Biological father may stop adoption

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I'm almost 15 and my biological father hasn't been in touch since I was about 10 or 11, and even then my mum had to get in touch with him to say that I wanted to have contact with him.  My mum left him when I was about 1 and a half and he had regular contact with me for a few months or so but wouldn't come and collect me himself, he would rather get his parents to collect me.

I met him when I was 10 after we regained contact and after that he sent two birthday and Christmas cards and gave me 50 pounds and as quick as it started, it finished.  I haven't heard from him since apart from a few one or two lined emails (clearly after a few drinks) saying pathetic things.

I'm really happy for the adoption to go through

My mums boyfriend (my step dad) is planning to adopt me; they have been together for 12 years in November and he has always been around for me to call a dad.  I'm really happy for the adoption to go through but the next stage was to let my biological father know what was happening.  So my mum emailed him telling him all about the adoption and asked for a contact number, address etc. for the social worker.

After about two weeks he replied saying "we need to talk about this one, have you got a contact number".  So we gave him a contact number for him to call and he called us after yet another week of us all jumping out of our skins every time the phone rang.  When he finally did get round to calling, he told my mum that he actually does care about me.  It just seems a bit strange to me.  We have spoken to each other probably only once in the past 14 years.

When he called my mum they arranged for him to call me the following Saturday to talk about things at 11 in the morning.  It's now 18 minutes past 11 and I haven't heard anything.  I'm sat by the phone waiting, getting more and more nervous about what he is planning to say.

I don't know how I feel about it, and I don't know what to do.

By: Midnight

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mibe

The best would be close to both so, if your biological father want stay close to you, is good. After,you can explain to him that you like your step dad too.Don't worry, in the end will go right.

18/05/13 mibe

-4

Granny G

Obviously you are not a priority in your father's life because he has made very little effort to be in touch with you. He sounds like a spoilt brat who is used to getting his way with everything. If I were you, I would never forget this and make it a rule to deeply appreciate the people in your life who are good to you and who have "been there" with you through it all. 'Sometimey' dads don't matter. It's the people who have always been there for you who matter.

05/10/10 Granny G

-2

Marie

Kind of curious about how this one turned out, did you end up with your biological father stopping the adoption? I read this many months ago.

07/09/08 Marie

-10

get in the real world

I have to ask you this - who taught you to ride a bike? who wiped your tears away when you fell over as a child? who has paid for every meal you have ever eaten? Who has paid for your holidays? who has given you pocket money? who has put a roof over your head? who has been there for you when thing werent going so well? who has been there for you when you have done well? The answer to all of these things will give you an answer as to who your parents are. If your biological father has been as physically, emotionally and financially distant as you say he has then the only thing you need from him is his families medical history. Anyone can be a name on a birth certificate but it takes a hell of a lot more to earn the title of dad.

08/06/08 get in the real world

-4

frankie

Erm . . . .yes, I know that. That's why I am asking the questions. As you say, each situation has to be judged on its own merits. Clearly the person who has started this 'gripe' is having some mixed feelings or confusion about the way he or she is feeling, and perhaps does not really think that 14 years of minimal contact should lead to a finality of 'no contact'.

08/06/08 frankie

10

Anon

Frankie, I'd have thought that such minimal contact over fourteen years would be closed door enough. Jimmy's mum two streets away would be less of a stranger. Every situation is different and needs to be judged on its own merits.

08/06/08 Anon

1

frankie

How old was your biological father when your mum left him? Why adopt you now at 15? Why was this not considered when you were much younger? Did your stepfather discuss this with you beforehand? Do you really not know how you feel about it? Or are you unwilling to face up to those feelings?
I know you are 15 now, but surely there is still time for your biological father to play an important part in your life? Your stepfather adopting you would seem to 'close the door' to him on a more permanent basis.

08/06/08 frankie

-7

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