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Ex won't pay maintenance for his children

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I split up with my ex-partner, the father to my two sons around 3 years ago due to the fact that I was fed up doing everything around the house, whilst he preferred to stay in bed all day and not pull his weight.  During the following months I tried to instigate contact between him and the children who were living with me, and was usually met with refusals as he was too busy enjoying his new found freedom - specifically being able to sleep around, get drunk.

On almost a weekly basis he was verbally abusive towards us all, and constantly refused to pay any maintenance towards his children.  He would lie to the CSA as to what money he was in receipt of and they never investigated to see if he was telling the truth.  At one time he told me to get rid of them both so that he wouldn't have them around his neck!

Last year his family and I arranged access and I said that if he was there while his children was then I was OK with that even though I wasn't really, but his mother was missing her grandsons and I didn't want her to lose out.

Coins - ex not paying any maintenance I work part-time and I'm at university.  I found myself struggling to pay bills one month and I asked him to help me.  I was met with the usual reply of "I don't have any money", even though I knew he was going out every weekend with his new partner and was spending money left right and centre.  He subsequently started to harass me to the point where the Police had to be involved, so I stopped access and told him to take me to court and let them decide if he was a suitable person to be around his children.  The whole ordeal caused me to have a nervous breakdown and I almost lost my job.

I heard nothing from him for months until earlier this year when a solicitor letter arrived requesting access and also for me to agree to him having parental responsibility!  My solicitor advised that I should agree to access as a judge would give it anyway, but to refuse parental responsibility due to his previous behaviour.  His solicitor was apparently quite shocked when mine stated the things he had said about his sons.

So now he sees them a couple of times a month, but still refuses to pay his way.  I can't go through the CSA as he won't tell me where he is living, due to his partner being on benefits and he doesn't want them both to lose them.  I still get the usual "I don't have any money" excuse yet he is getting married soon, has purchased a car and the house where he lives is decked out in the latest entertainment equipment.  All this whilst at our house we won't even be able to watch TV at all soon as ours is on it's last legs and I can't afford to by a new one with a freeview box.  That's just an example of our differences in lifestyle.

The last time he saw the boys he treated them, himself, his partner and her children to a cinema visit followed by lunch, and they came home with a large selection of toys.  Well that was very nice, but if he were to pay some form of maintenance for the kids perhaps I could occasionally treat them too.  I despair over the whole situation.

By: MonkeyFace


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Great Mum

Twinkle Toes.... whether you like it or not, your husband still has a duty to his children, regardless of what his ex-wife may 'bring in' or 'collect'. She has EVERY right to plan for, and develop, her own life through savings, and it is not your job to decide on the quality of HER life! My ex-husband only sees his children 2 days every 2 weeks (because that's what he thinks is acceptable), while I attend Uni, work and parent FULL TIME. At the moment, I have to claim benefits, but have paid into the system for 20+ years without ever claiming!! He is back, living with his parents (approaching 40) working 18hrs a week at his Uncle's pub... and refuses to get any other work as 'he doesn't like it'.... despite his responsibility to the electricity, food, clothing, car payments, extra curricular activities, school outings, etc. that contribute to the well-being of his kids, which all come our of the pockets of my parents and myself. I would hardly look at my life as 'affluent', but am doing a damn site more with a damn site less than he is... and he is FULLY capable of working, but thinks he's 'better than the jobs available'. You knew what you were getting into when you got married your husband, and his children came FIRST - live with it!! It says more about his ex-wife that she takes full responsibility to even qualify for 'his' money and shouldn't have to be broke just to make you feel better!!!
31st Oct 12 01:10

