The Weekly Gripe

Gripes the News
The Soapbox
Gripes in the pipes
*

CSA, fathers rights and paternity issues

478 comments  Add a comment

Still Guilty according to the CSA, does that sound like you too?  I'm a hard working person that comes from a hard working family.  I decided to head off into the big wide world of life, meeting new people on my way.  I met a girl and had a 'thing' with her for a few weeks.  She sadly dumped me, telling me she wanted to see other people.  Yet she would still get drunk and knock on my door late at night.  She got pregnant, and pointed the finger at a guy she was sleeping with.  I moved on with my life, not giving it a second thought...  Then one year later a brown envelope came through my door.  It said that I was a non-resident parent and I had to fill out a few forms about my financial situation.  I went to seek legal help, and they said I had to do it.  I shouted from the rooftops that this kid wasnt mine, but I have to come up with £200 for a DNA test.  I can only just pay my bills and if proved I am the father, I have to pay 15% of my income after tax.

A father with his baby, The CSA, Guilty until proven innocent. How can people sleep at night knowing that men are being treated in this fashion, like a walking wallet?  Kids would never starve or be mistreated if we didnt pay.  The government would help them.  So why are they playing on the heartstrings of the population?  In my situation I am being taxed for something I had no intention of bringing into this world.  She had a choice, and if she were honest from day one, things might have worked out differently.  We could have talked about it, and weighed up the options.

I dont sleep; I lost a woman I love.  All because of the stress and torment this situation is providing.  I'm refusing to pay because I am in essence being held at an immoral gunpoint.  In retrospect yes there is a child, yes it could be mine and yes it has a life and has a right to have a father.  But I never wanted a child at this point in my life, she did.  For being immoral this woman now has an easy life.  Bring up a kid on the social, come up with excuses so she never has to work and there she will be.  No questions asked.

Why are we letting society go in this direction?  We are after all British, we have won wars and many other countries model themselves on us! Isnt it about time to get rid of this unfair system, which must surely be against human rights?  I'm pretty sure that there are a lot of guys out there that really love kids and wont be able to relate to me.  But Ill say to the others, your not alone guys!

To the mothers that are pointing fingers and thinking that you can get a free trip in life Watch out, because the tables will turn!

By: thefox01


Leave a comment

First Prev Page 1 of 32 Next Last

Anon.

Anon.

Some women are a disgrace and hide behind women's rights to justify their actions. I had a one nighter with a female 18 years ago. She told me she was on the pill and even to 'cum inside her.' Like a fool I did. That was the end of that bit of fun, or so I thought. She gets pregnant, insists she's keeping it. No thought whatsoever for my views or opinions. She even slipped up and told me she's taken the morning after pill. Obviously I questioned that as why would you if you're on the pill... Anyway fast forward 17 years and tens of thousands in csa payment. I've had no other kids, kind of put off after this experience. She's had 5 more pregnancies by 5 different men, none of whom are anywhere to be seen and all one night stands.
This woman, and I use the term lightly, has ruined my life, my families life, no doubt the same for 4 other blokes, not too mention the damage she has done to the kids and her own family. Now I find out I've been paying her via the csa and the kid hasn't even been in her care for 5 years! Where is the accountability for a woman like this? None whatsoever. Rewarded with benefits, contributing nothing to society but draining it at every level.

As it happens thanks to her putting him in care I now have a relationship of sorts but it's far far from ideal. Meanwhile she'll no doubt have a few more before she gets too old. It's a disgrace.

My advice to anyone in the same situation? Run. Emigrate, change your name. Get as far away as you can and start over. Never, ever trust a girl on a one night stand or it could cost you money, but more importantly your emotional well being and mental health.
Anon.
10th Feb 16 18:57

!

