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Rude and abusive disabled people

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I have always been very aware of difficulties faced by people who have mobility problems, and having been raised in a family with a disabled sister, I was always taught to offer assistance if needed.

Recently while visiting a gardening project for the disabled where there were several wheelchair users, I decided to have lunch in the restaurant.  A lady in a wheelchair was being served beside me, and appeared to be having some difficulty carrying her tray, I offered to assist her, was immediately drawn the most vile look ever, and told she could manage perfectly well, thank you.

Did that give her some sort of right to be abusive?

She then proceeded to drop the tray, spill her soup and then complain to the overworked lady serving on her own at the counter that it was her fault for not taking it to the table for her.  The lady serving then had to stop serving, clear up this mess, and take more criticism from this dreadful woman with a chip on her shoulder.  Yes this woman had a disability, she was in a wheelchair, but did that give her some sort of right to be abusive to everyone?

Person in a wheelchair After all this I will be very cautious on offering assistance to a disabled person in the future as this woman made me see that she clearly disliked able bodied people assisting her in any way, or did she just like having attention paid to her and offending other people?

Anyway, I will not be revisiting this gardening project again in case this unfortunate woman happens to be there and is still being abusive to the able bodied.

By: Gardener


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Emotionally Exploited

Emotionally Exploited

I have a family member who is wheelchair bound and an absolute NIGHTMARE to be around. She is a borderline queen who has been spoiled and coddled for 30 years and now she is over 60. She throws things, breaks other people's things, screams, threatens to prosecute based on lies because everyone will take her side... Nothing ever makes her happy, she takes everything for granted and when I look up resources for people whose disabled wards abuse them it does not even exist!
13/07 Emotionally Exploited
0
Jon

Jon

Hi,
My brother suffered a stroke twelve years ago. He is paralyzed on the right side and has mental problems. I take care of him -- buy and cook food, pay bills, etc. He abuses me daily. He does stupid things, like eat uncooked meat, then gets sick and blames me for not cooking his dinner properly. If I could, I would bail on him.
31/12 Jon
0
TheBadSon

TheBadSon

To add on my previous comment. Many people went off topic from the post by Gardener. Gardener clearly says "I will be very cautious on offering assistance to a disabled person in the future." Not that he/she won't ever help disabled people again. He/she will, just be more cautious. There is a huge difference.

Also, my mom isn't the only disabled person that I have found to be rude when being helped a lot. I have seen this a lot. It is different when someone is rude to me just because and someone is being rude to me when I actually try to help them - which is too often the case with disabled people and less so with abled body people.

One reason for this is due to a superiority complex which is actually caused by the disabled person's inferiority complex. As Alfred Adler wrote back in 1927 in his book Understanding Human Nature, this is cause and effect.

Many commentators have witnessed the "entitlement" of disabled people even though they should feel bad about themselves due to their circumstances which those trying to help them are sensitive about.

Be nice people...cheesus
28/04/20 TheBadSon
3
TheBadSon

TheBadSon

I have a mom that is disabled. It gets worse as she gets older due to the nature of the disability. My stepdad used to take care of her (actually just feeding her lots of wine). But now that he had passed, I have to take care of her. I do not drink, so I do not provide alcohol. This does make her more bearable, but she has a problem. One which I dare not name.

She has always had problems maintaining good relationships with other people as well. Even when she was little and the disability wasn't even visible. She blamed my grandmother and even 12 years after my grandmother's death, still hates my grandmother. When we just mention my grandmother, we are ridiculed.

After my stepdad passed, I had to start looking after her financially. I got her a large house (her requirement for her 5 cats at the time, now 6) in a wine country town (also her requirement to be close to friends that live there). She lives in luxury which I myself wouldn't mind for myself even though I pay for everything!

