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Ex-wife uses CSA money to pay for holidays

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For the last 8 years I have paid my ex-wife through the CSA for our 2 children.  During this time I have struggled every week to pay for every day things such as bills and food, while at the same time my ex-wife has enjoyed a life of luxury.  She has spent thousands of pounds on home improvements, holidays abroad and weekends away. All these things are for herself, meanwhile my children have worn clothes that have holes in them or no longer fit.

I asked for a reassessment last year because our children were and had been staying with me for at least two nights per week instead of just one night a week as was the case when I was first assessed.

Because my payments were reduced, my ex-wife threatened court proceedings and stopped me seeing my children citing a supposed 'difficulties with contact' through various letters from her solicitor.  During numerous threatening solicitors letters all of which I answered personally, my ex-wife eventually stopped the threat of court proceedings.

Money, she uses CSA money for holidays and luxuries Things were to get ugly again though as in March 2007 I asked for a new assessment as my mortgage and council tax payments had increased.  Again my payments were reduced and again my ex-wife threatened court proceedings and stopped me from seeing my children.  It appears that a minority of mothers are only interested in the financial benefits of having and caring for children.

My advice to fathers paying maintenance through the CSA is this.  When mortgage rates, pension contributions and council tax payments increase, ask for a reassessment.  The CSA rulings state that if your circumstances change, you are entitled to be re-assessed. 

I do not have any problem paying towards my children, but do object to paying for my ex-wife to have a life of luxury at my expense while my children go without.


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Timothy The Voice

Timothy The Voice

I have refused to pay CSA payments because my wife has lied through her teeth stating all manner of reasons why I can't be a father my wife is African I am a white Englishman I have made her a British citizen when she was an asylum seeker I have made a mother and father British citizens when they were asylum seekers I'm for all my trouble and effort she divorced me as soon as a passport arrived and I have not see my children for 8 years Plus now I'm threatened with prison because I can't pay because I'm in and out of work all the time because I have a disability which is chronic dyslexia the CSA have told me we don't care if you ever see your children a game you have to pay even if you can't be a father because your wife has lied in court we don't care about you being a parent but we want all your money as much as you can possibly give us to keep your ex wife in the ridiculous lavish lifestyle she insists on so my question is why isn't the government doing something to stop this form of harassment and bullying women stopping contact because we can't pay to support our children is a breach of Father's Hume right and a disgrace to humanity why is it that asylum seekers on a beach drowning who are not even British citizens have more rights than fathers who just want to be dad's I've been going to court for nearly 10 years I spent over £30,000 and I still can't be a father my lawyer told me to give up you'll never win because she keeps bringing it up new allegations with no evidence and the magistrates are imbeciles they stop me being a parent based on no evidence whatsoever this is an incredible injustice why did England fight a war against tyranny defeat Adolf Hitler if then Fathers of fighting the own second world war third world war against their ex partner's just to be dad's I've not been able to send a birthday card a Christmas card to my children for 8 years I have missed the whole childhood based on lies I'm the courts of never asked for any form of evidence and cafcass make judgements based on a 25 minute interview because they spoke to my ex wife and formed an opinion based on what she said and they never ask for evidence from my ex-wife about the allegations she made yet I'm now pay £500 a month and she wants more and more and more I feel like committing suicide because I can't afford to feed myself can't afford to go to work can't afford petrol for my car why is life like this and where are the safeguards for Fathers to protect them from being victims from money grabbing ex wives who marry men just for status and a passport I will never ever get married again or have children I feel very concerned for all young men meeting girls and having children because they just waiting for the hammer to drop to hear that word divorce and I guarantee you that men will never see their children again for the rest of their lives unless they get the checkbook out get 2nd and 3rd jobs probably have a heart attack out of exhaustion with pain the ex-wife children do not cost £1,000 a month to feed you can feed a family of 4 for under £100 clothes at asda don't cost £1,000 a month how many clothes can children wear in 1 year why are women profiting from men's doom and misery that's the question that needs to be answered but no one cares for governor of cancelled legal aid because they can't be bothered with fathers trying to get their rights because although I care about is saving money to save money let's stop invading countries that benefit England in no possible way and taking immigrants who hate British people who don't even want to know British people they just want a country and I lifestyle for nothing because they don't want to go to work I just want a free lifestyle unlike hard working class British people who work 40 hours plus a second job to feed their families
Timothy The Voice
27th Oct 15 08:28

