11 comments Add a comment
I understand the drive of motherhood and the ticking body clock. I know I was lucky having three children close together (three in three and a half years!). At the time I was distressed, relatively poor, tired and didn't feel lucky, but in retrospect I think I was. Now I look at mothers who put off motherhood for numerous reasons, mainly career, home and possessions, and the need to have it all. But my gripe is simple really, many women leave it so late to make a decision and then convince themselves that their children have benefited from it. Their children have a nice home, nice things, nice holidays and often do not have to share it with any siblings.
When the children were little we didn't have money, and lived on cheap meat and second hand clothes and toys. We went camping in a borrowed caravan and a tent with no electrical hook up, but boy did we have fun. Blackberry picking was a staple part of our diet in the autumn, talk about hunter gatherers! When the eldest was ten, I went to university to escape the poverty trap.
Yet this Christmas I compared my heaving household to that of a friend...
Yet this Christmas I compared my heaving household to that of a friend. We had four generations of the same family dossing on cushions, food, wrapping and kids everywhere. My parents have been lucky to have built a loving relationship with their daughter (me), my children and their children, but more the point my grandchildren know their great grandparents and love them to distraction. They know their roots and their history.
A friend however, chose a career, a beautiful home and late in life chose to have one child, just in case she missed out. By the time her daughter was eight, she had lost all her grandparents and had no siblings. Now her daughter is an adult and has chosen not to have children (perfectly entitled to make that choice!). My friend knows she will never have grandchildren and if they do arrive, she will most likely either be dead or too old to play an active part in their lives.
So my gripe is what is the cost of leaving motherhood too late, and is the price really worth it?