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Taken advantage of by friends and relatives

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Being taken advantage of by relatives or good friends is the one thing that gets my goat at the moment.  My gripe is that I was in a bad way with a good "friend" who I was staying with because he was dragging the pair of us down into serious debt.  I was the mug paying all the debt week after week and had no money for my own future plans to get away and rent a room or small flat myself.  That's in the past though as I've since cut him off and I am now at my cousin's place some miles away from our old hometown.

Taken advantage of for money ... trapped at his home at his own financial convenience

The current gripe is that my cousin now wants £150 per week towards the household bills and I'm not earning a lot above that to save up to move.  I appreciated his help in getting me away from the so-called friend before, but I get the feeling that he just wants to keep me trapped at his home at his own financial convenience.

He lives with his girlfriend, her son, who is five, plus 2 dogs and 2 cats.  I feed the pets mornings and evenings, I'm not allowed to use washing machine or dryer and my cousin expects me to help out at his business evenings and weekends for free by either cleaning or manning counter when he's needed elsewhere.  I got moaned at for taking a little too much sandwich meat for my packed lunch at work but I do a manual job and it's tiring without much food.

I've just handed in application form for a weekend job at a local supermarket to save some cash to get out soon.  I don't dislike my cousin but I feel as though I'm a supporting player in his story not the star of my own.

By: ahforfoulkessake


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grumpyoldwoman

grumpyoldwoman

I hope all goes well for you in the future. Best of luck!
grumpyoldwoman
8th Aug 16 14:28

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ahforfoulkessake

ahforfoulkessake

Hopefully this will be my last comment on this gripe.

Since the last comment we have patched things up, just getting things blown out of proportion I suppose. I'm now saving money by sending it to my mums bank so I cant blow it and will actually see a build up of funds.

I've cut back on the gambling and drinking because I'm going to the gym most days after work and training with my cousin who knows a lot more about it than me as he does strongman competitions and has been going to gyms for years.
ahforfoulkessake
7th Aug 16 10:45

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ahforfoulkessake

ahforfoulkessake

Hello, after a bit of a gap.
My cousin was just on the phone, we were talking quite reasonably and then he was asking me how much money I'd been spending in the pub and the bookies recently. Admittedly I do like both of those things but I felt he's constantly intruding when he feels like it as though I still live with him and have to answer to him. I told him it was not his business and then he said fair enough,
then sent me a text saying "I won't ask anymore how you're doing, not my business. On your won now."
I replied "No need for that. I do appreciate your concern I just hate feeling that I have to answer to you"
Got back "You don't have to answer, not my concern anymore"
I have not replied, this is awkward as I have paid my share towards going to his stag do costs ie my flight and hotel for the 2 nights and now just saving the spending money I will need.
I don't know, the chances are we may not speak until I go to the stag do or he may call later as he said he would before the texting
ahforfoulkessake
21st Jul 16 13:25

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ahforfoulkessake

ahforfoulkessake

Hello to all.
I am doing well, in my new flat and adjusting to being on my own again.

I do see my cousin and we get on well, its just the tension when I lived under the same roof that was bad. He actually gives me a lift to work most mornings as he works next to my yard and starts at the same time.

I am organising things like rent council tax and regular bills plus using my own washing machine cooking my own food and showering when I want as I can use the bathroom at any time.
its all going well and I hope everyone on here is good as well.
ahforfoulkessake
3rd Jun 16 16:34

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ahforfoulkessake

ahforfoulkessake

Hello again,
Been told earlier this week that the charity director, the boss of the guy I'm dealing with re: flat and tenancy agreement will sign it today at 11.15am and the I can meet up with my contact and get keys to flat.
Nearly 2 hours later and I've heard nil yet but don't want to harass them.
Me and this guy have both signed it so we really need this sorted so I can move in, finally.
ahforfoulkessake
27th May 16 13:15

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ahforfoulkessake

ahforfoulkessake

Just another update folks.

I have had the council ring yesterday to say they will help and once they've been to view flat with landlord I can meet him and get tenancy agreement signed and get flat keys and move in.

Liking the refuse collecting job and hope to stay as long as I can.

Thanks for all your supportive messages
ahforfoulkessake
20th Apr 16 14:41

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ahforfoulkessake

ahforfoulkessake

Thanks grumpy old woman

I hope you are ok. I don't go on here much as I don't have my own computer, just use library local council office and jobcentre when I'm finished early enough for the day.

