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Why are English people so cold and unfriendly?

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Why are English people so cold?  Perhaps this is the reason so many foreigners fail to integrate properly into society in the UK?  I am a foreigner totally grateful to the UK for giving me a passport (married to a Brit for 21 years) as the chances of being killed where I come from are pretty good.

However, in all the time I spent living in the UK (five years in total), although I'm blue-eyed, blonde and speak perfect English with just a 5% accent, I am always regarded as being foreign.  All my friends are foreign too mainly because we have come to realise we are all in the same boat.

My best friend is Swedish and has lived here in the UK for about 12 years.  Even after that length of time living in the UK she says I am still the only person who has ever invited her home for a coffee!

We're told we have to be patient and that it takes time for an English person to trust you (say four years of knowing you), but then once they are friends with you, they are the best friends in the world. Well, I'm afraid I've given up trying and hoping.

British  and european union flag in London you really don't want us to be here

Is it perhaps because your mothers never breast fed you and thus did not expose you to the first essential human warmth that we should all know?  Or is it because you really are all xenophobic and your government, in its multicultural tendencies has failed to realise this basic truth?  Perhaps it is just because you are SO polite, politically correct and you really don't want us to be here, so instead of telling us sincerely, you pretend to put up with us because you really don't want to become our friends?

Since first moving to the UK, I decided to move away again and have lived abroad for seven years.  During that time I have never failed to make friends with the locals, and quickly too.  So why are the English so aloof with foreigners?

By: Andypandy


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Jde

Jde

I think this comments section has been sucking me in too much :) so here's what I think about all of this:

I think the biggest problem is with the lack of real communication between different cultures and misinterpretation of each other's intentions.

Maybe the english need to understand that it's beneficial to have an open conversation with foreigners every now and then and foreigners have to not take their distant attitude too personal and accept them for who they are.

It does hurt when you want to integrate and you can't even talk to the locals for long enough to even know what you're doing wrong and it must be just as scary to see your nation and culture change and feel threatened by a giant mix of new and different people.

Both are fears that we have to let go of. It's the only way we can get along.

I hope that the next generation of kids will grow up together and learn about each other's behavior and cultures without the cynicism and distrust that adults have. It might be a bit too late for us.

Peace
Jde
8th Apr 19 14:46

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Watching and Laughting

Watching and Laughting

@GOW, I think you are living in a dream world old women, abusive or not, it's the simple truth that you and your kind cannot handle. You have constructed a nightmare scenario for your country because of your brainless actions in voting for something you had no idea of. You lot of OAP's have made your beds, now sleep in them.

PS, I hope you have ample funds and savings to survive on cause you will be needing them after the EU takes revenge for causing them so much aggravation.
Watching and Laughting
7th Apr 19 12:56

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grumpyoldwoman

grumpyoldwoman

Yes, you are an abusive idiot. The GOM and I are not up to our necks in debt and have never considered ourselves to be upper class.

The country is up to it's neck in debt because of goverment borrowing (mostly by Labour governments buying voters) and because of the vast amounts we pay into the EU.

We are both old enough to remember that this country managed quite well before we were conned into joining the EU by it's being called "The Common Market". It was, as the name said, supposed to be about trade and NOTHING else.

When we voted to leave we were hoping that it would be over quickly and we could stop paying huge amounts of money into a bottomless pit.
grumpyoldwoman
7th Apr 19 09:57

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Watching and Laughting

Watching and Laughting

@GOW, I take it you mean me as an idiot. Well, seeing as you and your kind voted for the complete disorder, chaos and confusion that BREXIT has created, who's the IDIOT. ( and don't deny that you voted to leave, it's on record of your intent).
Watching and Laughting
6th Apr 19 10:55

