't even mention he was leaving and has ignored her since. No child deserves that. I sent the night with her crying in my arms, she is a beautiful, intelligent usually confident girl and he reduced her to doubting herself and feeling like crap. Do we have a right to shame these men?? Well you know what, as the saying goes 'if the cap fits'. I of course maintained a neutral stance and tld her not to take it personally, he is just looking out for number one. She's old enough to see the truth, hopefully he won't ruin her life.
Voysey
24th Dec 10 06:12

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-19
Voysey

Voysey

Regarding my Rseell Voysey comment, this is not 'father hating'. For years I didn't even as for maintenance but he decided NOT to see his daughter just in case he'd have to contribute. The court found him guilty of Culpable Neglect of his daughter in January 2010 and ordered him to begin paying back the thousands in back support he owes. His response...he moved to the Isle of Man at the insistence of his wife so he wouldn't be sent to prison when defaulting on payments. At NO point have we degraded ourselves asking for it from him directly even though he lived locally and it would have been easy to, we didn't want the indignity. My daughter, now eighteen was curious to make some sort of relationship with him, she's a bright girl off to uni, NOT a trouble maker, he got his wife to mail her back, in short he couldn't be bothered. He did for the first year of the last eighteen, wish her happy birthday, a day late by text saying he had 'no reception' her entire actual birthday. Yesterday I had her in tears wondering what's wrong with her that he doesn't want anything to do with her. FYI I don't hate him, I feel pity for the bloke, it's his loss but I do hate what he has done to his daughter over the years, why shouldn't s parents left holding the baby make public what they have done, it is a moral shame to deny your own child.
Voysey
24th Dec 10 06:12

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nikki

nikki

funny how a lot of these so called "men" who post up here are blaming the woman saying she "got pregnant" and other such rubbish and that she should have "kept her legs closed". yeahhh so what exactly IS the mans responsibility then??? its scum like that who enable these deadbeat parents to continue the way they are.
nikki
24th Nov 10 12:11

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Mr D

Mr D

Many fathers are separated from their family through no fault of there own , like me! My ex met a new bloke and I was out. Now her and her partner are unemployed and living a pretty good life on my maintenance. I have often thought of quitting my job but I enjoy it too much.I know 100% my child only sees a fraction of what I pay. I would love custody of my kid, but while she is making so much from my maintenance she is going to fight tooth and nail against that. I try to have my kid as much as possible, this used to work well , but then my ex found out if I have the kid too many nights her maintenace might go down, so guess what, im only allowed once a week now.... men are not the only problem in family break ups.
Mr D
4th Aug 10 12:08

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Emma

Emma

Can anybody give me some advice? I'm a single parent with a 7 year old Daughter I work and am about to start my teacher training in September, the thing is I don't receive any form of maintenance from my Daughters dad which is a real struggle!! The reason he doesn't pay is due to him becoming mentally ill over the past two years and refuses to be on any kind of benefits which leaves me on the receiving end of zilch!! I don't want to come across as one of those single mums that wing about it all the time I just think it's very unfair that I go out and work all week pay my rent, council tax and everything else that comes on top of that and end up with nothing at the end. What I want to know is, is there anything out there to financially support you? Or should there be something in place? As theres a new government maybe something should be put in place but I don't know how to go about it. It's just as well the CSA is there to help but they can't help someone like me in my situation or any body else experiencing the same. If there is anyone who can offer some advice it would be most appreciated, thanks for reading Emma.
Emma
14th Jul 10 09:07

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