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twinkle toes

I'm sorry but I think e are all forgetting that single mothers rake in a whole host of benefits. You all mention working and your money alone is bringing up your child however you are paid hundreds of pounds a month in tax credits and child benefit which these fathers will not be getting. My husbands ex wife is in reciept of 900 a month in benefits for 2 kids plus wages plus 300 from him even thou the kids live with us 3 nights a week!!!! She ends up taking hoMe more money ( tax free I may add) for working part time than my husband does for working a 44 hour week!! Yet she refuses to buy the kids a decent winter coata and feeds them rubbish!! I also know for a fact that a lot of mothers are not spending a penny of the csa money on their kids !! I know that there are men who run away and of course they should Pay something however the system is skewed towards women a lot of whom are terrible mothers and bitter about there ex moving on!! A note to susan my hsbands ex likes to believe that the kids don't get on with me howere the opposite is true her daughter has asked several times to live with us and lies to her mum to save the constant questioning she gets over us!!! Note to all these women stop crying over money get out there get a job and pay your own way there are many married couples and single peoplle who haven't had kids who would love to get so much free money for nothing!?!
23rd Oct 12 01:10

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-18

STEVEN MARTIN

Listen, I've recently became a dad and will always provide for my son whether i'm with my partner or not!!!! Sadly, too many dads are unwilling to part with their money or essential things like gas, electricity, water, food, etc!! The reason this subject is particularly sensitive is my partner had 2 children with her ex when i met her. He pays CSA direct to my wife through their banks. When she first contacted the CSA he was angry, claiming that the kids wouldn't be able to go on holidays anymore. They've since been to Disney world with him and his new partner, so no more holidays was a lie!!

The usual reason they won't pay the CSA is generally because they think the money gets spent on their ex wife and not the kids! YAWN, YAWN!!! We recently went on holiday as a family. When he found out about this he was always telling his kids, " your going on holiday with my money ".

It is a criminal Offence not to pay CSA. The Baliffs will get involved and you could also be sent to prison. The most important bit of information you can have on the unwilling dad is their address If you have this the CSA will take action!!!! Dads seem to think it's free to bring a child up!!!!! SEND EM TO JAIL, TAKE THEIR PASSPORTS, AND TAKE ALL THEIR GOODS TO THE HAMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You don't deserve to be fathers!
15th Jun 12 11:06

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claire

hi , i am a mum off twin boys age 14yrs there dad has never payed a thing for them and see,s them when suits , so had to involve csa , he has now left his job and gone selfemployed to hide earnings , csa has said they cant do nothing now , any ideas on what to do nxt ? many thanks .
30th Mar 12 02:03

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-7

GSM73

Most of you all should know that there will come a time when you can not handle these kids by your selves all you are talking about is money money is the reasons you kept your legs open was it the agenda all along? about the children's well being ? have thought about before you concentrate on temporary solutions instant gratification dosent pay actually CSA Has made the situation worse thanks to labour Gov't fathers are working 24/7 to keep up with the CSA THREATENING CALLS one friend of mine has seen his kids twice in four month he £700 plus arrears he is left with £730 is that protected income stupid moroons from csa with single mother he has now emotionally detached from his kids he now just works for CSA AND HIS EX WIFE WHO SPENDS IT ON BOOZE
14th Mar 12 06:03

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Pat

So the government want to charge the parent with care to use the CSA to collect/administer payments from the non resident parent??

What a joke!

I use the CSA because my ex husband is unwilling to pay for his 2 kids, he is unwilling to pay so has money taken directly. This was a deduction from earnings but as he gave up work (he chose to leave...."i can't do it anymore"!!) it is now a deduction from his benefit(s) - the huge sum of £5 per week (for the 2 kids =£2.50/child/week).

If I have to pay (what has been estimated at £100/year I believe) I will end up getting a total of £10 per year for the kids off him.

It is not my fault he won't pay, I have tried to get this sorted amicably but he is unwilling to pay anything unless he is forced.