0
Sundog

Sundog

Hi I had a rough relationship with a woman for18 months in which we split 15 times and she slept with 2 other guys that I know of then she got pregnant and told me to f/off I'm having the child you'll never see her and you'll pay Dna showed I'm the father but doctor says it would be a miracle if I was after sperm count test All I want is another dna as done as is my right but csa doesn't send the correct forms or help in any way and it's not fair the amount solicitors charge for a simple request I never wanted the child born to a bad relationship as I don't feel at all like a father just a sperm doner and a pay cheque I also spoke to the ombudsman on the subject and his reply was a woman can say she's on the pill put pin holes in the condom or lie in any way to to make u you' let down your guard and it's your bad you pay In crime you can plead your case for a lesser sentence but in these matters you are just guilty to the full extent of the law becoming a father could have been a great thing but instead all it is for me is depression and anger
Sundog
2nd Nov 14 22:26

!

1
Jug

Jug

Hi, I was married for 3 years, I'm a soldier, while I was away on operations, my wife got pregnant with another guy a few days before I came home on leave. I was at the birth. I bought the child up, thought he was mine. 2 years later we had another child. A year after that we split up and divorced. I started paying csa, I paid for 3 years for both kids. Then I done a DNA test as the kids looked so different, I found out the first born wasn't mine. So we stopped the csa payments. This point I'd paid in excess of £10000. After one year she walks in a csa office without my knowing, demands I start paying again for the second child only and I get a surprise csa letter demanding I pay and backdate it 3 months. I'm furious, she hasn't even told the csa the first born isn't mine. Only that I deni being the father. The csa don't recognise the DNA test as it wasn't through them. Now I have to fork out for another one.. At the end of the day, had she told me the truth about the first I'd have ended it there. Not had another child with this vile woman. I'm outraged at the system and how they take the word of the mother with no proof. But a father must prove his innocence.
Jug
24th Mar 14 17:01

!

-1
Emma

Emma

If you are irresponsible enough to conceive a child you don't want, then you should pay. Expecting the Government to pay for your child is ludicrous, if you don't want children, protect yourself! It is as simple as that
Emma
1st Mar 14 11:02

!

1
charlotte

charlotte

Men are now treated like 2 nd class citizens. I feel for you:'(
charlotte
19th Aug 13 17:47

!

-6
Anonymous

Anonymous

When will the law be changed to make these women who think that it is ok to keep their children from having contact with their fathers. Just because a relationship has broken down it does not mean that they have the right to play god, judge and jury as to make the father of these children suffer absolute grief. It must be said that to also put any child through the grief of not having contact with their father, whom they have had a bond with must be classed as child abuse on the mothers side and they should be charged with such. I have heard of so many cases that when the father tries to make contact with his children the mother will make up all sorts to have him arrested, spiteful nasty bitches need to have a deterrent to put a stop to this. They are far from being a good parent and should be charged with child abuse. It takes two to have a child and it should be equal rights to share the child's life, unfortunately if a father has to fight for his rights he is more than likely to be arrested, suffer from depression and made to go through months of hell.
Anonymous
4th Jul 13 19:23

!

-7
Mk1

Mk1

Hi my partner is going through a really tough time with it at the moment. Didn't even know he had a daughter and 3 years later she takes him through csa where we paid for a DNA and turned out she was his. How women are allowed to do this is beyond. She never even told him she was born and certainly did not tell him to turn up at the registry office. If they want money off them then fathers should at least have the right to be put on the birth certificate especially when you got a DNA test to prove in fact you are the father. Then lets see how many women go through csa. Hardly anyone because its not about the child to them it's about the money. If it was about the child then they would allow fathers to see their kids and have their name on the b/c. For all the mothers out there who refuse access coz of violence then maybe you should think twice about having unprotected s** first before having it. Unless under circumstances where it occurred after the child was born fair enough.
Mk1
3rd Jul 13 13:11

!

-8
Angryonenightstand.

Angryonenightstand.

