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Denied access to my children by ex-wife

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I'm a so-called absent father of 2 girls aged 18 and 15.  I didn't choose to be absent and tried all I could to get to see my children.  Despite court orders giving me access to my girls 12 years ago when they were 7 and 4, my ex-wife would use every trick at her disposal to stop me seeing them.  She started rows every week, called the police telling them I threatened her, even though I have never been violent to her or anyone in my entire life.

She finally told me one day 12 years ago that the girls didn't want to see me again.  Foolishly I backed off for a while thinking they would come to me when they got older.  The months went by and I went to the house at Birthdays and Christmas with money and cards etc. hoping they would see me but nothing changed.

Months turned in to years.  I never missed a Birthday or Christmas and I wrote my number on every card but still never got a reply.  On a few occasions when I went to the house with money for them the door was answered by my ex-wife who snatched the money and slammed the door.  I never abandoned my kids but to my shame I never really fought for them because I didn't want them to be caught in the middle of a custody battle and felt that they shouldn't be forced to see me if they don't want to.

Denied access to my children Ex-wife wouldn't even talk about a settlement...

I am now in a relationship with a wonderful woman who has 4 great boys.  They respect me immensely and I have been part of this family for 10 years.  I finally got a new job a couple of years ago after being out of work for a long time.  I was only working a couple of months when the CSA sent me the forms to fill in.  My partners boys are grown up now and paying their way though still living with us so my outgoings where considered low.  It took the CSA nearly 8 months to work out how much I had to pay but still charged me arrears from when I started work.

There is no way my ex-wife (who is on benefits) would even talk about a settlement of any sort.  My eldest daughter is 18 yet I'm told I have to pay till she is 19.  I pay over 40% of my meagre wages and barely have enough left to live on at the end of the month.  I think at the very least the woman should be made to work out a settlement to include access.  I haven't laid eyes on my girls in 10 years even though they only live 3 miles away.  I never abandoned my girls and would give anything to spend even an hour with them.

By: Sam


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a decent father

a decent father

To cut a long story short,it was in-human what i went through , i havent seen my son sinece he was 6 , hes now 11.I spent 5 years in and out of court,had a mental breakdown over it,and then used that to say i was an unfit father.I proved parental alienation,but your just wasting your time,by the time you prove that,CAFCASS are on board and your doomed.Ive had barristers,represented myself , but it comes down to one thing,if he doesnt want to see you,for whatever reason,and the courts/cafcass know exactly what is happening,its in the best interests of the child not to see you,thats how it works,accept it or dont.
My advice now,give it ago,18 months or so,you need to do something,or you will torture yourself with not doing anything,after that,call it a day,because in the end,its the person trying to get access,that it slowly takes over your life and destroys everything in it,move on,that was the best advice i ever got because solicitors will just take and take till there isnt anything left.
I eventually got parental responsiblity , i wasnt married and he was born beforE the law changed (totally insane) so the ex managed to change his name,during the court process,before i got it (why would a court system allow this,when im trying to get it,what is the point?)
Ive moved on now,i dont think much about him now,and anyone in the same situation,dont become bitter and twisted,i know its hard not to,move on,and get on with your life,but i will be back,and seeing that face of the ex when i do,will be a picture,when my son decides if he wants to see me,without the brainwashing.
a decent father
23rd Jun 13 02:25