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bryan1980

bryan1980

Hi i have my son every other weekend and school holidays we have him every other Christmas and birthdays we pick him up and take him back he lives 100 miles away we pay for the bridge fees and fuel she doesn't pay for nothing. She said coz we don't pay for maintanence she said that's o.k she makes us laugh as we give her money when he needs things or buy his clothes and school trips we go half's with what ever he needs. Because we pick him up and take him back it costs us £60 a time! and give her money if he needs clothes and school trips. It's up setting mine and my partners relationship he's being naughty for her kicks, screams and refuses to go to school. But when he's with me and my partner he's as good as gold. He wants to live with us but she won't let him he's been like it since he was 2 i brought him up for 2 years she took him and run back to her mums he's now 9! and we can't afford it to go to court does she have to give us money for when he's at our house when we have him for school holidays and weekends out of his benifit money to feed him etc...
bryan1980
24th Nov 13 15:19

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Welshwoman

Welshwoman

Well im going though a nasty divorce where the last ten years my ex had affairs and was very controlling! I have four children in school and my ex is self employed property developer and because he has dodgy accountant he lied to c.s.a and they told him all he has to pay is 9.47 a week for four children..I cant work because of illness and hes living high life with girlfriend so justice where is it in my case ......its a joke..
Welshwoman
20th Sep 13 07:03

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Getagrip

Getagrip

Let me tell you men something, bringing up children drains every single penny you have just to keep them fed, clean, warm and clothed without the added cost of school trips, clubs and activities they want to do, plus Christmas and birthdays and they constantly want things which puts a lot of pressure on mums. I am a single mum receiving money (when I'm lucky) off my ex through the Csa. Some weeks I have enough money to get through, other weeks I struggle. If the kids are happy, clean, fed and clothed and get to do the things they want to do then WHO CARES if there is a little money left over at the end of the month for the mum to do what she wants to do. Do you expect her for the next 18 years to never buy new clothes, shoes or anything SHE may need as well as what the children need. Has it crossed your mind that she may be saving for months on end and sacrificing things for herself in order to have a week away once a year??? If the bills are payed, the kids are fine and want for nothing then frankly it's irrelevant and none of your business what SHE does with HER money. You should be more concerned about your children's happiness then the fact your ex gets a holiday once a year. She is aloud a break, being a full time mum is none stop. You can't just call in sick if your feeling a little under the weather, you have to get up and keep going for your children. Sounds like sour grapes to me and a last attempt to control Your ex. Maybe you should question your priorities if this is bothering you so much!
Getagrip
1st Aug 13 21:46

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he-man

he-man

these women are b*tches.

that's why men in Asian and middle eastern countries treat their women in strict ways, because they know if you give a women a little bit OF leeway then they take full advantage. And in this country we give women everything so they take full advantage of the system and the men are treated like dogs.

This csa is designed for womens benefits, its all about these women / mothers. The fathers are treated like pure dirt, that's all.
he-man
25th May 13 10:09

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Every case is different.

Every case is different.

I don't agree with the last comment. every case is different. My partner has to pay over 550 Euros a month for his 2 children. He is left with about 800 Euros himself for rent, bills etc. He pays his taxes, his childrens health care too. Has to travel 800 km in a weekend to see his kids which as you know costs an arm and a leg. I believe that the mum is spending the money mainly on herself. But I also bet that she gives the kids to him in old clothes that don't fit just like what happens to my partner. So then I spring in and have bought them clothes. Child support is for the kids, it is paid and what does the dad's get? a kick in the face and what for? 'cause all the ex does is think of herself. he loves his kids and will always pay for them, even when they move to the USA, but would just love to see them wearing clothes from the money that he pays, that the ex would offer to meet halfway, would actually just one day think of others.
Every case is different.
10th Oct 12 23:08

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KIDS ARE NOT FREE YOU KNOW!!

KIDS ARE NOT FREE YOU KNOW!!

What a pleb you are!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have kids, they don't live with you, you should pay just as much as you would if you lived with them, end of! You don't have to tho, do you! You should count yourself lucky! If your csa allows your ex to spend some of her own money on family holidays, home improvements ( for the kids too ). Well what's wrong with that? Don't you want your kids to have a nice home or go on holiday? Oh, and by the way, I'm a dad! I suggest the government make it a serious criminal offence to not support your children!!!!

