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Why are English people so cold and unfriendly?

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Why are English people so cold?  Perhaps this is the reason so many foreigners fail to integrate properly into society in the UK?  I am a foreigner totally grateful to the UK for giving me a passport (married to a Brit for 21 years) as the chances of being killed where I come from are pretty good.

However, in all the time I spent living in the UK (five years in total), although I'm blue-eyed, blonde and speak perfect English with just a 5% accent, I am always regarded as being foreign.  All my friends are foreign too mainly because we have come to realise we are all in the same boat.

My best friend is Swedish and has lived here in the UK for about 12 years.  Even after that length of time living in the UK she says I am still the only person who has ever invited her home for a coffee!

We're told we have to be patient and that it takes time for an English person to trust you (say four years of knowing you), but then once they are friends with you, they are the best friends in the world. Well, I'm afraid I've given up trying and hoping.

British  and european union flag in London you really don't want us to be here

Is it perhaps because your mothers never breast fed you and thus did not expose you to the first essential human warmth that we should all know?  Or is it because you really are all xenophobic and your government, in its multicultural tendencies has failed to realise this basic truth?  Perhaps it is just because you are SO polite, politically correct and you really don't want us to be here, so instead of telling us sincerely, you pretend to put up with us because you really don't want to become our friends?

Since first moving to the UK, I decided to move away again and have lived abroad for seven years.  During that time I have never failed to make friends with the locals, and quickly too.  So why are the English so aloof with foreigners?

By: Andypandy


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nick

nick

having read one nasty comment after another nasty comment, i hope you now know why english people hate foreigners. youre racists who claim you cant be cos only white people can be racists. we want to live in our own country and be left alone without a world of people pouring in and being as rude as possible about all we say and do and own. we never asked you to come and we know how much many of you smile in our faces and sneer about us behind our backs. your two faced. as for the racism, the whites and indians who lived in Africa had to leave one african country after the other due to black african racism, many white people in america and europe have been beaten and mugged by the completely non racist jamacians and black british and african american who claim ALL of us are slavetraders and kkk and racists. they are racists and thats the truth of it. we are not responsible for their failed marriages, their youth crime, drugdealing, black on black murders - that is all entirely their fault. it is not our job to provide education and jobs for them. they can open businesses for themselves. as for the british-pakistanis, some of them are law abiding and hardworking and honest but a good deal of them are violent racist drugdealing rapist. you tell me why any nation of people should allow a group of violent foreigners who hate and depise the local population in their country? yiu didnt tolerate us when we came to your countries and committed crimes, but you fought against us right? and werent you right to do so? well now our country is being colonised, our people are being insulted, our culture degraded and spat on, our women being raped. your the racist, and your the colonists and we need to kick you out
10:10 nick
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Mickey Deams

Mickey Deams

Brits are two-faced and Xenophobic. They’ll smile to your face and stab you in the back.
10/03 Mickey Deams
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Matter of Time

Matter of Time

Fascinating thread. I was born in a former colony. I have an English father. I have lived in England in both small towns and in London for 20 years. Empire taught the English they were the centre of the world. The intense racial stratification practised during Empire, and the constant process of "othering" anything seen as foreign, has created a people stuck in a time warp, not understanding the world and why other people loathe the English. You see this from the remainer types to the leavers. "Why can't England be the way it used to be?" they all say. Some mean it as "why can't we be top dog again and bully other nations" while some mean it as "why can't we have the leftover change from Empire to rebuild a social democracy?" As Burroughs said, "England is like some stricken beast too stupid to know it is dead." It is a museum, situated on a large lawn (having destroyed most forests centuries ago to build a navy to oppress others), with some nukes parked to the side to make the English feel better about themselves. And the last point is why you end up giving up on English friendships. You spend most of the time propping up their sense of loss of identity, loss of international esteem, hearing the tired stories of how much England gave the world. You then realise in the English world that's all the foreigners are good for here: provide services, support, arse wiping and tax dollars or "sling your hook" as they say. There's no point in changing them: Empire defined them as a people, and makes them more and more miserable and filled with hatred and insecurities. They will state "fair play" as an English attribute but that is propaganda to hide the horrors of Empire, racism, war and the deeply iniquitous class system. They have no national anthem, no parliament, a legal system shared with Wales, little culture and are utterly divided between classes and between cities and the rest of the country. Fascinating to watch what happens after Empire as the former centre consumes itself. Grab the popcorn, folks!
09/03 Matter of Time
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Expat

Expat

I have had a similar experience. There’s a thing where when you come to a new place people have busy lives and it’s easier to break in with foreigners as you’re in the same boat. However, I would say that other cultures are more open, India is much warmer in my experience. Ireland too but not by a lot, we’re pretty insular, we’re just more chatty. Have found other cultures more closed though (Stockholm is ridiculous). Having said that I like the privacy I have in England, feel like I can do whatever I want and no one cares. It’s not like that in Ireland or India.
24/02 Expat
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Jethro

Jethro

Teenager stabbed to death at busy London train station.

