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Why are English people so cold and unfriendly?

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Why are English people so cold?  Perhaps this is the reason so many foreigners fail to integrate properly into society in the UK?  I am a foreigner totally grateful to the UK for giving me a passport (married to a Brit for 21 years) as the chances of being killed where I come from are pretty good.

However, in all the time I spent living in the UK (five years in total), although I'm blue-eyed, blonde and speak perfect English with just a 5% accent, I am always regarded as being foreign.  All my friends are foreign too mainly because we have come to realise we are all in the same boat.

My best friend is Swedish and has lived here in the UK for about 12 years.  Even after that length of time living in the UK she says I am still the only person who has ever invited her home for a coffee!

We're told we have to be patient and that it takes time for an English person to trust you (say four years of knowing you), but then once they are friends with you, they are the best friends in the world. Well, I'm afraid I've given up trying and hoping.

British  and european union flag in London you really don't want us to be here

Is it perhaps because your mothers never breast fed you and thus did not expose you to the first essential human warmth that we should all know?  Or is it because you really are all xenophobic and your government, in its multicultural tendencies has failed to realise this basic truth?  Perhaps it is just because you are SO polite, politically correct and you really don't want us to be here, so instead of telling us sincerely, you pretend to put up with us because you really don't want to become our friends?

Since first moving to the UK, I decided to move away again and have lived abroad for seven years.  During that time I have never failed to make friends with the locals, and quickly too.  So why are the English so aloof with foreigners?

By: Andypandy


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Shef girl

Shef girl

I had to add a comment here. I am English and I have lived in genuinely racist countries including Pakistan so let's just get some perspective here. Firstly, England has the highest percentage of mixed race people (mixed with the English race) of any country in the world. Secondly there are certain social 'rules' that you need to follow in order to become fully accepted. English people are very warm and caring but only with family and close friends. Being overly friendly with strangers is considered insincere and this will put people off wanting to make friends with you. Another point that's worth making is that we have had mass immigration forced upon us to the point where we are the minority in our capital city and we have been regulated with laws to not be racist and to employ all nationalities. This is a bitter pill to swallow. Some people are sad to see their ancestral homeland taken from them.
16/10 Shef girl
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LadyV

LadyV

I’m guessing you all never lived in the North? I lived in London for 10 years and it’s unique to most other places in the UK! It took a while for a Yorkshire lass to understand the ways of life there too! Move further North into a town rather than city and I’m sure you will see the difference! People actually talk to one other in the street and in queues! Go for a walk in the country and everyone will greet you as they pass! People are just busy and untrustworthy in the city, heads down they go into autopilot on the commute! I know I did! Dig patiently beneath the surface and you will find most ‘run of the mill’ people are lovely and accepting of everyone! After all we’ve been a multi-cultural nation for many generations now and in my experience embrace all traditions to the point where we usually apologise for our own! Currently Scandinavian customs are very popular round here you’d soon make lots of friends! Can’t understand all this negative reaction other than you've been very unlucky in where you live! After all you married a Brit! Try not to be prejudiced in tarring everyone with the same brush and then you might be more open and accepting to people who come your way??? All countries seem to have a generalised narrow-minded label for their nationals and on my travels I’ve seen that’s precisely what it is!!!!
07/10 LadyV
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Violet

Violet

They are the same with each other don't worry. The only race colder on Earth are the Japanese.
02/09 Violet
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Pinny

Pinny

I have always loved the UK SOOOO MUCH, and now that I live here, I can say that despite my British boyfriend, I have no real British friends. I have made friends with people from other European countries, my boyfriend's sister talks crap behind my back, his parents adore me but I am afraid she might turn them against me. My colleagues are lovely when I talk to them, but I hardly get invited anywhere, they say that I am a hard worker and very patient but that's probably because they do nothing all day and I try to do their job too, and when something goes wrong I get fingers pointed at me.
I have met English people in work that were absolutely gorgeous, we used to go out for coffee, dinners and drinks, and as soon as they got new jobs thy disappeared forever, too busy to go for coffee!
I have met some people that aren't racist, but stereotypically ignorant. I'm from the North of Italy, but still, they think my mother wakes up at 4AM to make homemade pasta sauce haha! And despite being whiter than the average Brit, and despite my English skills being very good, they still make fun of some mispronounced words. Luckily my boyfriend is my entire world and I'd be lost without him, and if it wasn't for him, I'd probably think that Brits are very cold nationalists.
23/08 Pinny
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Google Translate *Funny to listen to*

