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My ex partner contacted the CSA

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First off I'd like to say hello to all the good, responsible fathers out there who are treated unfairly bythe mothers of their children and the CSA.  My story is simple one and may sound quite familiar to some of you.

The mother of my children and I were together for 2 years when she fell pregnant with our first child.  Everything was OK with our relationship and we soon had another child.  Sadly, our relationship hit rock bottom and we broke up.  Things were a bit fragile between us for a couple of months after we parted, but we began to move on and things soon got easier.

I then received a letter from the CSA asking me to start making payments, which was fine, I was more than happy to support my kids.  But after a while I moved into my own place and financially I was struggling.  On top of bills I couldn't afford to pay the CSA as well as pick up my kids for 3 days a week, spend money on them doing things etc. I had a good chat with their mother and between us we agreed that I could stop paying the CSA, as long as I had the kids 3 days a week and got them anything they needed, for example new clothes.

This was the arrangement for two years and then after a big falling out with their mother, out of spite decided to contact the CSA and tell them I hadn't paid anything during that time.  Shortly after I received a bill for almost £4,000!!!  I was flabbergasted and immediately rang the CSA and asked how they had calculated that figure.  I asked them to consider that I had the children for 3 days a week for the last two years and had been paying towards them as in food, clothes etc.  Basically, the reply I got was "prove it" - which of course I couldn't.  Who keeps receipts for a pair of trousers or trainers for their kids?  Not me unfortunately.

Ex turned CSA on me and I can't afford to pay. As a result of this I now have a huge dept over my head and now have to pay 40% of my earnings straight to them.  How do they think fathers can live and pay this?  I lost my job recently and they still insist I have to pay.  How the expect me to do this I don't know.  I have no problem paying money to support my children but this is crazy.  I would have to get two or three jobs just to earn enough to support myself and pay the CSA.  A father who has to work all time so never gets to see them is not good for children.  Both parents are needed and I'm fed up with being made out to be someone who does not care, or does not want to pay.

Also, how can their mother simply choose when I can and can't see my kids?  It's been about 5 months since I last saw them.  How is this fair?  There are to many cases like mine that go unnoticed.  Something needs to be done here because clearly this system does not benefit the children.  Women should not be able to use the CSA and the kids to exact revenge when they feel like it.


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cod

cod

been there and still there . been fighting the csa and x for years .used to work away from home so i could give my kids and x wife everything they needed . hols cars you name it my kids had the best of everything . then our relationship went down hill . we got deivorced she mooved out with kids .we came to an arragment . id have kids fri sat and most of sunday took them home sun night. also used to give her cash in hand for kids .i re mortgage my house to pay off her debts . i wrote her a cheque for 25000 pounds . alls well . 5 years down the line i hated her and me like wise all of a sudden got a letter from csa statting i owed them 7000 pounds i thought what the hell . in between all this still had my kids and helped pay for cloths for them took them away and also gave them spending money for there hols with x .i was fuming and all i was told u have to pay it u have no proof you ever gave your kids anything i thought wtf. and still to this day ive been fighting the csa ive had no rights and never been favered against my x . told the csa take me to court and i will not work no more because i think the way i have been dealt with is so unfair yours mr p harris.
30/12/15 cod
0
boblet

boblet

All the big boys such ebay seem to be getting hacked so I suppose @rseholes such as steve are small potatoes
22/05/14 boblet
0
STEVE

STEVE

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22/05/14 STEVE
0
Db.

Db.

I too have met the CSA monster and have an equally bad story to tell.

However after paying £300 per month for a single daughter (the other 2 children were over 19) I have finally finished.

My point is whilst I share your opinions, it is not fair that others should pay for your children. You picked your partner and had kids with them and if it all falls flat then hard cheese, pay for your kids and don't expect others to do it for you.

The CSA was introduced because parents didn't pay and the tax payer was burdened with the costs. Now your pay.
14/02/14 Db.
-5
noodles

