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Pushy parents at the school gate

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My gripe is about pushy parents, you know the type – every time you arrive at school to collect your little angel they’re there, itching to compare SATS scores, swimming certificates, spelling ability… in fact anything they think their child may be better at than yours.

In my area the worst time is without doubt the six months preceding the ’11 Plus’ exam.  Don’t be fooled; some of the worst offenders are the “I’m really laid back” parents who have always insisted all they want is for their child to be happy at school.  As soon as the exam countdown starts however they become jittery with nerves, convinced their child’s ‘mock’ results have been tampered with by evil school staff bent on keeping them from realising their full potential at the local Grammar.

The parental bragging can start alarmingly early. With two children attending a Montessori nursery, I was regularly privy to discussions about pre school birthdays and how to throw the best party.  These people had more money than sense, quite frankly, and it was all about impressing other parents – never mind what the child wanted.  While a trip to the cinema followed by a pizza would have been quite sufficient for most children, these people were hiring expensive venues complete with bouncy castles, entertainers and DJs.

Pushy Parents? - Educational beads at a Montessori nursery This is great if you’re ten, but these children were often as young as three! And who in their right mind would want fifty screaming, sugar fuelled preschoolers at the same venue?

Where does this pressure come from and what turns these people into pushy parents? Surely the most important thing is for a child to have a school (and indeed a family) that values them as an individual and nurtures their unique blend of talents.  A valued child is a happy child.  For some parents only the name of the school matters. So what if your daughter feels inadequate and can’t keep up because she scraped through the exam but is now being left behind?  She’s at a Grammar school!  The facilities are fabulous!  She could row for the school’s own team!

My daughter sits her 11 Plus in September, and you know what?  I’m not bothered.  She is considered bright, and is tipped for a Grammar, but at the end of it all I know she will continue to do well wherever she ends up because she has our support.  I have never been pushy; I only hope I can rise above the petty point scoring at the school gate.

By: Attila the Mum


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Annoyed parent

Annoyed parent

So you don't like parents that parent differently than you? Big surprise.
There are thousands of articles here about people ranting on how parents are not even disciplining their kids and letting them run amok. Would you prefer the pushy parents were like that instead?
Just parent how you want to and dont worry what other people are doing.
I'm sure you'll feel differently if your child fails those 11+ exams that you make out you are so unbothered by. Her career would be down the pan already. Maybe pushy parents are worried their kids won't be successful in life? And they have every right to be since they'd be partly to blame for not giving them the best start in life.
09/06/14 Annoyed parent
-1
My face is one spot

My face is one spot

I felt obliged to write after a parent pushed me into a rubbish bin then subsequently pulled me out by the hair and smashed my face in to the ground. I think this issue of pushy parents need to be addressed as they cause much damage to the ecosystem
And need to be controlled. Furthermore a pushy parent pushed me to push his kid in a pushie chair in the pushiest fashion-which I felt was pushy and rude
02/10/13 My face is one spot
-3
Nick

Nick

The only explanation is these parents are LOSERS in their own lives so they have to put all their hopes on their children to achieve what they couldn't achieve. The real successful parents won't have time to wait at the school gate they just throw stacks of cash at their children or send someone to pick them up.
01/10/13 Nick
1
kandl

kandl

Pushy parents see their kids more as accessories than children. Every parent wants their kids to do well at school and beyond but why be so pushy about it? Its almost as though they are living their dreams through their children and its not fair. So what if you wanted to be a world famous ballerina when you were growing up- have you even asked your child if they want to dance or have yiu just persumed? I pmsl when i hear that joe bloggs kid wants to quit ballet 10 years down the line to become a street dancer after they have spent a fortune and even remortgaged the house to pay for the best ballet school money can buy. Shouldnt have been so pushy anx actually listened to the child.....
01/04/13 kandl
-2
DSG

DSG

Yeah,about the swimming thing.If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
02/02/11 DSG
-11
Congo

Congo

'go for it'

Congo is all for the lower orders trying to better themselves however a simple test to determine if a parent is "pushy" or "proud" is to establish if they ever express an interest in other children's achievements. If not, and all conversation is originated, or turned to their offspring then I'm sure you can tell what sort of person they really are.
21/12/10 Congo
-10
Go for it

Go for it

.......................Do you not want your children to do better than you or do you want them to be stuck in the same rut as you?
31/10/10 Go for it
-14
Go for it

Go for it

Are these parents really "pushy" parents or proud parents? I sense a tinge of jealousy here.
It must be a great feeling to share with "friends" and "parents" how well the child is achieving.
I had a parent-friend who's daughters excelled in their swimming lessons and one of them finally reached "life-guard" level. Of course she was very proud and could not help share the happiness.

I enjoyed listening to how they achieved in the swimming lessons which was a learning curve for me.

I feel that the UK has always dampened down children's achievements. The classroom reflects this where achieving children may be called names. Other countries, parents would praise the other parents' children who have excelled in their skills/talent/academics.

It is a lesson that all parents can learn, that children can achieve so much and that we should not undermine their capabilities, otherwise our future generations will end up behind the rest of the world.
Be proud for her and do not let your jealousy get in your way. Perhaps, think of something that your child is really good in and encourage it. There is no harm in that and one day your child will be very thankful for your support.
31/10/10 Go for it
-15
ajp

ajp

I recall a number of pushy parents at my daughter's school. They often looked down on my as council estate scum (though I was going to University at the time and trying to build a career). My daughter is now doing her English Literature degree - any of their lovelies? Nope, married, divorced, pregnant - none really achieved much. They were so used to having it all on a plate that they had no idea how to go out and do it for themselves.

Bet the parents are not quite so smug now.
31/10/10 ajp
-3
Bexter BMF

Bexter BMF

God, these pushy parents make me feel inadequate. As a working mum I think it is usually the stay at home mums who are worse, to be honest those of us who do hard graft just don't have the time or the energy to be apshy parent. I am just happy if my childs socks match, he has done his homework and my boss is not screaming at me.

WEhy must these smug often middle class women rub my nose in how much of a crap parent I am and jog on over to their mother and baby pilates class or what ever it is that those horrid women do - go I hate them!
14/05/10 Bexter BMF
-5
costa n

costa n

you sound like a pushy parent yourself to me! otherwise you wouild not be bothered by those that are!
03/11/09 costa n
2
Attila the Mum

Attila the Mum

PeterBungHain: I have a law degree. How does that sit with your 'retarded genes' theory? Do tell!
28/10/09 Attila the Mum
-5
Attila the Mum

Attila the Mum

Pushy Mum - it's a Bucks school. Everyone does the 11+. Whether or not I'm bothered by it is irrelevant.
28/10/09 Attila the Mum
-9
Rita

Rita

I totally agree. pushy parents can be nightmare for schools, teachers and for the poor kid concerned. however perhaps thats better than a parent who doesnt care at all. I think the best situ is a happy medium with a supportive set of parents that support the school, take a healthy interest but allows the kid to follow their interests.
02/10/09 Rita
-23
pushy mum

pushy mum

If u are not bothered they why are u putting your daughter in for the 11 +
09/09/09 pushy mum
-17

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