How can this be right??
26th Jan 12 05:01

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H b

This all sounds so familiar! It's so infuriating when they r living the life of Riley while we are struggling with all the responsibility and the finances. All I can say is it's his loss, being a patent is the most rewarding thing in the world
23rd May 11 10:05

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18

shulla

if my ex patner not workin, ive got 2 children with him, still they need to get child maintenance from their father?
17th Feb 11 12:02

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vpblue

I feel for you!!!!! I can see that you are an intelligent, independent woman trying to build a strong future for your children, probably in order to avoid history to repeat itself. You probably thought that you could make it, and you can, as long as life does not throw illnesses or dramatic situations in your way, and I am not refering to an ex who refuses to pay for your children's maintenance. You probably wanted to prove that you don't need him, and still, despite his lack of effort and cooperation, despite being the anti-role model for your children, you cannot deny him the joy or the right to be a parent. Only, he doesn't want it, he doesn't understand that it is no longer about him or you, it is just about the kids. You might be the one spending the child maintenance in your weekly shopping, and so what????? If it means that your children will have their 5 a day instead of eating chips and pizza every day, then, so be it, it is a contribution towards your children long term well being. Do not spare him!!!!!! Do take pity on your ex and his girlfriend because they are miserable. We took about a man who should big himself up and look for work to be able to put his children FIRST!!!!!! Just like you. Children are not born with instruction. How do some men dare believing that it is any easier for women to raise kids!!!! It is not, but if some of them choose to give up on their responsibility, you need to have no compassion, and get them to help the one way left by hitting them hard where it hurts, and it's not where you think, oh no, but in their wallet!!!! 3 letters for you CSA...
Good luck
27th Jan 11 08:01

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-12

snowgirl

Can someone please give me some advice, my ex has promised that he will help with child maintenance but hasn't, he has however bought her some clothes when he visits which is becoming less and less infrequent. He is extremely self obsessed and a compulsive liar, cheat, the usual and really and unpleasant man, I don't know what I saw in him, however that is a different story. He now has money (he had some money issues but now has a good job) and I have tried to do things reasonably as I have given up on his broken promises but have heard some bad things about the CSA. I now don't know whether I should go to the CSA or forget all about him as I think he will disappear anyway and don't see it as a big loss for my daughter even though I need the help financially, thanks for your advice.
23rd Dec 10 10:12

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Bella

I am a single working mother with one child. I was forced to go through the CSA as my ex stopped paying maintenance after he got married. The CSA have been a nightmare, everyone telling me different things. These range from when my ex would be liable to pay from to when I would recieve the payments. I am really fed up with them, all I want is a straight answer. I have had to sell my TV and I am behind with my rent. The payment schedule they send out fail to tell me that my ex's employers have until the 19th of the following month for the payment to reach them then add an additional 5 days after that to reach me. I have just received the first payment and guess what it was short by over £60, when I contacted them they hadn't noticed that it was short. I have had enough if my daughter and I could live without the money then I wouldn't proceed. I was under the impression that the CSA had improved well if this is an improvement I hate to think what they were like before.
3rd Dec 10 06:12

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Ceejay

Does anybody know whether it is possible to claim maintenance for an 18 year old when the resident parent works away from monday to friday but the 18 year old lives in their house? I thought that maintenance was only paid to the 'carer' of the child, how can this be if the 'carer' is not there?
3rd Dec 10 03:12

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21

Linz

Hi Monkey Face

All I can say is I can certainly sympasthise with your position.... I was in it myself for a long time. However, due to the fact my ex suddenly took something to do with my child a while ago I just gave up with the CSA and no longer try to collect child support. However,, you are correct in your choice to pursue your ex for his responsibilities. it ws just my personal choice not to as it was just not worth it for me.

All I can advise is that the best thing you can do is make the best out of your life. You can get a good education studying at home if you wish and therefore make decent money. This does nothing but annoy the ignorant people who state that it "shouldnt be a mans responsibility to care for his children as its not his choice and he should be able to stick his d*** where he wants and not have any of the responsibility!" They hate seeing single parents get ahead in life and your ex will no longer have the hold over you... :-)

Good Luck MF!! xxx
24th Nov 10 10:11

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Mick

Dave how dare you make those comments! You obviously didn't read the same as me or maybe you think it's fine for a man to want to get rid of his sons so he doesn't have them "hanging round his neck". It is obviously you who is bitter about your own situation and having a go at someone who is only doing best by her children and she didn't stop access due to his lack of monetry payments. Also she has a job and is going to university to better herself for her childrens future. Plus he didn't make contact for months. Seriously if you want to help yourself stop making ridiculous comments, also you don't want to pay money to your ex so she can sit around, seems to me like you are the one spiting your own child. I'm sorry if your situation is bad and if your ex is genuinely using your child as a weapon but you really ought to read things through properly before being horrible to someone, it really doesn't show you in a good light.
23rd Nov 10 06:11

