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Why are English people so cold and unfriendly?

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Why are English people so cold?  Perhaps this is the reason so many foreigners fail to integrate properly into society in the UK?  I am a foreigner totally grateful to the UK for giving me a passport (married to a Brit for 21 years) as the chances of being killed where I come from are pretty good.

However, in all the time I spent living in the UK (five years in total), although I'm blue-eyed, blonde and speak perfect English with just a 5% accent, I am always regarded as being foreign.  All my friends are foreign too mainly because we have come to realise we are all in the same boat.

My best friend is Swedish and has lived here in the UK for about 12 years.  Even after that length of time living in the UK she says I am still the only person who has ever invited her home for a coffee!

We're told we have to be patient and that it takes time for an English person to trust you (say four years of knowing you), but then once they are friends with you, they are the best friends in the world. Well, I'm afraid I've given up trying and hoping.

British  and european union flag in London you really don't want us to be here

Is it perhaps because your mothers never breast fed you and thus did not expose you to the first essential human warmth that we should all know?  Or is it because you really are all xenophobic and your government, in its multicultural tendencies has failed to realise this basic truth?  Perhaps it is just because you are SO polite, politically correct and you really don't want us to be here, so instead of telling us sincerely, you pretend to put up with us because you really don't want to become our friends?

Since first moving to the UK, I decided to move away again and have lived abroad for seven years.  During that time I have never failed to make friends with the locals, and quickly too.  So why are the English so aloof with foreigners?

By: Andypandy


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Jethro

Jethro

Ever thought it may be you that's the problem?
16/08 Jethro
1
Britgirl

Britgirl

Not just with foreigners! I am a 55-year-old British woman who has lived here all her life and I too find my countrymen to be cold, aloof and much too reserved! It's just the culture here I guess. It really isn't easy to make friends here, or start relationships generally. I have usually had much better luck at meeting people when I've been abroad. I really wish I didn't have to live in Britain, I tell you.
15/08 Britgirl
2
1-leggyblonde

1-leggyblonde

(Massachusetts) registry. I lived in France for a year and Austria in summers. I escaped to Spain with every chance I had. One summer I went to Poland and the people were so warm and generous. Warm manners and touch were important to me, something that seems obliterated from society. Is it the Catholic cultures that are warm? Out with the truth...I am of Germanic heritage and was received so warmly in so many European countries and mostly spoken to in German and French, even in Greece. No one can figure out where I am from, so they used the language most likely associated with my appearance. Finland and Iceland are actually more intriguing to me than England, even though the people are distant. Do you English feel like you are confronting a wall when you travel? I am just wondering what it is like from the other side. When I see a last name that is English in the US I never have to be on my guard: The English culture in them seems to dominate and control theirselves, even after many generations. As an American, we like historic British films, especially when kindness is the main theme of the film. We really applaud when the human spirit triumphs and is kind no matter the situation. Most of my family members cannot understand the various British dialects, though I find them amusing.
I come from a region in the Great Lakes and Ontario where it is said that our English is still “The King’s English.” I am not sure to which King the population refers, but it is said that although British dialects morph and change quickly, we were fairly untouched in our accent over a few hundred years. The Great Lakes are difficult to access. Even the French priests gave up in the 1600’s. My family members can understand the culture and language of a foreign film more so than any British film. How do you British see yourselves when English dominates the film? Are all dialects understandable to you? This is the main complaint I hear from anyone if I want to watch a British film: People want subtitles! German or French is easier to understand by most. Why is this, if we all had English literature and read the English classics? One theory is that British English changes with every passing decade. Do you British feel unheard in a country where most people know English? Just wondering. :) Indian English from the Indian Continent is easy to understand, as an example. British English from the Isles is not very understandable, as an example.
01/07 1-leggyblonde
0
1-leggyblonde

1-leggyblonde

Most citizens no longer carry 90% of the culture of their ancestors. We learned to be a melting pot of cultures. I am a 3rd generation American on my mum’s side. On my father’s mother’s side, my ancestors pre-date the English in the1620’s. Their last name is Danish and recorded in the Mass. Both sides of my parents’ genealogy have no English blood and were never slave owners. registry. I am not permitted to join any groups which pre-date the English nor get subsidized education simply because I am not English! My parents’ families today are the most warm and friendly people. My ancestors arrived in Cape Cod, pre-dating the English. I was lucky to marry a man who had no British blood. He is warm and kind.He is German, Dutch, French Huguenot. My ancestors were were gentlemen and came here with their own money, owing nothing to the crown. Not a drop of English blood. I am
Most families were indentured servants or slaves to the British crown in the 1600-1700’s. Not much talk about white slavery, but the British invented it. I am not permitted to join any snobby groups which pre-date the English! Their rules, not mine. The natives on former British Islands are eager to share their history. A taxi cab man on the Islands told me the British love their power and money. His country was freed in the 1980’s, formerly under British rule. Brits are cold and appear unfamiliar, even after generations. .The Massachusetts registry states that my ancestors had friendly ties with the natives and the English who came later depended heavily on my ancestors and their descendants to get along in the New World. I am proud to be a very real American, with no Puritan or English blood.
01/07 1-leggyblonde
2
Rebecca

