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I split up with my ex-partner, the father to my two sons around 3 years ago due to the fact that I was fed up doing everything around the house, whilst he preferred to stay in bed all day and not pull his weight. During the following months I tried to instigate contact between him and the children who were living with me, and was usually met with refusals as he was too busy enjoying his new found freedom - specifically being able to sleep around, get drunk.
On almost a weekly basis he was verbally abusive towards us all, and constantly refused to pay any maintenance towards his children. He would lie to the CSA as to what money he was in receipt of and they never investigated to see if he was telling the truth. At one time he told me to get rid of them both so that he wouldn't have them around his neck!
Last year his family and I arranged access and I said that if he was there while his children was then I was OK with that even though I wasn't really, but his mother was missing her grandsons and I didn't want her to lose out.
I work part-time and I'm at university. I found myself struggling to pay bills one month and I asked him to help me. I was met with the usual reply of "I don't have any money", even though I knew he was going out every weekend with his new partner and was spending money left right and centre. He subsequently started to harass me to the point where the Police had to be involved, so I stopped access and told him to take me to court and let them decide if he was a suitable person to be around his children. The whole ordeal caused me to have a nervous breakdown and I almost lost my job.
I heard nothing from him for months until earlier this year when a solicitor letter arrived requesting access and also for me to agree to him having parental responsibility! My solicitor advised that I should agree to access as a judge would give it anyway, but to refuse parental responsibility due to his previous behaviour. His solicitor was apparently quite shocked when mine stated the things he had said about his sons.
So now he sees them a couple of times a month, but still refuses to pay his way. I can't go through the CSA as he won't tell me where he is living, due to his partner being on benefits and he doesn't want them both to lose them. I still get the usual "I don't have any money" excuse yet he is getting married soon, has purchased a car and the house where he lives is decked out in the latest entertainment equipment. All this whilst at our house we won't even be able to watch TV at all soon as ours is on it's last legs and I can't afford to by a new one with a freeview box. That's just an example of our differences in lifestyle.
The last time he saw the boys he treated them, himself, his partner and her children to a cinema visit followed by lunch, and they came home with a large selection of toys. Well that was very nice, but if he were to pay some form of maintenance for the kids perhaps I could occasionally treat them too. I despair over the whole situation.
By: MonkeyFace
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The usual reason they won't pay the CSA is generally because they think the money gets spent on their ex wife and not the kids! YAWN, YAWN!!! We recently went on holiday as a family. When he found out about this he was always telling his kids, " your going on holiday with my money ".
It is a criminal Offence not to pay CSA. The Baliffs will get involved and you could also be sent to prison. The most important bit of information you can have on the unwilling dad is their address If you have this the CSA will take action!!!! Dads seem to think it's free to bring a child up!!!!! SEND EM TO JAIL, TAKE THEIR PASSPORTS, AND TAKE ALL THEIR GOODS TO THE HAMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You don't deserve to be fathers!
What a joke!
I use the CSA because my ex husband is unwilling to pay for his 2 kids, he is unwilling to pay so has money taken directly. This was a deduction from earnings but as he gave up work (he chose to leave...."i can't do it anymore"!!) it is now a deduction from his benefit(s) - the huge sum of £5 per week (for the 2 kids =£2.50/child/week).
If I have to pay (what has been estimated at £100/year I believe) I will end up getting a total of £10 per year for the kids off him.
It is not my fault he won't pay, I have tried to get this sorted amicably but he is unwilling to pay anything unless he is forced.
How can this be right??
Good luck
All I can say is I can certainly sympasthise with your position.... I was in it myself for a long time. However, due to the fact my ex suddenly took something to do with my child a while ago I just gave up with the CSA and no longer try to collect child support. However,, you are correct in your choice to pursue your ex for his responsibilities. it ws just my personal choice not to as it was just not worth it for me.
All I can advise is that the best thing you can do is make the best out of your life. You can get a good education studying at home if you wish and therefore make decent money. This does nothing but annoy the ignorant people who state that it "shouldnt be a mans responsibility to care for his children as its not his choice and he should be able to stick his d*** where he wants and not have any of the responsibility!" They hate seeing single parents get ahead in life and your ex will no longer have the hold over you... :-)
Good Luck MF!! xxx
Londa