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Ex-wife won't let me see my daughter

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Ok, this is not quite to do with the CSA but they get a mention.  My ex-wife and I had our lovely daughter in June £2000.  I loved my ex-wife to pieces, but soon after we were married things began to change.  As a couple we didn't last and she ended up having an affair then going off with another woman!

I was kicked out of the house, made homeless and I ended up sleeping in my car for quite a while.  During this time she filed a CSA claim and I was of course hit by the maximum level of payment as I didn't have a fixed address and no household bills to pay as such.

Whilst all this was going through I had no regular access to my daughter and it took me almost eighteen months to get a proper arrangement in place so that I could see her.  So basically I was paying nearly £300 a month for a child that I wasn't allowed to see, even though I dearly wanted to spend time with her.

I now at least quite often get to see my daughter at weekends and she sometimes comes to stay at my house.  The ex-wife is at university now and I will often pick up our daughter on a Friday after school and take her home either on Sunday evening or Ill drop her off at school on the Monday morning.

Due to the nature of my job however, very occasionally this arrangement needs to change and I sometimes can't see my daughter at the weekend.

Wedding rings - my ex-wife won't play fair Also, sometimes my ex-wife takes her away for the weekend to her girlfriend's house in London, or to a party or whatever and I cant see my daughter then either.  Fair enough though, because I think there needs to be some degree of flexibility in these matters.

The problem is that when I say I can't have our daughter, the ex-wife throws a right tantrum and tells me that she's my daughter and I need to put her first.  Yet when the shoe is on the other foot and she needs to take her away it's a completely different story.  If I could have my daughter full time I would, but this of course could never happen as the law is biased towards the mother!

Heres another example of her selfish attitude.  This year the schools closed for Christmas on the Tuesday, so I asked if I could have our daughter from the Wednesday through to Christmas day; that way I could spend some quality time with her.  Usually I pick her up on Christmas Eve and then have to get her back to her mother by lunch time on Christmas day.  I thought it would be nice if I could spend the day with her properly for once.

The ex-wife turns around to me and says She's my daughter too, and I would like to spend some time with her as well you know!

I couldn't believe it.  She has her practically every day, picks her up from school and looks after her more than I do during the week and she wants more time with her!  Yet as soon as I need a weekend off to do something important, I get a lecture that I never want to spend any time with my daughter.  Apparently she is lumbered with her all the time and would like some time off once in a while!

So come on ex-wives, ex-girlfriends.  Give us a break, if we pay our way then let us have our say!

By: Stuartkeith


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notaman

So you are all poor little victims. All women are crazy. Question: Is that all these women were so crazy when you slept with them?
Those women you are all talking about are mothers and as mothers they are more than likely doing what they feel is right for their children. It is in fact their duty and what makes them mothers. Obviously mothers are just not "stopping" you to see the children just for the sake of it but for legitimate reasons of which (of course) none of you are mentioning. Too easy to expose only one side (yours) of your stories and blame women. Few of you talk about DNA tests as the ultimate solution to your problems… Let me tell you that if those mothers don't let you see their children as you are saying then why would you not believe them when they say that you are the father of their children? If they wanted to evict you from their children's life don't you think they would be more than happy to go along with a DNA test to finally have you pathetic men off their back? Or do you consider yourself so great that those mothers would do anything to pretend that you're fathers of their children?
Finally if you all hate women so much why don't you all stay with your own kind and be happily gay ever after?
7th Oct 13 02:10

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herbert

i m sorry for putting this message here like this. I am just here to share my experience and to help who might want this kind of help. I have been scammed by fake casters that promised me results and get my money trying all my means to save my marriage. i was so despirate to keep my family as my husband wants a divorce. i decided to go spiritual as all i tried was not working. i seek spiritual helps to get things right but all i talked with never did anything for me. I was taken advantage of and i lost all my saving on that. i talked talked to a friend that was able to make me meet the help i searched for. when he said he will help, i never believed but im more than greatful now for giving him my last shot. You can get this great one on calebsam68@yahoo.com never let it go too. its a good trial if you want to use him and he is the best to work with. my vote all to him.
Thank you for sending my order so quickly. Everything arrived in strong. Thanks also for the advice you told me on the phone about how to avoid getting cheated by fake psychics. That saved me from making a very expensive mistake. You are doing good work. God bless you.
17th Aug 12 07:08

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Shack

I pay child maintenece for my son unfortunatly recently I have lost my job so therefore unable to pay maintenace at the minute. My son has come down today for a week and we are also taking him away to Blackpool for a few days, the issue is that the mother has now not sent any clothes for the week knowing full well that I have no money to buy him some new clothes for the week so effectivly he has no clothes for the week or weekend away. He normally only comes down for a weekend at a time and I always have bought clothes for these times. We are going through a court case at the moment, is there any body that I can contact for advice on this situation.
30th Jul 12 10:07

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-11

eyes-wide-open

Hello JustMe,

So sorry I've been unable to answer your post until now - health problems slow me down terribly.

