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Ex won't have the kids overnight

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My husband and I are nearly divorced.  He moved out into a studio flat (which I paid for - was the only way to get him out of the house) and is in the process of looking for a larger place.

He sees the kids to take them to and from school only (on alternate weeks) and other than that has no contact unless I force the issue.

I am trying to get him to look after the kids overnight so that I can start to develop my social life again, but he is being really unreasonable.  I get sick of listening to men moaning about not being able to see their kids - we're the other way round and it is hard work!  I have no one to help with childcare and have not been out in almost 12 months.

A father and son advised that there is no possibility of "forcing" him to have the kids overnight...

Legally there is nothing I can do and have been advised that there is no possibility of "forcing" him to have the kids overnight.  We last discussed this on Friday when he said that the day I asked him to move out was the day he became a single man and it was my own fault!!  There is no way that we will ever get back together and his behaviour is purely out of spite, just to stop me from developing a social life.  Perhaps he fears I may one day meet someone else, who knows!

I already organise my work around his work rota and have said I will organise my social life around his and that if he needed to swap dates then I would (as long as he returned the favour), but all he keeps saying is that he is single and can do what he wants, when he wants...

Being a single mum is incredibly difficult and I wish I was in a position where the father of my children took responsibility for his own kids (just for some of the time!)

By: Jan


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Shaz

Shaz

Omg my situation is so alike
Shaz
9th Mar 19 17:20

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Annoyed

Annoyed

It would be a bit hard in a studio so I can see that as a reason but I do sympathise. When my ex & I separated he didn’t have the kids overnight for about 6 months & it was not due to lack of space...he was just busy being single & didn’t want the responsibility. He is great now but I think that has more to do with his fiancé than him.

Sadly, now that my ex has his shit sorted my partner’s ex is playing a similar game & looking for any reason to not have their kids overnight (the kids live with my partner & she is meant to have them every second weekend & half school holidays but it’s more like one night a month she actually has them). Today I lost my shit because she called to say that she can’t have the kids at all for a month because she has spat out another crotch fruit (this is her 4th baby to a 3rd father since separating from my partner 4 years ago) & doesn’t need the added stress. I have no sympathy for her to be honest & the first thing I did was went through the diary I’ve been keeping & called child support Australia to adjust her overnight care percentage down to where it should be. My partner is worried that this might cause trouble but agrees that if she isn’t going to see the kids then he shouldn’t be paying as much CS as he is. Hopefully the adjusted amount he has to pay her will give her the push she needs to actually spend time with her original children & not just the ones she spat out after separating from their Dad.

Right, rant over. Cheers & have an awesome day.
Annoyed
17th Aug 18 05:20

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Proudmummybear

Proudmummybear

How is he supposed to have the kids overnight in a studio flat?
Think of your children - they presumably have stable secure bedrooms in your home where they feel settled.
You chose to have kids, so take responsibility and stop trying to dump them somewhere where they don't even have their own beds so you can 'have a social life'.
Proudmummybear
22nd Nov 16 19:29

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nicjand

nicjand

, I have 3 children and have not been with their father for over a year now , all along I always tried to keep him involved and seeing our kids , but he only wants to see them when it suits him , iasked him to have kids just 1 weekend in 6 weeks , and he doesn't want this . I now have to go to court because HE is taking me saying I don't let him see kids, he stated in solicitor letter he wants them 2 out of 3 Saturdays 10-5, and every 3rd Wednesday from after school till 7, well I work every Saturday some of those until 5.45pm , so I just asked for him to have kids till 7pm , he said no! , I take my son football training every Wednesday , so asked him to have them every 3rd sunday 10-4 , he said no again as its his sunday off work and wants it to be HIS time , yet I do not have any time to myself at all , not that I mind having kids all the time , but a break now and again would be nice , also on solicitor letter he now states he is living in a bedsit , yet all who know him knows he lives with his partner and 2 children and just has the bedsit to keep his stuff, I also think he only got the bedsit so that he doesn't have children overnight, anyway I have got to go court tomorrow , I am absolutely dreading it as I cannot afford a solicitor and he has one , I am annoyed as I never want to stop contact just he only wants specific hours to suit him
nicjand
11th Jun 13 13:26

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2
Ya ok

Ya ok

Laser you are obviously trying to pick a fight.
no one can be bothered
You must be practically perfect in every way :)
Ya ok
24th May 13 14:12

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drowning in litigation

drowning in litigation

I wish we had this problem! My fiancee's ex refuses to allow us overnight access to his son, who is now five years of age. She is so controlling and uses their son as a means to punish my fiancee. She gets a huge payment from him and enjoys a huge house, nice car, travel etc. We have taken out significant loans to pay for the legal battle of having his son overnight. She refuses to compromise so our case will likely be one of the rare cases that go to trial. We love his son dearly and I have two children of my own. His son doesn't understand why he can't sleepover, he wants too! We will take out as many loans as needed to get him overnight. If's a shame that the good dads have to fight these expensive battles to get access, while the deadbeats can pay their dues each month and walk away. I am sorry you are going through this, your child needs their father. Hang in there, he will likely wake up one day and realize the poor decisions he has made. Children and divorce is sadly a necessary evil in this day and age. My fiancee struggles from not having time with his son. His ex is being selfish in the moment, but the long-term effects will come back to haunt her in time, as will your ex's.
drowning in litigation
22nd May 13 04:58

