The Weekly Gripe

Gripes the News
The Soapbox
Gripes in the pipes
*

Problems and stress living with the mother in-law

26 comments  Add a comment

I was made redundant a few months back, and as a result, I am currently living with the in-laws.  To cut a long story short I am kind of not particularly happy at the moment.  Other than struggling to find a job in an area that had few jobs even before the credit crunch (The Midlands), I am finding it very hard to understand the mother in-law personality and attitude.

I'm sure it's commonplace for men not to understand the mother in-law.  British comedy was built on mother in-law jokes, and boy I could dine out on the ones I have right now.  But the actual problem is this, she doesn't understand the world and how it works.  Its like living at grand ma's house but the sad thing is she isn't even 52 yet!  For example she comes out with comments like "computers are a waste of time, why do people need them?" and "I have never had an interview in my life" (that's why you are a cleaner).  It's actually true that she has never worked more than 2 hours a day in her life, and by choice!  Her husband, the father in-law works 7 days a week.  Now I can't work out if its to keep away from her or just to keep them afloat.

It really bugs me though how misinformed she is and how she blames everything on other people.  She said to me "You have all this education and yet you don't know how to put clothes on the line."  She said it in a such a way that gave the impression my life depended on clothes hanging on the line more than anything else.  Maybe when she spent her time hanging clothes up I went out and got a education instead!

Does everybody in the world have certain foods on certain days?  Do you have to have a baked potato on a Friday, Sausage and chips on a Monday, then have a roast every Sunday?  Are people really like that?  Before I moved in I had been living 4 years with my missus and another 10 years almost on my own (or with flat mates).  During that time I have never, ever planned a meal until about 10 minutes before I eat it.  I love cooking, love a good challenge and find it a good way to escape.  TMIL (the mother in-law) on the other hand has to have this post-war-rationing meal planning...  Any mother in-law jokes? Personally I wouldn't mind if it had some olive oil in there, or some rice, or maybe even noddles for a change; something steamed or roasted perhaps?  But nope...  it's all fried food dripping with grease and she has a cheek to call fast food unhealthy.

Both in-laws have had health issues in the last 10 years either with kidney stones or mini heart attacks, and still they eat like this.  You might be thinking (and I forgive you if you do) why don't I buy my own food?  Well I tried that.  I bought a lovely piece of salmon that I was going to cook it for us all, steamed with wild rice and vegetables.  I went out for the day, and came back just after 6.30pm.  The regimented way she lives her life dictates that they have to eat at 6pm (god help her if she had a job!).  She had a go at me for not being back on time which meant they were starving.  I got the pan on and grabbed my steamer..  Now remember people, I am cooking here.  She stood there watching me.  "What are you doing?" she said.  "Just getting the water (which will be boiling) up to temperature" I replied.  She then said "That won't cook it you know, you will have to fry it!!"

In the end she had a separate dish of fried salmon, with veg.  She didn't like the black rice in wild rice, she has never tried it but she didn't like it anyway - don't ask!  She doesn't like curries either.  She thinks they're foreign rubbish - even though she is from the Midlands where the common curry was invented!  All curries are labelled the same to her though.

Another thing - you can't have a joke with her.  I pointed out to the misses one day, "Hey look at that house it costs 36,000 (it was actually a little caravan), maybe we could live there..."  I was actually joking, but she seemed to have for some unknown reason got the wrong end of the stick and said to me "With what money!"  OK I thought...  maybe she was joking too.  She wasn't though, she was serious - "What money?  You haven't got a penny to your names..."  As it happens we do have savings, but that's besides the point, because she will take every opportunity to say stuff like that to us.

The sad thing is she is a walking contradiction, you have got to constantly correct her on everything, and I mean EVERYTHING!!  Has anyone else had the misfortune of living with a mother in-law like this?