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-13

dave

you are a wrongen! u stopped access becauuse he wont give you money? and now your jealous that he is treating the children. you sound extremely bitter that he has moved on and want to punish him via your children. it shouldnt be down to money, it should be down to love. if you are poor get a job and if you cant touch his earnings I am glad. my child's mother had my son without my agreement and has stopped me seeing the baby unless I get back with her. I will not pay her a penny of my hard earned income just for her to sit on her backside and be on the dole then dictate to me when I can and cannot see my child. people like you should just be happy that he wants to see his children because there is alot of women that would pay for their kids to have a dad. as opposed to you who wants him to pay for that privilege!
3rd Oct 10 06:10

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-25

dave

you are a wrongen! u stopped access becauuse he wont give you money? and now your jealous that he is treating the children. you sound extremely bitter that he has moved on and want to punish him via your children. it shouldnt be down to money, it should be down to love. if you are poor get a job and if you cant touch his earnings I am glad. my child's mother had my son without my agreement and has stopped me seeing the baby unless I get back with her. I will not pay her a penny of my hard earned income just for her to sit on her backside and be on the dole then dictate to me when I can and cannot see my child. people like you should just be happy that he wants to see his children because there is alot of women that would pay for their kids to have a dad. as opposed to you who wants him to pay for that privilege!
3rd Oct 10 05:10

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-11

my ex is a laffin stock !

God this all sounds soo familiar. Am in the same boat, I have been to Court because I didnt want my little girl near her father, he doesnt know how to treat her or even speak to her. He was granted access when its convenient to all parties but does not pay any maintenance ! He has parental responsibility but as far as his concerned that just means he can see her when HE wants ... he has told us that he has to support his girlfriend and her 2 children (who call him Dad) and that it is down to me to support our daughter financially. I work hard and have a full time job, I struggle to pay bills, let alone cloth n feed my children and this man is out every week buyin himself or his girlfriend things when some of his money should be going towards his daughter! he left his job when the CSA caught up with him. HOW CAN THESE MEN GET AWAY WITH IT ... he is now threatening to take me back to court because my daughhter doesnt want to see him or speak to him because of the way he is towards me and her brother and the fact that he ignores her when they are together or always has his mother or sisters in tow to help him ... totally pathetic !
2nd Oct 10 11:10

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-10

Carrie

In a similar position. The ex is self-employed, taken creative accounting to extraordinary limits - just claiming pay of one day a week, but full time hours, so he doesn't have to pay any maintenance for his children. The CSA can do nothing, as officially all his paperwork matches, so he looks poor. Yet in 6 months he's been on holiday twice, once abroad, bought a new car, computer, mobile phone, blackberry and two digital camera. He claims he's on below minimum wage. I'd love to be this poor.
22nd Sep 10 12:09

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-3

andyc

trac... nothing you you can do. if he is living off his wifes earning then the csa cannot do anything. If he has done that to get out of paying for his kids then he is a total gobsh*te.
14th Sep 10 05:09

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trac

can you help me out on this please my sons father has given up work so he dosen't need to pay Child Maintenance but his wife works instead can I still claim Child Maintenance he also stopped all contact for over a year now
9th Sep 10 12:09

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0

Susan

Hi my name is sue. I have got the same problem. Me and my ex agreed that our marriage was over nearly four years ago. I didnt have a problem with that I was glad. The real problems started when he meet hes now wife (he was we me for 22 years). The main problem is my daughter who is now 9. She has got a big problem with he's new wife and her son. This has been going on now for 4 years. I had to put a stop to he's access as I just couldn't send her every other weekend as she was clearly unhappy and scared. I have tired many times to talk to my ex but all I get is abuse. Now im waiting for a court case and about to lose our home as I have had no mainteance money from him as he is not working, but everbody else hes got the house, the cars, holidays. Me and my little girl just get by with my wages. I will never ever for give him or trust a another man after what he has put us through. I gave him 22 years of my life and this is how he treat us.
15th Aug 10 09:08

