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I received a call from CSA today saying my partner had asked them to contact me for child support payments. Now as a father I have no problem paying for my children but the situation I find myself in is the reason for this gripe. Sorry it's a bit long but hopefully you will understand why I am so angry about this.
On the 2nd April I found out my partner of 10 years had been having an affair with a guy from her work. I asked her if I had any chance of fixing our relationship, to which she replied she didn't think so. So for the next week I sat around at home in a deep depression listening to her talk with him on the phone, after another 4 days he stopped calling. She became upset and I told her to go find him and find out what was going on because if he didn't want to be with her would she give me another chance. She went and met him and he told her he wasn't sure if he loved her and thought he was having a nervous breakdown. She came home very distressed and I supported her through this for a week. I then asked her if we could try again and she said we could.
For the next two weeks I took over the finances, bought her things on a credit card and promised to get her out of the debt she was in. On the 2nd of May she was involved in a car crash and spent the day in hospital. On her return home I nursed her for a week. I then found out she had been in touch with him again and had been sending him pictures I had taken of her. I was devastated and said that if she contacted him any more I would leave. She told me she had called him and said not to text call or speak with her again then she said to me "I am sorry I don't want to hurt you any more and I want to be with you." I believed her and we carried on trying to rebuild our relationship agreeing that once a week we could have an evening when we would be intimate together.
Then I found a message on Facebook from his best friend saying "nice pics, speaking of pictures there has been a misunderstanding call him". This was in respect of a picture she had seen of him with another blonde girl. I questioned her about this and said "If you are not in contact with him, why would there be a misunderstanding?". She said I was being paranoid and although I didn't really believe her, I carried on trying.
The 18th of July arrived, a day I will never forget for many reasons. I had set up the students breakfasts and sent a text to her asking her to put the milk on the table when she got in at 2.00am from her work. I received a call from her saying she couldn't come home at 2.00am as one of her work colleagues friends favourite uncle had died and she had to stay on. I became suspicious and wondered if she was lying and was actually with him. I called her work and it was engaged, I waited 10 minutes and called again to find it still engaged. My suspicions heightened. I called his mobile and it was engaged. Both phones were engaged for 40 minutes. Eventually I got through to her work. I hung up and called his phone again and told him to "Just leave her alone." I called her again and asked her "Why are you talking with him again?", to which she just said "I guess because I still love him." I asked if we were done and she just said "Yes."
Anger... I stupidly went to his house and took it out on his car...
Out of anger I stupidly went to his house and took it out on his car. I know that this was a silly thing to do and I was duly arrested and spent the night in a cell. when I came out the next day I was up for 3 charges, one for criminal damage and two other more serious charges. She had alleged that during the last night we were intimate together that I had said "If you don't sleep with me I won't pay the mortgage..." The later of course was all just her word and completely untrue, no evidence at all for any of it. I have never done anything wrong in my life, never been in a police station and no way would harm anyone. I paid the mortgage solely for 10 years and transferred all spare cash to a joint account and for the last 3 months to her account. I looked after our two children ages 3 and 9 five days a week, cramming all my 37 hours into Saturday, Sunday and Monday morning, while she went out to work to fund her spending.
When I was released on bail I couldn't return to my house as she was a witness for him and also due to the charges against me from her. She moved him into my house the night it all happened and he has been there ever since. On the 19th of July I received a summons to court for a non molestation and occupancy order for the house for her, and a non harassment order against him. After talking with my solicitor it seems these orders would be put into place no matter what and on the 20th of August the most serious charge was naturally dropped due to a complete lack of evidence.
She is refusing to let me to see the children
So why do I have a gripe with the CSA? Consider this. She is living at my home with her new boyfriend who earns £30,000 a year and she has earned the equivalent of £44,000 (£22,000 normal salary) a year for the last 5 years due to me looking after the children and her being able to work a lot of overtime. Also on top of this they have the students living there probably bringing in another £300 a month. I never wanted to leave her and if I could have still been there I would have been. She is refusing to let me to see the children and now wants me to pay her £280 a month through the CSA when I have a monthly wage of £1,350 and outgoings of £1,110 due to having to rent a place and pay off the £5,000 credit card bill I ran up trying to keep her! This is without the £280 child support and the £220 an hour for the solicitor I have to pay to get access to my children.
How can the CSA do this when it wasn't my choice to leave and I want to see my children desperately? I feel that the CSA needs to look at each case individually. They should look into whether it was the fathers chose to leave the kids and whether or not they want to see them because some mothers out there are spiteful and just deny access to the kids for no valid reason.
