My dad shouldn't pay maintenance

"Mum and her boyfriend", "Grandma and her boyfriend".... makes me laugh! Seriously! Something is very very wrong with this country! If you were in the Middle East or East Asia you would never have heard anything like that!

I do feel for you sweetheart, your mum should not be treating you this way and demanding money from your dad to use on her. I have a daughter where her dad won't pay a single penny for her yet trys to claim benefit for her. She never sees or has phonecalls from him and he only lives 10 miles away from us, So people like that should get a demand for back pay! I also have a husband with 2 daughters from a previous marriage and we pay maintenance every month to their mum yet the girls have suddenly stopped talking or seeing us with no explanation! Their mum always used to demand a list of things aswell as her maintenance even when they lived with him for 2 weeks out of 5 do how does that work? You choose where you would be better off and go for it, it will sort itself out in the end!

Sometimes even these seemingly generous parents love you when it is the occasional visit and their responsibility is just to pay out X dollars/pounds. They do not have to deal with all the other issues and the contact time is very limited so they will lavish attention on you for those limited times. You may find it is a different proposition when you move in with them. Sometimes it is the unfortunate truth that the grass looks greener on the other side.

Because you're very lucky to have a dad who gives you things anyway my dad and alot of other dads I know wouldn't pay a penny towards their children if they didn't have too. My mum can't work due to health issues and he doesn't want to give us anything, so when I'm 18 we have to sell the house give him 40% even though he has a house and car with three holidays a year... And we are left with 100,000 to find a new house while I'm trying to pay for university. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a dad who still helps.

I know what you mean, the only difference is that I don't see or speak to my dad because of other reasons, I am 18 and in full time education but my mum expects me to use ema to cover all of my needs in which that is what my csa is for, but like your mum, my mum doesn't give me anything and rarely does which is a battle getting it from her, although it annoys me because I can't even challenge it to the courts because my mum would win, because its only allowed to ba a parent to parent payment, which some people obviously don't use correctly.

Kirsty, you seem so level headedfor such a young girl and if your heart is saying go to your Dad then go. My partner has children to his ex and she is just like your describing your mother, the court say at 4 they are too young to decide but we are biding our time. If its only a case of college then surely your amazing Dad would assist you in commuting to college each day, depending on nthe distance. Take a long hard think and maybe you can be happy with your Dad and leave your mother to her self pitying selfishness, no child should ever feel the way you do about your mother, it would destroy me to think my kids felt anywhere near what you do about you mother. Keep smiling Kidder and where theres a will theres a way trust me!!!

Follow your heart ... live with the parent who loves you most ... not with the one who you think you should feel responsible for. You are NOT her carer ... Do not feel guilty ... because not all mothers deserve to be mothers ... it's not her fault. BUT you deserve better. God Bless and take care xx

My dad works hard for his money and even when myself and my sisters visit him and our step mum at the weekend he has to work in order to survive. I cant understand why my mum and her boyfriend work and yet demand to the csa that he pay more as a result of his earnings increase by way of working harder. I fear that my dad has no time to spend with us although the time we do spend with him and our step mum it's really fun. My dad has always been there for us and has never let us down unlike our mum. I feel that she made all this happen and that this was her choice so why does my dad still have to pay....... As children we dont see sense and as we get older nothing changes, how we call ourselves civalised adults and yet there is nothing cival when it comes to the csa. I have read my dads letters and cant believe that in order to pay and live you must work yourself into an early grave ! oh there's the sense.

I agree, I have the same problem with my dad exept my dad has had problems with money and my mud demanded 40 pounds a week of him. he was unable to pay for years and now he is in debt where he has to pay 10`000 pounds to her via the csa(child support agency).he`s nearly gone to prison twice and his work mate bailed him out both times and he wont be able to bail him out again, now my dad owes him money too.

I am busy with my divorce for 2years but the 2 of us had come to an agreement with family advocate that I am working 7 days night shift and the I am 7 days off for off days my 2 children is by me she do not want to work and use drugs she do not make an effort to get a job so I do not give her any money but buy school clothes and pay school fees and when it is her time to get the kids I sent their food with.And say in the middle of the week she sent a message to say food is up and have to make a way to get food I do not get a big salary at end of month I have to pay my debt of that she left me with and have to sort out children and buy food but had said I must pay maintenance what can I do I also did kept all slips what I did buy

I completely sympathise with you on this one. My ex wife was the laziest, financially wreckless woman there is. My marriage was torture and I stayed only for the 3 boys we had. Eventually it was too much and I broke it up. My sons now 23, 21 and 16 have had everything they needed from me including holidays, music lessons, travel expenses, clothes, pocket money every month, yet their mother giuves them nothing and swans around in luxury with her new husband. I paid the mortgage on the house for 12 years even while she was claiming it from benefits. My mother bailed her out to the tune of £4,500 after she kept the mortgage money and the bank were going to repossess the house - the ex wife had just kept the cash and not paid the mortgage for a year and a half. She has had the nerve to pursue me through the CSA for back support claiming she has never had anything from me. They have slapped a demand for £17,350 on me which I do not have and would rather rot in a cave than give her a single penny of that. The whole system is wrong and it not only encourages, but rewards lazy, vindictive ex wives while persecuting decent, hard working and children supporting fathers. The CSA don't want to listen to any opposing information, facts or evidence. They are happy with the lies of a woman who wants as much as she can squeeze from me. There needs to be a complete change to the system. My advice to you, is forget your mother she obviously isn't interested in you, only the money she can get from your Dad. Go and live with Dad or at least make sure its more than 120 nights a year, then the CSA will stop your mother being the so called 'parent with care'. Its clear she doesn't care about you one bit.

I was sorry toread your post.......i think that being a parent is a shared responsibility 50/50 between mum and dad ..and it doesnt stop when you reach 16..kids are for life...

hey kirsty :) my mum always moans that my dad doesn't give any maintenance and my brother's dad pays maintenance when my dad's the one that takes me on holidays pays for school clothes pays for school trips etc. it upsets me and angers me!

Hi Kirsty,
I 100% agree with you,I have exactly the same problem with my MumI have read many articles about the CSA and now understand exactly why this is happening. My mother never understood that the CSA are just there to make money out of fathers. I realised that the reason why my parents split up was because my mother was cheating and the reason she went to the CSA is some form of revenge. And this is what the CSA pray on. Even if dad is paying every thing the CSA ask for that money he is paying the CSA is not even going to my mom it is going into the pockets of the govenment and the CSA bosses. My Silly mom will never understand this.

We are all being scammed by a run for profit company. They are not interested in children or parents. They are interested in making money probobly to pay for M.P.'s expenses and CSA executive bonuses. Shut them down now! All matters should be referred back to the courts!