What kind of father abandons his daughter?

It is easy to generalise in these cases. Admittedly there are women who manipulate the situation and punish the absent father. Nevertheless, men need to man-up and take responsibility. If you're gonna have a child with someone then be prepared to live by that choice through thick and thin and enough of the casual liaisons that results in unplanned pregnancies too.
Men don't realise the trials women go through in being pregnant, giving birth and putting themselves last to attend to their kids first. Its all well that these men abandon their posts, go off and lose themselves then suddenly remember they have a kid and want to start playing daddy when it suits them. When a single mother is ill or just worn down she can't just drop it all, she has to just get on with it 'cos that's what mothers have to do'.
A proper man should be captain of his ship and if they were then you wouldn't get women behaving like this. Yes as aforementioned some women are evil and play games. However, most mothers have been abandoned and the man just blots his kids out of his memory until he reaches a low point then feels all sorry for himself.
My opinion is obviously influenced by my own experiences. I had an arranged marriage with a serpent who just wanted to come to the UK and bleep around to his hearts content. He paid zero interest in our kids and his sole aim was to be a lowlife.
After we left our parents home, he abandoned us and I was obviously heartbroken. I fought for the joke of a marriage for my kids' sakes. He would only visit for his own gain like staying over when the boiler in his bedsit was broken. Him popping in and out of our lives went on for some time and I put up with this until I stopped being an ostrich and saw his requests to see the kids for what they really were, just an excuse for him to freeload.
I even tried us living together for a while and he was ok at first then soon enough he was vile and verbally abusive which I did not want my kids to be subjected to. He was like a child demanding my car or to buy him clothes then walking out whilst the kids would cry and beg him to stay. The last straw was when he screamed in my eldest child's face that he wouldn't see her again till she was 16!
Turns out he was living like a tramp, sleeping on a pile of blankets on a floor in a 3 bed house, inhabited by sometimes up to 15 men. He has a drug and alcohol problem and was seen around near where I live frequenting betting shops. He then got lucky and a year ago his uncle let him live rent free in a flat he owned. With no big expenses, not a word from him directly or via a family intermediary to request to see the kids. He was getting wasted on a daily basis and CSA payments went down to a fiver a month which meant he was not at work. He even took a 2 grand loan from the bank and blew it all on his wanton lifestyle. No request to see the kids in all that time. Now a year later, after taking the biscuit and the crumbs and smashing up his uncles van, his uncle wants him out and suddenly guess what? He wants to see the kids. He was dubbed worm on account of him worming his way into our lives and then turning when he couldn't be bothered. That's all he is trying to do.
In summary, if any man or in some cases woman lets anyone or anything come before their child then they aren't worth it and the child is better off.

I can't believe this actually happened! You westerners are supposed to be well educated and civilised but look at this - you are even worse than people from 3rd world countries.

Ur situation is sad but what if ur boyfroend was drugged and the rat managed to get on top of him n now pregnant wirh his kid? if he has anything to do with the lil piss hes a dick but ur situation thats sad Watch ur men there are sme scorned evil women out there who r desperate

Get a grip . . . My ex stopped me from seeing my little girl years ago. . . . I have our son . . . . I couldn't stand to see that b!!!! ever again and she hates me too . . . Both kids are fine and always will be . . No problem! Get over this silly idea that everyone needs their dad or mum . . . . They don't . . . . . I know I will soon die having never knowing my daughter but if she's anything like her manipulative slag of a mum I've had a lucky escape and saved a shed load of grief! Now I'm over the emotional crap I'm so glad . . . I'm not evil just realistic and everyone gets to live their lives without the crap of the other party . . . . Perfect!

I'm in a similar situation.

My husband was very keen to start a family after being married a few years. I have a son from a previous relationship but my husband really wanted to add one of his own to our home.

We hadn't been trying long when I got pregnant but after 4 weeks he started an affair. i found out after our 12 week scan. I was in pieces but didn't want to break up so we were working on it and things improved but there were a lot of lies from him I was trying to get to the bottom of which were upsetting me. He walked out because I wanted him to tell the truth and he wouldn't. After 2 weeks of trying to work things out he just walked out without saying a word.

I was in hospital with a suspected miscarriage and breakdown and he didn't visit or even answer my calls.

He told me he wanted to come back but not until i got help - no mention of him getting help, just me.

He's played with my feelings for the last 5 weeks, one min saying he wants to work on coming back then disappearing for a week with no contact and not checking on me or the baby. He's even taken the only picture with the baby's face straight after our 20 week scan so I can't show my family or even look at it myself. He's taken me out on nice day trips and kissed me one day then then next told me I'm a horrible person and I've misread what he meant, how you miss read a kiss i've still yet to work out.