I've just re-read your original post and also your latest post and the one thing which seems to be a common factor is your ex's way of lying/twisting the truth. You need to protect yourself from attack from not only her but from anyone/any agency who is likely to exclusively side with her. It appears you are doing all the right things, but have no doubt that no matter how 'good' you are being, she WILL find something to complain about and will be able to blow it up into something to use against you. The bib issue is typical. She's right, of course, a baby shouldn't have its bib left on when its put down to sleep - so pretend she's always looking over your shoulder when you are doing something and think of what she'd complain about. It's terrible that people can be like this, but sadly this is quite common.

Firstly, take NOTHING 'as read'. You have to become a real pain-in-the-arse jobsworth. For example, if money is handed over to her for your baby, make sure she signs a receipt in a proper receipt book with a duplicate page. Make sure every detail of what the money is for is shown on the receipt and that the words cannot be ambiguously translated. This is very important. The date and day must be recorded and the time the receipt is signed must also be noted. Give her the original tear-out copy and keep the carbon in the book for yourself.

Each visit chould be recorded in a diary that you keep and it would be excellent if, as you arrive, you can switch on a tape recorder (show her you are doing this - it may make her more careful about what she says) and record the conversations with her and even better, the whole stay with your baby. I would say that a small video recorder would be even better. If she doesn't like it, too bad. She'll say something like 'you are being pathetic'. Simply agree. It IS pathetic, but tell her that the way things are between you means you have to protect yourself (and, actually, her as well) by covering every single corner.

Try beyond what would be your normal breaking point to maintain a cool attitude at all times. Think Roger Moore as James Bond in a tricky situation. It may sometimes be very hard not to explode if she is provocative, but keep thinking of a court case and how you'd be derided and lose all contact with your baby if your ex said you were verbally abusive or violent in any way. Remember that he said/she said means nothing unless there is a retrievable record for a court's reference.

Try not to get lawyers involved. This really does signal war and can end up bankrupting you, with nothing to show but a tent and a faithful dog after the dust has settled. Remember the word 'merciless' all the time. That's what she can be and what the courts usually show themselves to be.

You know, time often heals and it will be worth recalling why the two of you initially found each other atractive and were sufficiently a couple that you created a brand new human being. Try and slowly suggest to her that the two of you will now be tied together for time eternal due to the child you both created and wouldn't it be great if you could look past the problems you have had and be friendly in your meetings. It is possible, many, many couple have found a way of doing it. It's all about pride - but it really doesn't matter who is right, YOU can replace the need to be right with simple humility and watch as the other person does the same. There's no need to be a doormat, but just be forgiving and understand that she is probaby as worried as you are and is doing what every good mother will always do - protect her baby above all else. Recall her good points, the things you initially loved, downplay the irritations - you are probably just as annoying to her ! Fire with fire = a big bloody fire. Fire with cool water = no fire eventually.

I know this has probably sounded a bit daunting and depressing, but if you don't look after yourself, sure as hell no one else will (unless they are being paid, in which case you'll expect them to do their job effectively). I do hope this has helped a bit and sorry again for the slow response. Very best of luck.

Please keep me posted and if I can be of any help or support, just say.
29th Jul 12 01:07

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JustMe

"eyes-wide-open" yes i have had the test and it has come back positive. Ex is being a pain. Been to mediation, sorted me going to her house on the weekend for a month to get to know the baby and have someone there with us, twice the person that comes with me couldn't stay all day and she never got someone to come like she was supposed to. Only last night she sent me an email saying that I put the baby to sleep and left her bib on her, left her unattended in the living room, and whilst i have been there4 she is accusing me of making advances on her!!! I would just like to add that all of which are complete and utter lies! So yeah any advice would be appreciated.
I know what you are saying dal :)
15th Jul 12 08:07

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dal

"just me" so many out here who share stories not unlike yours! you must do is drop it! let her think your happier in your life than she in her's, do not let her get your attention ...
6th Jul 12 07:07

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eyes_wide_open

'JustMe', how are you getting on? Has anything been resolved and have you managed to get a DNA test done yet? I may be able to give you some advice once I know the present status quo. Your ex certainly sounds like a venemous woman and you need to protect yourself and your rights as soon as possible.
1st Jul 12 04:07

