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I'm 22 yrs old, I've been with my boyfriend since I was 15 years old. He is four years older than me and we have three wonderful, smart kids. I had my first child at 16, another at 19, and the third when I was 20. I started to get my life back, after having my son, lost weight and I've been trying to become more independent. I started high school again and finally graduated having had to put that on hold due to the first pregnancy.
Then it was back to being pregnant again because their dad wouldn't use any form of protection, even if I said no. He basically didn't respect me at all and would often treat me like trash and be rude to me. He would call me such awful things which basically can't be repeated. He would tell me that I was nothing and that I can never be better than him, I can never go to College etc. Well despite what he said, I started looking into college locally, so that I can still take care of my kids whilst going part time. But then I found out I am pregnant again.
I've thought a lot about my life since then. How would my life ever be if I have another child, and if I didn't keep the baby. At the time it seemed better for me to have the pregnancy terminated than another baby. I weighed it all out and scheduled an appointment with the clinic (even though I am actually against that kind of thing). I missed several appointments because each time, being driven by my boyfriend, he would constantly argue with me and tell me that he'd probably just get me pregnant again.
I feel that he is trying to trap me into a life of just kids. I want a career and I don't want to work at Wal-Mart, Target or McDonald's for the rest of my life. I have higher aspirations for my family and me. Since I was 15 I have had no help from anyone, taking care of my children. I don't trust people easily with my kids. I bend backwards for them and I don't think others would do the same for them. My parents are not very maternal, and his parents aren't interested in helping with their grandchildren while I am studying. They let me know that quite clearly enough. I don't need to get better in life, because their son is my way in life. He doesn't not make a lot of money, he makes enough for one person and we are on food stamp right now. We can't afford good quality healthy foods. We can't even afford baby food or milk for our baby.
I went to the clinic and the person I spoke to assured me that my baby is still young, no definition or anything. She said I was a little over 12 weeks, so I stepped out went home did my research online and saw that there was plenty of definition. The baby is very developed enough to recognize it's a foetus. I can't stand the guilt and decided to cancel the surgery appointment. I am now keeping the baby.
Here is my dilemma. My situation isn't getting any better, so I am wondering if I should give birth and just leave the kids with him. I know his parents will help and support him. Should I go to college to provide a better life for my kids in the future? I'm interested in a Nursing, Associates Degree, 24 months or maybe a bit longer. I'd want to take my kids later on, live with them and fwatch them grow. I just want to separate from their father. What should I do?
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You sound as though you do not really know what you want. A career is not going to take you away from him.
The best thing to do is quit sleeping and making babies. It is not fair on the kids.
You do not even mention the word 'love'. It seems that you both have s ex and nothing else. For god sake - Go on the pill !!
Contact your Social services and might help by guiding you in the right direction. It is unrealistic, at this stage to think of a career. It is something you will have to consider a little late when the kids have started school.
In the meantime, help your children as academically as possible. Take them to the Library. Read books everyday to them no matter what their age. Count everything with them to help them with Maths. You will make life easier for yourself if you help your kids this way - before they start school.
Check the library for careers advice. Make a plan for the next few years and not just tomorrow. Check your employment bureau to see what companies offer training, vocational apprenticeships, etc. All these things need planning. So for now, just do the thinking and then act on it when the kids are school age.
Good job that an anagram of his name is wxxk more, looks like he will be living up to the anagram of his name.
You can find ways to study, I think its great you want to do this, however you dont need to leave your kids, when and if you come back for them they may not want to know. You should leave this guy and make a better life for you and your children first. If things are as bad as you say, then would they not be better off living with you with visits to their dad? Get the kids into school then go back to study. While they not in school you could still learn, research yourself and teach bits to yourself. Dont give up, if you want something then you can do it, regardless. I dont think you should have anymore children, so still so young!
To the author; I know you're in a difficult situation and you don't need all these people stating the obvious 'you should have used contraception'. Too late for that! But I would suggest that if you do decide to stay with this man, that you perhaps see about getting your tubes tied (unless you plan to have more children in the future). I'm guessing he's not the kind of person who'd agree to a vasectomy!
That said, I think you would be better off without him. It's possible to juggle children and a career, although it'll be hard, so maybe once your baby is born you could see about going on that course you mentioned. There's help available for single mothers. But you may just need to let go of the apron strings a little and trust other people to look after your little ones. Don't be afraid to ask for help!
Thank you all for your advise and support. I appreciate that there are people in this world that does not even know me but care enough to let me know what they think of my situation, honestly and openly. I did not take the pill because I am against any form of drugs that contains steroids and hormones. As much as possible, I try to avoid taking any drugs, medicine or not. I like to be natural. I will be choosing another method Mirena, which isn't covered by my health insurance, I'll have to travel an hour away from where I live by car. I don't even take Tylenol or Advil, I just tought it out. Thinking about ligation or I might just stick to IUD (Mirena).
Critter
I can understand that you would feel very stuck as leaving someone must be very hard, especially when faced with the prospect of being a single parent and trying to support your children. I do think if you are to have the life you want you need to to take a brave step.
I recon that he is right about one thing - if you abort the child he will get you pregnant again. You will perhaps feel bad for the one you aborted and will still be faced with the prosepct of having another child.
What he is doing sounds criminal to me. Honestly - literally criminal. I hope you take yourself and your children away from this abuse.
As to what to do about the current pregnancy I really couldn't even attempt to advise you. You have to weigh up what is right by a) your own morals on the issue of abortion, b) what you feel is right for you and your children. Whatever you decide should be your decision and no-one should make you feel bad or guilty which ever way you choose. What ever you choose will be wrong in someone's view so do what YOU think you should do.
Honestly this has touched me. I hope so very much that you get the life you deserve and find your own happiness. Good luck xx