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I have been living with my partner for over 3 years now and some would say that we are still in our honeymoon phase. He tells me he loves me every day, and many times during that day, I hear many of you go 'ah (sigh) that's nice'.
Well words to some mean a great deal, but for me, actions speak far louder.
Yes, we go out from time to time to the pub (mainly to be with HIS friends), or for a meal (when neither of us can be bothered to cook). Again, this probably sounds wonderful to many of you folk out there, and some would no doubt even say I should be 'grateful', but that is their opinion and everyone is entitled to that.
But some of the things he does. Well...
He 'makes love' with me whether I am awake - or asleep; well.. really nice thanks, I appreciated that! He would rather go to work for free (no overtime) in the evenings, even though in my opinion he doesn't NEED to work these extra hours. So nice to know he would rather do that than spend quality time with me. He still puts everyone and everything else before our relationship.
Is this really true love then?
Are the gifts he gives me, or the occasional night out a form of compensation for areas where he lacks such attention and commitment? Is this really true love then, or is it something meaningless and less tangible?
I am a young mid 40's, with long dark hair and far from 'over the hill'. I am told that I am attractive by men and women of all ages - so where am I going wrong here? Is this the kind of relationship that is worth pursuing or am I fooling myself?
By Er in Doors
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So, i think you need to talk with your partner, about your relationship. Maybe he don't know about this situation and if you don't talk about it, he 'll never know. And if you continue in this situation you probably 'll don't be happy.
18/05/13 Jessica/Otávio
3
Please please get yourself a life. Second fiddle is not a good roll. I know... Been there. Life can be such great fun. Yes! Being on your own will bring its moments too, but when a guy puts all before you, something is wrong. You will only get one life. You are worth it. Look in the mirror & tell yourself that everyday. I was told to place a mirror at the bottom of the stairs & tell myself everyday. I am worth it. I was told this by the 'wife' of a so called divorced man(he swore he was divorced til we both found him out) who left us both. She was amazing. He was an idiot. We were both a fraction older. He used the confidence we gave him to go off with someone else. Apparently this was something he had done before.
01/03/11 Pollyana
-12
well my husband and I met and instantly fell in love the golden couple the whole social entourage where celebrating! suddenly his attitude towards me changes and I sense it so I face him and what I get out of his thoughts is that I pushed him to get married which I didnt. now he is suddenly not capable of living with someone he says he isnt used to it (he is 37) and now I put a no contact period for him to decide what he really wants...
i love him and I dont want to lose him even his mom is going crazy over his actions..
HELP
20/11/10 vanessakman
i love him and I dont want to lose him even his mom is going crazy over his actions..
HELP
-16
I believe that you should just talk to him, if he doesn't seem to put everything after your relationship then maybe he's not fully aware of what he is doing. If you were to tell him how you feel. Many people in the world today would just say "yeaa whatever just leave him" but why leave a relationship until all fixes are exhausted.
15/07/10 Chris
-5
It sounds to me like he is taking you for granted...
14/01/10 The BFG
-6
a few months ago I went to pick my husband up from the football club where he plays. as we we leaving he said goodbye to everybody and pecked the barmaid on the cheek. I asked him with he did that and he said on that's just so and so - she's so and so's girlfriend. He's not a kissy person so I thought this was unsuual. A few weeks later I went to pick him up again and we were standing at the bar and he ordered me a drink from this same barmaid. He also said "one for yourself". I asked him why he did that and he said they were paid a pitance and it's common practice. A week later I went to the football club for a drink and this girl was collecting the empty glasses - I was talking to my husband and she pressed against him to reach for a glass. He looked round (he had his back to her) to see who it was. He didn't say or do anything except to carry on talking. Later on in the evening she made a beeline for him and stood next to him and said you ok and he replied slightly nervously yeh i'm ok. We've had several rows about my trust for him and it's these kind of things that make me untrusting of him. Quite a few things like this have happened over the last sixth months - am I being over the top or what?
22/11/09 tippytoes
-6
Hi, Would anyone mind offering me some advice on my relationship. I'd dearly like a some advice
22/11/09 tippytoes
6
my partner was same and now dictates everything. but im desparate to make it work and rather than be alone im choosing to stick with him. tbh id advise getting out. ,y partner hasnt told me he loves me in nearly 2 years!!
28/05/09 tw
-7
Sounds to me like he "owns" you rather than loves you!
I would get the hell out before you get hurt any further, and have some respect for yourself!
You are clearly not happy, and I think you just need someone to confirm what you already think!
Find someone who respects you, for who you are.
09/04/09 NSI.