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4

angieovhull

I am in the same situation as all of you, my ex partner had not paid a penny maintenance in 13 yrs for our daughter, however November 2009 the CSA finally started taking payments from him, he then met my daughter and has had a realtionship with her in the last 8 mths,, however now he has decided to give up his job so that his wife can go back to work fulltime and he doesnt have tpo pay child support. I amangry over how he can be allowed to get away with this and feel like the CSA or the courts should still be able to get maintenace payments off him whether hes in work or not, basically his wife should be made to pay this. Do you think if I took it to court it would help???
31st Jul 10 06:07

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provdingdad

I am the partner of the PWC. We have twins plus I have two step children from her marriage. Anyway we have been together now for 8 years. In 2004 we went to the CSA because the NRP, was failing to provide for his kids. He obtained a contact order ( to have control over my partner) to see his kids; but having been awarded contact, guess what he failed to comply, he even failed to turn up for court hearings; the court through the case out in 2009. Anyway the CSA did obtain two DEO against him, he mover and baliffs were involved, but they only obtained 450 pounds. He was due to be in Court in Feb ( for arrears of nearly 10,000 pounds), Because he was now unemployed the CSA nor the Courts would hear the case. We have had no maint since Jan 2008 and now just get 5 a week from his Job Seekers allowance; we know why he is unemployed,. because he does not want to pay the money he could and should of. Before you ask, the children have not seen him for 2 years, nor do they want to see him anymore. We now wait for Court action to recover over 10,000 pounds
10th Jul 10 07:07

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5

nightmare ex

I have a one and two year old and separated from their father 6 months ago, he was verbally and emotionally abusive. I suffered severe depression, made worse by the pressure on me to always take care of our financial situation, even going back to work when my youngest was 3months (i work from home) but still taking care of both babies, cooking, cleaning etc. My partner,s income dwindled too nothing (he is a musician) but he turned down work that in his mind, paid too little and now has taken up bmxing as a full time hobby so rarely works or tries to find work. He also has a 20year marijuana habit which costs about 10-20 a day. We made an agreement for £100 a month in maintenance when we split, because we still argue over the phone and there is a lot of bad feeling left, he does not pay as a way to spite me (in the past he sold my posessions, let me pay for everything we needed whilst hiding his own money, ...) he has now said he will not pay a penny and so I have stopped access in the hope he will miss the girls and stick to our agreement.. He suggested a monthly transfer but has not and now will not do it. Am I wrong to do this? The children are young enough, I think, to accept that they see him when they see him. He cannot separate our issues from the needs of the children, which are a shared responsibility. He left us by the way and has a son from a previous relationship that he sees but doesn,t fully support. He avoids csa and tax man etc
16th May 10 10:05

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F Webb

I would like to know how many parents with care there are out there who, like me, have to battle to get a pittance from their ex-partner. My ex-husband pays no spousal maintenance and the CSA have fought over the last five years to get minimal child maintenance from him as he insists on being self-employed. He now declares at least a quarter of the earning capacity he had ten years ago, works part-time, looks after a dog and has learned to cook for his new family. So, he has virtually become a house-husband, allowing the new partner, who has a large earning capacity to work full-time, knowing he can run around after her child if need be. Obviously, I have no claim on her income. I know I am not alone in this - the CSA do all they can but, in a case like this, my child lives with a continually exhausted mother from the stress of finances, working and trying to make ends meet.
11th May 10 06:05