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grumpyoldwoman

grumpyoldwoman

Idiot.
grumpyoldwoman
5th Apr 19 09:37

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Watching and Laughing

Watching and Laughing

About time the stuck-up UK tw4ts were given a good kicking by BREXIT. This island mentality that you British are brainwashed with will now be tested to the limit. No doubt many will never be able to modify their rampant snobbery, or even be able to adjust. God, you British are such a total bunch of superannuated W4NKERS up to your necks in debt and still think you are upper class. It's going to be fun watching you all turning on yourselves.
Watching and Laughing
4th Apr 19 16:34

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Alcandra

Alcandra

Even the native Brits wonder why other Brits are so cold and aloof! Well. some Brit was pretty friendly with you because you married one. I am an American, friendly and outgoing. I can talk to anybody about anything except football, American and European. But I am polite at the same time, as are the educated English. They say "sorry" [needlessly] a lot more than I do. They're not really sorry, just a polite expression. And yet I think people who are chatty and complimentary, lack their famous reserve, pretty much scare them. I have gotten the cold shoulder from them, too. Rather than try to get to know you, they prefer to stick with others like themselves, on whom they can count to "know the rules" and not push them beyond their personal comfort zones. They seem to like their friends to be very old ones that go back to their school days. If you are a female, the women may resent you for taking a good man out of the British dating pool and suspect you have "something" that makes you seem more attractive than
they are. Let's face it; the ladies are like that. You won't be able to change the Brits, so accept them as you find them and continue to enjoy your non-British friends and make new ones. There are plenty of those around if you live in a large city.
Alcandra
3rd Mar 19 22:52

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Maria

Maria

This is so true, British people didn’t give me a chance to be friends with them. None of them. I have 5 years living in Essex and only see cold faces as if they are robots. And honestly now I think they must be very unhappy people.
Maria
10th Sep 18 04:03

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Next

Next

@ Your truly, Well said. All trying to outdo everyone else. Biggest bunch of stuckup snubs under the sun. Full of anger and stress. Up to their eye balls in personal debt trying to impress while harbouring a rampant inferiority complex. One just have to love the English sheep, led by the nose of commercialization.
Next
6th Sep 18 16:51

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Your truly, Misfit

Your truly, Misfit

Dear Andypandy,
Your unhappiness is quite justified. I am an Englishman, but I've lived abroad at various times during my life, and therefore have gained an insight into the unfriendliness you've encountered in England.

First of all, this country is horribly overcrowded. Government statistics would have us believe that our population is something a little over 60 million people. However, this is a blatant lie and denial of reality. It is actually the third most crowded country in the world after Bangladesh and Indonesia. Whenever you step out your front door, there are people in your face and everyone is irritated by this, even though they will never admit to it.

Secondly, the class system is still alive and kicking, and its insidious tentacles still penetrate every aspect of society here. It's true, the English will take years to trust and accept you but initially will try to pigeon-hole you into a box which they will either find acceptable or otherwise. This is especially so on the southern side of the north-south divide in the country where English reserve runs amok. If your face doesn't fit the box that you've been pigeon-holed into, then forget about friendship. There is also the nasty tendency among the middle classes to play the sick game of oneupmanship, whereby upon meeting anyone the trick is to put them down in some manner to gain the upper hand. The 1950s film "School for Scoundrels" illustrates this beautifully.

Unfriendliness also comes from the emotionally stunted, anally retentive makeup of the English character, whereby they appear incapable of showing any warmth to someone unknown to them, which accounts for their obsessive attachment to dogs and cats, upon which they can pour out their sweet nothings.

In another twist to this prevailing coldness, one's neighbours, and especially in the southwestern part of the country, have this strange demeanour of avoiding contact with those nearby, but will, at the most inconvenient moment, come and have an hour's chat with you, as if to make up for the past year's dismissal.

Those north of the north-side divide could be from another country they are so different. Direct and blunt, they will meet you head on, but you'll still be held at arm's length through being different in class, race, religion or what have you.

Throughout this cold, murky existence, that is British life. There are still a small group of warm-hearted, friendly, caring people, if only one could find them and be embraced into their world.