The unfortunate part, due to her personality, the friends that now live close by, want nothing to do with her and only one friend came to visit once. She now hates it here and have started to break anything and everything in the house, blaming it on her full time help. I came to visit during the coronavirus lockdown and experienced myself how she would break everything. And this isn't by accident, she handles everything with force. When I tried to help her by suggesting an alternative way on how she can manage, a fight broke out where she went as far as to bite me. She then asked on Facebook for people to phone the police - even though she had her phone on her and she knew her full time help which was right next to me would tell the truth to the police and nothing would come of it except her making me look bad.

Out of her three children, I am the only one supporting her. Her full time help cries every day due to the fact that my mom is emotionally abusive towards her. She was the same towards my biological dad and I do not want the same treatment.

And it isn't just the people that try to help. She is also hard of hearing (again due to the nature of her disability). When she doesnt hear a shop assistant or doctor's receptionist and that person asks her full time help afterwards, she explodes and also tries to get that person fired from their jobs.

I am considering putting her in government care - I cannot see another option anymore. I have tried a lot to help her, but she is "filled with hate for everything and everyone." Her own words.

How do you tell someone they should love themselves? How do you make them see that this is the only way they can love others? I was raised in government funded boarding school which I always saw as a blessing, not because of my mom, but because I always had friends around me. Friends mean so much and too many disabled people don't want any.
28/04/20 TheBadSon
4
yo mama

yo mama

gay
07/02/20 yo mama
-2
MB

MB

I had a job years ago where I worked with people who had disabilities. While some of them were wonderful, there were more than a few bad apples. This opened my eyes to the fact that some disabled people are bitter and have poor attitudes. The same can certainly be said of many able-bodied people too, of course.
But my work with these individuals showed me that quite a number of them feel entitled to lash out, even at employees like myself (who were paid very little) who only wanted to help them. There was this one fellow in a wheelchair who was a liar and troublemaker...always complaining in hopes that people who cared for him (like myself) would be fired. He also played the race card on one occasion.

Look, I realize that having a visible disability is frustrating and unfair. It's difficult. But we all have a cross to bear in life. Maybe that sounds insensitive, but it's reality. With that said, I still have compassion for what disabled folks deal with. I know they aren't always treated well by some members of society.
At the same time, if an able-bodied person is being kind and not harming them in any way, they need to realize that they are not exempt from treating others with respect just because of their disability.
We all have bad days and we all have problems. It's your attitude that matters most.
23/01/20 MB
6
Desperate one

Desperate one

My daughter is mildly mentally retarded and she is very touchy about everything that is said to her. She is now 32 years old and its getting worse. Examples include: the word no. If she cant have her way she gets upset and starts to cry and storms out of the room making anyone in the room feel uncomfortable. She tries to run the home. She has lived with her grandma for over 20 years. Her grandmother has also allowed to have one of her other granddaughters to live with her. She wasn't happy about this. She is rude to her cousin and her children. She is very territorial after living with her grandma for over 20 years. She is jealous of her cousin's children. I dont understand her behavior. When she was a child she was very helpful and a happy little girl. I dont know what went wrong. She gets onto her cousin's kids making sure they take a shower, making sure they brush their teeth, she feeds them and thinks it's her responsibility. She has been told not to worry about having to take care of the children but, she continues to do it. If she is asked to stop she gets upset and starts to cry and storms into her room. She gets mad at her aunt because she feels like she pays more attention to the children then her. I could go on and on but, this is the main problem currently. HELP!!! Is anyone out there going thru the same thing???
10/02/19 Desperate one
1
Baffled

Baffled

I care for a live-in handicap person in my home. I havi fix home cooked gourmet meals for a handicapp person daily for 6 years. The handicap person then won’t eat the food if he doesn’t feel like it, after I have already prepared it. In the past I said if you have specific meals you want fixed then make a menu, tell me what you want, I will go to the store. And get what you want. They did not ever do that so I continued to cook as usual. I get annoyed when I have prepared a nice meal and this person decided they don’t want chicken that day or whatever so they refuse to eat. Then I get in trouble with this handicap person relative because I am accused of “starving” the handicapp person. Which is a lie, I can’t force handicapp person to eat, and I can’t seem to please him.
09/07/18 Baffled
2
Chelsea