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becca c

my ex is working on oil rigs he earns a reall good wage, he got fired in december, but started work in january, he has lied to csa and said hes not working, he rings my daughter every other day 3 weeks from home he rings then 4 weeks from abrode, so I know he is working. csa have been investigateing it since january, but he hasnet awnserd any of there letters or phone calls, so they said they have now contacted the inland revinue, and are goign to see if he is paying tax, and if he is they said they will back date the payments to january, mean while he re-married and she has 3 kids,(not his) and the took almost half the money of me to pay for her kids. I think that is discusting, surley them kids have there own dad that provides for them, but now they puish my daughter for her dad re-marring a women with children. so when I do get money for my daughter it will be reduced alot because hes re-married a women with children. I havent married, but I wonder if I do, will that man be then expected to pay for my daughter , and if he had other children would they take money of them . this just dosent seem right, men should pay only for children that are theres. my ex discusts me in teh way he behaves, he has a reall good job earning a good wage, but yet he lies and refuses to pay, but expects that I should ask his pommition to take my daughter on holiday and that I should make sure we are in everyother day at 5,30 so he can talk to her,a nd if where not he leaves abusive messages, csa just takes too long to sort these things out, and teh way the work out payments is just beyond stupid,
27th Apr 10 12:04

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-2

cat

My ex refuses to pay mainnents for both our sons and I have no contact details as our 14yr old has taken very ill we are both to fault
5th Apr 10 11:04

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0

Karen B

1 complaint in writing to the CSA, make sure recorded delivery as they have a habit of losing post!
2 complaint in writing same as above but to ICE (Independent Case Examiner) they take ages but will do a report, also your MP.
3 complaint, same as above to Chief Ex of CSA.
4 Ask the Criminal Compliance Unit (CSA) to get bank account details, etc via Credit Ref Agencies - this for Self Employed but they can also get info for people whose 'exs' in work but dont know details for DOE (Detachment of Earnings order)
5 Ask CSA for special payments if mistakes, they are from £25 to £250
6 Ask CSA for Advance payment, this is a payment given to you which can be in the thousands from the CSA which they in turn claim back off the NRP, i.e. charging order on property, etc.
7. DONT GIVE UP, BE VOCAL AND TRY TO GET MEDIA INVOLVED AS THE CSA HATE IT IF THE MEDIA GETS INVOLVED, AND I KNOW AS THATS THE REASON WHY I GOT AN ADVANCE PAYMENT BECAUSE OF WATCHDOG.
GOOD LUCK

Join our facebook group Child Support Agency failings and sign the petition.

Hopefully if enough people sign the petition, we could get heard!

Also to see what the CSA have done for you -

The Child Support Agency
Data Protection Unit
Room BP6002
DWP Benton Park View
Longbenton
Newcastle upon Tyne NE98 1YX.

Reference No:

Dear sir or madam

Please send me the information to which I am entitled to under section 7(1) of the Data Protection... Act 1998. I request all computer and clerical records to which I am entitled, and would ask that the notepad sections of the computer files are dated.
If you need further information from me, or a fee, please let me know as soon as possible.
If you do not normally handle these requests for your organisation, please pass this letter to your Data Protection Officer or another appropriate official.

Yours faithfully
28th Jan 10 11:01

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0

maggie

My ex has also moved from the area takening me to court for access and PR, why should he be given PR when he earns 4 times what I do and wont contribute to our child, he has a women down where hes living and another one here maintaining the house he rents. He will not support our child and when it supposed to go to court he makes excuses and cost a forture that I have it pay, therefore making our lifes nothing but a daily chore, if I didnt have family I dont know what I would do.
8th Jan 10 06:01

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0

Anon

Lisa,
As your ex lives in Holland, you can apply to the courts for a maintenance order, and then get it enforced under the Reciprocal Enforcement of Maintenance Orders legislation. Type REMO into a search engine for more info.
Monkeyface,
You can apply to the CSA even if you don't know where he lives. Give them as much info as possible, i.e. full name, date of birth, previous addresses, national insurance number, and they will likely be able to trace the address he currently uses. (this may not be where he is actually living, but if it is the address from which he is claiming benefits, that will be good enough, as that is where he is claiming to be living).
I wish you the best of luck for the future.
22nd Dec 09 03:12

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0

friend

Lisa I know how you feel, although my ex only sees our children because his girlfriend cant have her own, he does it to keep her happy but didn't give a dam about them until he met her.
17th Dec 09 09:12