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JustMe

Hi,

Can anyone give me some advice on the following?...
My ex told me she was pregnant 2 months after we split, she told me the doctor said she was 16 weeks pregnant, we went to the hospital for the scan and she was just under 7 weeks! We tried getting back together, but we were still arguing and making each other miserable. I had a talk with her and said it was obvious we didn't love each other so we should have some time apart, let things settle and become friends so that when the baby is born there will be a good environment between us and it won't affect the baby.
Whilst we had the time apart I realised that going back from the time the hosptal gave us for how long she had been pregnant, she was in a different country! We split a few days after she got back, a few days after that she had a one night stand and during that month she slept with 2 other people (i know this as we met up a month after we split and she told me as i asked).
I visited my doctor and asked how accurate the hospitals are, he said based on the above there was a chance it may not be mine and advised a dna test once born. I approached my ex and told her, but also made it clear that I would stand by her as a friend and help and support her how i could in the meantime. Which I did, gave her money to pay off a small bill and money to put a deposit down on a house with a garden for the baby, moved her in and settled her in there. She said she would give me some of the money back when her bond on the old flat came through, but when I asked for it she claimed they never gave it to her, I needed it as I am a full-time mature student and we had an argument so I left to stop causing her stress. I went back a few days later and she refused to speak to me and told me to stay away till the baby is born and threatened that if i went near the house she would tell the police I was harassing her. So I did so as family advised me that if she did that it could affect me seeing the baby and that maybe she was hormonal and would think otherwise in a few weeks.
I text her every week to see if she was ok and needed anything, usually to be swore at most of the time, eventually she changed her number. I found out the baby was born so called the hospital and left a message but no reply. I went to her house a week later with some baby stuff and said we needed to talk and she agreed but she was busy. I went back a few days later and she is accusing me of saying stuff I didn't, refusing a dna which she originally said she would do, and telling me I will never know if I am the father or be in the baby's life!
She has even tried telling my mother that I threatened to go in there and take the baby off her!
I've got a solicitor involved, they've written to her and have arranged a date for mediation. I am going as I want to know if i'm the father, spend time with the baby and make sure I am there for her.
I don't know if myself and my ex can saviour what we once had, I'm really not sure, but I want to be there for my daughter if she is mine.
I know alot of you are talking about CSA on here and I totally think that it's messed up that blokes have to give so much when single parents get a lot from the government - the money should go in government savings account for the baby if anything so they know it came fro which ever parent is paying it, but what I would like to know if anyone can help is if there is anything else I can do to make her realise that the baby deserves her father in her life? It's a horrible situation as all i've seen is a picture, I haven't even seen the baby in real life yet. What happened with my ex was what I had to do as If the baby wasn't mine I wouldn't have taken on the responsibility froma few flings she had so close to us splitting up (and all due respect to any guy out there who would have).
Any experience or knowledge anyone can pass on would be appreciated!
Thanks and good luck to anyone out there who has or may have a child and are fighting to find out - hopefully however long it takes your kid will know you didn't give up one day.
22nd Apr 12 11:04

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Matthew's Law

Dear all,

David Cameron and George Osborne are currently reading and considering Matthew's Law. This Law protects Fathers and Mothers equally. It enforces Prenuptials as a compulsory measure. This stops the CSA from holding up Fathers to crippling unreasonable and unqualified demands and prevents Solicitors from holding parents to ransom too who wish to divorce. It equally supports Fathers and Mothers where they too are clearly being treated unfairly. Matthew's Law lays down a consequence for any partner who chooses to break the new marriage contract. Marriage is a farcical arrangement where both parties enter into a potential minefield of financial and emotional ruin. The CSA has been set up to protect women only as it shows no regards to who has broken up the family bond. It functions discriminately without flexibility or understanding to Fathers as victims. It's archaic and highly inefficiently run body, and is due to be disbanded under Matthew's Law. It will be replaced by a fairer system, where both parents are treated fairly in the interests of the children and Both parents financially.
The law is currently in a mothers favour. So much so, that the Father has little or no rights. The disintegration of family life has been encouraged by the easy and plentiful access to benefits if you happen to be the Mother. Nobody is disputing that the Mother and Children shouldn't be looked after and neither is the amount they receive in question. However, the divorce rate is 2 out of every 3 and in 80% of all cases now, the Mother has broken the bond to seek greener grass. Thanks to the lucrative option most mothers discover through other divorcees that it's financially attractive to 'go it alone' with other single mothers and 'play the field'. This was a reverse situation in the 50's.
Matthew's Law has been set to bring the imbalance of separation and Divorce entitlements back to 50% in amicable situations. Unfortunately, most divorces are not amicable and the financial rights aren't either. Matthew's Law lays down consequences to re-address the 'Contract of Marriage' and protects all those who venture into its risky future. Thankfully it doesn't interfere with the enjoyment of marriage, but protects both parties, and ultimately and more importantly, the children. It will make a partner think twice about adultery, as the consequence is severe. It stops Solicitors from holding us up to ransom and makes an amicable separation cheap and fast. Soon, you will no longer be able to get married without a prenuptial agreement. So, before you consider marriage, be sure to set up your own prenuptial agreement. You're a fool in this day and age not to before Matthew's Law is released. Write to No. 10 for more information.
10th Oct 11 06:10

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6

Proud dad

Also, as my ex partner is realising. If she still chooses to break that contact order she will be in breach of the order and can face prosecution as per the changes made to all contact orders made after December 2008. I urge you to do it for the sake of your sanity and for the sake of the relationship with your daughter. You can find plenty of sound advice out there. Get a good solicitor and use your free session wisley by familiarising yourself with the family court process, mediation, CAFCASS etc. It`ll pay dividends in the end. Go for it!
28th Feb 11 02:02