Hi everyone, I need help. I had a one night stand with a girl 1yr and a half ago and she got pregnant. She told me and because I was in an 8 year relationship with my partner who couldn't have children I said we can't keep it as it wouldn't be fair on the child or any of us. Anyway she kept it saying that she was more then happy to keep him on her own with her two other kids and that was that.....until she started demanding money, then demanding I spend 1 night a week with him. I've done one DNA test but she said she lost the results. I'm not on the birth certificate and she won't stop hassling me. It's driven me and my partner apart. I know I did wrong and it was the only time I was ever unfaithful. I still don't want to be involved but I would happily pay but even still, she's demanding I have him. What can I do to make her leave me alone. I've already done one DNA test. I shouldn't have to do another. This woman had ruined my life. Any help appreciated.
Angryonenightstand.
23rd Apr 13 20:41

!

-8
Boiling-Point

Boiling-Point

The way we should do things ! ..... Is that once a women finds out she's pregnant, she has a time frame befor abortion, 24 weeks I believe it is befor it can't be done, anyway, she should be responsible for telling the male in question and both goin to sign legal documents agreeing that they both want this child, if they both say they want it then no matter wot happens in life they are both bound to this ! If the male says he wants nothin to do with it, he should have the right do so, the women then has a choice what to do, keep and raise alone or abort it. Its a pretty modern world we live in now adays, we not children of god so just do wots gotta be done.

Anyway, my story. I meet a girl,(not the one in question). Who we shall call 'S'. And feel in love, she had a son only a month old, we were together a year and broke up, she was suffering from postnatal depression, I had fell in love with the child, but upon ending the relationship and that was that. I thought there was no chance and put my self back up, meetin an old school friend, who we shall call 'G', she and I 'done the business' at hers a few nights, 'for the record she had a young child to, but I only went there at night and ended it after a few nights, being 'to be fair' brutally honest and sayin "I don't wanna use you or nothing" so I ended it, and a few weeks later 'G' phones me at 2 in the morning (and it wasn't even her who told me it was her friend !) Telling me she's pregnant, next morning she told me she's keeping it. Now I like to think I was fair in laying it out for her; u either abort because I don't wanna be with you and we just move on, but if she keeped it I couldn't live with myself knowing he's was out there and I don't know him, so would have to be involved with him, but made it clear it wasn't here I was doin it for. Very shortly after this, my ex 'S' comes back asking for me back, to which I said yes, and have just had our 3rd (technically our second each) any who.... The pregnancy goes on and I carry on with my girlfriend and her son, which soon became my own as his 'father' has nothing to do with, and 'G' got bigger as it goes, and I was there to help her, I'm not a monster, I didn't have 5 mins to myself cause I was back and forth. And I'm not complaining, it was the right thing to do. Now comes the birth, I was there with her at the hospital, she took her mum in the room but they bought him straight out to me, I was so happy :) my own little boy. So the weeks move on, 'and to be fair she didn't take me to csa ! I pay her 100 pounds a month, and ontop that buy all the food, clothes and toys etc for him at mine. and I have my kid every weekend as planned, and if I can pick him up any earlier I did, as I wanted to do as much as I could for him. But I obviously had 'my family,'S', I would take my kid to theirs wen I had him, and 'S' has still to this day been excellent with him, any way over the 2 year to date, things genralley have been ok, apart from when she hears something she don't like, for example...every single week of the littlens life I have been wot seems to be the only one who cuts his nails or clean his ears, he got a bad infection when he was young and came up in sores on his head, which came to me 'and had been all week' ozzing and puss filled, but in the 2 days I have him it went, now you can't tell me its by luck that the infection cleared over night, and he only had the one bath ! He's had over 'horible' problems that to be quite frank, down to dirtyness and personal hygeine, and then more problems, the other child has a 'mental' problem to which violence, in an un-controllable manner, is part of this problem, with in the last 2 years 'G' has also had an ambulance called out at least 15 times 'that I know off' for any one of them.

