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As we are fed our daily helpings of advertising, I felt it was really important to offer people out there some technology advice on what to buy. First of all, on the subject of Flat Screen televisions. Simply put, a flat screen television does not enhance your life, or make you sexy or help in any way with feeling good about yourself. It is still the same old crap on all 999 channels and unless you subscribe to HD, makes no difference to your viewing pleasure. Even if you do subscribe to HD, it still makes no difference, crap is still crap whether you view it in HD or not.
There, now you see - that's helped a lot hasn't it - you don't need that 50" horror taking up room in your house.
I'd like to further help you with other technology decisions you may feel you need to make over the course of the next few days and months.
... you don't need an iPhone, MP3 player, Sat Nav
Next, I'm sorry to be the first to tell you but you don't need an iPhone. You don't need to search the Internet on the move, or pretend you're an Apple zealot. You don't need a touch screen telephone/MP3 player/Sat Nav device and nobody thinks you look cool with one either. So there. Read a book on the tube/bus/train instead.
I have decided, on your behalf, that no one needs to buy a Sat Nav device at all, never mind an iPhone. You don't need one in your car or to carry one around with you. Buy a map instead, they are much better, more accurate and tell you more than a Sat Nav device ever could. You don't need a Kindle or a Sony Reader either now that I think about it. They use digital ink, but say printers ink is better, and a book is friendlier, nicer to look at and aesthetically more pleasing and who needs to carry 50 novels around with them.
Someone's trying to extract your hard earned cash...
The last thing I want to help you with is watching TV or videos on your mobile phone. Don't. It's stupid a you'll probably hurt your eyes. It's pointless and it won't have escaped your sense of irony that in the house the flat screen TVs are getting bigger yet they want you to watch programmes on a screen about a millionth the size! Someone's trying to extract your hard earned cash by trying to convince you that you need those things or that you won't be hip, happy and sexually gratified without them. It's not true here are a few better things you can do with your money. Buy a book and read it. Anything by Stephen Fry is good. Listen to some music on a CD or Vinyl recording, it's much better than MP3s. Led Zeppelin, Joni Mitchel, Van Morrison, Beethoven and Arcade Fire are perfectly good. Which reminds me to remind you to go out and buy a proper Hi-Fi with separate bits, and make sure it's British, because we make the best Hi-Fi. Anything by Linn, Shearne or Meridian is acceptable.
There you go, read books, listen to music and best of all have a chat with your friends, family or colleagues, and don't talk about Big Brother or anything on the TV or anything the newspapers tell you. That way you'll be happy and fulfilled - or not.
By: Pimptastic
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Driving at night trying to find your way around streets (many of which seemingly have no name) isn't a great experience.
But I agree about reading book on a tablet. A real, physical book is better.
When I did I came up with the following.
You wake up tomorrow and live the day like it's your last.......
You wake up the day after tomorrow and realise the following:
1/ You have no money left because you spent loads of it and gave the rest away.
2/ You have no job because you told the boss where to stick it.
3/ Lots of important people in your life aren't speaking to you as you told them exactly what you think of them.
4/ You have gained about 4lbs after stuffing your face all day.
5/ You have a monumental hangover after drinking yourself into oblivion.
Does it really seem like such a good idea?
You, sir, are a moron. I will now explain why.
Your first comment regarding televisions is a fair enough point, some TV's are over the top these days. Unfortunately, your intelligence seems to decrease over the course of your post.
I own an iPhone. I do not NEED it but one of the aims of technology over recent years has been to make things easier. So, regarding your suggestion that I read a book on the train, I can use my iPhone or iPad and do just that. You also pass comment about not needing 50 titles in your bag, I accept this, but why not have the choice? I can pull out my iPhone, read a book, play a game, surf the internet, research information, even make a phonecall! all on a device that takes up less space in my pocket than my wallet.
I do not want to carry a book around in the same way that I do not want to carry a map, I already have both in my pocket.
With regards to your suggestion to use a proper map. Apart from the size, the fact that you suggest that unfolding a map across your dashboard obscuring your view of the road and endangering other drivers, rather than have a small device give you turn by turn directions, is completely ridiculous.
Please refrain from being as much of a moron in future.
Just means that you will have to save hard again as soon as you buy a new car, there wont be such a thing as a second hand car and the manufacturers will line up a row of University lecturers (AKA Expert witnesses/Industry Experts) on 3 thousand pounds an hour to advise government that it is actually good for the Environment to make lots of new cars and sell loads more.
Then you will tell the guy in the Garage that you dont know where you are, he will say "why dont you just use your phone it has an ap (software application, available for download by payment and purchase only) you will tell him your phone is 3 years old and he will laugh and hang up the call on you.
After you have been pestered by the Police and they have called a tow truck, you should be about 900 pounds lighter after the tow and a quick connection to a laptop to turn off the vehicle service counter...the next new car you buy after that will just decide to shut down, as you will probably have to start paying for the privilage of driving a particular car makers cars, they will say that you have to pay an annual or monthly subscription in order to have the right use their "unique patented engine and windscreen wiper technology Experience" in line with current trading practices (money grab)and it will have a timer just like many factory and industrial machines now have (you have to phone up and pay, and they give you a code to unlock via the touchscreen) whats that , your car wont start because the engine management computer is confused, oh the GPS cannot locate a tracking Satelite so the car refuses to start....I see..
Mr H