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Cyber affair wrecked marriage - she hasn't even met him

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Although we had been living together just over eleven years, my husband has gone and found a new woman on the Internet.  I say he found her on the Internet, because it was actually a national paper forum that happened to be online.

I discovered his cyber affair just after Christmas when I couldn't understand why he was staying up until the early hours of the morning on his laptop.  I decided one night to take a look in this forum to see what was so fascinating.  To my horror I soon discovered the truth.  Not only was he communicating with this woman, who by the way is 22 years his junior, he was also 'tarting' with other women.

I sent this woman a personal message on the forum and informed her that it was my husband she was communicating with.   She replied that she didn't know he was married.  It wasn't just the chat, they were leaving soppy music links on the forum for each other as well.  His mobile phone was stuck to his hand as if it was glued there (yet another clue I should have picked up on!).

How to track your partner's web browsing habits - easy as 1, 2, 3....

I confronted my husband and told him that the affair had to stop. He admitted what he was doing was out of order and that he would stop.  He has even told her he loves her on this forum, how sad is that.  I found a piece of paper with an email address and password (not his usual email address), so I logged on to see. Low and behold, there was only one contact.  I decided that enough was enough and gave him a choice our marriage or her.

Using a laptop, discussion forum He made no effort to save our marriage, didn't apologise for what he had done and of course he did not stop.  Well that was it of course, end of marriage.  So basically he has given up a relationship of over eleven years for a woman he has not even met yet!  Five hours after I told him the marriage was over and we would have to sell our home, he was on his mobile for over an hour and half discussing with this woman their next move.  It seems she is going to move over 800 miles to be with him, and THEY HAVEN'T EVEN MET!!

How can she trust him when he has told so many lies...

When he finally told me the truth, after so many lies, he admitted that it had been going on since September and he thought I would not find out.  He also told her at one point that we had separated.  I think they are both deluded.  How can she trust him, when he has told so many lies to me and her?

I have been in complete turmoil because I was so devastated.  I have cried for England, have been through the 'fog' and have now at least come out the other side.  I am now looking forward to the house being sold so I can move on and get on with my life.  SHE IS WELCOME TO HIM!

By: Trodden on wife


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Bunny

Bunny

How strange. The exact same thing has happened to me....I found the email proclaiming his 'love' for her only about 2 hours ago. She lives in America and him in England. He's never met her. But she can have him. Let her pick u after him, cook for him, kiss his stinky breath, etc etc.
27/04/13 Bunny
-2
kizzy

kizzy

i didnt even read all of this because its so ridiculous to blame the internet for your husbands affair, at the end of the day internet or not he still would have strayed and if it wasnt with this woman then it would have been someone else, plus if it wasnt for this site you would have never found out about his affair so be grateful your no longer living with someone who clearly isnt worth it and if he done it to you he is most likely going to do it to her, so stop self pitying, pick yourself up and get on with your life and possibly find someone who is decent, trust me speaking from experiance although i always managed to find out before the affair physically started an now i have someone i trust 100%, trust me it definately worth it in the end
23/11/11 kizzy
3
Jessy

Jessy

Well this is not an easy decition. I have eight years with my boyfriend, I waited year after year to get married with him and he always said this is not the right moment. 8 months ago I met a guy over internet and I am confussed now. Is not fear break up a wonderful relationship like all the people think, but when I entered to that chat room was because I missed something, I didn't feel complete wth my BF. When your husband made the decition of get divorce don't blame his cybergirl, blame him!
23/11/11 Jessy
2
Betty

Betty

Gosh! My turmoil at the moment. My husband of 2 years has been having an email realtionship with women and one in particular for three years and will not apologise or make me feel that I am the only person he wants in his life. I feel so down and I feel for you. Even though he has confessed he still tries to treat each day as if nothing has happened and I want re-assurance, he is giving me none. I have been civl and trying to mend our reaatinship but then I feel he doesn't even love me or ever loved me. I am heart broken. I know how you feel and feel for you immensely. I think my only solution to is to to tell him to leave. What a waste, when he is the fool, we could have had a fantastic life together.
17/04/11 Betty
-7
SadFriend

SadFriend

I've been on the other side of this situation. Online, I got back in touch with an old friend with whom I go back almost 20 years. He's now married but things were only ever platonic between us, especially since I'm a great deal younger than him. I'm ruly not interested in him romantically, I have more self respect than to go with a married man. None of my communications with him were anything more than friendly but over time his responses began to tail off culminating with him finding a really paltry excuse to completely cut me out of his life and forbidding me to contact him again. I'm told his wife is extremely possessive and hates all his female friends but it really hurts me that I have lost a friend I value because of another womans paranoia. I can't believe any sane man would put up with that kind of thing. So while I totally sympathise with women whose men truly are being unfaithful, even just emotionally so, it's also important to remember that his female friends are not responsible for whatever dysfunction there might be in your relationship. My ex friend and his wife basically took their problem and projected it onto me. No doubt they are doing that with other female friends his wife finds threatening and their issue will never get resolved. I have also had situations with married/taken men where they fancy and flirt with me (one man stuck his hand down my top in front of his wife totally unprovoked) but then when their wives naturally want to know what the heck is going on they make out it's me who fancies them, they were just being nice, and I become public enemy number one.
God men are rats! Well some are. Others are just plain gullible and put up with nightmare wives, ruining friendships because of them. And the rest, well, I guess we need to hang on to them ladies!
11/09/10 SadFriend
-3
Chippie