BUT ! I am to scared to put a fight though the courts as I know how 'evil' they are towards dads that I haven't already done it ! I fear that if she still wins I will loose more and if not all contact with him, which would destory me, and the rest of my huge family that dotes on him. So I go on, collecting him everyweekend, sometimes having him for a week or even a month soild, when I work, 'S' would have him for me so I came home to him and our family, remember at this piont me and 'S' only had a child each, but classed as to as we would never give one with out the other. The 2 years have come to now, we have our 3rd. Kid and we still get my 'other' kid every weekend, maybe more then agreed but always a pleasure.

Now comes the heavey hitter, 'G' is moving away, quite far to be fair. And I gotta suffer even more now. She's still letting me see him every weekend, but knows full well I can't aford it, so wen I say to her I will only be able to see him once a month, she says "that's your choice".......... Yea, its my choice YOUR moving away and I can't aford 150 quid extra full a month, possably more ! She says she don't know wot my problem is but wen I say "well how about I have him in the week and he come see's you on weekends ??" Its a ..."NO WAY !". Wots the problem eh ? Any way, so now here's me, my kid about to be moved across the country from me, and I worry that next time that ambulance is called I can't be there for him, I'm to far to help ! She has said that I can stop givin her the money to help with my fuel but its not enough, nore is it my point in which this is way unfair on me, she's movin cause she's got no one down here no more, that's her fault that she's lost her friends and others. My mum even paid the deposit on her flat to help her be closer to family.

I am at boilng point ! I don't know wot I can do ?!?! And I know none of you lot really can either, just felt like a rant ! Lol, but real talk ! I'm gonna loose out on soo much of my kids life, and worse off my family loose contact so he can go be with a family that aint really his, well its her dad and the 'In-laws'. I hate this shit fuckin country and the wankers in power who don't have the brain power ! This is sexism, womens rights my arse, wot do men get ? The shit end the stick !

Thank you for reading, I got a head ache now just thinking it all up again !!!

Peace out and I hope some you decent proper fellas get justice ! I doubt I will !
Boiling-Point
15th Jan 13 19:48

!

-4
Copperheadboiledthebunny

Copperheadboiledthebunny

My partner has exactly the same problem, except the woman who has the child is evil and shouts her mouth about 'making him pay' because he was open and honest with her that he didn't want her, nor the child that looks absolutely nothing like him, whatsoever. This woman has stalked my partner for the best part of 14 years, destroyed relationships of his and has even set up profiles on a social network to slate him, to me and others that know and love him. He cannot get away from her interference, which 'pops up' every year or so. There is no way of getting her away from our lives as we have asked for a DNA test and she refuses it, but expects my partner to pay for her child. We have a child together and this woman claimed to be pregnant to my partner the same time as me, which there was no possibility of, whatsoever. Now she has two children who look nothing like eachother, nor my partner, and she chases my partner again for money from the CSA. The system is disgusting. She should keep her legs closed and pay for her own children and stay out of my partners life. He is not interested and will not pay for other peoples children.
Copperheadboiledthebunny
22nd Nov 12 10:09

!

