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I understand the drive of motherhood and the ticking body clock. I know I was lucky having three children close together (three in three and a half years!). At the time I was distressed, relatively poor, tired and didn't feel lucky, but in retrospect I think I was. Now I look at mothers who put off motherhood for numerous reasons, mainly career, home and possessions, and the need to have it all. But my gripe is simple really, many women leave it so late to make a decision and then convince themselves that their children have benefited from it. Their children have a nice home, nice things, nice holidays and often do not have to share it with any siblings.
When the children were little we didn't have money, and lived on cheap meat and second hand clothes and toys. We went camping in a borrowed caravan and a tent with no electrical hook up, but boy did we have fun. Blackberry picking was a staple part of our diet in the autumn, talk about hunter gatherers! When the eldest was ten, I went to university to escape the poverty trap.
Yet this Christmas I compared my heaving household to that of a friend...
Yet this Christmas I compared my heaving household to that of a friend. We had four generations of the same family dossing on cushions, food, wrapping and kids everywhere. My parents have been lucky to have built a loving relationship with their daughter (me), my children and their children, but more the point my grandchildren know their great grandparents and love them to distraction. They know their roots and their history.
A friend however, chose a career, a beautiful home and late in life chose to have one child, just in case she missed out. By the time her daughter was eight, she had lost all her grandparents and had no siblings. Now her daughter is an adult and has chosen not to have children (perfectly entitled to make that choice!). My friend knows she will never have grandchildren and if they do arrive, she will most likely either be dead or too old to play an active part in their lives.
So my gripe is what is the cost of leaving motherhood too late, and is the price really worth it?
By: Bagpuss
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I remember some of my happiest moments as a child when I used to visit a childless couple (neighbour) and although they were older they were great fun to be around. I used to hang their Christmas decorations for them, we used to watch all the soap operas together. I used to go walking with them in the fields. It was great. I wasn't the only child and had lots of friends but I used to class this couple as really good friends and am still in contact with the female neighbour who is now very elderly. Her husband passed away several years ago.
Your friend’s life - her choice.
Your friend's daughters life - her choice.
Why in your opinion was your friend's choice the wrong one? yes, you have mentioned how great your life is and how in your opinion your friend's life isn't. Does your friend regret anything? would she make different choices if she had the chance to live her life over?
It's nice that your parents are alive and well and sharing Christmas with your children and other family members but not everyone's life is so perfect. People die at different ages and stages of their lives. Life could end for a single parent with young children, or life could end when we are a grand parent - not everyone gets to choose. You and your children have been lucky.
Your friend had her reasons for when she started her family as did you. Again you were lucky to find your partner earlier in your life and you have enjoyed a long and hopefully happy relationship.
Everyone's life is different and we all make different choices along the way. Some good, some bad, some different, but they are our choices to make and they are what makes us the people we are today.
Works Both Ways