noodles

This is so unfair! I have 3 kids with my partner and his ex had his house and all he owned when they split before he met me. They have 1 child. He worked hard and supported her to get a degree and had a joint account, when she qualified she took her name off the account and left him with her student loan debt. She now has a very well paid job and sole equity of their house that he gave to her to ensure his child had a secure home.
Ten years on he is still hiding from her debt collectors so all financial income goes into my account. He paid her maintenance all these years cash every month, always making sure she had it when we had nothing. I have driven every weekend we have him there and back to ensure they maintain a relationship as he does not drive and she refuses to. My partner is out of work and I am desperately trying to find a job as our youngest is now in full time education. We are struggling and regularly go without meals, and feed our children on a tight budget. We have no money to give her so she has gone to the CSA claiming he has never paid her anything. They are insisting he has an income, but he has no bank account because of the massive debt she left him in.
She is a shopaholic, and has very expensive taste and from a wealthy family, when I collect his child and see the clothes he wears it breaks my heart that she feels it is essential he has designer underwear, and my children have nothing at all but what friends have given us.
She restricts access and CSA want my details of benefits to support her child. He is not my child and I can barely afford to support my own at the moment. We all hit on hard times. As none of the money we have given her was documented I am terrified he will be presented with a huge bill. If that happens I think I will be close to suicide - really, this is madness she is wealthy, personal numberplate very glamorous etc etc and owns her own house on a huge salary?
Can any one advise me as to what to do? The child is not impoverished - he has iphones etc and so much more than mine would even want. Can the CSA take my JSA off me to pay her? Are they allowed to do this? This is a small amount of money supposed to be there to help my children.
All parents should take responsibility for their children and my partner has always done his very best and we have sacrificed so much to make sure that he can do that for his eldest child.
My partner has tried to promote himself online to earn money but she has reported him - none of those efforts have earned him money, just cost us to try to do this - he is trying to earn to pay for her child. Now he has run out of funds to support this effort, and the CSA have forced him to stop, so he has no hope of earning. They accused him of having an ebay account and and income of which he has neither as he has no bank account. She has told them lies about a false income and they insist he is lliying. Well there is proof - there are no transactions and money or bank account with any money all we have is mine with my JSA.
After all these years of supporting her I now refuse to allow the CSA to have a penny from my me, but they seem to be able to have full access to my financial details and expect me to pay out of my giro. We are in debt - owe money everywhere, I have been to CAB often to help keep the bailiffs away. Our outgoings are higher than our income - and that excludes food bills, clothing, car/transport, and have a cold house and hungry bellies.Please can some one help me find out if they can take what little I have to give to her who is actually pretty well off and a materialistic money grabbing consumer? It shows now as her child his completely money orientated and has no concept of why there is just one carrot and half a pint of milk in our fridge? We fed the children well (ish) over the weekend but have only eaten super noodles for days on end myself. I am moaning now, but why don't they see that she is not poor, we are, but she needs my benefits? Is this legal?
My heart goes out to all the families who are suffering too x Thank You
14/02/14 noodles
0
forsaken

forsaken

yep csa/cms suck donkey nuts. I had to contact social services due to my child being abused and as a revenge my ex called csa to make me pay for it. Our arrangement when we split was simple I gave her 160k in assests to bring my child up in and ill pay for anything she needs shoes clothes etc. But ofcourse she blew all the money on her many lovers ( yes we split cos shes a cheating slag dog).
I am now on low income in a shitty rented property trying to bring up a new family but csa don't give a crap about the children living with me they only care for the child the claimant has so they take food from my babys mouth to line the pockets of my ex and her latest bfs.
Csa are a powerfull organisation they can send baliffs to your door without the process of long court cases. But if your trying to battle them theres a few things you can do.
1. just don't pay they will hound you for years before they get serious and a lot the time they don't cos it costs a lot todo so.
2. They can only take items they can make money at auction but they cant take things you need to live. ie cant take fridge , beds, clothes etc or anything you have on hp OR ANYTHING YOU DONT OWN like your 50" tv belongs to your friend and you have proof ie a signed solicitor letter saying everything belongs to your friend .
3. Go self employed this is biggest problem for csa thou they try to sting self employed ppl if you have no proof of earnings what can they do ? (cash in hand(or good accountant).

Now these things may be called fraud but ofcourse proof is needed. And respect is given to those who deserve it always respect hmrc but not this family killing csa/cms dept collecting assholes.

Ofcourse fathers should pay for their children but theirs paying for the child and paying for the exs whole family to live a wealthy life without working while you have 1 meal a week..
12/12/13 forsaken
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heretohelp

heretohelp

Hi Mum

You sound very distressed, please speak to someone at social services about your situation, be insistent and they should help.

Also try citizens advice they can help as well and at least give you some support. Without prying into your loss of residency, you are still the mother of the child and have rights both for the child and indeed its future. Unless the courts have rule against you in favour of your partner and have decided you be deported then you should push for your case to be dealt with to help you sort out situation.
11/12/13 heretohelp
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Alwayssmilling

Alwayssmilling

I too was in a similar situation in that I paid for my daughter until she was 18 then wrote her a nice letter telling her now she was 18 I would stop the payment but if she needed anything to let me know. I'd had no contact with my daughter due to her mother being difficult for some 3 years previous.