May get a laptop when I've moved
ahforfoulkessake
14th Apr 16 15:14

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grumpyoldwoman

grumpyoldwoman

I wish you the very best of luck my friend.
grumpyoldwoman
14th Apr 16 07:55

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ahforfoulkessake

ahforfoulkessake

Hello to everyone, just an update on here on my housing and work situations.
I have been doing some labouring work again after no longer working at the gym. I am still living with my cousin but things are moving ahead.
Got anew job with the local council's contractor as a refuse collector.
Zero hours but direct not agency so some scope for a decent job out of it.
I am also looking forward to moving out as I have been in touch with a charity who own bedsits locally and take housing benefit for the rent charge. Great set up, I've been to view the place I'll be living if fingers crossed, I get it. No need to share facilities like kitchen and bathroom, plus the local council may help with rent deposit. If not, my mum says she will pay it.
I'm looking forward to a brighter future than I would have thought when I started this gripe.
Thanks for the suggestion Kovich but I did work at a Havesters a few years ago as dishwasher and never again.
ahforfoulkessake
13th Apr 16 14:11

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Kovich

Kovich

Ahforfoulkessake, (heh you wouldn't believe the garbage my kindle tried to autocorrect that into!) You seem like a smart very hard working decent person. Ive seen you've posted a few updates to your original post its good you're venting here and getting out and doing something about your situation. Have you ever thought about kitchen work? Most pubs are desperate for dishpigs and porters, bleak ugly work but lots of hours for someone who needs them.
Good luck. :)
Kovich
12th Mar 16 00:23

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ahforfoulkessake

ahforfoulkessake

Hi there folks,
I hope you are all well.
Got some good news, been doing part time cleaning and just had offer of labouring job for tomorrow start.
I have been to the local community centre/charity who help people with issues such as mental health and one of the volunteers who runs an hour a week men's group where we sit and talk about how we're coping with life in general, also volunteers part time for a hostel in next town so I have filled out an application form for it and handed it in.
As a hostel they will accept Housing Benefit for those on Jobseekers (now Universal Credit, which I'm claiming) or low earning jobs.
I should be more independent than I'm allowed to be at present. Brighter future ahead.
ahforfoulkessake
10th Mar 16 13:34

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ahforfoulkessake

ahforfoulkessake

Hi there.
Been awhile since i got on here.

I am not getting very far with the situation as I had a debt to pay off from my wages in the labourer job up to christmas. thats paid off thank god.

I started working for my cousin full time unpaid during the holidays and afterward until the business was forced to close by a landlord wanting too much for rent and the gym was in a remote location
.
I have since done a bit of factory work round the corner from the house but the agency is not consistent and i get different days on and off and not enough shifts to afford to move out.

I have just started a morning cleaners job at a department store in town for 2 hours 6 days a week and i may get some universal credit from DWP to make up for low wages but it won't be enough to rent anywhere else. I must save deposit.
On top of this we had a row the otther day when he accused me of gambling(something i used to do but very small amounts) when he put me on the spot and i couldnt tell him where every penny i had spent had gone. He said he would throw me out but not see me on streets if he found that i had been. I was half tempted to do it anyway so he would kick me out and i wouldn't have to put up with his and his gf bossing me around.
ahforfoulkessake
23rd Feb 16 10:47

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ahforfoulkessake

ahforfoulkessake

Hi there, thanks for replies.

I am not sure what to do.
Rents are expensive round this way and public transport not so good as they probably assume most people here drive.

I have applied to two jobs, a full time one with better pay and prospects than my current one with a view to starting in the new year.

I also await a reply from a part time supermarket job that would top up my current earnings.
I will propose a suggestion that I pay 100 per week and buy my own food with the 50. I just want to have more control over my situation is the main gist of my gripe really.
ahforfoulkessake
7th Dec 15 17:22

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Grumpy xx

Grumpy xx

This is a gripe site to reflect on our observations and how they can affect us, not an agony aunt column site asking for specific advice on your own personal situation. Perhaps another site might be more productive. Having said that, the answer is obvious: you are being taken for a mug. If you are paying into the house you should be and are entitled to be paid properly for the work you do for your cousin. To not pay you is illegal.
Grumpy xx
5th Dec 15 16:20

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grumpyoldwoman

grumpyoldwoman

I think you need to take the bull by the horns and tell your cousin that if he wants you to pay your way in the house you should be paid for the hours you work for him. Maybe it would even out?

If he expects £150 a week from you (which seems excessive) he should certainly allow you to use all the facilities.

Good luck, let us know how you get on!
grumpyoldwoman
5th Dec 15 09:14

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