-10
Inglorious bastard

Inglorious bastard

First off some situations are wrong.. Such as a woman withholding a child from a father and expecting payment. Or worse not telling him till the child is 16 and 17 and then filing child support on a man who had no idea nor was given the opportunity to know the child. However, to the man who posted the original shallow comment. First every one in the world as a man knows that if they decided to spread their sperm like seeds in the spring that they had better be prepared for the responsibility. You pay to lay one way or another! You weren't complaining when you were bending her over using her like the old dirty sock you undoubtably have stashed under your pillow! lol At any rate... Lets just say society ran the way your feble mind believes it should. Lets just say that every night you some how find a low self esteemed mindless woman to unleash your immorality onto and at the end of the month 30 woman now are pregnant with your child. Imagaine the law is you are not responsible for your spawn. Now 30 woman who one way or another couldnt bring their selves to kill a life sign up for welfare. Who pays into welfare? Tax payers! So now imagine a world 5 years later. Over populated, No jobs because all those innocent responsible men who actually treat life and woman with respect and compation have to pay 40% more taxes to make up for all those low lifes who dont feel they should have to pay for their creation. Do you believe that if you run your car into someone you should have to pay for it? Anyways.... and 9 out of 10 times the choose to have a child is not the easy way out it is infact a decision that is completely selfless. If you have any clue what it takes to invest into a child to raise them well with morals and values and guide them into being responsible well rounded wonderful people you would know a woman who decides LIFE give up her own for that child. Their is no direct benefit from that other than the feeling of pride from choosing the hard road and putting another person (that child ) above her own needs and best interests. As for child support ...I believe if you are an active person in your childs life, sharing in that selfless parenting and putting your spawn ahead of your own selfish desires and wants then you would not need to pay child support for you would be sharing the burdon of selflessness. If you decide not to see your child or want anything to do with your child and the mother of your child has to be mother and father to them, your damn right you own money! Thats the least you could do is help that mother do what you dont have in your heart or mind to be able to do. That child has a right to a good life ... That's birthdays and sports and experiencing life around him/her and that is NOT free! STOP whining .... Get the DNA .... start paying your share or pull yourself together and be a father to that innocent beautiful life you created by being immature and crude! Next time tell her to swallow and you wont have this issue.. No matter how it happened .. You have broken and harmed an innocent childs future by your selfish views and inability to assume responsibility when you have made a mistake! Get your head out of your ass and be a man.....
Inglorious bastard
24th Oct 12 07:17

!

-3
Cazza

Cazza

I have heard lots of complaints about the csa and agree with them all. How can they deduct so much money of lots of innocent men with no proof they are the fathers???? The government worked out that if you have one child your child benefit for that child is round about £13 - £14 a week whatever you earn. Maybe that's what these men should pay and work it out the same way as child benefit, but come on make sure they are the father first. You can't register a child's birth if you are unmarried unless the father is with you or women could name anybody as the father, but it seems to me that the csa just make up their own rules and listen to these women. At the end of the day, its not just about the money its about the time you spend with the child and the love and care, half of these women just want to get what they can from these fellas, and they wont even let them see the children, come on women give these guys a break.
Cazza
2nd Sep 12 23:57

!

9
justme

justme

The CSA are scum, and so are parents who try claiming CSA when they won't let the other parent see their child - it is appauling!
justme
24th Jun 12 14:05

!

8
ellie

ellie

my parter had a fling with the girl a while back... she fell pregnant and there is suppose to be 2 potential father i.e my partner and another man. My partner asked for a dna whilst she was pregnant but she played games and said know... So recently the baby was taken into care as he received a broken rib by her partner and she was in court trying to get him out of care. She contacted us and the other potential dad saying they HAD to do a dna test!... Apparently the baby is out of care and in her care again! What rights does my partner have?
ellie
20th Jun 12 17:13

!

1
Nelly

Nelly

Hello everyone, im really in need of some help.. last year i was in a relationship with my ex and she fell pregnant, im not making excuses for myself... we were not completely safe.
Anyway i already having a daughter from a previous relationship was not ready for another baby, i begged her not to have the baby, but she refused and said with or without me she will be having this baby, i stuck by her anyway as long as i could even though i could see our relationship was failing and coming to an end, i tried my very best to hang in there and do the right thing, untill it was too late and i could no longer take the strain of the relationship.
She now has taken me to the CSA i work part time as im unable to get anymore hours at my current job, making next to nothing amount of money... I am in my overdraft constantly and can barely afford to pay my bills which mainly consist of loans, which if i dont pay i am shafted further. Not to mention i am paying for my daughter ( not through csa, me and the mother have came to an agreement ). With all this being said, how the hell am i spose to pay csa with all these outgoings and such little income from my job, Please i need some advice what i should do.. i cant sleep at night or do anything i feel like life is pretty useless at the moment, thanks for taking the time to read this :)
Nelly
8th Jun 12 03:05

!

1

First Prev Page 1 of 32 Next Last

FEATURES

Gripes the News
Gripes in the pipes
The Soapbox
spinner