I would get the hell out before you get hurt any further, and have some respect for yourself!
You are clearly not happy, and I think you just need someone to confirm what you already think!
Find someone who respects you, for who you are.
-6
I dont think its a commitment thing - I think your being strung along. Time to figure out exactly how it is that he feels about you, whats that all about? Is he 15 years old or what?
Time to learn what a conversion is in rugby - and kick this lamo into touch.
15/02/09 LouieBaby
Time to learn what a conversion is in rugby - and kick this lamo into touch.
7
have been dating a guy for just over a year. We had a great time together and get along amazingly well--there have been some issues in the communication department, but we are working on it. I love him and he has told me many times that I mean the world to him, that I am not like any woman he has ever been with before, and that he is not "just dating me." We both see a future together, BUT he has asked for time to figure out exactly how it is that he feels about me. "I need to know what it is to be without you," were his words. To me it's over, but he still calls or texts like everything is okay, tells me that he misses me and wants to see me. I need to begin healing and move on, so for my sake, I asked him to stop calling take the time to live without me to figure out whatever it is that he needs to figure out, I hold no regrets, and that I wish him the best.
After a long conversations he said (& I trust him to tell the truth): he is not seeing anyone else, and feels that he cannot be what I deserve right now? I AM SO CONFUSED! How can someone know what something means to them and not make the effort to prove it?! To hold on to it?! Is this just a commitment issue--that he's afraid his single days are over for good? I almost dislike him for not being willing to take a risk--after all that is what love and relationships are... risks that are worth it if only for the experiences one lived.
11/02/09 TeReci22
After a long conversations he said (& I trust him to tell the truth): he is not seeing anyone else, and feels that he cannot be what I deserve right now? I AM SO CONFUSED! How can someone know what something means to them and not make the effort to prove it?! To hold on to it?! Is this just a commitment issue--that he's afraid his single days are over for good? I almost dislike him for not being willing to take a risk--after all that is what love and relationships are... risks that are worth it if only for the experiences one lived.
-16
Just spotted above visitor coments a site entitled "Married but Looking'. How can society allow such a site to exists. Men and some flighty women will certainly be looking. The shallow members of society will be glued to this. Its just another way of prostituting themselves.
No wonder there are so many sexual transmitted diseases and divorces/partners going astray.
Don't you realise people, especially, men are weak. A lot of them don't know the meaning of loyality and this is just another way for them to cheat. Shame on you for advertising this.
Married but looking? Get rid of it.
16/01/09 Another reason for those to st
No wonder there are so many sexual transmitted diseases and divorces/partners going astray.
Don't you realise people, especially, men are weak. A lot of them don't know the meaning of loyality and this is just another way for them to cheat. Shame on you for advertising this.
Married but looking? Get rid of it.
-13
Why do men hang on to marriages that they don't really want to be in? Why do they look?
Why not just say sorry, I don't fancy you anymore and go? I think I know the answer but tell me if I'm wrong. They want a bit of fun outside of marriage but still want to retain their respectability to look good in front of the in-laws, workmates and friends. They want the best of both worlds.
Don't put up with it ladies. In this day and age I would have thought people would be more up front but it doesn't appear to be the case. And the INTERNET why that just gives them an excuse to CHEAT.They can't be trusted or put it this way I've never experienced a man who tells the truth. I would prefer to have my feelings hurt rather than spend years and years with a liar.
09/01/09 Tell the truth and nothing but
Why not just say sorry, I don't fancy you anymore and go? I think I know the answer but tell me if I'm wrong. They want a bit of fun outside of marriage but still want to retain their respectability to look good in front of the in-laws, workmates and friends. They want the best of both worlds.
Don't put up with it ladies. In this day and age I would have thought people would be more up front but it doesn't appear to be the case. And the INTERNET why that just gives them an excuse to CHEAT.They can't be trusted or put it this way I've never experienced a man who tells the truth. I would prefer to have my feelings hurt rather than spend years and years with a liar.
-13
I am in a similar position. A man who prefers to spend his time with a computer. I refuse to blame myself. I married this man and his interests: house racing and gambling; sport; chat rooms; sex lines that is not the man he showed to me. It was going out for walks, going on holiday that only last a year and now he is this sloth that sits around doing sweet FA. He can't be relied on. I'm just waiting to get some proof on his infedility and then he's out. We went to the shops together and he walked about six feet behind me. I'm a good looking woman - only excuse is that he didn't want to bump into his other woman. Next time we go out I'm going to be all over him. And make sure he stays very close. He's a complete idiot.
09/01/09 Men are stupid
-10
Dave