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Here's yet another CSA gripe... I am sure that people here will be getting sick of hearing about them. Apparently there's nothing the CSA can do for me in terms of child support and that's my point.
When I fell pregnant (the child is now 15 months old) my ex completely changed. He refused to work and just sat in front of the PC all day long playing games. He also began verbally abusing me and treating me like a piece of dirt. Finally he left me when I was about 5 months pregnant, would you believe it he left for a woman he got pregnant while he was still with me! To be honest I was glad to be rid of him and the stress I was under whilst pregnant meant that the baby was born three months early.
He stopped visiting her when she was only a couple of weeks old and still in the Intensive Care Unit. Apparently he did not have "time for her". Once my baby left the hospital he chose to see her once (yes just ONCE!), and had her out in the snow when she weighed only 5lbs - with no protection from the weather. He then decided it was far too much hassle to see her at all and gave up trying. Of course he still sees his other child every weekend and buys things for that child. Meanwhile my child receives absolutely nothing from him. He does this even though the other girl has confessed that her child is probably not even his! When I asked hime why he makes such a big effort for this baby he just says "Because she needs a father". What planet does this moron come from!!!? What about his own flesh and blood?
He works for cash in hand, doesn't pay tax, still claims housing benefit and council tax benefit. He also STILL claims job seekers allowance whilst working whereas I actually work and pay my income tax, rent, council tax etc. The CSA have been absolutely no help and after numerous calls and emails all they say is "There is nothing we can do about it!" So therefore I get literally get nothing - no financial help at all from the father to raise our child.
People it would seem would like to blame me and say that I must have "trapped" my ex and conned him into having a baby. This makes me laugh so hard I could just about cry. The way things are at the moment the so called "poor men" (who refuse to work), can just CHOOSE whether or not to support their children as they see fit. Do you think that this is right and fair?
If the father has walked out you and your child and you manage to claim any financial support through the CSA, just consider yourself lucky because some of us out there aren't as fortunate.
By: Linz
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I realise this is an old
Gripe, but having just read through the comments- I cannot come to terms with the amount of absolute idiots on this site!
All fathers, no doubt deadbeats, who refuse flat out to support their children. What a bunch of scumbags.
Oh and for the record and for the sake of the bitter twisted thick lowlives who posted all that dribble- i work full time! I earn 30k a year! And i still claim through the csa!! Why? Because my ex has to contribute, it's principle! He can afford to drink, he can afford to party none stop! He can afford the pittance the CSA manage to get off of him!
Make what you will of that you thick b******s!
09/04/15 workingstudentparent
Gripe, but having just read through the comments- I cannot come to terms with the amount of absolute idiots on this site!
All fathers, no doubt deadbeats, who refuse flat out to support their children. What a bunch of scumbags.
Oh and for the record and for the sake of the bitter twisted thick lowlives who posted all that dribble- i work full time! I earn 30k a year! And i still claim through the csa!! Why? Because my ex has to contribute, it's principle! He can afford to drink, he can afford to party none stop! He can afford the pittance the CSA manage to get off of him!
Make what you will of that you thick b******s!
0
I totally feel your pain my ex didn't use a condom only one time when it was my 20th birthday and I stupidly and the only time i dont rember because i had my drink spiked so dont rember it! we got pregnant as i lived in the pub I manged when I got to ill with my pregancy to work I had little to no option but to move in with him it went wrong quickly he cheated on me when I was 8 months pregnant and within in days of myself and our newborn coming home he started abusing me and then beating me up! I'd always been super strong and really confredent it was heartbreaking as he always point out I had no money and no where to go! When I finally found a refuge that would take us my son was 8 months it took 4! Months to get us in and it was awful but I didn't care we where out! I tryed to get him to see our son as he'd never hurt him and yet he just said I don't care and I won't pay! I went to the Csa thinking yeah u will! How wrong I was where now 8! Yes 8 years on and Iv had one payment of £5.00 pounds which after 3 months they said was an over payment and if I was lucky my ex would let it go! Big of him hey! But I always think u no what when he's older he'll always no how much I love him and worked to put him first when his dad just couldn't be bothered and as they get older your see it gets a little Easyer and ur see ur the strong one! I work part time while he's at school and just enjoy when were togther snd that he's my everything. U CAN DO THIS!!! Oh and screw the stuped CSA!!!