By: Derek


Leave a comment

First Prev 1/2 Next Last

kandl

kandl

I feel so sorry for my father in law. hes a lovely man, grumpy old sod at times but what do you expect when youve been hen pecked by her for 45 years!!!
08/04/13 kandl
0
kandl

kandl

Im sick of her bad attitude and the way nothings ever her bloody fault.She thinks shes so perfect but she far from it. Shes reduced me to tears in the past but i often wonder why i wastex a tear on her
08/04/13 kandl
0
kandl

kandl

***Sorry, i didnt finish my last post (below) as i dropped my phone! Where was i? Right, we asked her to babysit our kids while we went out for a very rare evening out with friends. we had been invited out for a meal. she said no but if u ask my hubby he will look after them at yiur house if you pay him (she hinted at 20 quid!!) and make sure youre home by 10pm! We didnt go out for our meal :( why should we pay when the other grandkids get palmed off on them at the drop of a hat and no money ever exchanges hands. They are their grandkids too for crying out louf! It makes me sick! My FIL only knew about that the other day and he was not happy. Hs said why should we have to pay him to look after his own grandkids? He found out because i have started, after 10 years of my Mother in laws S**T, speaking my mind. Ive aleays held back, bit my tongue for the sake of our kids cos i didnt want her to take any fall out, out on the kids. But she hardlyvsees them so it doesnt matter anymore. I WILL say how i feel even if it lands me in the s**t!
08/04/13 kandl
-1
kandl

kandl

You are not on your own- my MIL is a complete nightmare! She has said some nasty hurtful stuff then next minute she acts like nothings happened. Its not just men that dont understand MIL's, trust me, i cant work mine out and im a woman! She has told lies (which she admitted to) in order to cause arguments, she favours one of my kids over the other 2 and makes it so obvious that it causes arguements between our kids and my partner and i are left to pick up the pieces. Even though she favours one of our kids over the others, our kids are still bottom of the pile when compared to the other 7 grandkids, she makes that obvious too and our kids are picking up on it. Ic theres a crumb on my carpet or a cup in the sink im a scruffy cow as she puts it, if i dont get the washing out of the washer the second the washers done, im a lazy cow! Shes tried to get us to pay my father in law for watching our kids. we asked if they wud babysit our kids while we went out for a very very rare
08/04/13 kandl
-4
artuksa

artuksa

Fortunately my wife (3rd wife) dislikes her mother more than I do and also as she lives 6000km away there is no problem. sorry for all your problems but women in general always blame everyone but themselves for all their 'ills'. Living in the past and using the excuse of anything modern not being necessary is quite normal, especially in the UK. On my return here I cooked a meal for an old aunt who told everyone that I had used rice but not for a 'pudding' and my brother was amazed when I bought garlic bread, he has never tried any bread other than the same loaf he had bought for the last 50 years. I personally would not put up with your situation, I wouldn't allow it to happen in the first place, life is too short for such s**t, whose life is more important, yours or hers???
10/03/11 artuksa
-4
John

John

Hello Derek,
I totally understand your situation, I have lived wih my MIL for the last 10 years now basically since me and my Spanish wife have been married, she lost her husband a few years back.We now have 2 young children whom have grown up with this woman and basically could not live without her.There are other family members in this town even though originally not from this part of Spain, but I get the impression they don,t really want to take the burden of taking this woman in.She is not a particularly bad person as she cares for the kids while me and the wife are working and so on helps the wife with the household duties and so on.Now that my wife is finally working it is now convenient to have the woman here, i.e lookinf after the kids when they are on holiday, because otherwise it costs a fortune to put them into day school, and with our incomes here in Spain it is quite forbidding.Unfortunately I have to keep my thoughts to myself, but I have never approved of any long presence of hers in my house, and do not move or mix with the family due to her presence.I have the same reoccuring thought that to me she is not family and has no right to be there, I work and make sacrifices for my wife and kids, not her.She is well aware of my feelings towards, demonstrated my the cold shulder treatment and son.I have spoken to my wife on several occasions on the matter and understand it puts her in adifficult position,i,e its her or me.I now feel like the outsider in the family as I cannot even be in the same room as her.I must emphasise that I appreciate what she has done with the kids being around, but my mind keeps going back to certain situations where her presence really was,nt nescessary.Good luck with your problems and maybe here from you again
09/01/11 John
-17
Cheapo

Cheapo

Keep a journal of your experiences and it could become a book about a man who lives with his mother-in-law. You can always hire a comedy writer who make you some mother-in-law jokes to throw in.