Chelsea

Yes, soe people who are disabled have been babied and told that they are special and therefore are rude and mean as heck.
17/03/18 Chelsea
6
Woods

Woods

Makes me angry that some disabled people think they have the right to act the way they do. I'm a wheelchair user and whenever anyone helps me I always thank them. I even let other wheelchair users pass. Can't understand why they can't just be nice and they think that everything revolves around them. People are actually surprised when I acknowledge they've done something for me. Takes nothing to be polite
26/06/17 Woods
1
Clooooooo

Clooooooo

Disability does not give someone the right to be above able bodied people.
While at a bar, i was queuing with my friend. She was at the counter and i was trying to get to her for a while now. This lady in a wheelchair was queuing behind her. When i finally got to her the lady in the wheelchair started commenting on how i cut the line and everyone else pitched in and supported her. I kept explaining to her that im there for my friend who was IN FRONT OF HER. My friend even defended me and said i am with her.

Never been so pissed off in my life. Just because someone has a disability and is in a wheelchair doesnt mean they have the right to be that rude to people.

I get it, youre in a wheelchair. However, you should have the decency to be a normal nice person not some bitter human being.
13/05/17 Clooooooo
8
Lindsay

Lindsay

This thread makes me sad, as a wheelchair user myself. While I am capable of doing pretty much everything independently (carrying trays, opening doors), if someone is nice enough to offer to help, I just smile and say thank you. Holding doors and helping people is just good manners, whether they are using a chair or simply have their hands full.

I'm not sure if it's just different here in the US? I think from knowing other chair users on both sides of the Atlantic, we get a lot of able-bodied people who stare and make remarks and ask inappropriate questions, so perhaps these people are a bit weary of it all. I try and see that these interactions are mostly just curiosity and not quite knowing the "right" way to start up a conversation. I try to keep in mind that just 5 years ago I didn't know this stuff either.
15/09/16 Lindsay
0
Metalbones14

Metalbones14

I have just had an encounter with an electric chair user. She reversed that quickly, I had to jump out of the way. I asked politely, Did you look behind you? She said and then went off saying that I shouldn't 've been standing behind her, it's her own personal space.

I commented that before I walk backwards, I look.
She then said she thinks I'm some kind of weirdo and asked why I was standing behind her chair. Roughly 3 to 4 feet away.

I said just looking at the goods on the shelf in the shop. She then said, I don't think you were. I think you're a weirdo and strange.

If she ha, I'm sure i would've sustained some damaged hit my feet. If I had had a small child with me. WHat then? I do respect chair users. But this kind of behaviour......All it seems to be a few manners missing.

I use crutches as I have chronic arthritis in both feet. I have good days and bad days. Today, was ok. SO I left the crutches in the car. If it was a bad one, again, what then? It's an odd one. It's upset me as I do not want to fall out with a chair user, nor anybody able bodied
. I'm a peace loving guy.
03/07/16 Metalbones14
4
help me

help me

I work for a person that had a car accident and left him paralyzed. He has no use of his legs. And wears a bag for urine and bowel movements. He can't do anything for himself. He picks on all of us that works for him. He is the rudest nastiest person I know. No matter what you are doing he will rudely as that what ever he needs be done right now. He also treat his little step daughter the same way. He curses and yell. I will have to look for another job as he is making my life a living hell. He is mad at the world because he didn't have his seat belt on when the accident occurred. He is the nastiest person I have ever encountered. What is wrong with this person. And he will lie on anyone.
06/05/16 help me
1
Aishi

Aishi

Most of the disabled people I have met are rude, selfish and nasty kind of people. As a support worker, It is nearly impossible to work with them as they are the most annoying people ever. I will stick to my old job.
09/04/16 Aishi
4

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