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Proud dad

Mate, I know how you feel I have been battling the same except I obtained a court order in 2008 to stop these games. She still tries to disrupt things but the door is closing in on her to do this. Thing is maintenance and contact are different issues and are dealt with seperatley. Do yourself a big favour and work out times when you can fit your daughter in and go get a court order wether the ex likes it or not, this way it will take her control away.
28th Feb 11 02:02

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dave2011

my ex wont let me see my son I call her txt her and she always says she busy she say she does not trust me with him thinks ill take him and not come back what can I do
31st Jan 11 11:01

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disgusted father

This strikes close to home for me. I split with a french woman whom I was seeing after our beautiful daughter was born. Now it turns out that she was all-the-time seeing another man behind my back. I am very sure that the kid is mine but Im demanding a paternity test just to be 100% sure. She now is refusing to let me take the kid away for a few hours to spend time with my side of the family (my family now hate my ex). She says that I can only see the kid under her supervision for the time-being while the baby is very young. She has absolutely NO grounds for this whatsoever as I am very very capable of minding her. She basically treats me like I am not the father. Women can be incredibly manipulative with no sign of logic or understanding from the fathers point of view and completely selfish and ignorant towards the needs of the father regarding his own child. Im sorry to say but some women have no heart and make me utterly sick and disgusted.
21st Jan 11 02:01

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jags1876

I travel 60 mile on a friday 60 mile on a sunday to see my daughter I would travel any distance for her it is costly for me plus I pay csa and whenever my daughter need anything etc new trainers clothing schoolwear etc I buy that to I only see my daughter at weekends due to the distance and work commitments its impossible for me to take my daughter to school because it takes nearly 2 hours to get ther and back so id hav to give up my job although I wish I could friday till sunday is all I can see her.during any school holidays I hav my daughter the full time shes off school my ex makes no effort in any way my daughter never wants to go home after shes stayed at mine for the weekend she sobs her heart out I wish I could live with you forever daddy it breaks my heart every weekend but I dont know what else to do my ex uses her as a pawn and has on many ocassions id do anything for my daughter.my point is wheres the fairness I pay csa,petrol,clothing,food,toys,fun times anything to keep my daughter happy my ex sits back n laps it all up geting all the benefits I think she only wants my daughter there for the money whers the benefits for us fathers everything is set up for women ive tried to get advice n the only thing I got was try for full custody but got advised that thers almost no chance of that I gues my coment is more of a rant than anything as I just get on with it because I always want to see my daughter but if anyone understands feel free to coment it does get alot deeper but id be here all day explaining
22nd Nov 10 11:11

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Ryan

Look, its a no win situation. I have a two and a half year old daughter and I am gradually coming to the realisation that it would be best for her not to have any contact with me.

Here's the argument; The State states it is inappropriate for a person to spend time with both parents if the parents are separated. Society states it is important for a person to have both parents actively playing a role in a person life, but does not actively encourage it.

Your ex is using the State against you. Society doesn't care.

Therefore play the State game. It'll screw up a generation of children but Society will eventually understands the importance of a supportive father.

We need Society to help us get 50/50 joint residency and 50/50 joint custody. This should be a right. Not a gift. However, to weed out the worms, if you do not exercise your right you should loose it.

If we can't get this and we let the situation worry us, all we will become is broken men.

Life is more important than your ex and her child.

We are men, we have cold hearts, we should shock society into understanding what is right, just and fair.

It hurts, but what else is there to do?

Ryan
30th Oct 10 07:10

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Mugginsmanc

See, your problem here is not your ex wife but the state. Or rather the default attitude that the woman is always right. For example, I had a perfectly good relationship with my partner. Sweet loving, great kids and a lovely home. Not even a crafty look at any other women in 7 years, why would I? But then, you see, you have the mates. You know, the ones who are digging the oars in every five minutes because they are single and want their old freindship to be a 24 hour party. So it's off to war... First the planning stage... "did you know you would be this much better off each week in benefits if you could get rid of him?" then arm yourself to the teeth, a couple of inocent kids should give you around 15 to 20 years financial protection here. Finally, don't forget to encourage him to completly redecorate, buy new furniture and take out a loan for you.

Oh they do it... And they do it knowing full well that the Authorities will support them all the way. You may be really lucky and be told (as I just have) that she is flying off to Morroco today and that I will have to look after the kids for 10 days...

Honestly, never trust anybody again! EVER!!!
22nd Sep 10 01:09

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Jade

My partners ex has refused to let him see his daughter, telling other people that he doesn't make an effort to see her etc, when it is her who makes it difficult. She claims that she already has plans to take her out or she is not well, or that his daughter said she does not want to spend the wekend with him. She has a new partner now and a new baby and has stooped to changing her number and moving home. It seems all she wants is money via CSA and must get off on making out she was left holding the baby. Women who do this make me sick, children are not pawns, they deserve to have both parents present in their life unless horrible circumstances such as abuse means it would not be in the best interest of the child. I'm the type of woman who wouldn't even consider contacting CSA, If you would like to see your child then fine, when you have him/her you can spend what ever money you have on your child, doing fun activities or buying them some clothes yourself. If you don't want to see your child then I will happily provide for my child myself. This is how it was with my parents, my dad would have me every other weekend and would spoil me rotten, buy me clothes, cinema, going to the seaside, the aquarium, the zoo. He would pay for my school trips when my mum couldn't afford to and every now and again her would offer her some money towards her bills and grocery shopping. They were amicable with eachother. I know everyones situations are different but it would be nice if it could be like this for everyone. Woman who prevent their children from seing their fathers without good reason shouln't be allowed to be mothers.
1st Jul 10 03:07