Why is it that all these stab victims seem to be black, gang members, drug dealers, or revenge gang victims. London and area seems to be the stab blood bath capital of the UK. This statement is not meant to be racist, but fact.
28/01 Jethro
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Kolha

Kolha

I completely agree !!! I live in uk and married english man- who is interested in other culture but I’m struggling to make a good friendship with especially English ladies.
I have many friends from other country but not British ladies ... why?!
I feel they treat me like out of villagers when I am at work as well.
I’ve lost all my interest in them too tho... but maybe that’s good things ... somehow they are too tight and stuck up .. no fun ..?
24/01 Kolha
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Chilvers

Chilvers

I’m English and I agree - we are not hospitable, even to each other. We lack warmth and kindness. I am from Sussex, lived 21 years in London (friendly because so many people make new lives there that they tend to be community-minded), my husband is from the North and his family are the coldest, least emotionally giving people you could meet.
12/12 Chilvers
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Shef girl

Shef girl

I had to add a comment here. I am English and I have lived in genuinely racist countries including Pakistan so let's just get some perspective here. Firstly, England has the highest percentage of mixed race people (mixed with the English race) of any country in the world. Secondly there are certain social 'rules' that you need to follow in order to become fully accepted. English people are very warm and caring but only with family and close friends. Being overly friendly with strangers is considered insincere and this will put people off wanting to make friends with you. Another point that's worth making is that we have had mass immigration forced upon us to the point where we are the minority in our capital city and we have been regulated with laws to not be racist and to employ all nationalities. This is a bitter pill to swallow. Some people are sad to see their ancestral homeland taken from them.
16/10 Shef girl
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LadyV

LadyV

I’m guessing you all never lived in the North? I lived in London for 10 years and it’s unique to most other places in the UK! It took a while for a Yorkshire lass to understand the ways of life there too! Move further North into a town rather than city and I’m sure you will see the difference! People actually talk to one other in the street and in queues! Go for a walk in the country and everyone will greet you as they pass! People are just busy and untrustworthy in the city, heads down they go into autopilot on the commute! I know I did! Dig patiently beneath the surface and you will find most ‘run of the mill’ people are lovely and accepting of everyone! After all we’ve been a multi-cultural nation for many generations now and in my experience embrace all traditions to the point where we usually apologise for our own! Currently Scandinavian customs are very popular round here you’d soon make lots of friends! Can’t understand all this negative reaction other than you've been very unlucky in where you live! After all you married a Brit! Try not to be prejudiced in tarring everyone with the same brush and then you might be more open and accepting to people who come your way??? All countries seem to have a generalised narrow-minded label for their nationals and on my travels I’ve seen that’s precisely what it is!!!!
07/10 LadyV
-2
Violet

Violet

They are the same with each other don't worry. The only race colder on Earth are the Japanese.
02/09 Violet
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Pinny

Pinny

I have always loved the UK SOOOO MUCH, and now that I live here, I can say that despite my British boyfriend, I have no real British friends. I have made friends with people from other European countries, my boyfriend's sister talks crap behind my back, his parents adore me but I am afraid she might turn them against me. My colleagues are lovely when I talk to them, but I hardly get invited anywhere, they say that I am a hard worker and very patient but that's probably because they do nothing all day and I try to do their job too, and when something goes wrong I get fingers pointed at me.
I have met English people in work that were absolutely gorgeous, we used to go out for coffee, dinners and drinks, and as soon as they got new jobs thy disappeared forever, too busy to go for coffee!
I have met some people that aren't racist, but stereotypically ignorant. I'm from the North of Italy, but still, they think my mother wakes up at 4AM to make homemade pasta sauce haha! And despite being whiter than the average Brit, and despite my English skills being very good, they still make fun of some mispronounced words. Luckily my boyfriend is my entire world and I'd be lost without him, and if it wasn't for him, I'd probably think that Brits are very cold nationalists.
23/08 Pinny
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Google Translate *Funny to listen to*

Google Translate *Funny to listen to*

l'inglese è stupido pezzo di merda che viene bevuto tutto il giorno. pretenzioso e ostile a chiunque sia diverso nei loro confronti. Non tollerano affatto gli altri. In nessuna parte del mondo vivrai una tale ostilità, andrai in Italia, diventerai amico, andrai in Germania, diventerai amico, ma mai in Inghilterra, non avrai mai un solo amico inglese in tutta la tua vita.
19/08 Google Translate *Funny to listen to*
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Foreign

Foreign

Here I was thinking that I'm being unfair to English. For the most part I thought there must be something wrong with me, but all this comments here made me realize,that English are cold, distant, cunning and also racists to some degree. For 8 years I've been trying to blend in, but no matter how hard I try it just doesn't happen. My partner is English (don't know how this happened myself) and people always seem to be surprised by this.
Conclusion is that it's impossible to make friends with English people if you are a foreigner.
I must agree with most of negative comments here.
12/08 Foreign
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Second Generation Indian

Second Generation Indian

english are dumb pieces of shit who are drunk all day. pretentious and unfriendly to anyone who is different towards them. They are not tolerant towards others at all. Nowhere in the world will you experience such unfriendliness, go to Italy you will make friends, go to Germany you will make friends but never in England, you will never ever make a single English friend in your entire life.
07/08 Second Generation Indian
9
We're sorry!

We're sorry!

I'm sorry that everyone here has had bad experiences... But I disagree that English people are bad.

Yes, that person in your office was mean. Yes, English people can be racist. Yes, there are many horrible people.

But this is true in every country!

I lived in Tokyo and in Ginza area people are judged very heavily by their clothes. In my whole time in Japan I experienced racism - people ran away from me in the supermarket, I was denied entry to certain places because I'm a foreigner. I know people who were denied housing or jobs because they were a foreigner - even with a visa.

When I lived in Shanghai, I was often given different prices to Chinese people. When I speak Chinese, people say "no english" without even letting me finish the sentence. People just stare at you in the street and take photos like you are a zoo animal.

And just look at African Americans and Mexicans in the US.

The world is full of assholes.

But there are also nice people too. And here in England, most assholes live in London or the South.

I live in Nottingham now - in the Midlands - and I know all my neighbours. The bus driver smiles and says hello. At the supermarket I speak to the staff about their weekend.

People in the north are famous for being warm and kind, and this is my experience.

And as someone who looks Middle Eastern, I can assure it is not because I am white.

I hope everyone can try England once more and meet some nice people. Because they exist! It just depends where you look.
04/08 We're sorry!
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