I'm surrently in tears because we always go out on Sundays and he didn't turn up today and isn't answering his phone either.

He swore that I could ring if there was a problem and he'd be there but he takes hours to reply if at all. He says he's supporting me through the pregnancy but i've had no support at all, just him switching moods like the wind and dropping me like yesterdays pants.

I'd love to hate him, it would make things so much easier but I still love him and want him back. i know he isn't coming back, he says he will but I think it's just to make sure I don't have an abortion (really couldn't do that at this late stage even though I also thinking bring a child into this is awful - it's bad enough my son has to go through it and I'm trying so hard to keep it all from him but there's no hiding the constant crying no matter how hard i try)

Strange thing is all he's stuff is still here. He got a few shirts after 2 weeks but everything else is still here. He's currently sleeping on his mum's sofa (not totally sure that he is as she won't speak to me) He walked out with nothing but my dog.

I feel like me, my son and my baby are being punished for what he has done to us. His family have no contact with me at all and I don't think they are aware that he does see me.

Worst thing is i know that when the baby is born they will all be knocking the door down to see it. I wish there was something i could do to say - you either all support me and be good to me while i'm pregnant or you can go to hell and not see it when it's born. because i know they'll all ignor me til it arrives then they'll be spoiling it rotten without a care about me or how I feel or how i've been treated.

I feel like an incubator so they can all have a baby and i can go to hell. It's awful and it hurts so much. it's like they are stamping on my heart and don't care a bit.

I have no idea what to do or how to move on from all this. With him saying he's coming back then he's not then he is and me wanting to do anything to get him back I can't move on without him but at the same time - he isn't here so i can't move on with him either.

honestly, we may have been better off NOT seeing "the ex", AT ALL! he visited in and out like a hurricane, paying support only when he may end up in jail, using and drinking, making false promises and lying to our children for his gain, teaching our children about deceit, stealing and all around dishonesty. soooo, perhaps at the young age your daughter is, it may be critical for you to forgive and help her forget. resentments held for, oh lets say 18 or 22 years, can make ones life difficult. if so young why encourage with a photo? is there a payoff for you in that? probably not. so neither for her. martydom is a handle we all have played...although very pricey...think about it

Hi is a...well, it's inexpressible and defies words! His parents aren't much better, because they are caving in to him. Can you deal with his family members one by one? See who has an interest in seeing her, and the motivation to SUSTAIN the relationship. He's not human, if his reaction to her having had the comfort of his parents' attention is "I must stop this at all costs". If she is his child, he owes her support. You cannot force him to be a decent human being. My advice is just to make a circle for her that has as much support as you can, help her to be as whole and happy as you can, and don't accentuate his family too much. If she continues to gravitate towards missing him so much, you may have to get her counseling support to deal with it. Sorry to give such hackneyed advice, but your options are not immediately apparent beyond them. His parents may come around in time. If they do, warn them that they will have to be steadfast in their commitment to her or you will not permit their presence near your daughter- it's too disruptive. Finally, see a solicitor! Just to explore your options. You don't have to act on them, but it may be useful to know what you can do if you decide to.

You, first of all are not alone, I have to say if the father of your child has no interest, he probably never will, I myself have a seven year old by I mite as well say an alcholic, cared nothing about her, but is living with a lone parent!! that gives him a FREE roof over his head..and I was informed that her son is now his daddy so go f**k off!!!men like that are wimps, cowards and plebs on society..i have alot of heartache, but it will change nothing..i have one great little gal though..be strong!

My daughter's father last made contact in 1994, when she was one years old. My daughter is now 17.5 years old. Suddenly out of the clear blue, my daughter's father made contact via facebook. His other daughter, who incidently is only 5 months older than my daughter, has been in contact with my daughter.
My daughter's father now wants to see my daughter, but does has not given her his number. He just wants to met her somewhere, he said his through his daughter. My daughter does not want to me him at all, because she said that she has lived for 17 years without him. Secondly, why does he need to speak through his other daughter in order to communicate with my daughter. I believe that he just wants to see my daughter on his terms.

My daughter's father is lower than whale of S**t ! My daughter's father has always been a despicable person, and throughtly selfish. He never contributed financially for her needs. he even denied that he was her biological father. I will not force my daughter to see him if she does not want to.

