22 comments Add a comment
OK...the background. Since moving to England 7 years ago, I have had a constant friendship with one particular male friend. We clicked straight away, and that friendship has never faltered. There has never been anything romantic or sexual between us (neither of us see the other that way), although we have been accused of it on more than one occasion.
This friends partner of 4 years has also become a very good friend. She is now not in the best of health, which is quite sad as she was always a very outgoing, lively person. The various illnesses have taken their toll on the relationship and understandably so.
As I am a close friend to both of them I am often brought into their disagreements, which I dont mind too much because they both know if I am asked, I will always give an honest opinion. Due to her illnesses (sorry to use her/him, but I dont want to use names), they dont get out to socialise much these days. From what I understand this is because she isnt up to it and rather than going out alone he stays at home with her.
... she has stated in no uncertain terms, that he is not to go out while she is away
She has gone home to be with her children during the summer holidays, which is great for her, but clearly he cant join her due to work commitments. The problem is that she has stated in no uncertain terms, that he is not to go out while she is away. I disagree with this quite strongly, because she chose to go home to her family knowing he couldnt join her, he stays in when she is with him, and surely this is his opportunity to get out for a while, as he is on his own? I think it is and I have already been accused of stirring things up between them in the past when I have voiced my opinion.
Anyway, I asked him along when I went out last night, as I know he enjoys the karaoke, and I also know that he hasnt been out much recently and thought that it would do him some good. Apparently, this caused another row, in which I was the one in the wrong again, but the accusation went one step further, and it was questioned whether we were planning on spending the night together!!
Bearing in mind this is a friend of 7 years, am I in the wrong for asking him to come along last night? Should I respect her wishes that he is not to go out? Should I not have asked him because he is in a relationship and I am single? Also, I should mention that there have been a few times in the past when we have both been single at the same time and nothing has ever happened between us. We have always been just friends and I think if something sexual was going to happen then it would have done so already.
I dont want to upset anyone, or cause anymore anguish in their relationship, but am I not entitled to still treat him as my friend?
HELP... I just need some opinions on this. If others think I am in the wrong then I will speak to both of them. If not, then maybe I need to just speak to her and see if I can get rid of some of her paranoia.
Thank you for listening.