Sit tight, it'll pay off. At least you don't have to pay rent.
03/11/10 Cheapo
-1
NickyB

NickyB

Hi G, so sorry you are having all these problems. You certainly tried your best and I would love to have someone like you for a mother-in-law. Hope everything's sorted itself out by now. Happy Christmas!
21/12/09 NickyB
-27
G

G

I am a mother in law I can honestly say I have done my utmost best to please my "future" daughter in law ,most people find me kind understanding ,helpfull I will have my grandaughter whenever they want ,I dont preach to my future daughter in law and indeed often ask her opinion on things , but she is constantly falling out with her own family ,mum,sisters etc and now just before her wedding I find she is doing the same to me , We had our grandaughter overnight about a month ago and she needed a nappy as they had only left one ,there were some on the floor of there car , but my phsycic classes were a bit rusty and stupidly I did not realise that they were stuffed under their car seat!
My husband went to a local shop who only sold one type of nappy and I said to him that her mother did not like them as they made her sore , but we had no choice as it was late. The next day I said to him ,our daughter in law is right these nappies are awful we must never use any more; and when they came we both apologised several times and she seemed ok, but when I rang her as we had not spoken for a couple of weeks she was very off with me and said she was busy and then two weeks later my son let rip that he was getting it in the neck because we had put the wrong nappies on our grandauhter, he also said that we had not mentioned it to them when they had fetched her , so now she says through our son that we have to apologise , and we did profusely at the time , this has really upset me , and I know you hear a lot about nasty mother in laws ,but I am not like that , We always have to worry about how to say things to her and if I dont she will stop me seeing my grandaughter I have never fallen out with my mother in law and even if I did not like something she said I would not be rude or tell my husband not to talk to her ; sorry just dont know what to do.
28/11/09 G
-7
Angelheart

Angelheart

LOL Derek, I was feeling a bit down tonight until I read your post! I know exactly the type of person your mum in law is, my friend had one just the same, and she was so glad to get divorced, not to get rid of the hubby but to get rid of his mum! Like yours, the meals were on the same day every day of the week, Christmas was always round their house (never mind the partners families), and the woman basically tried to rule every aspect of their lives.
I hope it gets better for you mate, and to everyone single reading this, MARRY AN ORPHAN!
22/11/09 Angelheart
-22
Father in law

Father in law

I can't help wondering how she feels about the situation. She probably realises that you can't stand her but she's doing her best to help her daughter. Does she charge much rent? Are you openly hostile to her? I do understand she sounds a lot of work but I think you're really very unhappy with the fact that you've been made redundant and are taking out a lot of your frustration by turning her into the villain of the piece. Not that many people write to a site like this and slag off their family - it's usually the government or reckless drivers. I notice that most of your supporters are men - which says a lot.
21/11/09 Father in law
-10
Bukowski

Bukowski

Hi Derek,
I'm unmarried so have never had to put up with this kind of s**te. You have all my sympathy, especially where the food thing is concerned (I'd be tempted to stir it up a bit and serve sushi or steak tartare, let's see how that goes down). I'm no relationship counsellor as I've gone through two crap relationships and have now given up. You're right though, you need to get out. Best of luck to you.
31/10/09 Bukowski
-18
Derek

Derek

Hello everyone, apologize for taking so long to get back.
Mr Hicks, she invited us to be here as we want an opportunity to save to buy a house. it was her idea.
I grew up in a family of builders, and the other day the TMIL said to the next door neighbor that I would be useless when I buy a house and do it up. As I dont have a clue. I don't get how she got to this conclusion? she has never asked nor seen me do DIY?
I have discovered she has been talking about me to friends, and my character has been compromised by her making it extremely hard to socialize in family functions, as they have a pre-determined perception supplied by her.
She still cooks bad greasy food, she still assumes, and she is still 54 going on 98. Its getting worse not better, and I really need out!!
04/09/09 Derek
-8
Al

Al

Derek have a look on the following website.....

www.motherinlawhell.com
22/07/09 Al
-7
Mr Hicks

Mr Hicks

I mean no offence derek,but perhaps your Mother-in-Law is exhibiting this type of behaviour because she feels imposed upon,but just cannot bring herself to vocalise her true feelings?
14/07/09 Mr Hicks
-1

First Prev 1/2 Next Last

FEATURES

Gripes the News
Gripes in the pipes
The Soapbox
spinner