Why do men behave like this, I think all men are selfish, my boyfriend left me with a 2week 6 day old baby boy after a traumatic birth and recovering from a C Section. He did not care for me physically or emotionally and left me to suffer and survive on my own with the support of such good friends and fabulous mum and stepdad, I have two gorgeous sons 7 weeks and 7 years and they will respect there partners and this will only make me stronger. My boyfriend walked out on his 2 others sons, one of which was only 5 months old, so I know how you feel from both the child and the adult. Men like this dont deserve children and the children will walk away from them when they are older!

I`m so sorry, I think I can understand although probably more from your little girls perspective.
There is not much solace I can give you as the situation is so uniquely terrible that your little girl has been alienated by her own family.
My dad was absent and as a result saw very little of his family if at all.
There isnt much you can do to persuade him and to be honest would you want him flitting in and out of her life as he liked? I think you know the answer to that. Perhaps a letter to her grandparents asking them to stay in contact, after all he doesnt need to know, its non of his bussiness, and why shouldnt they resume contact surely their not that detatched that they would renounce their own granddaughter just because he tells them to?
I really hope for now you find a solution for this hurdle because it will be the first of many.
I feel for your little angel, but rest assured children understand more than you think and are highly resiliant, I can say this because I came through and im confident that she`l be strong enough to surprise you too. I know you`l worry its only natural for a mum, but you`re doing brilliantly, stay strong because she`l be your best friend in years to come.
All the very best xx

I agree with Crystal. I feel your daughter should be told the truth. I haven't seen my daughters for a year because my ex-wife is bitter. She changed all the phone numbers too. I love my girls and will always fight to see them.
With your ex.....it's his loss. If your daughter is told the truth now, her life won't be balancing on hopes that her dad 'loves' her.
Good luck.

I agree with Crystal. I feel your daughter should be told the truth. I haven't seen my daughters for a year because my ex-wife is bitter. She changed all the phone numbers too. I love my girls and will always fight to see them.
With your ex.....it's his loss. If your daughter is told the truth now, her life won't be balancing on hopes that her dad 'loves' her.
Good luck.

my daughter cant wait to be old enough to have her say in court to tell the judge that they have failed this family by not listening to their wishes earlyer . now im not a well man and are suffering with pancreatitus witch is being opperated on soon as possable, my children have known for years that somthing was wrong with me but we did not know what it was, I found out two years ago and let the children know so they will know that we can help the illness, the judge ( warton) said it was popostuss I did this, I dont think so !! so I looked into this and there is lots of book on how to go about telling a chid about an illness in the family, I befor I read the book did it the right way so the judge is wrong and both my children respect me loads for how I told them and explained the opions I had and we aggreed a rout I should go down so the insight of a childs perspective helped us all to deal with my problem. I truly belive that sam is jellus of the bond me and the children had and still have this is why she is being so horrible she has smashed my childrens toys I bought them in front of my son this sceared him loads not to mencun he lost his toy, the list just goes on and on im at the point of giving up, I should of gone to court two week ago but I knew that again they wont listen so I didnt go and now there is a order that I have to phone sam to arrange visit one month before its planned this is what I cant explain is why after so many years split I still shake and sweat wen I talk about her and are haveing this looked at through cancaling. all this greef me and my children have had to endure the many many dangerus long long long jurneys in the car between housese its madness could of been delt with so quickly had their been a policy for a lie detector machine test and still to this day wish that this could be presented in court we live in hope yes peace V !!8)

for 2 1/2 years I have not needed to talk to sam all next visits was arranged through jazzmin and tx over mobile phone this was due to the violance from her to me still makes me shake and sweat so the contact was arranged through jazz and txin all was fine till sam broke up with her last boyfriend (this is another problem just the amount of differant boyfriends sam has back at hers roughly 2 a year shes been through) now sam has made an order that all contact stops unless I comunicate with her direct this just will not happen as its not in the best intrests of my children to see their dad stressed out becouse he is being forsed to talk to his abbuseive ex partner now only me and sam know what went on in our relastionship and this is were she commited prejury by saying she had no choice but to run away with my children this is not true whenever a argument was bruwing I quicky dispersed to a differnt room as I cant stad confrontation and are a pasifist, I would then have the door thrown open and loads of abuse thrown at me, this woman attaced me and has scared my children as she scares me, so my heart goes out to them iv called peterborough ss but becouse I warned sam the day before she had called them before I did and now they say its a case of tit for tat and they are not getting involved jazz told me mom pushed her backwards in her room and she banged her head so I sent sam a treat in a tx and I got arrested for it evey avenu I go through shes thier sying no and lieing im a religus man and my granddad was a preacher in churches and in the bible its staits were in the ly of the wicked one so is it this why I get ignored in court,