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Friends who bring over unruly, badly behaved kids

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Is it just me, or are there any others out there sick and tired of having their friend's unruly children inflicted on them?  I am in my early 40's, and my husband and I have decided not to have children.  I have seven or eight close friends with anything up to four children each.  Whenever we arrange a get together, I am astounded at how they always want to come to me, as they seem to see it as a cheap day out for their offspring.

Now, coming to me wouldn't be a problem normally - we like entertaining and like children, and we also feel privileged to be involved in our friend's children's lives.  However, ALL of our friends seem to view a day out at ours as "time out" for the adults, with no need to discipline their children in our home, which is treated as a large play pen.

Some examples; I recently helped a friend by assessing her son's leg (I am a physio), while her other three children threw all the cushions off the sofas, used them as climbing frames, ran around slamming all the doors and throwing themselves around too close to our TV for my liking.  Were they disciplined?  Only in the limpest, weakest, most ineffective way.  Another friend let her toddler crawl into our open fireplace and start throwing briquettes around.  Apart from being concerned about our carpet... there was no thought for the child' safety.

Friends with unruly kids, a broken doll I knew only too well that carnage would follow

Some friends arranged a get together for twelve of us + children, and asked me sheepishly if we could have it at ours - because we have more space.  I said no, as I knew only too well that carnage would follow.  Some time later I watched with dismay as same group of children wrecked the house of the friend's who eventually hosted it.

Am I expecting too much?  I don't invite myself anywhere, and I don't wreck homes any more now than I did as a child.  My parents brought me up to have manners and respect others and their property.  My friends are intelligent, responsible members of society, yet I dread their children coming due to lack of discipline.  How about some manners people, rather than giving in to children all the time.  Also, how about respecting my decision to not have children, and next time, invite me to yours for a get together so I can see your children IN YOUR HOME, and not have to cater for them and clear up after watching them wreck my house every time.

By: Frustratednonparent


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TheGimp

TheGimp

Wow, I could have written this story myself! Even the part about being a physio :)

Anyway, my SIL comes to visit with her partner and two kids every so often. Not only do they make no effort to entertain the kids or find ways to keep them busy, they do NOTHING to discipline them as they wreck my house. Then, they sit there and watch as my husband and I clean up after the kids go to bed each night, scrubbing honey off our floors and cleaning up messes from whatever "art" or "cooking" projects their parents suggest they try (but make no effort to help them with). And I do tell the kids to not drop crumbs, cookies, etc (in a nice, but firm way), and the parents never step in with a "Listen to Aunt TheGimp" or anything like that.

I'm ENFP (outgoing), but I do need a lot of down time/alone time, and I get none of that b/c the kids are basically told to go to me for anything they need. They even bust into my room to wake me up in the mornings!!! Then, I can't sit near the adults at the restaurant, as SIL and BIL will put me near the kids. So the adults (including my husband) get to sit and talk and laugh, and I'm stuck pouring my 6 year old niece's maple syrup because "she's on vacation" and doesn't want to do it herself. And I try to argue and teach her but, because she's not disciplined at home, you can imagine how that goes.

If I take these little children out to some form of entertainment, I literally have to chase them through crowds and keep them from knocking over little old feeble ladies and gents. And I talk to them firmly about looking where they are going so they don't make old people fall and they just zone out. And the parents, of course, do NOTHING to support me as I am trying to teach them about how to treat others in public. It's infuriating.

So basically, I wind up babysitting, cleaning, cooking, and trying to shield myself from an onslaught of germs that inevitably come with this disgusting family. Nobody even tries to contain germs, BTW. It drives me batty and my husband thinks I'm overreacting. I'm so relieved to find this article and supportive group, as it makes me feel like I'm human. THANK YOU all.

I don't want to be *that* childfree curmudgeon (I'm 37, F), but I'm starting to really resent how I'm taken advantage of, whenever they visit me, and whenever I visit them. So frustrating! I don't want to be a babysitter on my hard earned weekends and vacations...that's why I chose not to have kids!
TheGimp
31st Jan 17 17:52

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meany

meany

We have a distant relative by marriage who brings her grandchild to visit about twice a year. She has always allowed them to have free run of the house including downstairs bedrooms and all of up stairs. She ignores the fact that they touch and pick up anything they fancy to look at it and this includes expensive pieces of china. When we sit down to the meal, they pass remarks about their teacher, mimicking them etc and she finds it amusing. She ignores the fact that they play with their food etc making quite a mess. They bounce all over the furniture and she just sits there and smiles. I dread the phonecall to say they will be visiting. I'm middle aged but sound like a grump.
meany
6th Oct 15 16:04

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Peagreen

Peagreen

Hello I would like to ask if anyone is suffering like my husband and I. We own our house are retired and live a crap life because of kids out of control.they run amock every night and all weekends. They throw anything they have at hand hitting our car windows then have the cheek to climb over our wall to retrieve items. We have had our wall badley damaged by them. Police infomed but as usual nothing done. These brats run amock through the other gardens while the parents or may i say whoever they belong to just do nothing to control their behaviour.what a society we are living in. We have children and grandchildren but they have and are brought up to respect their elders and other peoples property.yes you may say we should move but who in their right mind would buy our house. We are stuck in a rut. Can anyone suggest a way out. Thankyou
Peagreen
27th Apr 13 13:29

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pi$$ed orf!!

pi$$ed orf!!