By: David
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Women that do this are criminals and sorry to say this, but CHILD ABUSERS. They poisen their childrens minds and force them to grow up without a loving father. Thats abuse. Is there any wonder dads are now leaving the country for good to get away from this criminal situation ? The law doesnt even prevent the mother from moving around the country. Sure, England and Wales only - but cornwal and newcastle are a long way and when you travel that far and they dont even show up and the judge just says "tut tut" .... whats the point in a legal system if the mother gets away with breaking the law. Oh, and i tried to get a penal statement attatched, but they laughed and said "They'd never arrest a mother unless the childs in physical harm". What about mental harm ?
I'm with you 100% mate the Csa are crap. I believe that you and every other parent should pay there way but what I don't agree with that if for eg you pay £300 pm that goes to mum. Them mum buys food for the whole house take every one to KFC . Or goes on day trips ect ect. There should be a way where the children get the money ie you pay for the clothes or somthing .
Also I don't agree with how much they take from the dad. And even if mum won't the lotto and became a millionar over night she would still screw the dad for that money. Or if she early twice as much as u and is with someone who is also earning 3-3 times as much as you, you still have to pay the same rate. But ur life style gose down the pan.
I can see both side as I have children and she has moved out of the aria so that I can not see my children but she has filled there heads with shit. Made all sorts up about me to every one. Reported me to the police why becouse I've seen her in the town by chance and she felt threatened , ya hard to believe that but it's so true. I want to see my children but can't . In court she lies and who dose a judge believe? The lieing cow of a mother. The law is crap.
On the other hand I have re married and have a step daugIhter who lives with us who I love like my own. We have been married 3 yrs now , my step daughters farther believe he should not have to pay anything! He say he can't afford it. Yes money is tight as it is for everyone. But he can afford to go to the V festival buy him self all the latest blurays and lots more. But he can't afford to pay for his daughter. From 2007 up untill 2011 he payed jack poop he had worried the mother that much becouse she new what he would be like if he had to pay out. So for some time I kept his daughter , which I don't mind helping but did my head in becouse I new he was living it up.
Then in 2011 out of the blue the Csa contacted my wife. She rang them up and they told her they would get money off of him via work. Great I thought. Now tho all we hear is mine mine mine. He brings it up in front of his daughter and we have to keep telling him not to. And he still thinks he shouldn't have to pay. He only pay £140 a mth I think he said it works out at £6 a day? He has her one a week n then every other amend, what dose he do with her naff all, she sits in her room on Facebook. Or just watching DVDs . Go out with the girl , go for a milk shake, I would live to c my kids n spend time with them.
He can not c how lucky he is! He is a selfish man .
So in this case the Csa are doing what's right for once. But I no there are dads like your self and my self who need help. But guess what? There is no help for us. And as for fathers for justice . How crap are they. They are just making money off of dads in a bad situation . I pray for all the dads. Take care Dave.
Also here you where violent towards her lovers fair enough it was the car cos she was with him well I can understand that but what of the kids here do they want to see that kind of violence from their father no they dont so man up and do that letter laying it all out and see what happens. Give it a month and write again. then say you are raising an action against her. She may feel that you might be violent towards the children have you thought of that.
You also sound very very bitter. Now you need to readdress that first.
THEREADERWITHCSA what you are saying is crap cos your income is NOT included with your husbands/partners, include your child in the review. He must be on a very high income to be paying £700 per month or have a lot of kids to her. Oh and maintenance and access are two different things. She wouldnt loose any money unless he took the kids over night then they look at it again. abliet very slowly. If you feel hard done by go to your MP in your area and ask for help or stop making the payments and ask in fact demand a review now.
And the CSA well another bunch of wasters , get rid that's what I say !!!!
I have kids 2 in fact but my son has little interest in seeing his father. He feels abandoned (he has been) and as a teenager is affected in a negative way by the way he has been treated by his father. It is sad but it is his fathers loss - my son is a great lad and I am very proud of him.
My daughter is 7 and is upset as she cant understand what is happening
I an unsure if you will understand this (probably not as you have a blinkered view it seems) and I do not need to prove my credibility to you or anyone else on here
As I have said if you can assist in getting my ex to see his daughter (and his son but that will probably be harder) then feel free
I receive nothing from my ex for his kids. I work full time and claim nothing off the state.
I know there are plenty of 'bad' mothers but there are also plenty of 'bad' fathers as well.
It is not always as simple as you think it is.
There is nothing legally that I can do to make him see his kids. On the flip side of that there is plenty he can do legally to get to see his kids. I want him to see them, no court required, simple as a text or call to arrange but unfortunately that is beyond him
It seems to me that is Gainsborough Lad calling himself anon-anon-anon and going on about "meal tickets" as he usually does. Who ever it is has just proved my point though, you are hoping that the father will take some interest in his child and this guy just wants to a bit of woman bashing.
I thought Fathers for Justice had a big thing about children needing two parents anon-anon-anon. Isn't that what it is all about? Or do you only want that when the father wants it and if it is the mother who wants the father to see his child then she must have ulterior motives rather than her child's best interests in mind.
This site is being poisoned by men who hate women.
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