Google Translate *Funny to listen to*

l'inglese è stupido pezzo di merda che viene bevuto tutto il giorno. pretenzioso e ostile a chiunque sia diverso nei loro confronti. Non tollerano affatto gli altri. In nessuna parte del mondo vivrai una tale ostilità, andrai in Italia, diventerai amico, andrai in Germania, diventerai amico, ma mai in Inghilterra, non avrai mai un solo amico inglese in tutta la tua vita.
19/08 Google Translate *Funny to listen to*
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Foreign

Foreign

Here I was thinking that I'm being unfair to English. For the most part I thought there must be something wrong with me, but all this comments here made me realize,that English are cold, distant, cunning and also racists to some degree. For 8 years I've been trying to blend in, but no matter how hard I try it just doesn't happen. My partner is English (don't know how this happened myself) and people always seem to be surprised by this.
Conclusion is that it's impossible to make friends with English people if you are a foreigner.
I must agree with most of negative comments here.
12/08 Foreign
4
Second Generation Indian

Second Generation Indian

english are dumb pieces of shit who are drunk all day. pretentious and unfriendly to anyone who is different towards them. They are not tolerant towards others at all. Nowhere in the world will you experience such unfriendliness, go to Italy you will make friends, go to Germany you will make friends but never in England, you will never ever make a single English friend in your entire life.
07/08 Second Generation Indian
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We're sorry!

We're sorry!

I'm sorry that everyone here has had bad experiences... But I disagree that English people are bad.

Yes, that person in your office was mean. Yes, English people can be racist. Yes, there are many horrible people.

But this is true in every country!

I lived in Tokyo and in Ginza area people are judged very heavily by their clothes. In my whole time in Japan I experienced racism - people ran away from me in the supermarket, I was denied entry to certain places because I'm a foreigner. I know people who were denied housing or jobs because they were a foreigner - even with a visa.

When I lived in Shanghai, I was often given different prices to Chinese people. When I speak Chinese, people say "no english" without even letting me finish the sentence. People just stare at you in the street and take photos like you are a zoo animal.

And just look at African Americans and Mexicans in the US.

The world is full of assholes.

But there are also nice people too. And here in England, most assholes live in London or the South.

I live in Nottingham now - in the Midlands - and I know all my neighbours. The bus driver smiles and says hello. At the supermarket I speak to the staff about their weekend.

People in the north are famous for being warm and kind, and this is my experience.

And as someone who looks Middle Eastern, I can assure it is not because I am white.

I hope everyone can try England once more and meet some nice people. Because they exist! It just depends where you look.
04/08 We're sorry!
0
Most Horrible Experience

Most Horrible Experience

I am a Japanese female, living and working here for 2 years now. I am a pretty friendly person and used to work in my home country and another European country for 10+ years and never felt difficult to make friends in these places. But here... I have to say it is very difficult to even just talk to my English colleagues casually. When I asked how was your weekend on Monday morning they always replied: "It was fine, thanks." and that's it. Some of them even say nothing after I said "Good morning" to them face to face. An English female colleague of mine in HR didn't invite me to a ladies lunch intentionally which is supposed to be for all the female coworkers in the company (and I was explained about the activity at the interview and was very positive to attend). What made me surprised the most is that the English female colleague refused to get health insurance to me which I must be registered by the company and is one of her very basic, prior duty for all the employees including me of course. Eventually, I had to ask someone at the headquarter to register for health insurance. Now I even think she has a serious issue on her brain. She never replied "Hi" or "Good Morning" to me even when we were just two of us in the kitchen space which was already a nasty attitude to me, but I've found a lot of other colleagues of mine who don't do that so I was trying to think it's just a culture difference. However, after having such many disgusting experiences I decided to leave this country as a lot of English wish. Before I came here English people are polite and calm but more friendly than Japanese, But NO. At least most of the English I met here are rude, arrogant, insecure, childish, and racist.
19/07 Most Horrible Experience
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Facts