My daughter at school most of the time, we have a shared interest in horses and I love spending time with her and the horses. But in the mornings when she is at school, it's my time to chill. And it is being totally ruined by screaming kids and parents who just don't care. I am tolerant to a point, but when the kids are running behind my horses, trashing clean stables and generally making more work for me, I get annoyed. Seems though I have no right to get annoyed according to my 'friends'. What happens though if one of those kids gets hurt? It'll everybody's but their own fault. You can't control your kids because they aren't disciplined, because you can't be @rsed!!!
pi$$ed orf!!
2nd Apr 12 12:49

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hazza

hazza

honestly some children get so out of control sometimes...no wonder you don't want to have children. they can be little 'angels' sometimes even when they deserve a good telling-off. parents seem to turn a deaf ear to children misbehaving these days, and it seems to get more annoying by the minute.
hazza
30th Sep 11 21:21

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BUBBLYBLONDE

BUBBLYBLONDE

I agree I only have one child and dont work and certain friends seem to think I am an unpaid baby sitter and end up out of pocket as well, plus they have no manners nor do the parents am giving them a wide berth as its just getting too frustrating!
BUBBLYBLONDE
6th Aug 11 21:32

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Chunks

Chunks

Big mac meal your sil's attitude alarms me 'if he traps his finger he wont do it again' I appaud you for standing your ground. I strongly disagree with that kind of responce to a childs bad behaviour. Some people call it neglect.
Chunks
24th Apr 11 18:23

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Chunks

Chunks

This is a gripe I can actually agree with. Its your right to a quiet life and as youve chosen to not have children its also your right to keep your home the way you like it. I assume you are able to talk to these friends? If so then it may be worth just asking that next time theyre in your home its with respect for your belongings. They may take it the wrong way at first but if theyre true friends they will understand. Failing that- invite yourself to their home and throw cushions around etc lol just kidding.
Chunks
24th Apr 11 18:19

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ACM

ACM

Personally I find it's difficult for me to befriend or socialize with people who have unruly kids even if I agree that it may not necessarily be the parents' fault.
ACM
7th Feb 11 01:23

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Paul

Paul

@Big Mac Meal -- you said your SIL didn't visit for 4 months. Consider yourself blessed. She is a real lamer to take that kind of lackadaisical attitude in someone else's home. I wouldn't want her around at all ever if she was that uncaring. And think about this: if she's that ho-hum about what her child does, she's not likely to care about anything else important in life either. You were missing nothing by her 4-month absence. When she showed up again, you should have told her to make it another 4 mos. before visiting again. :)
Paul
4th Jan 11 19:36

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Big Mac Meal

Big Mac Meal

It's bad manners letting them run riot when they are visiting. I almost fell out with my sister in law once, my nephew insisted on going in the kitchen opening cupboards and pulling things out. I told him to stop and removed him from my kitchen several times but he insisted on this behaviour. I was scared he would trap his fingers or hurt himself so I asked her to please make him stop. "oh he'll be fine, he's just exploring, if he traps his hand he won't do it again." so flippant she didn't care! An argument erupted and she went home and didn't call or visit for about 4 months. My brother, who wasn't there at the time, apologised on get behalf but she didn't. If your in my house you follow my rules even if you are my cute little nephew I won't put up with it.
Big Mac Meal
11th Nov 10 10:11

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Granny G

Granny G

DO NOT EVER STAND BY SILENTLY AND TAKE THAT KIND OF TREATMENT! Those parents are NO FRIENDS OF ANYONE to allow them to get by with that kind of insane behaviour. Those children are sociopaths and psychopaths in the making. Any intelligent, reasonable and responsible parents would NEVER EVER in a million years allow their child to behave in such a manner at a friend's (or anyone else's!) home. That is NOT acceptable behaviour - and when you witness it - call it out for what it is - and LEAVE if it is not immediately rectified.
Granny G
5th Oct 10 13:11

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James Maybrick.

James Maybrick.

I do believe that children should be seen and not heard. Maybe I'm a little Victorian in my ways but I do believe it be for the best. The good and benefit for one and all.

I can't imagine any other way of upbringing a child and if there be such a way, you must've failed somewhere along the line at being a parent.
James Maybrick.
1st Sep 10 23:18

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Debutante

Debutante

send them to Cotillion ! :)
honestly it works rather well theyll learn manners, formal dance, how to eat and set up a seven course meal useing the right utensils, and how to RSVP to a ball or other parties.
Debutante
24th Aug 10 19:48

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Jasmine

Jasmine

Hi its simple, its your home and you dont want it wrecked, you could say it in a light hearted way the next time they ask to come to yours say that you were thinking of redecorating and could their kids give you some quotes. Then sit back and watch the fireworks go off. Sorry some people you just cant talk to about their kids, their little darlings, Refuse to have them and their kids round, dont give reasons, go round to theirs,or if all else fails get a rothweiller who hates kids. Sorted.
Jasmine
22nd Jul 10 18:53

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