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Cheating ex moved her lover into our house

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Well here goes...  My ex and I had been together for approximately five years before it all went wrong and things ended up the way they are now.  When we first got together, she was 16 and I was 21, we were basically soul-mates (or so I thought).

Around June 2006 we discovered she was expecting our first son.  We were was so scared but at the same time very happy.  It was a difficult pregnancy however and she became moody and miserable, even though I was supportive and did the best I could to help.  I put all this down to hormones at first but it became much worse later on when our son was born.  In the end she was diagnosed with depression and given anti-depressants.

She took these for about six weeks then stopped them suddenly for no reason and became worse again.  We were looking to move to a bigger house at the time because we were living in a tiny rented place with one bedroom.  This was becoming hell to live in with a baby so in the end we bought a two bed house together.

The cost of running the new house became a huge strain as she had to cut her working hours to just 2 hours in the evening.  So I decided it was time to go back to college in order to earn more money.  A few days later she announced that she has just signed up too. "Great" I thought, but what about the baby?  We discussed this with her mum who then agreed to give up work to look after the youngster.  We thought that this might be just what my partner needed to get back to her old self.

A key in the lock meeting lots of new friends... clubbing at night with her sister whilst I was at home with the baby

Well it worked. because after a while back at college she started getting much better, meeting lots of new friends and I was over the moon.  Then things started to change again - not for the better.  I began to notice her dressing in what I would call "over the top" for college.  The jeans became low wasted, much tighter or knee high boots over the top of skin tight leather trousers; her top too would often expose more than it should.  I'd never see or hear from her all day at college and when I finished work she'd arrive a short while after me, dressed to the hilt, thong showing and everything.  Then there was the clubbing at night with her sister whilst I was at home with the baby.  She'd often not get in until five in the morning.  By this time I was so confused, I just didn't know what the hell was going on?

Two weeks after our sons first birthday she asked me to move out for a week or, just to "give her some space".  I pleaded for her not to do this, but she got very angry so reluctantly I agreed but kept in close contact.  The next thing I knew her mum said that if I wanted to get back with her I should give her more space, about another week and to keep well away.

Well I agreed, because I didn't really have any other choice.  But little did I realise that this was basically a plan they had concocted between them to move her new lover into our home.  I only found this out when I went to get some of my clothes and discovered that the locks had been changed - by him apparently!

This all happened over a month ago and since then and I've not even been able to see my son or had the opportunity to collect any of my belongings.  This is all in the hands of solicitors now, but what an awful mess it has become.  My life is quite literally crumbling before me, but what else can I do?   Any advice or help would be most welcome.

By: Dave


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Lottie

Lottie

What a muppet did you think it would would last!!!! Really you have got what you you deserve!,,,
19/10/12 Lottie
-3
Phil

Phil

I feel for you mate....Wait till you see him out in the street and give him a good hiding. May not get you back together with your partner, but will make you feel a whol lot better.
08/06/09 Phil
-12
dobbo996

dobbo996

Look at it this way, she was a child when you got together. As an adult you should have walked away. You are now old in her eyes. She is bored with you and she wants to have fun. Sorry to be so blunt.
02/06/09 dobbo996
3
Ben

Ben

Contacting a solicitor was the right thing. But you need to ask you immediate famiy for assistance, like a place to stay. Don't worry so much about clothes, they're the easiest thing to replace. But you need to have all of your personal papers, passports, etc. Here's an idea. Get hold of a female relative, like your mum or sister, then break in when your wife is not home and get your stuff. If she shows up, let your female relative handle her. She won't have you to accuse of assault, and the cops treat the ladies leniently.
I doubt she wants the kid that much. I can't see her new man wanting to take care of someone else's child. You might be able to buy her off in exchange for letting you have the child with you.
Your wife might be on drugs (the late night partying was a hint). This new man of hers might be into drugs too. In fact, he might be pimping her in exchange for giving her drugs. Tell the social workers, and they'll have your kid out of there in a flash.
28/10/08 Ben
-2
Dan

Dan

What a deceiptful biyatch, getting you to move out for a week or so, only to move another piece of meat in.

I hope to sort things out, ridding yourself of this oxygen thief is the best you can do.
02/10/08 Dan
-14
karlosjackel

karlosjackel

If the house is mortgaged, in your name or even in both of your names, she has no legal right to do this. Infact, you can ask the Poilce for assistance, they will not interfere however, only "keepers of the peace", but usually a Police prescence will deter the even foul of people to think twice about kicking off. If it's rented, then a word with your landlord will surfice. You must stand strong my friend and to cover your own backside and follow the laws, and get FREE legal advice from Citizens Advice Beaurea (can't spell).
Meg is right (below)... I've been there pal... Also, another thing, if threats of CSA, then fine, I have read a few horror storys, and CSA do screw up (they have with me), but be honest, I have and has paid off with me when ex tries her usual tricks, you must keep on top of it.
Too be honest, only the nipper needs you, I would forget the woman (girl by the sounds of it, needs to grow up first). You being a Dad is the best thing that will happen (or has happened!) Ignorant gov'ment policys and idoit child agencys will insist on the crazy notion that kids will be better off with the mother...often this is true, but how many of us are seeing the huge gap of mothers today compared of mothers of yesteryear? I wish my ex was like her mother or my mother, I had the best upbringing from mine. But anyway, I am deviating here, but please stand strong and be there for the kid.
01/10/08 karlosjackel
-11
mwah

