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I have been in love with my ex for seven years now, like a fool perhaps. I met him when I was 16 years old and we were best friends for about a year. We ended up together as a couple and I was so happy. We got engaged and found out we were having a baby about three years later. Things were great for a while then it all changed.
I believe he lost interest or couldn't put his pride aside and say he was wrong. Anyway our daughter is now 3 years old and since she was born I have only received about $800 (that's being generous). No quality time, nothing but heartache after heartache and constant let-downs. We were a couple for the first year of our daughter's life at which point he started drinking heavy again, doing drugs and going off with other women. So I did what anyone with any sense would do. I tried to move on. He had his life and I was trying to figure out who I was.
At that point my ex was everything that I knew. I was lost and confused, so I tried to find myself any way I could and in the process went through two less than perfect relationships. About a month ago I moved back into my mother's house with our daughter and wouldn't you know it, I ran into him again (perfect timing for him). He is married now, but he told me that he really wanted his old family back.
We had about two weeks of wonderful times and real family time with our daughter; it was absolutely fantastic! However out of the blue, he was whisked off to jail for failing to pay $50,000 in back child support for his two boys from his previous marriage. He told me that he doesn't know what he wants to do when he gets out of jail, who he wants to be with, where he wants to live, etc. I decided to visit him in jail today and it was a good meeting (I dressed cute of course, why wouldn't I?). We talked a lot about future plans and trying to make life better. However, his mother who was drunk at the time called me this evening.
She accused me of playing mind games with her son by "using" our daughter to bribe him to be with me. She completely tore me down, threw every stone she could think of to make me cry harder and hurt deeper and basically warned me to stay away from her son. She claimed that I never loved her son and blamed me for his life being so disoriented and him being so confused. She wants our daughter in his life, but at the same time wants me out of it.
I just cannot and will not allow him or his mother to have my child without me in her presence. I make sure she is safe and that nothing happens to her. I am very protective of my daughter because you cannot change what has already happened, you can only try to prevent it. They just "trust" everyone and I'm pretty sure I can't deal with that where my daughter is concerned.
What should I do? Am I being a "bad mother" and "using" my child to get to him (even though I feel that he completes me)? Any advice would be useful and thanks for those who took the time to read about my situation.
By: A Mother