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My ex husband and I divorced 3 years ago, he was the Director of his own business and earned roughly £600 per week. I worked for him and he basically blackmailed me into resigning by refusing to let me have the small amount of equity left in our house unless I resigned. I was left with enough money to buy half a house, with a mortgage and no income apart from the maintenance that he agreed to pay. This was a private arrangement based hist earnings and me caring for the two children. It amounted to £120 per week and took no account of all the other personal monies that he would take out as a director. If, however, I had based the maintenance on his annual return then he would have had to pay me a lot more.
In January of this year my ex husband announced that he had gone into liquidation and that I would not be getting any maintenance until he started earning as a sole trader again. Since then I have received £220 and he insists that this is based on what he has earned since the middle of January. He honestly expects me to believe that he can suddenly live on having earned £1400 in three, when previously he told me he struggled to live on £600 per week before when things were going well.
My ex husband and his fiancee, who is a teacher, live in a detached house on the nicest estate in our town. They're getting married in August in a fancy hotel and the wedding will cost approximately £10,000 and yet he can not see why I am pissed off! I am struggling to raise our 2 children and we don't have much, while he drinks and smokes every day (he's also an alcoholic). He pays for his £900 per month mortgage (somehow), drives a Shogun on finance which is apparently costing around £350, has splashed out on all the new furniture for the marital home.
Meanwhile... I'm stuck unable to do anything about maintenance for our children and have to wait for the CSA to assess his next tax return in April 2011. This is because of his going into liquidation and the fact that he hasn't filed his last tax return so they cannot assess his earnings! To add to the whole mess, I receive numerous emails and letters from his fiancee and her parents telling me how greedy I am being, and that I should not be insisting on money from him; they tell me how hard it is for him not living with his children (By the way, he left me for his fiancee who was 24 at the time, he was 37!).
My ex demands to have the children whenever he feels like it and tells me that I am not flexible enough. He's even broken a court order for contact instigated by him, as he reckons that he can not afford to drive the 30 minute journey to see the children! Has anyone else out there been in a similar situation, where the ex's company has gone into liquidation? I feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall as it all hangs on his last years return, which presumably doesn't exist as he didn't file it! How fair is it when he can live in luxury on one hand, and yet plead poverty with the other?
By: Karen
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Since then the CSA failed to collect payment (blaming admin errors) several times over the last 18 months resulting in my ex now owing me and my daughters £6000+. After my always having to track him down and then having to contact the CSA with my findings it now appears he has started a college course learning how to play the guitar and is classed as a Full Time Student even though he's also working 30hrs. Yes you've guessed the CSA state they do not have the power to chase him for payment to keep his children.
Perhaps he is really is hard up at the moment and living off his girlfriend, who has savings?
If you follow this train of thought then perhaps you can see where she and the family members are coming from? You cant expect his other half to pay for your children.
My Husband has a 6 year old girl from a previous relationship and she has made his life hell by constantly demanding more money. More than the CSA has agreed he has to pay. She has stopped him seeing the child because he works long hours to ensure he can pay the child maintence. My husband and I have a lovely big house in a really nice area and its myself thats paying for that because my husband is paying not only his maintence but for every other knick knack that ex demands or else he cant see his daughter. We have tried going to a lawyer but its a long drawn out process and he cant go that long without seeing his child. So instead of giving him a hard time about it, why dont you speak to him rationally about his money worries and see where it gets you!
You claim that this would have been worse had it happened to a man. As she was eight and a half months pregnant when her husband deserted her and left her to work two jobs and also raise his children, how pregnant were you when your marriage broke up?
In reality you have no sympathy for women, only men.
My ex husband left for someone else then married her, he had a court order for maintenance and a contact order to see his children. He broke every rule in book, down varying maintenance from £1000.00 to £200.00 shortly after it was agreed in court. Forcing me to struggle and work two jobs even though he was earing approx £100,000.00 a year a driving around in sports cars changing them every six months.They also had a big white wedding,took all the children on fantastic holidays and were as awkwward as possible with any kind of parenting.
He then went to the CSA who awarded hom a nil assesment for the last year as he has wound up his company and now put everything through his new wife (where is the justice).The CSA seem powerless to these type of people who shone their responsibilites and trade in their wives and children for updated models.The only hthing I can say is good riddence to bad rubbish and the grass is not greener.
There are so many decent men (who have been hurt,used and indeed frightened to love again)
when your ready im sure you will meet someone who truely deserves you and your children,
keep on going as you are it may not seem like it but YOU are doing so well as you are
best of luck xxxx
Why everything should be turned on it's head and women should be the breadwinners.
Remember marriage = vulerability. marriage = dependance.
I'm never going to get married. Ever.
Laura
I am completely in the same situation, my fiance and I were together for 12 years, we had 2 girls, he would never committ to marriage and we ran our own IT Company. I left my own career and family behind to start a new life with this man and now I am struggling to bring my kids up whilst he leads the life of a batchelor millionaire (and I aint joking). He gives me £500 per month, I was blackmailed into this also, he asked the staff to down tools until I agreed this figure. He held back orders on the business at time of valuation and now drives a top range rover, helicopter and has an interior designer for his home (which originally belonged to his family), I had no claim on anything, he had everything well tied up, hidden in trusts and I walked away with a house, of which I paid £30,000 towards, had to take part-time work to cover bills and the kids are running around in old clothes. I was too soft because I still had feelings for him, but tonight he had another new girlfriend in the house ( the kids must think he changes one every week) although we had been communicating about getting back together. Im disgusted and I am visiting the lawyer in the morning, as I sick of this situation that he gets away with this, whilst his kids suffer. The law in Northern Ireland didn't help me as we weren't married, but I'm contacting the CSA as you say they look at his last tax return and his must have been massive. I know he said he took out a loan for the house, so that if the CSA chased him he could say he had loans, but this was falsley done and was for his hanger for his helicopter!! I neep help too, I am at my wits end as I don't get financial help from government, as I have no mortgage.