mwah

I have a wealth of experience in this area. The decisions you make now will have far-reaching effects and consequences for everyone concerned. Give her time to get some perspective - becoming a young mum is a shock! - and then try talking to her in a non-adversarial fashion! Search your heart in the meantime so that you speak your truth when the time is right for her to hear it! If you love her and want to make a go of being a family then say so. Brainstorm ways in which you can be supported as a couple - babysitting, counselling, going out on dates together, whatever it takes!

Do not wake up in a few decades time thinking 'coulda, shoulda, woulda'. It's an excruciatingly painful place to be!

Eradicate the conflict - it may be tough, it may take a while, but it is the ONLY if you value your son.

Good luck!
21/07/08 mwah
-13
meg

meg

If the house is in joint maes, you do not have to leave. Move back in, tough it out and make their lives Hell. If she wants to live with her new idiot, let them find their own roof. Likewise, you have every right to your child - just the same as she has. Dig in and fight. Look at all of the father sites. Families need fathers etc. Plenty sites out there to tell you how to fight for your side. Stay strong. And good luck.

meg
19/05/08 meg
-15
adadwivabrain

adadwivabrain

typical bird really, young bint with no idea about life, mate best thing to do , is to forget it, go through solicitiors to get access, as we all know that fathers have got no rights at all, and these "unfortunate" women (yeah right) shead a tear ...." oh look shes crying lets give her all she wants, wheres the dad....oh forget him, even tho hes tried his best, paid all he can, tried all he can, .....hes not worht it!!! WTF

been there done it got the tshirt mate
07/05/08 adadwivabrain
-17
Dave

Dave

Get in the real world;
Thanks for that it made me laugh and that has'nt happened for a while I can tell you!!!
I cant believe the support out there from people ive not even met, there are some decent people left in the world! As for startine a business, well ive given that a lot of thought lately.
02/05/08 Dave
-8
Get in the real world

Get in the real world

She will probably knock out a couple more kids to the new fella and then go on benefits expecting the rest of us to pick up the tab for her family and her cat. Dont get mad Dave, get even. Start up your own business and make lots of money, find yourself a beautiful woman who treats you like a God and buy yourself a better car than she has got (possibly a ferrari). Hopefully you will be able to do this just in time for christmas, that way you will be able to go on Moonpig and design her a christmas card with a picture of you sitting in your ferrari with your beautiful woman whilst sticking 2 fingers up to the camera.
01/05/08 Get in the real world
0
Kingking

Kingking

Make sure you get your son back, not just rights to visit him. I know someone who has been paying his ex-wifes mortgage for years just to keep a roof over their daughters head as she has claimed she can't work due to depression, she was/is an awful woman too.
29/04/08 Kingking
-32
Nobby

Nobby

Ah, fifty one ways to leave your lover then?
I am sorry that you have been done over. Leave it to your solicitor for now then get even, not mad. As someone suggests below, don't show anything other than relief at getting out of this relationship. I can't comment about your child, these things can have a strange way of working out well in the end. As for the rest, well none of it matters.
29/04/08 Nobby
-8
Karl T

Karl T

Sounds like she is very immature and quite "selfish" in her approach to life. Many people seem to demand instant gratification these days - buy everything on credit, pay a hell of a lot of interest, rather than going without or saving up. Perhaps you should regard this as Fate (God?) or just plain old Luck being kind to you. It sounds like you are best out of it. As I said before, just stay focused on your son. However, from the financial mess she is getting herself into, I strongly suspect that there will be an element of 'blackmail' in your future dealings with her, in the sense that she will make your seeing your son conditional on some sort of cash handover.

As for the future, make sure you have learned lessons. I myself had a bad relationship years back, making the mistake of moving in with someone far too early. Never again! I suggest you take things real slow with a future partner. In my experience, not living together somehow maintains a 'vibrancy' and 'excitement' to a relationship. Don't be tempted to get another partner just so you can "get back at her". Speak to her politely but without emotion. I don't really want to advocate taking revenge, but again in my experience, showing complete 'indifference' is the absolute best way to have some element of satisfaction. Bloody hell, I sound like a right cynical old git . . . . oh well! Best of luck with it all.
28/04/08 Karl T
4
Dave

Dave

Thanks Geoff and others, been thinking about it all today and have had very little sleep since this has happened but yours and other comments alike have been nice to recieve and do help!
28/04/08 Dave
0

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