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L

Paying has nothing to do with it. Men have the right to be with their children as do grandparents. Women who stop fathers, block or harass access are child abusers.
7th Jun 10 05:06

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mak

women the dame things that caused all the problems in the world
29th May 10 08:05

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donna

my husband also as same problem.she is married to women and are always demanding extra cash. they use the kids as weapons and emotionly blackmail him. when is it going to stop put up with it for 12yrs now. they av even told him he as to set up trust fund for there childrens future. we cant even afford holiday and they have four a year
25th May 10 07:05

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14

wronged dad

So many women are absolutely disgusting in their attitudes to fathers..... When the kids grow old enough they realise what manipulative, lying ,state sponging wasters their mothers are.....
7th May 10 03:05

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13

Confused

I think it's completely unfair how the laws are more biased towards the mother. I can't stand women who use their children against their father, if there was some sort of abuse or neglect (towards the child) on the father's end then okay but if the father has been nothing but supportive and loving towards the child, why should the mom have more leverage??
2nd Mar 10 06:03

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jim h

A 'woman that wont play fair' ?
CSA women are a disgrace to their race
5th Feb 10 05:02

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desperate

My ex wife and I had three kids. Two boys and a girl.. I Still to this day dont know if my baby girl is really mine. When we got divorced she was having an affair. She has since had another daughter from this guy. I have always paid my CS, and even when I was unemployed paid as much as I could. I see the boys every second weekend, but my daughter isnt allowed to sleep over and I only get her on a sunday. recently she hasn't let my daughter come to me. My daughter is 4, and she says that she doesn't like coming to me anymore. This breaks my heart, and I cry for days. She also asked for more money this year, even more than what has been agreed in the divorce agreement. My current fiance does'nt tolerate her, and tells me to stand up for myself...I'm just afraid of loosing the contact that I have with the kids.. What should I do?
27th Jan 10 09:01

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Gainsborough lad.

Woman, so that someone like you doesn't actualy miss out the fact that I was only "talking" to my own child,

I was also noted that you didn't offer any sympathy to the fact that my ex-wife is a vile evil excuse for a human being, stopping access because the governments turn a blind eye to it.
26th Dec 09 06:12

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10

Woman

Gainsborough Lad
You must know that U-God is just a troll trying to stir things up, it was a nice attempt until he over egged the pudding with the biblical "yea" and banging on about Adam and Eve and the bloody apple. (If men ever did the supermarket shop Adam could have bought bananas and still be in the garden of Eden!)

Why did you put "talking" in inverted commas? If you were not actually talking what were you doing?
26th Dec 09 04:12

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6

Gainsborough lad.

I think in "some" instances the women will stop access because they are frightened that the children will see their dad as better than themselves, (As working dads have more cash to spend on their childrens holidays, trips out, and toys)

A lot of women will spend the benefit they have been given for the children on themselves.... catalogue items, pubbing and clubbing, cigarettes, clothes ect,

The rest of them will stop access because they are absolutley evil, using any feeble excuse to justify their actions, even telling the children that "dad don't want to see you" and telling your friends and relatives the same,

Thousands apon thousands of fathers in this country have been, and are still going through this, it happened to me, I was even turned away from my childs pre-school nursery fence by an assistant, for "talking" to my own child, my ex-wife had obviously even closed this little access loophole,

Pure and utter scum they are, there's no other words to describe them, and the governments have let them get away with it.
26th Dec 09 08:12

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U-god

Its a shame so much pain. The earth spins another day is gone and I have yet to see, speak, feel the presec of my two young ones. The mother always say to me oh the kids are not home right now when I can smell them. I have cried and cried and why go to the court so they can set me up with a payment plan and still get treated the same way. The pain never goes away and it can't be replaced with another child by some one else. So there is no answer but as men we have to realize that woman are crazy yes all of them even EVE yea the first one who made Adam bite the apple. Fathers we have to become sneaky. Stop asking for permission. Just go to the schools and speak to the children. Its a shame but what can you do you cant kill the mother or assault or threaten then you will be in jail. You have to prove to the court that she is an unfit parent. and to do that you have to be cold blooded even if it means planting evidence and so on. Or feel the pain over and over and the earth spins. Women have no problem watching you cry feel miserable so why do we care about there feeling so much.
25th Dec 09 11:12