In conclusion, the English don't just dislike foreigners, they don't like each other either! The climate undoubtedly has a profound effect on peoples' outlook on life, which explains the mass exodus to sunnier climes every year to bring a smile to their faces.

God bless the English, but for heaven's sake, try and be a bit more cheerful!
Your truly, Misfit
6th Sep 18 12:56

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Next

Next

Everybody is now asking the question, Is T May a EU mole? has she been rumbeled as a EU fixer? What will happen to her after she has been deposed?( maybe the same as Blair) What we should be worried about is, Has the UK been sold out?
Next
10th Jul 18 11:19

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Guest

Guest

Wait until the British people realises that the English Political establishment have sold them out to the EU, or should I say" The world illuminate". They never meant to leave under the BREXIT referendum. The branch of the European illuminate, (this includes the British Tory party) have connived to ignor democracy. The world is run by the hidden faces of the super rich controllers. It's all about total control of the human race. Nothing will ever change.
Guest
7th Jul 18 16:33

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Suzanne

Suzanne

I don't tend to go for British men despite being British myself. They are cold people. Some are alright. Most are hypersensitive and come across as a bit petty and b*tchy and will hang onto small mistakes their partner has made forever as opposed to laughing them off and moving on.

God forbid you should kick a slipper in their direction, they'd probably report you for domestic violence. Most of them are gossipy and and reluctant to marry. Many don't do basic things like offer to carry a woman's groceries or hold doors open or pay for dinner and see these things as sexist. The younger they are the more of them are like this.

Thank God for immigration!
Suzanne
10th Apr 18 01:01

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Phil

Phil

After reading this article I confess to being totally xenophobic, socially inept and distrustful of everyone. I have no friends, no living relatives and do not participate in any social activities. So, this lay is correct. So piss off and leave me alone. Best wishes, Phil, xxx
Phil
3rd Mar 18 20:02

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PaulSpring

PaulSpring

I've lived in north east England (Stockton-on-Tees) for 39 years since birth, apart from a year when I lived in York (which is still north, just not as north as Teesside) and a year in the East Midlands. It doesn't help that the English themselves conveniently or lazily delude themselves or others about certain things. These are:

Myth: The North is friendlier than the South.
Reality: Often only if you go to the places that have a lot of softly spoken, middle class, prosperous, educated, Southerners who've moved there! Like York, Newcastle, Chester, Manchester. Northern geniuses like Alan Bennett and Victoria Wood are the exception, not the rule. To be fair, if you go to anywhere with a sizeable student population, it won't be unfriendly but northern suburbs built after WW2 in unprepossessing towns can make you feel like you're dying. London /Greater London , for all the myths, has many friendly people. It borders Essex, which is known for its friendly , partyloving, people. But what should never be forgotten about the north is that some of its people can be so passive aggressive that the only enjoyment they get is hating everything but their clutch of 'bezzie mates', if they have any, and 'our lass'.

Myth: Englishmen are gentlemen, Englishwomen are ladies.
Reality: Years of neo-liberalism, supermarket/takeaway culture minds, lack of imaginative hobbies, and passive aggressive anti-intellectualism (and anti-glamour policies of the 'intelligentsia' and parts of the working / middle class alike), means that many Englishmen and women are near-mute, shapeless, forms. Some of the places I've mentioned are exceptions.

Myth: The English have a sense of humour. Not in many suburbs! You see, humour partly relies on truth and what truth does someone who neither lives in town nor country really have? In the northern post WW2 suburbs, you rarely see people even doing the community building cliche of mowing the lawn or washing the car now. So they don't even build up any postmodernist irony of what it is to lead a suburban life. So where can their humour come from? Well, it often seems to come from quietly mocking - or studiously ignoring - anyone who stands out for any reason. Ginger haired (even though ginger hair is a native hair colour here which predates blondes) , tall, sticky out eared. Anything but maybe fat these days, even though that's something that could be changed for the good of someone's health.
PaulSpring
18th Feb 18 18:48

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