Chippie

My husband met some old friends a few months ago. One female sent him an email that I found offensive. After many arguments I told him I wanted him to stop emailing her. we argued and he said they are just friends. HAHA> It bothers me bu I have more important things to worry about. If he wants her, good but it won't be cheap. I am still here.
31/08/10 Chippie
-4
Linda Mitchell

Linda Mitchell

Trodden on Wife: I know it must have been stressful to find this out, and very hurtful and disappointing. Lots of men use the internet to escape from their worries and cares, almost the way a child uses a video game and little more. I would express my disappointment, but I would quietly carry on with my life, finding people I could trust, including men friends and others who would be supportive and understanding of what you've been through. You deserve to have people in your life who will support you and love you, especially now. Don't waste your energy fighting with him. You are so much more important than this. Love yourself and take care of you through all this. Call your girlfriends and talk to them, go out and have a cry if you need to, and take positive steps for yourself. It is not a deficiency in you, it's one in him. Let him do exactly what he wants. Soon, without any intervention from you, he will see how hollow and meaningless this obsession really is about online flirting/women. Meanwhile, you'll be lightyears ahead because you'll have taken care of yourself, made real-life friends who love you for yourself, and have made positive changes for yourself. I wish you every good thing.
02/06/10 Linda Mitchell
-8
Run away from this man

Run away from this man

Walk away from him. Your love is one-sided. He wouldn't be looking for another woman if he was happy with you. He's happy that you know his dirty secrets and no matter what he does you'll forgive him. He found himself a doormat in you.

Leave him.
26/04/10 Run away from this man
-6
nursey

nursey

My husband has been chatting with other women on the internet using a false name. The thick ******* thought I wouldn'e find out! after 19 years he's ruined everything. Walk away, if they cheat once they'll do it again!!
11/03/10 nursey
-11
gemini

gemini

I have had the same problem for many years. I have been with my partner for almost 9 years and he cant stay away from chat rooms. If it were just chat it wouldn't be so bad maybe, but It always ends up with him giving them his phone number, telling them he loves them etc etc. Its got to the point where I hardly dare go out and leave him alone, I'm suffering from panic attacks and depression, and I just wish he would tell me why I'm not enough for him. For the doubters out there I can tell you all he wants for nothing in any way at all, I'm certainly not prudish, and enjoy every part of our life together except for this nonsense! He knows nothing about these women and they wouldn't love him the way I do. In July we had a lovely holiday together, then when we got home I picked his phone up to find a text to some internet woman saying "missing you tonight" why?? why was he missing her?? He cant answer that question and we have had so many rows about it. I rang her and she wouldn't tell me much either, other than she thought he was single. I wish I could walk away, but I love him! I wish someone could help me, I feel as if I'm losing my mind.
15/12/09 gemini
0
Hurt

Hurt

My husband has given his email address and phone number to a girl at work.

My husband gave his personal details to someone at work, he says she's a friend but I've never heard of her. Then she sent him a message saying: "Hi ............, you haven't emailed me lately - I love you." I was bloody fuming. Is this an email from a friend someone I've never heard of. He quickly took the phone off me and deleted her details. In fact he ran upstairs with his mobile and deleted all his call history.
21/11/09 Hurt
-8
Deceived by husband

Deceived by husband

Different perspective. I asked my husband why he was looking and he couldn't give me an answer. It made me sick to the stomach to see the man I loved and thought loved and cared for me and our family could do this. What more could a woman do? I think you are wrong - I for one have always been there for my husband but he got hooked on a fantasy world and then started 'dating' refusing to acknowledge me, his wife and our child.
20/11/09 Deceived by husband
-13
Gix

Gix

He will be back soon enough ,begging your forgiveness cyberspace is a dream world ,fortunately he will wake up to reality , be strong you can do much better ,he will be the loser.
24/10/09 Gix
-7
Me

Me

I too have been 'cheated on' in cyberspace - the full extent of which I still don't know. I thought we had a good relationship but men will say one thing and then do another entirely. Run says it all about the meals and guilty flowers. Been there and done that.

The hardest bit is when every instinct you have is telling you it is going on but you can't prove it without being dragged down to their level and snooping. We should be able to trust them if indeed they are adults and not 14 year old boys looking for a thrill.

Seems to me that a lot of men in their 40's do this to feel better about themselves with the easiest ego stroke imaginable - delivered direct to their laptop or mobile phone.

I can't trust him anymore and am just waiting for 'next time' to happen - despite the protestations. If it was easier to leave then I would but lack of money etc. plays a part.

It is comforting in some way to know I am not the only one. I think they are making up for their sense of disappointment about themselves as if they say they are happy in their relationship then why else would they do this? Maybe most men just lie and cheat because it is all they know. Note I didn't say all men :)

Cheating is cheating however you frame it. They should get off their laptops and start putting effort in to their actual physical relationship instead. Maybe then they wouldn't feel so sad about their lives?
20/10/09 Me
3
Different perspective.

Different perspective.

You all slate men for being unfaithful, perhaps you should be asking yourselves why they are unhappy with you!! Men are not born unfaithful, a happy man will not risk what he has for a fling. (Majority) So if he does it's because you are not making him 100% happy. Men haters really wind me up, women should look at themselves first.
01/09/09 Different perspective.
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