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Absent fathers and weekend dads can't be bothered

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I thought when a couple splits up and there are children involved that both parents are meant to have responsibility over the children.

Well this certainly doesn't seem to be the case in my situation. Is it so much to ask when I do all the running around and am practically bringing up our daughter on my own as I certainly don't get regular maintenance payments from him.

My daughters' Dad moved away from the area a year ago and started a new family with his girlfriend.  He is constantly in financial difficulties and when this happens he expects me to fork out the time and petrol to do the running around so that he can see his daughter.

What's the point with a weekend dad who can't be bothered to see his daughter It really annoys me as he's just started a new job and has just told me he would like to have our daughter for the weekend but won't be able to get to the childminder in time to pick her up after work on Friday.  This means that I shall have to pick her up and he'll get her from me.

It really isn't fair on her and she gets very upset when she leaves me to visit her dad, especially if she's only with me for less than an hour.  I can't understand why he can't arrange an agreement with his manager to leave earlier on Fridays and take a shorter lunch to make up the time.  After all, I'm always the one who has to take days off when she is sick and time off to take her to the dentist or doctor etc...

Is it so much to ask when I do all the running around and am practically bringing up our daughter on my own as I certainly don't get regular maintenance payments from him.


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cartoonhead

cartoonhead

i am what 1 would call a weekend dad but that has been every weekend for the last 2 years. she is 3 now, what append to the 1st year you might add, well that was the year it tuck me to get the ball rolling to get her mum to caught to even get to see my child.
cartoonhead
10th Jun 12 03:06

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1
ajp

ajp

Are we all adults here? You get together and make a baby, something sadly goes wrong, you split and then the child is stuck in the middle. Try to be grown up about it and stop scoring points.

There is no monopoly from either gender as to who is the most feckless or useless - some people seem content to just do what is wrong and blame others. Just try to protect your children from that and never slag off the other parent in front of the child. It hurts and confuses them. They learn how to conduct future relationships based on how you do it now. Do it badly and they will have future problems.

Your main priorities are to keep children safe and secure, and to provide the CORRECT role models for them as far as you are able.
ajp
31st Oct 10 01:10

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2
kopmint

kopmint

my Daddy was a widower and rared me extremely well great parent it is not that I have no experience I would be very lenient on single carers selfish men need penalised especially when they do not pay and bum and blow about going to the us masters how fair is that ?
kopmint
13th Sep 10 12:09

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4
mel

mel

well............. have u got kids of your own, well I had children and do work hard but have been unlucky in love and that it
mel
8th Jun 10 07:06

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-3
Cas

Cas

Well where do I start, my daughter is now 12 and her father only came into her life last year. Since this time he has done nothing but try and ruin the relationship I have with my daughter. He has told her that I was going to get rid of her and he had to plead with me to keep her..... when in fact he wasn't even around when I found out I was pregnant. Still she is a smart clued up lil girl and she knows he is lying. Sometimes it is best to just put up or shut up, I decided I wanted to keep her, I therefore decided to be a single mum, so I just got on with it. Yes I needed handouts but soon as I could get into work I did. For the past 8 Years I'm proud to say that I have fed, clothed and kept a roof over our head without any handouts from the state or her father. Yet he seems to think that he has a right to see her still after all the nasty things he said to her. It turns out he also has another daughter, slightly younger than mine, lovely little girl and he does the same to her, emotional blackmail and mental abuse. Then I found out that he has a baby son, same story does not see him, does not pay for him. And last.... but not least... his ex found CSA papers in relation to another child, who is around 7/8 years old now. Hopefully he will get bored soon, he doesn't want to see any of the children, but he loves to cause us all hell and make sure he gets all he is entitled to.... I'm just glad my daughter and his other daughter have seen sense and will not have to endure anymore.
What annoys me the most is that to try and prove to them that his lies are truths he claims to have found the lord and uses this to try and make people believe his lies.
Karma is a wonderful thing and I can not wait for it to come around his way. Meanwhile I'll continue to clothe, feed and support my daughter.....without his help.
Cas
8th Jun 10 11:06

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5
ali

ali

well my daughers dad sees them about twice a year, he constantly lets them down making promises he cant deliver. also he asks me to pay for petrol on the few occasions he does bother to see them. he is however suffering from seizures and is on medication for them. this has now been the case 5 years on, the doctors cannot cure him. I am sympathetic however it doesnt seem fair on my children to grow up without him. he chose to live 300 miles away from them close to his mother =( I am doing a degree atm to try and offer my girls a better future one day.
ali
22nd Feb 10 11:02