Anyway the next thing I got was a letter from the CSA telling me my daughter had stayed on in education until she was 19 and that I would have to pay 4 years of missed benefits. Luckily I had proof that I had paid for three years and more than the CSA expected so was let off with just the final year.

But I then discovered 3 months into her 18th year that she had left school. I contacted the CSA and nothing happened. I stopped payments but got nasty letters from the CSA even though I produced evidence that she was no longer at school.

In the end for sanity I gave up and paid the extra year

Having said this you must separate the issues. First pay for your children. Secondly your ex-partner is not going to be nice. They will do everything to discredit you and to separate you from your children. Love and hate are the same thing and can change dramatically overnight. Therefore just move on.

In my case I wasn’t the one who had the affair but still got the blame because I’m a bloke and women normally have all the rights.
11/12/13 Alwayssmilling
0
Mum

Mum

I am a mother that has lost residency, ex took home and everything. I moved for a new job and lost my child that I cared for full time. I have just received csa forms and these posts are scary. I already can't afford my bills I'm working two jobs just to travel to see my daughter. It doesn't seem right that the non resident parent should suffer more. It's already difficult not having your child there every day but it's a double whammy when you are unable to live your everyday life and survive too.
10/12/13 Mum
1
rising above it all

rising above it all

Some angry comments!
For the fathers that think that CSA is a joke, yes it is a joke that 'some' mothers have to use them as 'some' fathers do not take their responsibility seriously. I would like to meet the mothers that in receipt of 20% of their exes income are now loaded, i need some tips!
From the other side, i'm a single mum and have no family nearby, i chose to stay in the area as i decided my relationship with my boys' father has ended not their relationship with their father. However, the split was not amicable, i earn more than my ex and he was entitled to half of the equity in the house even though i could prove i paid more, this resulted in me paying ex 60k to remove him from house where he put 10k towards. The current situation is that i have had to take a different job salary reduction of 10k and work part time hours further 20% reduction and yet some days i don't have time to eat or visit the ladies during the day as i want to be a parent to my boys and want them to go to football and swimming clubs, their dad sees this as my responsibility. i need their dad to be more hands on and 2yrs ago offered the solution to end all arguments 50/50 custody, no maintenance but 50/50 on expenses clubs clothes etc. he moans about the maintenance and yet presented with doing half of what i do and pay no maintenance hurled a torent of abuse at me saying what a disgrace of a mother i was to suggest that. he dictates his contact, i need him to have the boys to enable me to work a long day and perhaps go to the gym. originally he had boys one night per wk (and yes reduced maintenance for that night (£18) even though i had to pay childcare for that day and the following day (£100/day). now he wants to pick up one night per fortnight after school for 3hrs and then every second saturday and sunday. that leaves me with no spare time and so much pressure to ensure boys are happy healthy boys and coping ok at school, ferrying to clubs standing in cold 2nights/wk for football, and maintain work commitments. i have just been offered a job with fantastic opportunities, unfortunately it comes with a price, not just 9-5 and travel into town, do i get a nanny, i'm left with guilt of thinking boys will feel rejected with no parent about just a nanny! do i give up my personal space my home and have an employee living with me, i am going to pass on this job as my children are only children once, one of many sacrifices a mum has to make. i already take a 20% pay cut to make my hours suit the boys, the maximum their dad pays is 20% and then a sliding scale depending on overnight contact, he does not qualify. but imagine if i could take this fantastic job and my childcare was just 20% of my salary, that's his expenditure capped, i have childcare costs (higher rate tax payer no contribution towards childcare) last wk i paid £220 for swimming and football, then the clothes, the food, entertainment, oh and to go out for my birthday i paid a babysitter £25, no friday night free for me, but every friday night their dad must have free, his loss as we have movie night, but it's just that choice is for him to make!. as a result of lack of support and interest into the boys lives i think it is time i moved nearer to family for support but also for someone else to enjoy my beautiful boys. Their dad is a disappointment however he does not represent all fathers out there and i hope i will meet one of the decent ones! so to fathers that think they have a rough deal the maximum you pay in maintenance includes everything childcare all year round whether they're sick, school holidays plus all expenses, plus but most importantly your child cared for by someone that is loved. kids are wonderful but they are also demanding and expensive, worth every penny but the reality is sacrifices are part of the package, my circumstances mean i make the majority of these sacrifices and that has been decide by their father and i have no say in the matter, so the mother does not necessarily have all control in these situations. for the fathers that have exes that deny them access that's really sad and i don't understand why you would deny your children a relationship with their father and a night off! but please don't be so bitter and think we're all B*** or on to a good deal or the CSA are unreasonable, the reverse is please look at the costs i incur and contribute to the boys expenses it would be a lot more than maintenace, hence why ex flipped at suggestion of 50/50, higher costs less free time! if you have no control over a situation and no matter what cannot change it, just accept it and adapt, no point wasting energy on something you have no control over.
26/11/13 rising above it all
-8
angry.com