14/03/13 Anniiie
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linz, just read your story and can totaly relate to it..At christmas I discovered (happily) that I was pregnant, as I was in a loving and stable relationship I was overjoyed. However my partner left me and my unborn child at four months, Since then I have found a new home and purchased everything the baby needs (I work full time, but its been a struggle). Then at 29 weeks I went in labour, and the baby has been intensive care for 5 weeks . Its been a terrifying time, which I have endured alone as the father has only been to visit twice, and has not made any contribution.
Just to say please ignore the ignorant comments made by some, who clearly have no idea what this has been like, and to me sound equally as disgusting as the losers we were unfortunate enough to ever have loved...take care
08/07/12 kelly
Just to say please ignore the ignorant comments made by some, who clearly have no idea what this has been like, and to me sound equally as disgusting as the losers we were unfortunate enough to ever have loved...take care
4
I split with my ex 11 years ago he hasn't given me the support with our three lovely boys who he says don't exsist which is hurtful, he hasn't kept up with his payments to csa he has told them he has no income and that he has terminal cancer, my ex has his own business which turns over 2.5 million a year also I've recently found out he is usin my address for advertising his business the man don't care who he hurts or uses as long as he is alright, he is devious and I want to no how I can get help and support so my kids have what they are entitled to also I want my ex to stand up to what he has done and what he is doin is wrong he has mentally, financially and emotionally abused me and my kids please help me.
06/06/11 Mandy
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I can tell just by your comments that you must have been hell to live with and most likely drove him away a lot of woman become very aggressive when they are pregnant and don't want to accept their part in a breakup, and now you want him to pay for the hurt you feel. you were also there when you conceived your daughter and could have choose not to continue at any time. he has the right to leave and date whoever he wants just like you and he has a life that he must decide what is best for him.
get over yourself, you are as much to blame for the situation you are in as he is, its just unfortunate that you feel its all somebodies else is fault.
05/01/11 gus
get over yourself, you are as much to blame for the situation you are in as he is, its just unfortunate that you feel its all somebodies else is fault.
9
Actually I was up doing uni essays... Sometimes we have to make sacrifices eh? Sleep being my main one.
Well I'm going to be honest, I dont think youre a bad person in any way... Perhaps a wee bit misinformed by assuming that all single parents are young women who claim benefit and dont work.
And yes I DO agree that the taxpaayer should NOT be responsible for my child which is why I dont claim anything and work and have done since my mat leave was over. I'm not that much better off than those who do claim off the government but I know its the right thing to do. I just think there are better ways to get your point across. In fact putting single parents down is making them feel worse and less likely to feel they are able to work and benefit society. (Not me though, I'm far too arrogant to let insults keep me back) In fact almost 60% of single parents are in paid work and only 2% of single parents are teenage mothers... I myself was in my mid twenties.
Unless parents have a child who is disabled or sick they need to care for of course... such as my own mum! They should be entitled to support...
I know I probably will never be able to change your attitude. But all I can do is try to work hard and fight against the stereotype of the lazy money grabbing single parent that many people have!
All the best Gainsy!! x
24/11/10 Linz
Well I'm going to be honest, I dont think youre a bad person in any way... Perhaps a wee bit misinformed by assuming that all single parents are young women who claim benefit and dont work.
And yes I DO agree that the taxpaayer should NOT be responsible for my child which is why I dont claim anything and work and have done since my mat leave was over. I'm not that much better off than those who do claim off the government but I know its the right thing to do. I just think there are better ways to get your point across. In fact putting single parents down is making them feel worse and less likely to feel they are able to work and benefit society. (Not me though, I'm far too arrogant to let insults keep me back) In fact almost 60% of single parents are in paid work and only 2% of single parents are teenage mothers... I myself was in my mid twenties.
Unless parents have a child who is disabled or sick they need to care for of course... such as my own mum! They should be entitled to support...
I know I probably will never be able to change your attitude. But all I can do is try to work hard and fight against the stereotype of the lazy money grabbing single parent that many people have!
