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School gate mums give me the cold shoulder

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Has anyone else noticed that when you drop your kids off at school some of the mums are actually more childish than their children?

Thankfully my son has just started at his secondary school, so he gets the bus and I no longer have to speak to some of these women any more.

When I first had my son I thought mistakenly that there might be a common bond between mothers, after all, didn't the likes of Germain Greer struggle for the sisterhood and the cause of all women?  Apparently many mums seem to be intent on getting one over on other mums.  How big is your house?  What do you do?  What does your husband do?  What car do you drive?

And then there is the tedious perpetual competition to see who can force their child in to the most after school activities, never mind the fact that when I was a nipper you did 1 maybe 2 after school activities a week, and the rest of your time you had to use your imagination to entertain yourself.  That seemed to be OK back then, now you have this "helicopter parenting".

There is nothing wrong with wanting the best for your offspring, but this borders on the obsessive.  I can think of a couple of people like this who I have had the misfortune to deal with.  They seem like deeply unhappy, catty and unpleasant people, and all I can think is that their own lives are so empty and devoid of meaning they must now live vicariously through their children.

Of course their children are perfect and they seem to relish the chance to pounce on you in the playground to tell you what your child has said to theirs.  And of course their parenting is perfect, and you are some sort of sad social deviant and/or child abuser - never mind their own short comings!

I moved to a new area and found myself subject to what I can only call bullying and by grown women.  What makes me laugh is the worst of them was forever starting rumours about us.  Yes, my son can sometimes be naughty, he is an 11 year old boy, frankly I would be worried if this wasn't the case.

Kids playing in a school playground However, I am not happy about women with two obese children thinking it is OK to pass judgement on my morals and parenting!  Maybe she should concentrate more on her own family and think about cooking some healthy meals before she starts trying to make other people miserable.  And before anyone says it could be a medical condition, we all know that this is very rare and mostly, overweight people simply eat too much of the wrong foods.

Unfortunately I still see her with her younger son as I live next door to the middle school.  She seems to be there all the time.  I am convinced she was nothing better to do than gossip with people and linger about like the wicked witch of the west.  I even see her staring at me when I go out in my garden!  Well, I now think I will let her stare and gossip.  I am now starting to build a new career for myself, I am renovating my beautiful cottage, I have a lovely partner and I am around to help my son with his homework etc.

I march to the beat of my own drum, have my own values, I even do voluntary work for a local charity one day a week.  I am not going to get involved in gossip because I have to many cool things going on in my life.  I also have my own share of problems and I am above playing mind games.  Why should I let this horrid person upset me?

I honestly tried to be polite, respectful and courteous to all the parents as well as their children at that school.  It would seem that being an outsider I transgressed their unwritten rules and got the cold shoulder.  I am not perfect, my family is not perfect, but we try our best and I try to bring my son up to be a good person.  I act appropriately when he is rude, disrespectful etc.  Did this happen because I am a raging eccentric?  Is it just me or is this happening to other mums?  I am still trying to work out how I managed to offend these people.

Thanks, I just had to get this out of my system.

By: Bexter


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Mr D

Mr D

"As a single father and one who walks his son to school every day, I enjoy meeting these superior ladies around the school gate, their prices are very reasonable"

This Post has to be the best. I take my hat off to Horny Harry that posted it, says it all about the UK school gate mums.
07/10 Mr D
6
Andy

Andy

Women are just as childish as children. No surprise at all.
30/09/13 Andy
4
rich k

rich k

Just try being a single dad of a 8 year old after the ex has told all her friends that i had been sleeping with my daughter oh this was the day after she had been discovered to be having an affair with a married man......

After being arrested banned from the school play ground

My delightful ex wife took me to court for custardy off our daughter who had chosen to stay with me.

And the court gave me custardy

That was 3 years ago and some parents still ignore me cant these stupid narrow minded parents see i was innocent
30/06/13 rich k
4
steph2013

steph2013

I invited some of my daughter's friends over to our house over the Easter holidays to play, and as the mum's have been meeting up for occasional meals/drinks i thought I'd invite them too. One of the mum's has been really nice up until then, but spent the entire time looking down her nose at me, talking over me if i tried to talk, and actually standing in front of me with her back to me when I tried to join in conversation. She's now completely blanking me at the school gates and when I've tried to meet her eye to say hello, she turns her head away. The thing that makes it more annoying is that her daughter is being bullied at school, and my daughter is the only kid who's stuck up for her, and yet now, the mum is effectively bullying me! As many of you have commented, you want to try not to let it bother you, but it's hard when you have to see them twice a day. A handful of the mum's are really nice; some keep themselves to themselves, but others are just down right mean! I've heard some of the scathing comments about a mum who is blatantly poorly/ has a learning disability. You would think that these adults, whose children are so perfect would have a little compassion for people in that situation, but no, because there's no glitzy ball raising funds for them, they are weird, and deserve to have their children shunned. grr! rant over!
17/04/13 steph2013
3
wrongidea87

wrongidea87

Thank you so much for writing this. My daughter starts back at school tomorrow and I am completely dreading it. I feel so anxious whilst I have to stand in line with her and am slowly pushed to back. I have tried to fit in with some mothers but like yourself, I receive the same treatment. Over these holidays I had an incident with a twisted left ovary, I was given some morphine through the check ups and tests. They wanted me to stay overnight but I was unable to because I had to pick my daughter up from a friends. I havent had morphine before and walking my daughter home I fell over twice from dizziness. I cannot imagine what people thought. Once I got home and relaxed a while I started worrying about if any of those mothers saw me fall. I really don't know. I suppose ill find out tomorrow morning which I'm terrified about. None of them talk to me. Its going to be horrible. Wish me luck :(
14/04/13 wrongidea87
-1
Grace