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laser

laser

blimey you people who have kids should stop and think a bit more. one parent families all over the friggin place now, can't move for em. how about tapping into the old grey matter before tapping into your homones. enough kids everywhere without you lot having more then complaining. jeesh, kids. the world doesn't revolve around kids.
laser
13th Apr 13 17:23

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Jon

Jon

Hi I am a father and I've read some or most of your posts and I'm sory to read most of your stories , but some of you are trying to say change the law so dads have to have there kids over night . Well I spent a hole two years sleeping on the floor even when my son wernt there as other wise I wouldn't have room for him at all , but enough was enough and couldn't sleep no more but still seen him every Saturday or every other once in awhile when needed to work but still wernt enough so in end couldn't see him at all . So now I have another son with my partner now but we both carnt afford to live together as the ex's debts she left me in so I stay at my parents in week and two days at weekend and I work full time and setting up my own business so I can have a better way of life , and now see my eldist again every Saturday and maybe a Sunday if carnt Saturday but dont don't have him overnight yet as when I need to work its not fear that my partner has him for me as he is my son plus we are still sorting out the house she's in . But know my ex is moaning that I don't see him enough and have to start having him over night because she wants a rest but its not the fact she carnt go out she does every fri and sat as she does get babysitters who even get up with the kids in morning so she can sleep it off but it's not enough for her , enough tho I work full time and part in spear time and still make time to see them both yes we are going to get round and do the spear room for his room but its going to tack time but when have I've send ill have him overnight once a month but still have him every sat or sun but its still not enough for her so you tell me how much to all really want ????????
Jon
13th Apr 13 16:17

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claire

claire

I'm in exactly the same position and have also came to the same conclusion that he is still controlling my life in that I cant meet someone else when I have the kids with me!
claire
27th Dec 12 21:27

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catfin

catfin

Can i ask what has become of the situation? As your story is just the same as mine but im going through it now, he has him after school and hes had him once on a Sunday night were he actually stated hes not having him on a Friday or saturday as he doesn't want me going out! Im just hoping the situation will get better as its just using my son against me and im worried it will effect his relationship with his dad....
catfin
7th Nov 12 21:54

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jack

jack

I have the same situation,and reached the conclusion its a mans world.I have twin boys who the father rings or txts every now and again to say he loves them,and when he does decide to have them its on his terms..I have put a stop to it he pays nothing towards their upkeep yet I work every hour I can and use what I earn to bring them up,,why do men think they can sow their seed then just walk away as though nothing happened earn wages and think its all for them and their new families and we are so called jelous and have the cheek to complain when the csa get involved,,hang on a minute we are working too our wage goes on the kids,we cant just pop our coat on and go down the pub,or roll out of bed and go to work,we have to juggle childcare,fit our lives around our kids,then have to put up with the clown of anex who thinks your so hung up on him,when really you need the support for the children you made together...so all you poor men that moan,,take a walk in a single mums shoes do what we do then complain..
jack
2nd May 11 18:00

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Jan

Jan

Not only do you and I have the same name, we have the exact same situation. This is what I am doing:
I'm making as many new supports as I can, other single parents, becoming friends with my kids parents so I can get a group of people to rely on.
I'm getting a few names of really good babysitters so I can go out after my kids are in bed.
I started working out, running on my lunch hour, and book hair appts, pick up groceries on my lunch hour or while my kids are at school - using some vacation time to get this kind of stuff done.
I've just let my friends/family know that I need help and that I can't rely on my ex (because he has something on his plate not that he's a deadbeat)
I've given up trying to get my ex to take the kids or even see them - one day there will figure out he wasn't putting the effort in and that they will need to match that same level of effort or be disappointed.
Some guys weren't meant to be fathers - don't bother trying to change a man - it's a waste of time.
Jan
16th Jan 11 01:38

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-19
Fed up !

Fed up !

Sweetheart be real, parents in relationships seldom get a break or a social life. Its just at the moment you`re insecure, after all when you chose to be a parent and your life alters reguardless of whether your in a relationship or not. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and worrying about him having a social life and think about the kids, after all someone has to, it may as well be their mother ." In other words sod him"
Fed up !
25th Jun 10 15:59

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kez

kez

I wish more women were like you and wanted the father to take an active role in their kids life regardles of what happened between them x
kez
1st Jun 10 19:30

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0
traceyx

traceyx

I totally totally know wher youre coming from my ex walked out 2years ago to be with another woman since then he picks and chooses when he has them I want him to have alternate weekends or a saturday night instead of a friday but he wont work with me it frustrates the hell outta me n hes the one that walked away I find it hard to get sitters too I think its soo unfair that us women get treated like we do its about time these so called doting dads should wake up and realise its not always about the mother either its scarring and hurting their kids too shame on men x
traceyx
31st Mar 10 11:35

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