All the best Gainsy!! x
3
Well, firstly I never called you any names anywhere so maybe you should get your facts right first of all? I said you spout ignorant, sexist, gobs**te... thats a fact. No "nasty name calling" anywhere. Is someone feeling "extra sensitive" today?
Looks like you lost out on all your arguements eh? Well you can only have comments of a certain length generally therefore I didnt want to go OVER the limit and lose some of my posting as that can happen on forums. Simple as that... Talk about scraping the insult barrell!! lmao!
But then again I suppose it IS my own fault that you posted as you must have thought someone was engaging you... I was most definately not. I have no interest in people like you who spout hate speeches as you allow people to see how ignorant you really are by yourself. Hate speeches are not just about single parents but gays, religion, race, social class etc...
Do you not realise that people are saying they are sick of you EVERYWHERE on this website??? Or is everyone else in the wrong again?
Byesies!! xxxx
24/11/10 Linz
Looks like you lost out on all your arguements eh? Well you can only have comments of a certain length generally therefore I didnt want to go OVER the limit and lose some of my posting as that can happen on forums. Simple as that... Talk about scraping the insult barrell!! lmao!
But then again I suppose it IS my own fault that you posted as you must have thought someone was engaging you... I was most definately not. I have no interest in people like you who spout hate speeches as you allow people to see how ignorant you really are by yourself. Hate speeches are not just about single parents but gays, religion, race, social class etc...
Do you not realise that people are saying they are sick of you EVERYWHERE on this website??? Or is everyone else in the wrong again?
Byesies!! xxxx
-4
Oh last post I promise... lol
I just wanted to wish all single parents good luck. (both male and female) There are obviously a lot of good non resident parents out there who try their best for their child and get screwed over by the resident parent on occasion as well and thats not very nice either... So as always theres 2 sides to the coin as they say....
Everyone who is a single parent remember that you have a true blessing in your life. Your child/children will bring you endless pride and joy. And every sleepless night and struggle will be rewarded 10 fold by your child's development.
Do NOT let ignorant, nasty people who dont even know you bring you down. You will ALWAYS get people trying to bring you down... Dont let them do it and show the world what you've got. Every single parent can get themselves an education and a good job to support yourselves and your children. I mean I work full time and still find time to study! (perhaps I have to sacrifice a bit of sleep but hey-oh!) :-P
Hey I mean if I can do it anyone can, right? lol
24/11/10 Linz
I just wanted to wish all single parents good luck. (both male and female) There are obviously a lot of good non resident parents out there who try their best for their child and get screwed over by the resident parent on occasion as well and thats not very nice either... So as always theres 2 sides to the coin as they say....
Everyone who is a single parent remember that you have a true blessing in your life. Your child/children will bring you endless pride and joy. And every sleepless night and struggle will be rewarded 10 fold by your child's development.
Do NOT let ignorant, nasty people who dont even know you bring you down. You will ALWAYS get people trying to bring you down... Dont let them do it and show the world what you've got. Every single parent can get themselves an education and a good job to support yourselves and your children. I mean I work full time and still find time to study! (perhaps I have to sacrifice a bit of sleep but hey-oh!) :-P
Hey I mean if I can do it anyone can, right? lol
-6
Oh and also for the ignorant people stating that I should have used contraception (as I was at university at the time), I WAS on the pill but it was counteracted by an illness I had and therefore was ineffective. But these things happen and all I can do is make the best of it and I wouldnt change it for the world. Also I waas with my Ex for well over a year and everything was obviously fine up until I got pregnant. Also the person who targeted the snow thing. I obviously sent her out with all the correct things. He LOST them in the street.
Some time has passed since this story and I am happy to say that my ex partner suddenly contacted me and apologised for his behaviour admitting that it was unacceptable and has stated to see my child. I still recieve no money but at least he spends quality time with her and thats all I can ask for really. I have therefore no further interest in chasing for maintenance anymore as he purchases things for her anyway. Although I certainly sympathise with those who struggle with the CSA.