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Dee

Dee

My partner has a 4yr old child that he has been denied access to. I have a 5yr old. My partner would never have left his ex she cheated he forgave, 2yrs later she threw him out. before we got together she stopped his contact. In the first 2yrs of our relationship he was in and out of court he was granted a court order to have his child every week. Legal aid has been abolished this month and she is not allowing him access again as she knows we cant afford a solicitor. What now? seems to me like more fathers are going to be denied access then ever before. She has been "awarded" for breaching contact by the csa because they pay her 15% of his wage where as before they deducted money for the nights he had her overnight. This is so unfair he had to go to a contact center to see his daughter after court, he only had shared access for a few months after fighting for 2yrs. she has 2 kids , never worked one child (not my partners) has a mild disability that she gets dla for and extra tax credits , nice house paid for by people like me who work and none of this is effected by what my partner pays. My ex see`s his child but cant pay for her so i dont get maintenance for my child. if both me and my partner lost our jobs they would take £5 a week out of child tax credit for my child to give to her. benifits are for people who need it so i the father is paying surley they should deduct that from her benifit which is paid for by the tax payer (me) she is mad because she thinks my wages should be taken into account cheeky cow! we pay her benifits in tax and 15% of HIS wage in maintenance now she wants a fraction of my wage her kids dress in rags and spend most thier time at her mums (the one with a mental disability walks himself to a mainstream school) while she spends all the money ment for them on going out every weekend , smoking drugs and expensive clothes and boots that you cant get on the high street.
Dee
1st May 13 12:45

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Save Our Souls

Save Our Souls

Regarding the money issue gents, I believe the system is right on that front. If we were all together in our associated families, we should expect to spend 25% of our wages on our two children at the very minimum (20% for the one). All I ask for is equal rights. Somewhere down the legal line this has been lost and the fathers are the victims. We should be able to see our children 7 days out of 14. Simple. They're our children morally and biologically 50%. It's time the world woke up to this fact.
Save Our Souls
26th Mar 13 00:10

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Save our souls

Save our souls

Have lost access to my 2 boys. Is it worthwhile to seek legal aid? From what I've seen through previous case studies, it'll be better to wait until the law is finally changed to allow equal rights for parents. Am I correct on this? I want to build a usccessful future for my boys and not fight in the courts for the next 15 years to find out they've grown up and I missed the most important time with them anyway.
Save our souls
26th Mar 13 00:04

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Anon

Anon

I have a 5 year old son who I haven't been able to get in contact with for over 4 years now due to my ex gf unreasonable behaviour.

I've had everything thrown at me from abusive calls, texts, harassment, threats of violence, all because I wanted to see my boy to bond with him. At the begining I was only allowed to see him for half an hour at hers under her supervision, just a way to have a go at me in front of him and to ruin my time with him.

I've wasted over £2000 in solicitor fees which should have gone to him instead and it got me no where, can't reason with her because of her behaviour mediation was out of the question!, but she kept ignoring the letters etc.

I even got attacked from behind on the way to work early one morning 4 yrs ago by my ex's boyfriend. i was put on antidepressant because I couldn't cope with it all. I'm a strong willed person, but this nasty piece of work nearly emotionally broke me.

She even stopped me from seeing him in hospital when he was poorly. I only found out he was there through a friend who was unfortunately taking his poorly child to the same hospital.

Now out of blue I got a pic and a letter with the usual lies, ie. ,she tried to get in touch, plus her friends know what the situation is,obviously her side due to her being a compulsive liar, claiming he wants to see me (even though she's lied to him about me living and working abroad,the rest of it was all about her and her feelings, all lies!). Must stress here that I feel nothing for this nasty piece of work!!. I don't know how I feel about this as I was deprived of bonding with him. i always thought of him, "but what you don't know,you don't miss", my worry is I come back in his life only for her to start all over again, take him away from me, but mess him up - which most importantly I don't want to happen to him.

