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I have just started taking my youngest child to primary school, and what a eye opener it has been! I don't live in the nearby village where the school is situated; instead I drive my son there each morning and pick him up at lunch time as he is on half days.
School mums - I obviously don't belong in their clique
As I stand at the school gate with the other mums I have come to realise that I obviously don't belong in their clique. To be honest I think they are rude, unfriendly and even a bit arrogant.
I have often tried to smile and make conversation with them, but the very next day when I try to make eye contact I end up hitting the same unfriendly brick wall again.
It is so disheartening and I just can't understand what the problem is. I am nothing special, average in height, looks and weight. I'm not one of these "stuck up" mums with the 4x4 and an attitude to match. I am just an ordinary and I'd like to think, nice and friendly person.
I'd say I am pretty much resigned to the fact that I won't ever be able to break the ice with these particular mums. Fair enough I suppose, but life is too short.
One thing I know for sure, if ever I see a young woman on her own that may be just moved into the area or looks as much as a social outcast as I do, I will not be as shallow as these mums and ignore her!
By: Nice Mummy
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Ditto... The anxiety gets worse every year. I'm up to year 3 with my daughter & my youngest son is in reception.
The fickleness of other mums never fails to catch me out. All smiles one minute and then cold shoulders & whispers the next. Didn't we all grow out of this when we left secondary school? Obviously not.
I am grateful to have 3 or 4 mum friends, that deliberately avoid the cliques, & arrive as late as possible without actually being late - all to avoid the vipers at the school gates.
Sighing along with you.
16/04/21 TamAndThree
The fickleness of other mums never fails to catch me out. All smiles one minute and then cold shoulders & whispers the next. Didn't we all grow out of this when we left secondary school? Obviously not.
I am grateful to have 3 or 4 mum friends, that deliberately avoid the cliques, & arrive as late as possible without actually being late - all to avoid the vipers at the school gates.
Sighing along with you.
3
You my friend are not alone. My eldest is a teenager and I’m sick of this after 10 years of it. Women who think their shit don’t stink. Frankly when their children leave school they will be left with a vacuum in their lives to match their empty personalities.
25/02/20 Hacked mum
7
What a lot of bitterness in these comments! It's a shame that some of you have experienced being (in your eyes) ostracised. But judging people for their expensive cars or how 'dressed up' they may be, is very shallow and surely that is the behaviour which is being complained about! People work hard sometimes for their nice things, and sometimes they suffer from anxiety too, I know sometimes I probably give off an unsociable vibe at pick up because I'm trying not to have a panic attack! Remember: reverse snobbery is a thing- try not being so judgemental, maybe that's why they don't like you!
20/01/20 Meh
-23
I hate the school run..i take my 8 year old daughter to school every morning and see a big bunch of other mums all talking to each other..when i smiled at one of them i just got an odd look like i shouldnt even be there..i just hate it..like this morning on my way home there were four mums just stood talking away i only said excuse me to one of them cos i couldnt get by and i heard another mum make a sarcastic comment.
24/01/17 Friendly mummy
8
This really struck a chord. I'm several years older than the other mums & most of them totally ignore me. My son is now in year 1 and boy is he paying for being bright. He is no longer invited to any parties or get-togethers. Some parents even mention their parties in front of me or copy me into their Facebook posts showing their birthday party pics (luckily my son doesn't get to see these otherwise he would be devastated). We invite other children from school round to our house but no one ever comes so we do lots of out-of-school activities so that he mixes with other kids & has friends that way. I never imagined that it would be such a miserable time.
11/10/15 HLib
9
To be honest Nice Mummy they sound like a bunch of bitches and obviously not worthy of you, you can do better.
J x
05/11/14 J xxxx
J x
7
My daughter goes to a fairly expensive private primary school in Australia, however most of the parents have been reasonably friendly. Recently we have had several English children enter her class and I have to say their mothers are the most stuck up rude and, I suspect, racist people I have ever encountered. My husband is from the north of England but these people are obviously from different area and a higher social class, or so they think. I have decided to ignore them.