Grace

It's so refreshing reading all the experiences of Mothers at the school gates, I have put it down to lack of education,manners and insecurity. Go to your school pick up your lovely children with the smile and grace you would want to receive yourselves and one can only hope your kindness and none competitiveness will shine through. As a child I lived in poverty and I am still affected today and although my son goes to a private school I hope my grace will ensure he includes all his friends not matter how big their homes are!
11/03/13 Grace
1
miserablemoaninggit

miserablemoaninggit

sbsara, you shouldn't complain about this. These stay at home mums are probably very dull, with their diet of Jeremy Kyle and other daytime TV. What would you have to talk about? Your kids? I'm yawning already. Politics? Unlikely! A good book? More unlikely still. Stay at home mums probably need someone like you to talk about in an attempt to enrich their otherwise dull, State-dependent lives.
22/06/12 miserablemoaninggit
2
sbsara

sbsara

While the mums at my school aren't openly rude they will talk to me if I talk to them but I never get invited to anything. A woman who's child started at school well after mine gets invited to all sorts of things and has been invited for coffee every week whereas I haven't. It's not that I am jealous of her she seems nice but I don't know why it's me it happens to me. They all stand around in the playground and i would love to approach them and start talking but my confidence is shot after having being ill for some time. I used to be a mum who was very involved in school but not one of those who wouldn't talk to new mums and was very concious of people being left out but these women just blank me and make no attempt to talk to me. I know I should make an effort but all these mums are stay at home mums whereas I work so in a morning am sometimes in a rush. I don't know what to do oher than try and ignore it....which is what my husband says I should do!
21/06/12 sbsara
1
MikeP

MikeP

"As a single father and one who walks his son to school every day, I enjoy meeting these superior ladies around the school gate, their prices are very reasonable."

That's the best comment I've read here for a long time. Well said!
30/06/11 MikeP
8
Horny Harry

Horny Harry

As a single father and one who walks his son to school every day, I enjoy meeting these superior ladies around the school gate, their prices are very reasonable.
30/06/11 Horny Harry
39
sonie

sonie

Hi all,

Its nice to know I am not alone. I am really tired of the immaturity and jealousy I face everyday....it got so bad....I wanted to pull my kids out of this private school.....however my mother said I shouldn't runaway from this situation as it would not be a good lesson to for my kids. So I am still here....I face this nonsense everyday....but I am getting strong and don't let it get me down....whatever jealousy issues these women have thats their problem. (they hate the fact I work as a model for qvc....so you are going to sideline me because you don't like my job?) Thats immature.
29/06/11 sonie
-4
Congo

Congo

"Please give me some feedback on being able to interact and be acknowledged again by these women "

... pleaded 'DebKC', whilst asserting.....

"Some of them are Doctors and Nurses or the wives of Doctors and I just feel they should know better."

This s, of course, quite wrong but I am afraid a common misconception.

Choice of employment bears little relationship to breeding, good manners and so forth and being married to someone and thus attempting to obtain some tenuous form of social status even less so.

Do not attempt to curry favour with these people.
01/05/11 Congo
1
DebKC

DebKC

I have to say - I have had a very similar experience although my son is only 6yrs old. There are probably only 3 or 4 people I talk to at the school. This is mainly because all the other parents in my sons year at school completely ignore me. It is almost as if they have all spoken about it and made up their minds to send me to coventry.
I became quite down just before my second sons birth due to nasty comments about my first son and his behaviour. It feels that it is ok for them to complain about my son but not for me to do likewise. They all seem to be very obsessed with status. I am not now very good at being sociable, except with the few women I talk to,due to their ignorant behaviour.
From my own perspective - if someone had gone from being very friendly with lots of people to becoming very withdrawn I would probably think that they were perhaps having problems but these women don't seem to give other peoples feelings a second thought. It is just so frustrating. I am now on anti-depressants and starting to feel a little brighter but these women are really not helping. Some of them are Doctors and Nurses or the wives of Doctors and I just feel they should know better.
I can't go through the next 10yrs being ignored because of my slight depression. Please give me some feedback on being able to interact and be acknowledged again by these women as it has already started to have a knockon effect on my older son.
30/04/11 DebKC
-3
trace

trace

Bexter, I have read your story about your school run and it's so nice to know I am not alone. I also hate every school morning and afternoon, I am polite, smile and all ways say good morning to other parents but feel as though you don't fit in. I stay in the car 2 minutes before my children are due out of school so I don't have to stand there any longer than need be. I was so shocked at how childlike so many of the other mothers can be. I send my husband on the school run when he's on hoilday and even he noticed how nasty some of them are. Wouldn't the school run be great if they were all normal like us?
22/03/11 trace
0
yikes

yikes

I'm going through exactly the same thing and am finding drop-off and pick-up an ordeal every day. I don't know why these mums do it, it's so unkind and horrible, and I've no idea what I've done to deserve it. I feel very hurt and alone....I know I shouldn't care so much but when you have to do it ten times a week it can really get to you!
13/01/11 yikes
3

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