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Why are English people so cold and unfriendly?

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Why are English people so cold?  Perhaps this is the reason so many foreigners fail to integrate properly into society in the UK?  I am a foreigner totally grateful to the UK for giving me a passport (married to a Brit for 21 years) as the chances of being killed where I come from are pretty good.

However, in all the time I spent living in the UK (five years in total), although I'm blue-eyed, blonde and speak perfect English with just a 5% accent, I am always regarded as being foreign.  All my friends are foreign too mainly because we have come to realise we are all in the same boat.

My best friend is Swedish and has lived here in the UK for about 12 years.  Even after that length of time living in the UK she says I am still the only person who has ever invited her home for a coffee!

We're told we have to be patient and that it takes time for an English person to trust you (say four years of knowing you), but then once they are friends with you, they are the best friends in the world. Well, I'm afraid I've given up trying and hoping.

British  and european union flag in London you really don't want us to be here

Is it perhaps because your mothers never breast fed you and thus did not expose you to the first essential human warmth that we should all know?  Or is it because you really are all xenophobic and your government, in its multicultural tendencies has failed to realise this basic truth?  Perhaps it is just because you are SO polite, politically correct and you really don't want us to be here, so instead of telling us sincerely, you pretend to put up with us because you really don't want to become our friends?

Since first moving to the UK, I decided to move away again and have lived abroad for seven years.  During that time I have never failed to make friends with the locals, and quickly too.  So why are the English so aloof with foreigners?

By: Andypandy


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GodHelpUs

GodHelpUs

I actually pity the English. Their mentality is hard-wired and ingrained to the max. Many of them live extremely unhappy and isolated lives even if in theory they have lots of friends. So their coldness rebounds on them to an absolutely pitiless degree.
I have witnessed this.
They're hard to read. A good English person is solid gold. They are honest . will help you and look after you because they are tough and resourceful. But they are still English and I refer to what I said before - hard wired in their mentality.
12/03 GodHelpUs
5
YouWot

YouWot

I'm 55, English (Scots ancestry) and I now feel like an alien here as I believe in good manners decency and fairness. England has become a cruel , truly hideous , hateful place. I understand that many resent how multicultural it has become but I do not buy that as an excuse. Many English do not particularly hate foreigners they hate everyone including their own neighbours and families in many instances. I don't know what the answer is but I think people should think very carefully before having children especially if they are not comfortably off.
The world itself has become pretty awful for many so I don't think it's just an "English thing" but if you find England unfriendly it's not just you.
10/03 YouWot
1
BritainIsDead

BritainIsDead

British born here (Welsh), and I'm inclined to agree with many of the native comments here. I moved to Sweden in 2012 to be with a partner I met online. That relationship ended miserably, but I stayed in Sweden as I managed to secure a job and develop my IT career infrastructure forward to 2022, I have a new girlfriend (also Swedish) and am at the top of my game work-wise.

We've since moved to England (Reading) in Oct 2022, asnmt girlfriend always wanted to live in Britain as she had some pleasant holidays here, loves the humour, and on rellflection had some misguided idea that she would find it easier to make friends here and have more parties compared to back home...nothing could have been further from the truth.

Since being here, we've been ripped off by a moving company who couldn't do their job properly and extorted £1300 out of us for their mistake before they would deliver our belongings. We've had UK government advice lines willfully mislead us on how to apply for a visa for my girlfriend, which cost us £1800 in non-refundable visa application fees. Neither of us have been able to use the NHS since we've been here, and to cap it off, I lost my ability to drive because the DVLA couldn't be bothered to check my records when I asked if I would be allowed to drive on my Swedish license (turns out of you have a previous UK license this overrules any foreign license).

All this and far more headaches within less than a year. I've since decided to move back to Sweden as I honestly don't believe people here can be trusted, especially within business or government. I truly believe that this country has managed to construct such an overwhelmingly complex legal system here,never gone feels strangled by it and unable to do anything about it. I think people here have been screwed over so many times by broken, non-sensical laws that they are left with nothing but bitterness, and a need to take out that bitterness on the easiest target they can find (usually nice, honest, soft spoken people).
28/02 BritainIsDead
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Diana

Diana

I'm so relieved that I came across this post. I thought it was just me feeling totally alone and ignored in England. I'm a warm friendly Aussie who after 5 years of living in a hermitage, can't wait to go back to warm, friendly caring people in Australia. I wouldn't recommend anyone move to England unless they are immigrating from third world countries.
01/12 Diana
8
AniNewForest

AniNewForest

I've lived half my life in the U.K. and half abroad, mostly in the U.S.. I have dual citizenship. I am extroverted, educated, polyglot and idealistic. And for this reason and not despite it, no matter how much I bend over backwards to be attractive, kind, generous, witty, and worldly, I cannot make friends here.

People will chat briefly--I have many acquaintances-- but they are genuinely terrified of friendship. It's a lack of confidence, I think. And the way English parents raise their children to fear strangers, which includes most people outside a very tight circle of family and people they've known since childhood.

I understand caution, but the English take it to paranoid extremes. I might get into a friendly conversation with strangers on a local sea walk or in a park, where we talk about shared interests. I might run into this person on several occasions and each time we have a pleasant chat--at the end of which I'll say, "I'm Ani by the way." I can't tell you how many times the other person (or people) just stare at me in shocked silence at my invitation for them to introduce themselves. It reminds me that despite appearances, they are just chatting "to be polite," not because I am worthwhile.

The term that gets touted a lot is "tolerant." "Britain is a tolerant society." That means, in practice, the opposite of what it thinks it's saying. It means the English tolerate you, as someone holds their nose and allows you to exist (lucky you!). Heaven forbid actual appreciation for what outsiders contribute to this often insular society. It's not inclusion.