In this country we help each other!! That is why benefits exist!!! No poverty for children!!!!!!!! When the minimum wage is 10 quid an hour then the child benefit can be abilished!!!
KIDS ARE NOT FREE YOU KNOW!!
15th Jun 12 11:49

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CW

CW

miserablemoaninggit, I couldn't agree more. As a tax payer myself I agree, that if you have kids you should pay for them yourslef. The money the mother of my child gets through child benefit and CSA payments does not get spent on my son anyway. So bad enough as it may have been that your taxes go towards peoples children, in this case it is going to his mother to spend on nice holidays and cigerettes instead.

I pay my taxes, I pay my CSA payments and I pay for my son. My taxes and son I have no problem paying for, it's the CSA payments that I have the issue with as it is not being used as it should.
CW
28th May 12 15:17

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miserablemoaninggit

miserablemoaninggit

CW, you have my sympathies. However, I wish situations like yours would leave us taxpayers out of it. I'm sick and tired of paying for other people's kids. That child benefit your son gets has to be funded - by me, and all the other hard-working tax payers. I'm sick of it!

If people decide to have kids, they should be prepared to fully fund them! End of!
miserablemoaninggit
18th May 12 19:01

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CW

CW

I have a son who's time is split 60/40 between myself and his mother in her favour. I pay through the CSA and she also receives child benefit. This money should be spent on him. It is for his food, for clothing, for sports activities etc. I have him 40% of the time for which I receive no money, yet pay for his food, heating roof over his head for this period. On top of this his mother refuses to buy him any clothes, so I have the option of seeing him go without or buy it myself.
I also have the issue's whereby if his mother is feeling a bit short on money, she will reduce the time I can see him, contact the CSA to tell them, and get the payments she receives increased.

The CSA is a flawed system which should be better regulated. I have no issues paying for my son. But I don't feel the current system makes sure the childs issues are the ones being met.

I understand there are people on both sides of the fence. There will be some mothers who use the system properly, yet have fathers who try and play the system, and I do sympathise with them. The parent receiving CSA payments should be made to povide receipts, detailing what the money is being used for
CW
17th May 12 15:39

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wilson

wilson

http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/206

just sign this pat!
wilson
15th Dec 11 13:10

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stan

stan

Hi my names stan I have 2 kids one stephen age 7 and natsha aged 5 live in cheshire mum think that kids are a way off making money and stops me seeing them I payed a lot of money 2 c them and now she had a baby at Christmas with a another lad and he walked away then 2weeks later shes with a another man this man stands at window with no cloths on in the girls bed room been to the police and there won't do anythink it's a good world we live in and now she a soc a again with tax payers money but csawant money 2 keep my kids in that house thanks2 kara lander
stan
24th Jul 11 01:27

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CJ

CJ

Carl, your assuming the child has a better life. My son's mother would rather go out for a night out than provide him with a pair of shoes and this is a basic need for any child.The CSA is there to stop child poverty but when you have no control over what that money is actually spent on you might as well throw your money away.I have always paid for my son and I have provided a home for him as far as I am concerned I have done enough.I do more for my son than her "new boyfriend" does for three of his.
CJ
18th May 11 11:04

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Respect our government

Respect our government

If I got money off any of my kids dads id spend it on myself too! My 13 yr old smokes so I have to buy her cigs already! Kids arnt that expensive until they start smoking and drinking! Yet all 4 dads have fled the country so they dont have to cough up!!
Respect our government
27th Apr 11 18:08

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Carl

Carl

The money you pay goes into her overall 'cash', hence although it may not appear that she is directly using your money on the children, she will be in the grand scheme of things.

Sit down, and work out how much your children cost. Include their housing costs, share of council tax, food daily, clothes, transportation, clubs and leisure pusuits - I think you will find that the amount you pay via the CSA is less than half of what they cost

I pay my ex (through private arrangement) almost as much as my partners ex receives for 2 children, children cost money, and it would be a lot more if they lived with you. Why not just accept you are paying towards a better life for your children, they cant help being here, but you can help your own situation
Carl
17th Mar 11 07:57

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