05/11/14 Mandy
3
Wow so true, I am a younger mother, most of the others are at least 5-10 years older than me., I am pretty skinny and used to model when I was 19 so yeah a while ago now and im nothing great but I suppose I still have the general look and it is not appreciated I can tell you that ...initially the other mothers were very rude and would not even look at me, I just persisted and was REALLY REALLY nice, so it made them look horrible if they were rude in return. I now have a solid group of other women I am friends with, whose sons play with mine, and he has been invited to several parties and has become quite popular. But it is terrible that I have had to crawl to these women, there are always a few who are nice, and I recommend concentrating on them. Every now and then I will get shitty looks, or aggressive looks if I wear something in which I look pretty, I actually make an effort to really dress down, no makeup, hair in a bun, sweats etc and that has helped but some of the women are still so incredibly rude, it is funny in that it is its own microcosm, this sort of behaviour would not be accepted in a workplace or anywhere else that is for sure. Lots of the mums are great, but some just really need to get a life!
05/07/14 Elise
1
Thank you to all the nice mums who shared their stories. My daughter started school last sept and its been a real eye opener. The mums are all in cliques never even given me a chance to fit in. I work part time and just don't bother with them. Carnt believe how wierd this all is. School was never like this, I endure being snubbed for my daughters sake. But sometimes I think maybe I have made a mistake with this high ranking school and should have sent my daughter to the much larger more working class school down the road. If you can survive the snobby behaviour at schools I think you can survive most things. I keep telling myself this will pass !! Carnt wait until my daughter is older and I don't have to stand in a playground being ignored!!
18/06/14 Learner
6
for mums doing the school run is all about showing off your shiny Mercs BMWs Porsches and your latest designer clothes and handbags and talking about your high-flying banker husband. If you don't have these, then be prepared to get the funny look from those who have.
24/04/14 Dead and Buried
3
lppe; I think in your position I might be tempted to enlist the mums you do get on with to do a bit of pointing, sniggering and slagging off of the snobby ones!
Comments like how sad it is when people just can't live without the latest car, phone etc., how they're probably in debt to pay for them and so on, just loud enough for some of them to hear.
Give them a dose of their own medicine. I can't bear people like that either.
22/04/14 grumpyoldwoman
Comments like how sad it is when people just can't live without the latest car, phone etc., how they're probably in debt to pay for them and so on, just loud enough for some of them to hear.
Give them a dose of their own medicine. I can't bear people like that either.
3
I am a mum of two children, a boy and a girl. I have never been a popular mum and have had several run-ins with other mothers due to them looking at me or talking about me in a unacceptable manner. I don't drive a 4x4 or wear the latest fashions, but I do dress sensibly and drive a modest family car. I live in a nice home and work 2 part-time jobs and have the most brilliant husband I could wish for! My youngest child is in his last year of primary school and frankly I cannot wait for him to move up to his next level of education. I have never enjoyed the school run due to the snobbish and general attitude of the other parents who are only too ready to slag off another parent usually the mother who doesn't quite fit in with their 'CLIQUE'. I live in an area where the 11+ exam is taken by the children who wish to proceed to grammar school education and this just makes matters worse as it just makes a bigger divide! I would have never thought this sort of thing would happen in a Church of England School in a quiet village! Couldn't have been more wrong! I now make no effort with any of those parents and just stick with the mums whose children play with my son and have the same down to earth attitude that I have. Waiting in anticipation for July '14' NO MORE PRIMARY SCHOOL YAHOO.
22/04/14 least pretentious parent ever
4
Poor nice mummy :( question is, do you care if these ignorant sly people like you or not? If they're that stupid and feel threatened by an 'outsider' why would you waste any more of your precious time worrying about them?
24/03/14 pet
5
School-run is all about showing off and being snobbish. Women are especially bad because they are nosy and they are jealous. Have you read about the Los Angeles private schools? At the school gates it's basically like a car show and an Audi Q7 is probably the most humble car in the crowd.
21/03/14 Nick
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HolytrinityMattC