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I can't get on with my partner's spoiled daughter

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I have been with my partner for 6 years now.  I love him very much and want to spend the rest of my life with him.  The real problem I have though is his spoiled 14 year old daughter and the fact that we just don't get along.

She is spoiled, arrogant, rude, opinionated and has a real sense of entitlement.  From day one I felt she was precocious.  She goes to a very expensive school, is never disciplined and talks how she wants to people.  If she wants anything, she gets it without having to earn it in anyway.

She talks about how rich she will be when she leaves education, how she will have an amazing career, life etc.  Her father never gives her any sense of humility, he seems to be proud of the way she is.  She's a real little princess, no doubt about it!

Can't get on with spoiled daughter I have a son, but have always instilled manners into him.  I have taught him that if he really wants something, he either works for it (he washed cars for a whole week to buy the latest phone he wanted), earns it or gets it for Birthday or Christmas.  He is not a perfect teen (are any?), but he is polite, respectful and has humility.  My partner's daughter on the other hand has none of these attributes.

It now has got to the stage where I can't stand to even be around her.

I have tried everything with her and have spoken to her dad about this, all to no avail.  It now has got to the stage where I can't stand to even be around her and is effecting my relationship with my partner.  I love him dearly, but can't see a future with him when his daughter is getting worse everyday.  I am normally a very friendly person and can get along with most people, but I just can't get on with her at all.  Is this what children have become, arrogant and selfish people with a massive sense of entitlement?

By: White Orchid


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Shelia

Shelia

I’m going through the same thing right now. My partner has a son and a daughter….the son I get on fine with…he’s polite, respectful and getting on with his life…his daughter is coming up 21 but acts like a 10 year old….she’s rude disrespectful arrogant and entitled….she does nothing to help her father…he is disabled…she talks to him like something she’s trod in and barks orders at him…takes what she wants without asking with no remorse….I have tried to warm to her…but I resent her more each day…only the other day she asked her dad for money saying you haven’t given me any lately…she earns 26k a year….her boyfriend lives in his house and the treat it like a doss house…never cleaning up after themselves…I used to clean for him but now refuse ..it used to take me all weekend and by midweek it was as bad again….I refuse to make plans to move in with him until she moves out…I feel she is the reason we can’t move on….my partner is scared of upsetting her… so just gives in…I hope one day he will stand up to her as I love him dearly…but I refuse to be a doormat….so I understand what you are going through and how upsetting it is…I hope you can one day get on with your life with your partner without his daughters interference…good luck.
29/07 Shelia
0
Annoyed

Annoyed

Oooh, I know how you feel. I have been with my partner for 10 years, his eldest will not work it lazy and always expects daddy to give her money for nothing, he is getting old now and I am exassperated by the whole thing, had a massive row with him about this the other night, because all he seemed to care about was his own family and not mine whom do not get to see as often. Spoilt, spoilt, spoilt and he moans about other people, what a disgrace
28/05 Annoyed
-2
chrissy

chrissy

cut and run i had this and it ruined my self esteem and i was told by him you are the adult but his daughter is 23 and whatever she does is ok because her mother died ten yrs ago
09/04 chrissy
0
FedUp2

FedUp2

Similar situation: ungrateful uncaring arrogant self-entitled spoilt !! Their issues totally overtake any thought or consideration to me so I’ve given up caring about them, I might as well not be around as far as they are concerned! Best of luck
13/03 FedUp2
1
Stew

Stew

Bobxx seems to me you've been drinking the cool aid, grow up will you.
14/12 Stew
-5
Feed Up

Feed Up

That's complete crap bobxx. Let the thirteen year old decide how things play out, are you nuts or do you have one of those perfect families?

Kids these days can be evil and well aware of all the right tools to get what they want. Step parents are often the ones that need support and rarely get it.
08/07/20 Feed Up
3
bobxx

bobxx

she probably hates you as much as you hate her leave her be she's just trying to live her best life she doesn't need some random woman muscling in and telling her the 'right' way to behave
06/07/20 bobxx
-14
Fed Up

Fed Up

Feel your pain Mitch, however when she gets to 15, 16 and 17 it'll be much worse if my experience is anything to go by. I'd cut and run.
30/06/20 Fed Up
4
Mitch

Mitch

I’m having the exact same problem with my partners 13 year old daughter. She is so spoilt and does nothing, and every opportunity she has to have a go at me she does and her mother does nothing. I can’t bare to be around her anymore.