angry.com

hi everyone,im also in a csa dilema they are an absolute joke and do not care what your situation is,I have apprently racked up over £7000 in arrears but they are yet to tell me what for?i have so far paid off £6000 in one year and ive been giving the ex £500 a month and i cant afford to do it i earn £1200 pcm and after all the bills have come out and that doesnt include food im left with £83 a month?If you try to ring them they dont care your made out to be an awful person,but they have no idea what made you leave your family home just assume!!i spoke to them the other day to tell them i wasnt making my payments on my house bills and i was recieving bailiff letters and their response was "nothing we can do" and the women actually said probably be best if i leave my job WTF or could i have another baby then the payments would go down i was like are you actually for real??My ex with all her benefits and the fact she haas a council house gets a about £3100 a month and yet im the one being absolutely shafted????i work all the hours god sends and yet cant afford to live!!How is this fair??
14/10/13 angry.com
-5
mother going through hell

mother going through hell

Hi if anyone could help me i would be so very grateful. My situation is a crazy one. I split with my ex last year and stayed in the family home until he decided i was to f**k off. His choice was stay here with me or not at all ! I had done that 8 years before as the children where young but this time i decided i had to leave. I had nowhere for the children to stay over night with me but i saw them everyday took them out ect. The only difference was i didnt sleep under the same roof as them. From sept to dec i must of given him around £1000 then he told me to sign a form which would entitle him to claim the child benefit. I had already set a bank transfer to send it to his bank every month when it went in.I now know its because he wanted to claim csa from me. We had a long chat and we decided i would give him ex amount every month until i got my own place then we can share the cost of the children and have them shared care. This went on for 4 months and i never missed a payment. In april we had a falling out and then a few weeks later i got my own property. I tried calling him several times to tell him and to say the payments will stop. He didnt reply so i just stopped the direct debit. On the morning of his payment he sent me a text saying " no money in the kids account, do i need to contact the csa again". I went on to tell him that we agreed we would only do it until i got my own place and he said i could f**k off. He said i owed him money for the house !! I told him it was him who threw me out and i didnt want to leave. ( even after splitting he had been violent twice to me and even spat in my face in front of the children). On the first night i picked up the children and they stayed with me for the nights they were suppose to and have continued to do so until today. I have been in contact with the csa nearly 3 times per week trying to get the payments stopped but until he rings them and tells them we have shared there is nothing i can do about it and i have to keep paying. I dont think he realises what he is doing is illegal. I have the children equal nights, pay for there dinner money when they come and food ect. He is getting money from me and child benefit plus his wages !! I can barely afford to pay my rent and i never see a penny of my wages while he is going out , buying clothes and going on holiday. He still wont speak and we do all the arranging through the children. He went away with the eldest and didnt even ask if it was ok for the other one to stay for 9 days instead of the 4. He also went working away and did the same thing. I have now had to write and appeal. Its not that i dont want to provide for my children i do and i am however while he is still taking all this money i cant even afford to take them to the pictures or do anything with them and he is flashing the cash having a ball. While im waiting for the appeal to happen there must be something i can do. I have a calender with every night they stay and i record everything incase i need to show someone. All i seem to get is" you cant prove they have been with you unless he tells us ". Please please someone must be able to help........many thanks x
11/08/13 mother going through hell
-7
ftw

ftw

One of the comments regarding a sliding scale of payment is to some extent garbage. There should be a set maximum amount that can be awarded as a support payment regardless of weekly pay, it does not cost hundreds per week to keep a child all that does is finance the mother and as far as I am concerned that is something that should be taken into account when deciding residency. I am on the opposite side to this I have now got my children after years of paying out to a irresponsible mother and I am using the csa, partially due to vindictiveness and partially to make sure the committment is kept. But after years of being financially penalised I think I am going to enjoy watching her get financially nailed to a cross
06/07/13 ftw
-10
Andy

Andy

Just sell your house and move abroad. Simple and easy.
26/06/13 Andy
-12
Nick

Nick

Of Course those CSA people are cun*s. It's their job to be bi*chy bi*ches and to bully you and squeeze money out of you.
Their training session is as follows:
Lecture 1 All Men are Irresponsible
Lecture 2 All Women are innocent and vulnerable
Lecture 3 All single fathers want to avoid paying
Lecture 4 All Single mothers need help
Lecture 5 How to make fathers pay
Lecture 6 Revision
24/06/13 Nick
-21

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