Rebecca

I am an English person and I love culture and meeting new people. At times I've felt in my relationships that some cultural differences can lead to strain and can be hard work at times and if you're non confrontational that can be draining.

That being said...I travelled and experienced the exact same thing, with language and people ignoring me purposely. However - I also met many people who were friendly and kind.

We're all different, we're all culturely different and culturely "groomed" if you like. But Britiah people aren't all cold and unfriendly, just as Americans aren't all fat and lazy or Iranians terrorists. Please try not to let your experience brandish millions of people. I'm sorry you felt the way you did though.
22/06 Rebecca
-1
EmperorHadrian

EmperorHadrian

Blame the Roman Empire.
18/05 EmperorHadrian
3
Warren.

Warren.

Because they post crap like this and bash us instead of actually travelling all of England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland and meeting each person for who they are.
You'll find actually most British people are kind, democratic, religious, open minded, helpful, polite, well spoken, intelligent, good sense of humour, mindful and very decent people to be friends with and have unique cultures, rich countryside, and amazing history field with people from all sides of the world. We hate injustice, we hate genocide, we hate crimes against humanity and we hate anything that harms children or animals so if that's your definition of rude, cold and nasty then it is no wonder people here show you a lack of respect you don't deserve it.
When you categorise an entire nation with a massive diverse population filled with millions of different personalities you are just inviting us to dislike you. The title alonenis cold and unsure so practice what you preach before you judge and entire nation.
Its like saying all Muslims are terrorists or all Americans shoot people or all blacks are thrives you're stereotyping without getting to know the wider population and now wandering why people are rude to you. Thats why.
If I randomly bumped into you in London and you just threw that question at me my first thought would be toxic racist and if walknoff and dismiss you.

I don't think its fair to slap a label on our home when there's millions of good, hard working, honest, loving people here.
I'm a good person none the less I don't just bow to stereotypical nonsense.
You say we're rude and disrespectful. Should have a little look in the mirror and read what you said.
11/04 Warren.
-6
cockadoo

cockadoo

I have been invited into the house of an English local. I appreciated it. We grew apart since. I had a very nice English landlord as well. But I know what the original poster means and how she is feeling because I have had very many experiences to feel the same. The English have to realise that they are just one nation among the many. Maybe they will realise one day they can learn things from others? I never had the chance to work together with educated English people, so I wish I knew how they think about this topic.
03/04 cockadoo
4
Toppo

Toppo

In my experience, the English are probably the most miserable and unfriendly people in western Europe.
Especially in the home counties, and particularly London.
And I have visited many European countries, as well as living for a while in Spain.
They have a completely unwarranted superiority complex, when the truth is that their country has completely gone to the dogs.
Time for a little long overdue humility maybe?
They tend to be aloof, arrogant exceptionlists. Not all of them are like this, and the northerners and the Scots are nothing like as bad.
17/03 Toppo
6
The Ice Queen

The Ice Queen

Dear Andypandy,
Thank you for posting your question. As a foreign female from a colder area of the globe I thought my answer might be somewhat helpful.
First of all, as a very suspicious person by nature, I wonder if you are actively trolling us here. In case you are not a troll, I, as a foreigner, would like to share with you my own experience with Britons (English and Scottish, mostly). I had a case when an English lady told me off for being too stand-offish. I had an experience when an English girl lost her temper because I wouldn't reveal any personal information. In Scotland they are pretty much pi..ed off by mee too. The proud Scots (mostly men) keep telling me to smile and think I am grumpy. (In fact, I am quite happy overall). They called me a "snob" – many, many times. (I have no idea why. Maybe because I listen to classic music and refuse to put up with rap? Maybe because I refuse to watch the X-Factor)? When Britons try to strike a friendship with me, I secretly question their motives. "What do they want from me"? As an introvert I declined quite a few invitations because I'd rather stay at home and create my artworks. So how can I, a true, hard boiled Ice Queen complain about Britons being cold? I feel rather comfortable with them. They, mostly, mind their own business. I even love some of them (secretly, of course). The only times I feel uncomfortable around Brits (Scottish or English) is when they automatically assume that I am Polish. (And no, I am not, and I have never been anywhere near Poland in my dear life). But then again, Spaniards do exactly the same. They called me "una Polaca" which is very annoying.
Kind regards,
The Ice Queen
30/12 The Ice Queen
-7
Steve