I’m going to leave as soon as I can find a place.
Is this the right thing to do?
29/06/20 Mitch
9
Jefe

Jefe

Wow I'm right there with you! My girlfriend's daughter is so spoiled and have no manners at all. No common sense to clean up after herself. Acts so entitled, doesn't know how to work for anything she wants. Always throws a fit when she doesn't get her way. And mind you, shes about 4'10", 0ver a 100lbs, and whining and throwing fits isn't even cute at all. She mistreats my girlfriend and bullies my daughter, and they're supposed to be stepsisters! It is definitely ruining my relationship with my girlfriend! Idk what to do...I find myself filling my days from wake up to bed time with whatever tasks I can find to avoid going home and being around this spoiled brat! And my 8 year old daughter is miserable as well and I feel so bad!! What do I do?!
20/10/17 Jefe
1
Devastated

Devastated

I am so very upset, I thought I had done right by my partner's kids, giving them plenty of space with their dad, having them round with no notice, coming home to a house full when I wanted to relax, taking them on holiday with us and really allowing my partner of 11 years putting them first all the time, I knew I would never win an argument where his kids were involved.

The final straw has just happened and now I don't know if we will be able to keep our relationship going after a huge argument his selfish little bitch of a daughter caused, I will explain, just to see if other people can relate to this......

It was her wedding on Saturday, her mother also has been with her partner for about 3-4 years, her mother's partner decided to pretend he was ill and did not attend the wedding, quite frankly, he really had the right idea.

I spent and absolute fortune on my attire, got ready and on the way downstairs I asked my partner where I needed to pick my corsage up from, to be told that one had not been purchased for me, well, that immediately caused me to be hurt, she clearly classed me as not part of the family. Then in the ceremony, she placed me near the back of the venue. The next thing was my partner and his ex was called to have their photos took, leaving me standing there, if it wasn't for my partner coming back to get me, I would have been only included in the group shots. Then the final straw was that they placed me on another table, not on the top table with my partner with my back towards the bride and groom, I was so upset - I thought, right you have placed me here and I kept my back towards them including whilst they were doing the speeches - and my partner thinks there was nothing wrong with that! Take some advice, never get with someone who has kids - I hate my life right now!
04/07/17 Devastated
2
mel

mel

im in same boat, teach my boys (6, and 14) to work for things, not to act entitled and they do have great manners and are kind to everyone for the most part. my bf's 14 yr old daughter is identicle to what you have described. I hate it. I think it stems from her narcissistic mother, and both parents treating her like an adult/spousifying when they split as well. im at a loss, the no manners and entltielement, know it all attitude...ugh, all i can do is keep teaching my boys how i want them to be, and politely correct her if she is out of line around them. its sad, she will become unlikable because noone want s to be around that behavior!
19/09/14 mel
2
zyarts

zyarts

I don't get on with my partner's daughter. I have tried but I finally gave up after 20 years!! She is also spoiled and I think because my partner left the home has always feels a bit guilty and never really calls her on her behaviour. It upset me for a very long time and I actually started meditating because of it!

She has a different relationship with her father and he doesn't really see what I see, the underlying hostility and jealousy and also disrespect which actually is the worst.

Only time will tell and I now just leave it well alone. Thankfully she does not come round to visit and has her own place.
15/06/14 zyarts
2
Poor you

Poor you

She may end up being a successful business woman with motivation like that already.
However I don't agree that she should be ill mannered and disrespectful but many teens are. She sounds like a normal teen to he honest. All children these days have that sense of entitlement. Wrong, yes. But don't hate her just because she has grown to be just like her peers. Try and teach her the right way. Clearly she has been spoiled. Don't hate her, just those behaviours. She is probably picking up on the fact you don't like her and the fact she probably hates you because you are not her mum and you are trying to take her mums place. Her comments on how rich she is going to be is probably to show off/impress you and the disrespect again is probably because she doesn't like that you are trying to take her mums place. Don't let it affect your relationship with your partner as she won't be living with you guys forever, she's a teen right, how long before she's 18 and you can ask her to move out or live with relatives/friends?
09/06/14 Poor you
3
Frustrated Girlfriend

Frustrated Girlfriend

Hi White Orchard,
I totally understand you. My partner and have been together for 8 months and we have his 14 year old daughter come stay with us for a week every second week. She goes for 'sleepovers' with friends on the weekend although Internet evidence proves she out at underage drinking partners and gets taken advantage off when she gets drunk. She has a sense of entitlement and lies to her dad and me alot about where she's going and what she's doing. She doesn't lift a finger to help when she's home and finally I diplomatically and very tactfully told her I was disappointed that she treated her dad and I like maids. She called me a 'gay C-U-NEXT-TUESDAY''. Her dad and I have talked about it, but more often then not believes the sun shines out the little princess's bottom. It's driving a wedge in our relationship as I feel she is out of control and very loose for her age. I've tried my best to be understanding and bond with her, with the understanding that these transitions are difficult but to no avail. I have a daughter the same age and a 16 year old soon who'd cop an earbashing and a month of consequences if found to be acting the same way, thank God they're not. Why can't these things be easy? :(
18/10/13 Frustrated Girlfriend
2

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