Facts

The UK is fast resembling a pressure cooker without a saftey valve, how much longer before the lid blows?
17/07 Facts
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Facts

Facts

Pizzed up, drugged up, 6.9million families debt ridden and stressed out of their heads. The UK must be the most fucked up place to be stuck in. AND, still you all think your'e better than the rest of the world. London's the stab capitol with drug gangs running riot,and the police letting them thin themselves out. What a shit country to reside in. Now try telling me I'm wrong.
17/06 Facts
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Rosie rose

Rosie rose

The English are a very cold race indeed I was born in London Westminster in the 60s to Italian parents went to an irish/italian Catholic school and yes they are so unfriendly rude and cold just like the weather everytime I go to France Italy Greece it's sunshine good food no drunken aggressive behaviour and people like to talk to each other and in Thier culture they adore children here they look on them like vermin they care more for their dogs. The street I've lived in for 18 years there's this guy he sees me walk past over the years and boy if looks could kill he always throws me the most evil dirty looks his face is a look of pure hatred sorry but that sums up the English they are a hateful lot very jealous and cant stand to see someone doing well they seem to like to see people fail I think alot are trying to portray they come from perfect respeactful families but in most cases they are most hiding shameful secrets sorry just telling it as i see it must be that WARM Italian bloody flowing through my vains lol
13/06 Rosie rose
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From America

From America

I am American and have lived here in for 5 + years. I am super friendly and love meeting and talking to people. The only friends I have not been able to make here are English people. I have friends here who are of other European decent but not 1 English friend. It's disappointing for me. I didn't realise how unfriendly the English are. I've decided I can't take it personally as I used to. I think it's just cultural. I've been invited into the homes of French friends, Welsh friends, Scottish friends etc. but never to an English persons home. I think it might have to do with the fact that English people don't raise their own children. They send them off for someone else to do it. So the English grow up with out much love and affection. No hugs and kisses from their parents. Here in England I don't know my neighbours and when I say hi in passing they don't say anything back. In the states everyone knows their neighbors and invites them over for parties, BBQ's, whatever. Watch a game on TV. Here it's impossible to get to know your neighbours. No one wants to interact and know their own neighbours. I find it quite sad and I miss that friendliness. I am happy I'm here though. I feel very grateful to be in the UK and am a happy expat. I just wish people were kinder and friendlier. One more thing, the misconception that the English are polite was a huge blow to me. People here are quite rude. And the class system is very much still in tact.
08/06 From America
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Posing Brit

Posing Brit

@free spriit, It has taken us brits hundreds of years to be the biggest bunch of twats under the sun, don't expect that to change soon. I'm now off to buy a new big BMW just to piss my neighbours off, and demonstrate what a snob wanker Iam.
03/06 Posing Brit
4
FreeSpirit

FreeSpirit

I am British, white English to be exact, and I am in total agreement with everyone here. The English are very cold and distant, and the hat filled comments in the Daily Mail are unnerving to say the least.

The British government always say we share the same value as Americans, but nothing could be further from the truth. Americans celebrate achievement, while the Brits condemn it. Americans are more open and friendly, where as in Britain society as a whole is cold, dead, distant, uncaring, too severe and humorless. Where as Americans are more apt to talk to strangers, most English people will not even look at you, much less speak.

Lastly, Americans believe in freedom, human rights, the English just absolutely despises human rights, although these rights are abused to be fair.

I only wish that my countrymen would drop this snobbery, let go of this "holier-than-thou" attitude, speak to people more instead of mocking. They are always boiling over with rage about something, and are never happy.

I am ashamed to be English, we are becoming like the Germans just before the Holocaust, this hate will culminate into something nasty, and it will be the innocent who are once again targeted.
02/06 FreeSpirit
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