Steve

If you don’t like us you know where the door is
28/10 Steve
-23
Liz

Liz

P,s, I wish some of these people would pick-up a descent history book and read it. May I suggest you start pre-the birth of Christ and look at the amazing Persians. It was thanks to them that we still have the works of Socrates. I can sympathise with the feelings of native English people, they have been overwhelmed by migrants that the taxpayers can’t afford. However, if I was Spanish, I would hate the English. They have turned up in their country, demanded eggs and bacon, brought all the houses as holiday homes, and are basically arrogant and insensitive. If you are reading this and are not happy about the migrants that have arrived in England, spare a thought for Costa Del Soul. By the way, I am English and find most UK holidaymakers overseas embarrassing. Bovine unattractive and rude. You can’t complain about migrants and then go and shit in everyone else is country when on holiday.
17/08/20 Liz
3
Liz

Liz

Lol, I am a English lady who left for Sydney Australia aged 19. I came on a working visa and feel in love with the place. Australians thought I was ‘cold fish’ and it took me years to overcome my reserved nature and start smiling at people I don’t know, and even saying Hi. Every time I come back to England I am struck by how cold people are. I walk into a shop and smile and say hello, and get that “ I’ll know it’s another happy Australian “. Speaking from the position of an English born person, it’s generational. It is in our culture not to add your dirty linen, and being too friendly is seen as insincerity, or worse still American. As for not excepting foreigners, I think that is so in trenched in our culture, that nobody is aware they are doing it. England is the most warlike nation on earth. We pretend to be the centre of civilisation yet no country has a track record of invasions like we do. We have historically surpassed the Romans. You cannot produce millions of mindless fighters without making them believe in the superiority of their country and culture. This cannot be wiped in a few generations. In addition, I feel that the governments have tried to overcompensate by being a little bit too multicultural, without considering the feelings of the natives. There was a lot of resentment about new arrivals getting housing and Benifits who never paid taxes, while others were sitting on the waiting list with no hope of a home. The country cannot afford the amount of migrants that are arriving, And it has caused it deep resentment. Public-housing has got so bad it’s third world. Look at that block that that burnt down. The tragedy was that they were the lucky ones that got housed. Being overly politically correct and understanding towards certain migrants has caused ghettos. In some parts of England the signposts are in foreign languages and people were native feel pushed out and resentful. Children of other religions go to separate schools and that causes the divisions as adults. There has been little attempt by the government to encourage simulation because of political correctness. This of course is only one side of the story, but it is one that I am qualified to offer. I’m not impressed by it either, hence I live in Australia. The thing that I am most disgusted by is the class system. It has nothing to do with how much money you earn, but what school you went to. Once you are working class you will always be working class, and people with Twinkie accents really do believe that the blood is of a higher quality. They think it’s okay to look at you like some think they found between their toes. When they do that to me in England I stare them down. It really is disgusting.
Liz
17/08/20 Liz
5
Danny

Danny

I’m an Englishman and my experience with British people is very mixed. In my work in the construction industry I seem to attract a certain degree of uncomfortable ridicule on a regular basis...lots of people are quite cold with me too.

I think the main issue for me is that I speak with a posh accent (that basically means I sound middle class) but am working class. Also, I don’t care for football (aka soccer). I’m a polite and softly spoken person too. These kinds of things have led to me not fitting in, some people aren’t particularly kind and they openly ridicule me in front of other people. Some people say it’s just banter but it’s unkind and disrespectful and undermines me in several ways. I often feel embarrassed, uncomfortable and upset...and the people who do this to me simply do not care for my feelings.

Outside of work I find people who are middle classed are a little friendlier to me. I’m sure that if I loved lager and getting drink a lot, liked going on holiday to Blackpool and Benidorm, spoke with a more regional accent and followed West Brom FC I’d be better off with working class people.

Also, I’ve lived in a few different parts of England and people in Derbyshire seem to be the most racist/unwelcoming of strangers, but that’s just my personal experience and it’s with people who are usually 40 or 50+.
27/06/20 Danny
4
Sir

Sir

YES JAPANESE ARE THE COLDEST IN THIS WORLD!!!
NEVER COME BACK HERE AND DIE YOU ALL BY THE STUPID COVID!!!
09/06/20 Sir
-18

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