I am very sorry to hear about the person who struggles and her partner though... has he attempted to ask for a reassessment of earnings as I have heard they can do this. The CSA constantly brag about how much money they are getting from absent parents but I feel they are targeting the wrong people... those who work and really DO try their best.
24/11/10 Linz
Some time has passed since this story and I am happy to say that my ex partner suddenly contacted me and apologised for his behaviour admitting that it was unacceptable and has stated to see my child. I still recieve no money but at least he spends quality time with her and thats all I can ask for really. I have therefore no further interest in chasing for maintenance anymore as he purchases things for her anyway. Although I certainly sympathise with those who struggle with the CSA.
I am very sorry to hear about the person who struggles and her partner though... has he attempted to ask for a reassessment of earnings as I have heard they can do this. The CSA constantly brag about how much money they are getting from absent parents but I feel they are targeting the wrong people... those who work and really DO try their best.
1
Actually I think you'll find that I work full time, study full time and a full time parent. I have 2 degrees also. So all I can say is get it right up you for the whole trying to look your noses down on ME. And also to the complete MORON who tried to tell me to abort my child, my ex stated that he WANTED the child and would be there to support her. So shows what YOU know!
Gainsbourgh Lad - You are clearly mentally unstable seeing as you go around commenting on EVERYONES stories with your pre dated, sexist, idiotic bulls***. You have been told several times no one cares what you think! :-)
24/11/10 Linz
Gainsbourgh Lad - You are clearly mentally unstable seeing as you go around commenting on EVERYONES stories with your pre dated, sexist, idiotic bulls***. You have been told several times no one cares what you think! :-)
1
As a female.....you had a choice to either have this kid or opt out (abortion)... Your ex did not have that choice at the time......dont berate him for making the very choice that you had.....Get on with it and shut your moaning gob up you stupid woman
07/05/10 pro opt out
-10
It is parents responsibility to make financial provision for their children, through mediation in the courts and not incompetent civil servants.
I agree with Gainsborough lad, some women expect that the father should be the sole provider and this government encourages divorce and large financial settlements for women and the father then gets treble-whammied, in divorce, in the tax system, where they have all ready paid for the welfare state, and by the government running a profit making company, that steals money from them in the name of child poverty. A disgrace.
Important matters invoving children belong in the courts with professional advice and mediation for parents, that is why there is a childrens act on the statute book, for the welfare and protection of children. My question is:- What has it got to do with autocratic quangos, politicians and the government?
12/03/10 Chilled2
I agree with Gainsborough lad, some women expect that the father should be the sole provider and this government encourages divorce and large financial settlements for women and the father then gets treble-whammied, in divorce, in the tax system, where they have all ready paid for the welfare state, and by the government running a profit making company, that steals money from them in the name of child poverty. A disgrace.
Important matters invoving children belong in the courts with professional advice and mediation for parents, that is why there is a childrens act on the statute book, for the welfare and protection of children. My question is:- What has it got to do with autocratic quangos, politicians and the government?
10
Caz, you think the bloke and taxpayer should pay all her heating, eating, going out money and housing costs as well, so she don't have to go out to work till the child is 16.
And the dad should morally pay for it, because she is too dammed lazy to go to work,
Personally I think that child costs should be split fifty-fifty, but the governments know they are not going to get any work out of most women, so they take the easy option and skank the bloke, calling him an absent parent as well, to make it look ok to skank him, like it is all his fault that he is no longer in the childs house.
Divorce is a problem in this country because the governments financially encourage it in the womans favour.
01/12/09 Gainsborough lad.
And the dad should morally pay for it, because she is too dammed lazy to go to work,
Personally I think that child costs should be split fifty-fifty, but the governments know they are not going to get any work out of most women, so they take the easy option and skank the bloke, calling him an absent parent as well, to make it look ok to skank him, like it is all his fault that he is no longer in the childs house.
Divorce is a problem in this country because the governments financially encourage it in the womans favour.
-18
Personally I think all Dad's should just morally put their hand in their pocket and do the best they can for their own child/children. I know sometimes people can seem harsh but it is so difficult to watch them driving around in a new car, etc when they won't give say £20 a week towards their own flesh and blood but can find the money for HP !
01/12/09 caz
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MUG