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-8
ali

ali

well my daughers dad sees them about twice a year, he constantly lets them down making promises he cant deliver. also he asks me to pay for petrol on the few occasions he does bother to see them. he is however suffering from seizures and is on medication for them. this has now been the case 5 years on, the doctors cannot cure him. I am sympathetic however it doesnt seem fair on my children to grow up without him. he chose to live 300 miles away from them close to his mother =( I am doing a degree atm to try and offer my girls a better future one day.
ali
22nd Feb 10 06:02

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2
Billlou

Billlou

similar situation here. Ex wont pay but expects me to drop off/pick p which I did for 3 years but now wont. When he does have her he takes her to the local footy club til 1am and gets plastered. She has been badly injured on 2 occasions when he hasnt been capable of looking after her so now I want to stop him having her. he has become very abusive to me in fron t of her (shes 7) and she cries and says she hates him cos hes mean.......what the hell can I do?
It is such a hard situation but just hope one day (soon) she will see him very clearly for what he is. I want him to disappear forever
Billlou
10th Feb 10 03:02

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-11
Gainsborough lad.

Gainsborough lad.

Tracy, I love the comment of yours that dads should be forced to look after their kids on a regular basis,

In Sweden, seperated parents have to live close to their kids school and each other as part of divorce agreements,

But sadly over here, the governments over the years have just looked after girl power mafia, and they can do as they please.
Gainsborough lad.
4th Feb 10 11:02

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-8
tracy

tracy

I know dead beat dads my son lived with his dad 4 3 and a half year now he has a 19 year old girlfiend who is pregnant he is 37 my son got dummped on my doorstep with nothing but the clothes on his back luckily I had had him every weekend in the time he was at his fathers so have a good relationship with him but we have both found it hard to adjust his dad dosent see him I think it is high time the courts made a law that fathers should be made to have the children on a regular basis obviously only in circumstances where no problems have arose other than dead beat dads
tracy
4th Feb 10 10:02

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-3
Gainsborough lad.

Gainsborough lad.

Bat bunny, so in the short two weeks that you were back together, you made baby number two, planned or not, I as a taxpayer will no doubt be paying for it,

£100-00 a week income tax,
£ 30-00 a week national insurance,
£ 30-00 a week driving taxes,
£ 15-00 a week council tax,
£ 10-00 a week VAT on various things,

That should cover your free lunch whilst the child grows up, unless you are going to go out to work full time.
Gainsborough lad.
4th Feb 10 10:02

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-16
bat bunny

bat bunny

tom you are so sick and I hope you never become a father yourself
bat bunny
4th Feb 10 09:02

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4
bat bunny

bat bunny

I am in a simmilar sittuation except my ex partner has not paid a penny towards his daughter and I am pregnant again by him. he would not want anything to do with our daughter if he was with someone and then when he wasnt he would want me back and so in the end I took him back because I loved him. he left me after 2 weeks for someone else and I found out I was pregnant. since then he has not been bothered about contacting me to see our daughter or even to find out how the pregnancy is going. I know that he has met someone new who has a 4 year old that they do not have custody off and he lives with her after not even an hour. how do I tell my children that their dad is not bothered about seeing them unless I contact him but even then he does not want to see them. he slanders me on facebook too and I still love him will it ever stop I say it will if you just cut him out your life because you have to do whats best for yourself and your daughter
bat bunny
4th Feb 10 09:02

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-6
Tag

Tag

tom you are one sick individual and you should be locked up.
Tag
26th Jan 10 08:01

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-9
Angie

Angie

For all of the men out there, this situation is not about the money. If a father moves away. he should make an effort to do transportation. Money is needed to raise a child, but many father's do not chose to see their kids very often. My kids see their Dad 4 nights a month, if one of them gets sick, I am the one who deals with it. He sends all the dirty landry home to me, and is not involved in their school. I feel sorry for him, he is missing out. They are growing up fast, and he can never get this time back. When a woman decideds to have a child, she should always think about the fact that at some point she may become a single parent, and most if not all the responsibility will fall on her!
Angie
29th Dec 09 04:12

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