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5

exhausted drama

My husband's ex wife does not stop interfering with our lives and using her daughter as a pawn to gain attention. It has been three years and she still tries to insinuate herself in our holidays and has alienated his own family by continuously badmouthing him. Sometimes she literally sends TEN emails in one day to complain about everything from clothingm books and to tell us how miserable her daughter is yet it is untrue. We have taken the high road and have chosen not to reveal the truth about her for her daughter's sake. We don't reveal that she does not take proper care of her daughter-nobathing, doctor's appointments, lack of attention to education, and the fact that the child has fallen ill several times due to lack of care. She always dumps her when the going gets tough. She doesn't show up when she is supposed to and lies consistently. She continuously "allows' me to take care of her daughter while she is out galavanting and crying out how she is mother of the year yet refuses to speak with me even concerning her child's medical care. She gets TWO THOUAND DOLLARS per month in child support yet still can't seem to pay her bills. There is constant drama and she can't let go. Does it ever end.......
22nd Dec 09 07:12

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6

Burner

I hear you, I’m paying £355 per month CSA for my 2 girls, plus I’m paying the mortgage. I have seen one of my girls twice in the last seven months and the other one once. I was to get my youngest this weekend for a few hours, my youngest and I had planned to choose and buy a pedal bike, but now my wife has said that my youngest doesn’t want to go. It’s a real shame; my youngest was so excited and looking forward to getting her new bike. My kids are getting used as tools to hurt me and it breaks my heart. They need guidance and support from a responsible adult not some self centred psycho woman.
19th Nov 09 12:11

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dadsbiggestfan

See this link and consider yourself lucky :
http://gooddadtreatedbad.blogspot.com/2009/11/to-begin-with.html
8th Nov 09 03:11

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Clive

Hi, my name is Clive smith’s look after 3 of my 4 children at the moment. This was ordered by a court under a section 7.

I have been back to court about my 2 year old son who lives in a 2 bed house with his mum and new boyfriend. The ordered another section 7 to be done on the children because there mum did not keep to the social service appointment. This was due to the fact that she was living with her boyfriend’s parent, and boyfriend in their 2 bed bungalow.

They came and took the children from me took them for a picnic said to me what I needed to change with my house, also said the children had made it clear to them that they wish to stay with me. They even told the children that what they would put in the report to make it happen. I have not seen the services since this day they have not even checked the school, doctors my girl’s nursery or anything like that. They have been to see their mum and boyfriends families 3 times.

Well the report come back slagging me of and that the children should be returned to their mum. I feel if they haven’t done their job properly as the children have reported to their schools, my doctors and the services they were smacked and hit by all their family!! I can’t understand! There is a lot more to say but can you give me some info please at how I can fight this. Thanks.
30th Jun 09 02:06

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Akindra

I hear you. I'm actually a mother, but have heard so many stories from male friends like this - it's horrible and shouldn't happen. When my ex and I broke up, I did everything to not do this to him - left him most of the house stuff and the house (rented). Because he wasn't working and I was, the agreement was that he has him through the week and I have him friday avo to Monday morning. We didn't want to disrupt his week at school etc.

Now he is throwing it all back in my face. He is letting our son do something I don't agree with, and he says I have no say in what he does when he's in his care. And that he has more say because he has care of him more!! And he said if I want to take it further, I should go to DOCS.

Funny when you try to do the right thing - it always seems to get thrown back in your face!!

Owell, that's life. I'm going to DOCS!
3rd May 09 11:05

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Terri

I understand where all of this ex wife stuff is coming from. Dealing with my fiance's ex has become like dealing with a psycho that ponders over what she can do next. She has shown up at my home in the middle of my work day with the children and in a rant. She has shown up drunk and forced entry. She screws up the holidays every chance that she gets. She kept the kids from him this past Christmas and now she expects him to change his New Year's plans to accomodate hers, when New Year's is not a scheduled visit. I am beginning to think that she is just a miserable and bitter person in general and not one action of hers has yet to show us that she is looking out for the kids
30th Dec 08 04:12

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alex

Iagree with you as she is your daughter to my situation is simaler my ex had an affair when our son was 9mths old with a girl half is age that worked in the shop that he had . note I said his shop in the 2 yrs we'd been together he'd given me about 80 pounds not that I was bothered about the money but all his money was his I paid for everything I kicked him out in the end thats when it got bad he constantly harased me for his son took me to court several times to try and get custady this has caused my son emotional problems he married this girl in the end and they have had 6 kids all under 9 yrs my son is 11 now but what anoys me is he gives me 20 pounds a week spends little time with his son all my son ever wanted was quality time his dads states he carn't give him this as he has other children I have 4 kids and I manage to find time to spend one on one for a couple of hours I hate him for this and then he says its my fault our son want stay with him .on his birthday he got his ear pearsed for him wow £15 pounds but bought his daughter a ds lite is this fair I dont think it is and he carn't see why he's losing his son can you? your ex-wife needs to wake up because there mothers like me that would die for a father like you
29th Nov 08 04:11

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Nicholas Parish

I have the same type of situation.Its halloween and I cant get my daughter for trick or treating nor a visit for the weekemd being how she will be up to late trick or treating to visit after wards.This is an ongoing thing and I hate it.It kills me inside.I miss my daughter and See her no where near enough.By the way I pay my CS every month,
31st Oct 08 06:10

