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Child maintenance - verbal agreement with my ex

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When I split with an ex-partner we had a verbal agreement between us so that instead of paying monthly maintenance for our child, she would receive a one off payment.  This was her idea so I remortgaged my home and paid her £30,000.  She had no legal claim to the property and we were not married.

The following Sunday she was due to come to the house with our son so that I could spend some time with him.  Well as it happened she just didn't show up.

She didn't answer her phone and seemed to have basically disappeared from the face of the earth!  I later discovered that she had apparently just gone and moved abroad, but in the mean time I ran out of money searching and had to stop looking.  I just couldn't afford the solicitor fees any longer and eventually decided to get on with my life and have since started a new family.

Father and son, and a ten pound note Recently however, I got a demand from the CSA through the door and when I tried to explain to them over the phone that I actually had a verbal agreement with my ex-partner.  I was told "it wasn't worth the paper it isn't written on" and that I still had to pay maintenance, bearing in mind that I was still paying the debt for the £30,000 I had borrowed.

I spoke to my solicitor who told me that there really wasn't much I could do other than take a civil action against her for the difference in the money, but even then there was no guarantee that she would pay up.

I haven't seen my son since he was two.  He is now seven, I am going to try and get access again to see my son, but am not sure if its the right thing to do as I doubt he will even know who I am.

My solicitor suggested that the money I paid her should have been declared to the Inland Revenue, which presumably it was not.  This could severely affect any benefit she may be on and probably land her with a hefty tax bill.  This may be the only route left to take, but unfortunately it doesn't exactly help our son.


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solution

solution

What on earth possessed you to hand over such a large some of money upfront to her? Even if she was the queen I still wouldn't have handed it over without an extensive amount of research and a written solid contract to back it up!
She knew what she was doing and she took you for a ride well and truly!
Solution I have for you and a bloody good one at that- report her!-she will be more than broke!-go to court to gain full custody of your son as she clearly has no means to provide for him!- go to csda and report her, done!
Revenge is sweet!
After all she was the heartless scrubber who took your son away in the first place! Time for you and that lad to form that bond she robbed you of.
solution
17th Apr 12 18:03

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Chunky

Chunky

Hi, I hope you reported her. She sounds like a real money grabber!! (thats being polite) as a previous person said- fight fire with fire!
Chunky
24th Apr 11 16:36

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-23
gob smacked

gob smacked

No wonder men in the Uk dont want to enter marriage. I have never read s much money grabbing filth in my life.
gob smacked
11th Sep 09 18:01

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7
amy

amy

you sound like a liar. why would you pay her 30 000 upfront unless she had been paying your mortgage for you? my guess is you owed her that money and her hold over you was the only way to get it back. as for child maintanance you have to pay theres no way out. you bought that child into the world and you must provide!
amy
20th Jul 09 16:49

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10
m

m

if a pwc moves abroad they are not entiltled to claim maintenance. unless the parent are in the armed forces

the csa think they are above the law. let them take you to court also asked for a dna test
m
11th Apr 09 04:35

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5
Bystander

Bystander

Hang on, if you paid her 30,000 pounds, then SURELY on your own bank statement, this massive transaction would appear somewhere? I suggest you fight fire with fire. Report this transaction to the Inland Revenue and land HER with a huge tax bill. That should get the message across.
Bystander
5th Mar 09 15:35

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0
Anon

Anon

My ex-girlfriend has decided, after 9 years of a verbal agreement of cash each week for our daughter, that the csa need to be involved. Funny how this is just nine weeks after my daughter with my new wife was born!!!! Can she get 9 years worth from me? I can't prove I paid her!!!
Anon
5th Dec 08 18:30

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-3
Angry

Angry

Mash her into the ground.
Pull out all stops and grind this deceitful woman into paste.
She is a liar and a cheat.
Angry
28th Sep 08 15:20

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-8
HOW IT IS

HOW IT IS

30,000! ??? Get it back you dont owe a penny mate! do you have the love and enjoyment of raising the kid ........nope. Being a man is a mugs game aint it.
HOW IT IS
28th Jan 08 13:18

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-4
nemesis

nemesis

The csa are corrupt and their replacement this year is just a change of name on the door.
nemesis
27th Jan 08 15:49

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3
Alan

Alan

YoYo

I'll bet the ex-beatle wishes he never met that certain person . He Laid her, but she certainly Screwed him.

I know there are a lot of good women still around, (including yourself ), but there's a lot of devious ones as well.
Alan
21st Jun 07 12:50

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-6
yoyo

yoyo

" It just goes to show what GOLD DIGGERS woman can be.
They part their legs, and have £ signs flashing in their GREEDY eyes.
As for the CSA, it's just a complete, one sided waste of space."

Hey! We're not ALL that bad!
My boyfriend earns less in a month than I earn in a week, and I still love him.
Call that greedy?
I think you've just met the wrong women, love.
yoyo
13th Jun 07 05:21

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0
yoyo

yoyo

"My solicitor suggested that the money I paid her should have been declared to the Inland Revenue, which presumably it was not. This could severely affect any benefit she may be on and probably land her with a hefty tax bill. This may be the only route left to take, but unfortunately it doesn't exactly help our son."

She's nothing to you anymore. Your son is a stranger who wont even know you.
Why on earth would you care about this money grabbing cow or her spawn at all?!
You have your OWN familly to look after and worry about now. I deffinately think you should report her to the inland revenue. If it's her wellbeing, or that of you and your family,chosing who's is more important should be easy.
yoyo
13th Jun 07 05:18

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-20
Mummm

Mummm

If money was paid to her, I assume it would have been a bank transfer or cheque, then there would be a record of a large amount of money going into her account. This should be proof enough for the Inland Revenue
Mummm
11th Jun 07 15:04

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4
Devongirl

Devongirl

Do you have any idea why she has suddenly decided she needs more money? There may be an underlying issue here revolving around her own capability to raise a child. I would suggest that you investigate the possibility of permanent custody for your son. This may be especially viable if you now have a stable family home.
Devongirl
7th Jun 07 11:18

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