Any advice would be very helpful, anyone else been through this?. If so how did you get through it?
Anon
24th Mar 13 16:44

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MR

MR

How much more of this before the law is changed. These women are ruining men's life for no reason, and the system let them do so. I for once have joined the battle to change things.
MR
MR
4th Feb 13 14:16

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Singlefathershelpwanted

Singlefathershelpwanted

I am sorry , this woman could not see how much the relationship between you and your daughters meant to you. She was selfish and hateful and these two little angels had to grow up without a man in their lives and to top it off you still are paying for it. The only thing you did wrong was to give up. I know it can be hard because fighting cost money and time. Please fathers never give up. Even if you have to start a small trust in your daughters name and send letter to the trust to be given to them when they get older. Whatever it takes. I happy to see you found love and a family once more. I am a woman and I started a radio show to help fathers after watching my brother almost take his life because he lost the right to see his daughter. He was the greatest dad and love her more than his life. I wish you the best of luck. singlefathershelpwanted
Singlefathershelpwanted
12th Dec 12 05:48

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anom

anom

Sorry you seem to have fallen victim to man hater,manhater and manhaters incorporated or the dhss as its better known to some people,
anom
8th Nov 12 06:15

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-10
kickboxer

kickboxer

Sam i understand your situation. I too have suffered because of my ex, unfortunatley in this country parental alienation is not recognised by the courts. It is extremely difficult and i struggle with the concept of my ex willing to take my money but unwilling to let me see them. I fear although its only been a year that already the damage has been done. Its also a 200 mile round trip for me to see them.
I have photos of comments my kids have made about me on a certain social networking website none of them positive and the lies printed by my ex do not give enough info to be libelous.
Listen to nik that is sound advice
kickboxer
5th Jan 12 19:11

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nik

nik

Sam, I am five years into a mirror of your story. Never give up hope, but live for what you have got and be there if they come back in the future.
nik
16th Feb 11 18:52

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delboy78

delboy78

I have same issues. Mother agreed contact when we split 3 years ago, She moaned that I was late, I wasnt, She then said I didnt fasten them in. I did! I then had to attend a contact centre. Then when It was shut at Xmas I had to go her mams house. During contact I had to change my little ones nappy, this is fine but after I recieved a solicitors letter saying I abused my own child. 1) grandparents apparently witnessed this. No Child abuser would abuse his own kids and especially in from of witnesses. 2) complete lie.

Then these rumours and stories are still circulating and I fear for my life at times if this lies falls into the wrong hands.

I then go to court with all these allegations and I get unsupervised contact which means judge didnt believe them and still they continue.

Then mother get social services involved and again they tell SS the same things. Then mother lies and lies and about my life style. I have no idea what my life style has got to do anything with me being a good father.
Then she gets the kids taking off her for neglect. LOL to busy with my life she forget s aboyt her own. Then Unfortuntlely gets a terminal illness and dies a few months later. In the meantime children are taken to live live at her grandparents. The same relatives that accused me in the 1st place.... Its a joke. Now I have to fight them to get what I want. Argh Its so annoying :(
delboy78
6th Feb 11 21:03

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still more anon

still more anon

No it is not good that you are denied access to your childen, particularly if you have not harmed them in any way. However given what appears to be your system there does not work the same way where I am. Here the authorities removed the right from a mother to keep her sons from a man who has been before the courts 19 times, and has served jail time for 7 of those times for offences against children. The authorities have given that man unsupervised access to his small children, with a view to unsupervised overnight access a few months down the track. From your point of view then you have good reason to complain don't you. When lowlife such as that get what you can't have.
still more anon
4th Feb 11 03:23

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-10
Anonymous

Anonymous

What are you talking about? Too much whisky again? What backfired?

You need help.
Anonymous
14th Jan 11 20:19

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Anonymous

Anonymous

A million fathers? Would you like to provide some proof of that?

No, I feel for anyone, male or female, who is denied access to their children, providing there is no good reason for it. Sometimes the father is abusive or violent to either the mother or the children.

What I am fed up with is the same person making the same complaint here ad nauseam, while admitting that when that child tried to make contact he took great pleasure in rebuffing him and denying both his son and his "new" children the chance to know their siblings. Speaks a lot for what kind of husband and father he is.
Anonymous
14th Jan 11 20:09

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Anonymous

Anonymous

Slip of the fingers. I meant to type 20 not 29 years.
Anonymous
14th Jan 11 19:56

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