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Pabs

Just wondered if anyone could shed some light on this subject. I recently read somewhere on the web that when your divorced and transfer your portion of the marital home over to your ex this does account for and is used as payment for CSA . I have been paying for the last ten years for my daughter who has been slowly poisoned against me by my ex wife and my ex girlfriend who have become great buddies. As a result my daughter has decided she no longer wants to see me or even speek to me on the phone.I was under the impression that this transfer was'nt counted as payment to the CSA but this was a recent publication and I cant remember where I saw it. Would'nt this be great though guys !!!!!!!!!!!!!
15th Apr 08 09:04

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jhrv

It's so sad that mother's use children. Have you got parental rights? If not get them. If you are a decent person there is no reason why you can't get them.I have put up with loads of s**t from my husbands ex. At the end of the day kids want a happy, loved, relaxed life with fun. Try to do that and your kids will love you. xxxxx
20th Mar 08 12:03

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Brian

I could not agree more and my ex is the same in all ways (apart from the Lesbian bit) Two faces, two rules and only on person that she cares about, and it's not the two little boys whose hearts she broke when she asked me to leave while she was having an affair. Now when I'm getting my life back, with a fab new partner and baby on the way a letter from the CSA arrives - she wants more money for herself, not the kids, so rather than work harder (or at all) she thinks I'll do for a few extra quid - but its not from me, it's from my new partner, new baby and the two boys since I won't be able to to take them on holiday if she gets her way.

I paid over the odds to help the boys when I could and will I get a rebate if the CSA say I ever paid too much - will I heck!!! will she get back pay if they say I paid to little - damn right and they'll take it out of my pay. And the best part is she got the house, the kids, the car, no debts and she marrying a dentists so I'm assuming he's not short of money - just short on morals.
17th Mar 08 04:03

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matt

Hi all, my name is matt and I am seeking advice on gaining custody of my identicle twin girls aged seven. My ex wife constently uses them as a wepon against not only my family and myself but her own family as well!. Mygirls are missing out on so much love and happyness, it is a long story and me and my children have a great bond but I have not been allowed to see them now for four weeks and its gutting me. Please help.

my e-mail is matt.sedgley@btinternet.com

kind regards matt
28th Feb 08 10:02

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Rob

Get this then, x wife has made a claim through CSA after saying I was not giving her enough money for my son £200 a month also bearing in mind she had the house furniture. I had the forms through from them and a letter saying I owe her £55 per week. So called them up and told them about my situation, 2 children living with me, son staying twice a week and it turns out I only have to give her £112 a month now. Did I ever forking smile, nearly as much as when the divorce was over.

So all you guys paying through the nose to your x so she can p*ss it up the wall check the CSA website and calculate how much you have to pay. If the spitefull greedy old bike is getting to much then show her who daddy is and go through the CSA before she does.

Just make sure she doesn't use the kids against you though I am ok, my lads 12 and is as strong willed as me so she gets kicked into touch by the pair of us.

Let that be a lesson to any other greedy bloodsucking women out there.
29th Nov 07 01:11

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Billy The Kid

My suggestion would be to "do away" with that dog of the female kind. She deserves it.
She is taking you for a ride my man, just do her!
31st Oct 07 11:10

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divfather2

Your not alone, I have the same problems with x seeing my daughters , at the momment I feel resigned to accept any unfairness to keep the peace, with the depression that has onset I sometimes go three weekends without seeing them so have dettached myself from them, I feel awkward talking to them on the phone so rarely phone them. our weekends usually go OK but it seems that I am expected to be the entertainer and provider of expensive activities or they will get bored and want to go back to Mums because there bedroom is there an its home to them, we share positive momments cuddling on the sofa watching tv together and there are lots of giggles and fun times, the children will come and ask for really big hugs like its a top up of all the hugs there missing, I dont like the tern Non Resident Dad that so many posts use regularly by the way I think it should be "The controlled father with no rights who somehow has learned to accept the unacceptable"
13th Oct 07 11:10

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JJDS

I don't understand how a mother can use her own child as a pawn to play games with her ex husband. Especially when she left him after only 4 months of marriage and sold her engagement and wedding rings after only days. Now 12 years later the games are getting worse. She moved to Chicago for a GREAT PAYING jOB "OVER 6 FIGURES" in her words and didn't even discuss it with her childs father. He let her go agreeing in court he would get 1 weekend a month and 2 weeks in the summer. She had to come on the visits for the first year and now that she's not supposed to come any more she begins making up stories. He and I are living together for over 8 years, which she knows and we've all been friends until now. As soon as she heard wr're getting married she flipped, what did she think we were gonna do? I can't understand this psyco!!!!!!!!!!!! The things she does are unreal, it's as though she sits up at night planning ways to hurt us, never once thinking how she's hurting her daughter!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT KIND OF MOTHER WOULD DO THIS?????????????
9th Aug 07 02:08

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StuartKeith

Chado: She is treated like a human and not a toy! if you read the post you might see what im trying to say! she says she wants her, yet palms her off, and then moans if I cant take her for a while if she wants to go and party!