At this point, I comfort myself with knowing I'll be snubbed no matter what I do. It's freeing, actually!
19/08 AniNewForest
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Jethro

Jethro

Let's face it. The Uk is now a cess pit of conflict, hatred, aggression and turmoil. The pot is almost at boiling over point. And here's the real kicker, so is the rest of then world.
15/07 Jethro
6
Junhai

Junhai

The problem is not because you're foreign, but rather you are not mentally ill. People have been poisoned by bullshit like feminism and have been taught to be ashamed of their history, race etc. For years.

I'm miserable here. I am tired of being bullied just because I'm nice, and they perceive me as weak.

I am not a foreigner but certainly feel like it. I can't fit into the dumb as fuck working class society.

Their gripe is at the government and their own poor lifestyle choices. Just look at the sour, unfeminine slags that pass for "women".

Don't like football, not interested in Brexit, and the royal family should be sent back to their ancestral homeland in Germany.

Additionally, there's a horrible psychic noise, bad energy here. Not a calm place. Don't feel sane here.
15/07 Junhai
5
cturlington

cturlington

I've lived in four different countries across three continents. Travelled fairly widely, have many friends from around the world. I've met people from countries where they're not the most polite, may be quite blunt and direct to the point of rudeness but they're sincere. You know where you stand with them. And by and large they're pretty decent and reliable.

I have lived in the UK for awhile now and it used to be British people were polite but insincere. You never knew when you were going to get stabbed in the back. Now they're just rude, even more xenophobic, selfish and still insincere.

I have children here - I think about leaving everyday but my husband is English and he doesn't want to leave for financial reasons. So I'm stuck here commiserating with my expat friends. And I feel sorry for my children having to be raised here. Thankfully they're dual citizens so when they turn 18, I'm going to convince them to get the hell out of here.

I also notice a lot of comments here and elsewhere by some Brits who are in massive denial about the state of their country and the decimation of communities and of the lack of humanity here. Your problems won't be solved by sticking your heads in the sand "ostrich" style. Stop defending your fellow countrymen when they're displaying antisocial behaviours here and abroad. There's a reason certain EU countries are limiting tourists from the UK, there's a reason that the UK does so poorly in the Eurovision Song Contest (yes I know you placed second last year but that was due to exceptional circumstances). A lot of you are NOT liked. For those warm, welcoming Brits this message is not directed at you. I've met some. I just feel tremendously sorry for you and wish I could take you back to my country so you know what a fully functioning society with real communities and warmth and kindness are like.
10/05 cturlington
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Tollan

Tollan

Because we are being e.t.h.n.i.c.a.l.l.y cleansed from our homeland of 1000s of years and being gaslit, told that d!versity built the country. Lied to, shamed, abused and put down. We are tired of the constant lies and abuse hurled at us and now have millions of illegals who are just here to suck the benefits system dry, litter and destroy what's left of us....and post about their expoits on TikTok laughing at all the passports they've been given.
08/05 Tollan
3
Sally

Sally

It's your attitude. UK is a tolerant society, you've just wrote an article peppered with generalisations so no wonder you're being ignored.
08/02/23 Sally
-19
100%English

100%English

I've noticed many have claimed English people think they're better. I don't think this is true (most likely it's the opposite) I think it's just a behavioral/personality trait. I suspect its due to living so close to other people and kind of feeling a little boxed in! I have a friend who says her neighbors are so close she can hear their convos and she's often awoken early by them doing things like emptying bottles into the garbage! It could also be the weather which just makes you feel 'urgh' all the time and unlikely to feel energetic and outgoing!

Another possibility is that the English are quite browbeaten by other countries and are blamed for the action for Anglo ruling class which they have ZERO control over. This might have cause either unjustified shame and self hatred or annoyance to the brow beaters. Some of this annoyance is justified as many cultures who had nothing going for them blame the English for still having nothing to show for their 100k years on earth. Most of the browbeating is jealousy as the British are disproportionately responsible for the majority of technology and scientific innovations on earth.

I know 100% the English are incredibly kind, decent and overwhelmingly nonviolent but they are peculiar and reticent/inscrutable. But, I'd rather these traits than friendly but emotionally/behaviorally unstable population.
02/01/23 100%English
-11
100%English

100%English

It's nothing to do with you being foreign (though there are some foreign groups who are understandably unwelcome as they have no geographical, cultural, historic, religious connection to the UK - and they really have no reason to be here beyond mooching off the taxpayers and being a general menace) I'm 100% English and English people are unfriendly to me too!! Extended families in the UK don't really keep in touch, people don't really have get-togethers all that much, don't seem to like to chit-chat at stores etc. I have a buddy (also English) and we're both very social and outgoing and we like to go visit new places and we always comment on how unfriendly English people are. I think the majority of English people are literally autistic (not joking!) that's the only explanation!! Unless they're just shy/awkward/unsociable.
02/01/23 100%English
16
Jethro

Jethro

@JanH124, The English people have always been this way. Arrogant, aloof, snobish, unfriendy to others. It's the island mentallity, and since Covid the UK has become even worse.It will still take generations upon generations to come for this superiour attitude to disappear.
02/08/22 Jethro
13
JanH124

JanH124

I am from the UK and find the people extremely hard and not wanting to be friendly. This goes for villages too.
30/07/22 JanH124
19
AS44

AS44

Yes. I cam here when I was 4 from Canada and went to a private fee paying prep school. I was repeatedly told by my teachers 'you colonials must learn to speak English correctly' and I wasn't allowed to interact with the other children in my class as I was what was called a 'guttersnipe from a broken home'. This made me very sad and, now in my 50s, I never had a friend in England. Unfortunately I do not have the money to leave England and return to Canada.
04/06/22 AS44
13

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