My daughter is always asking after her brother and misses hime dearly and is always asking me to come get her so she can come over, yet its the mother who stops this!

And why should only one parent get to spend xmas with their kids? she is 7 now and I have not spent one xmas with her since she was born!
22nd Jun 07 12:06

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Morf

You should always remember and put your children first. They should not be tossed between 2 people. I guess I am lucky as both of my children are of the age where they can decide themselves when they want to see their father (15 & 12). However my problem is that he really thinks that spending 6-8 per week with them is quality time! It certainly is not quantity time anyway!
The other problem I have is that he left with no reason to the children but actually went off to live with another woman so the boys do not want to see him if she is around. I have told him this but he thinks I am brainwashing them, they are hurt and confused like many children in their situation.
I think that you must always remember who the adult is in these cirumstances and put yourself in a childs shoes. I try to do this and always tell them that I support them 100% whatever their decisions.
18th May 07 11:05

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Chado

There is too much fighting over who gets the daughter and when? Your daughter is not a toy to be tossed and back forth with! She is a human being with feelings. Sounds like both of you two just need to grow up. I agree its not fair that you can't see your daughter and spend quality time with her as much as like, but consider her feelings. She is probably feeling like a yo-yo being tossed back and forth between you two. I can imagine one of the conversations with your ex may have went something like this: "She's my daughter!" "Well, she's my daughter too." "Yeah, well I'm the mother!" "Yeah, well I'm the father." "You need to respect your daughter for who she is!" "And like you do?"

In Seperations or divorces children have enough trouble coping with the fact that there parents don't know how to love each other correctly... why make it worse by treating your daughter in this way? I agree you should spend time with your daughter... but I don't agree in the mechanism of how you two each handle it, and can't learn to treat a person AS A PERSON. Your daughter not be treated as a toy that you two fight over at Christmas time, or any other time for that matter.
5th May 07 07:05

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stillhateher

Stuart,

Your ex sounds like she just wants to be difficult. Play her at her own game. It goes like this:-

Scenario: you want to see your daughter this weekend

Stu: Hello ex wife b*tch, I'm afraid I cannot have our child this weekend. I'm working.

Her: You effing well better etc. etc. blah blah ungrateful blah I'm a b*tch.

Stu: Okay, I'll call work and make arrangements to have her.

outcome: You get what you want and she thinks she won. Everybody happy!

Good luck!
22nd Feb 07 01:02

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stuartkeith

I offered to have my daughter this week, as its halfterm and she is still at uni! She turned round adn said, "Ide like to spend some time with my daughter you know! I never see her." Which brings me to the questions.

Why do I pay if its not her looking after her?
Why dont you spend time with her, if she lives with you?
Why bother get cust of her if you leave her with others?

I dont understand some people! I bet if I tell her I dont want her this week, ill get a lecture!
20th Feb 07 12:02

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Mark

What a selfish,selfish b**ch! Thank God you're out of that marriage..it's only a pity that it's your daughter which has to suffer as a result. Also, another example of why the CSA is such a failure...hitting the reasonable and responsible Fathers , whilst doing very little to find and extract money from thoses who don't give a damn about their responsibilities.
15th Feb 07 07:02

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honest jane

Eddie its not fair to call this guy a pansy, you stood up for yourself great but sounds like no kids are involved, it would not be that easy if they were.
15th Feb 07 05:02

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honest jane

I feel sorry for this guy, I am female married with two small children and if my marital statue were to change I would hope that I would never use my children as a weapon. you are not on your own I here of it all the time, the ex wife doesnt get her own way and the kids suffer or she takes him for every penny. a friend of a friend the other day had his mid week visit stopped because he had arranged to dropped his children off at a half way point to save the ex a journey, she got the wrong pick up place, he gets the blame. As a mother I would not want my children to suffer and would want a clear conscience however much suffering I may have been put through.
15th Feb 07 04:02

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Eddie

Man what a pansy you are. My wife cheated on me. I packed up her crap and threw her out the house after telling both my parents and hers what she had done.

She now lives in a crappy one bed flat and I'm divorcing her on grounds of adultery. I can do this because I have plenty of evidence from friends to back up my story.

The moral is don't give up the fight. I'll blow up my damn house before I let her get a single peice of it.
15th Feb 07 04:02

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FFJ

Take away the money, and then tell her to get farked. I am sure that their income is enough to cope, and then you can re-arrange your visiting rights with financial incentives.

Alternatively, grab your daughter and run to the sun, go live someplace where she can't find you, look into extradition laws etc.

I rankles me that a good decent honest man can get farked over by his wife, and then used and abused whilst the mum uses the daughter to get back at him, emotional blackmail I think it's called!

or cut and run................your daughter will find you in the end, even better if you journalise it all and then she can read your real feelings for her when she has calmed down! Having been told that ".....your dad ran off without paying a bean and he never loved you etc."

Bitter? Moi?? For sure!
13th Feb 07 08:02

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