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0

Lisa

Where do I begin!! I have a 23mth old that didnt see her dad until 2 weeks ago after he dragged me through court over stupid stuff and to see his daughter which I have never stopped him.
He saw her 2 weeks ago and I due again this weekend at a contact centre, because his new girlfriend doesnt like it he is starting to make excuses not to turn up.

i have tryed to get the CSA involved and because his employer is in holland he doesn't have to pay me a penny and there is nothing I can do. I am angry that he can get away with it and live with his new girlfriend an her son(which is not his) and treat him to everything. he refuses to pay for his own daughter. where do men get off on treating their own kids this way but not someone elses?
16th Dec 09 07:12

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1

stu

I live with my partner who is disabled. I am her carer too she is able to claim money to help with her health problems, but the little money she gets seems to go on everything but her. She has one child by her ex. I have two children to an ex too. I work to pay my maintenance because I think it’s very important. I see my children often. They didn’t choose to be born, myself and my ex made that choice. So my maintenance is as important as paying the mortgage.
My partners ex however doesn’t pay anything. The court ordered him to pay, but his payments soon stopped. He now owes several thousand pounds. She took him to court again but as usual he lied, he has no money. She can’t get legal aid to take it further to enforce the original court order, she was told to go to the CSA. £6 per week and she hasn’t even got that. He owns his house outright, and must have something coming in to pay the bills. Gas electric council tax etc He runs 2 cars and a motorbike. It all costs money. He is a member of the Territorial Army and also has a part time job.
It seems if you don’t want to pay, you can get away with it by lying.
I don’t mind providing for my step daughter as she came as a package with my partner, and I do love her to bits, but it does cause problems when we argue over money when it’s short.
Is there nothing that can be done to make absent parents pay????
14th Dec 09 11:12

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0

Sally

I have just read a gripe published by Angie about "Ex husband won't pay child support". I got divorced in 1992 and my ex husband moved to France. I was unable to claim child support, we had 2 girls together the eldest being handicapped. He never supported them or came to see them even though he came to our area to visit his family. He would arrange to phone my youngest daughter and she would sit by the phone waiting - the calls never came!!!
He went on to marry the daughter of a well known botanist (David Bellamy) who always talks about how important family is - should have a word with his son in law - and had more children.
I do not think that fathers like this should be able to have more children if they do not pay for children they have already fathered.

Unfortunately I was unable to work because I was caring 24/7 which meant that everyone else who worked had to pay for his children. I hope there are more people out there who agree with me because men or women who give up on their responsibilities in my eyes are the scum of the earth.
9th Dec 09 06:12

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caz

What I think they should do is go back to the old ways , ignore the CSA , and when agreements are made in court the woman has to allow contact in a safe enviroment and the man has to honour his payments then if either breaks the contract then they in trouble. At the moment the CSA has no powers as such yet the main carer is answerable to a judge. I do appreciate money shouldn't be an issue, but in life it is important to be able to look after the children
2nd Dec 09 08:12

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Useless UK courts

So, what is the result? The useless judges, CSA, barristers and other agencies couldnt make your ex to pay anything through child care cost? Is that all?
7th Nov 09 08:11

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Jason

Who exactly is at fault here? You! Unless you were forced into marriage with this man then you've only yourself to blame. Why do women chose losers, then when they get burned bleet to everyone about how they've been wronged? I've no sympathy for you. If you're a bad judge of charater then you need to wise up?
17th Oct 09 05:10

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mrs griper

shut up honest dad, there must be a reason why she doesn't let you see the kids, you sound like a p***k, why should the government or your ex's new partner pay for YOUR children....no wonder the kids have turned against you, you have told them you don't want to pay for them.
14th Oct 09 08:10

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honest dad

The answer is simple it costs the government nearly 4 times as much to collect matainance than is paid. They screw honest farthers and leave the hard to get ones alone to keep up there figures.Scrap the csa department all together and have the government pay the money and they will save millions every year and I bet they won`t pay out half as much as we have to because it will be means tested.
Now my gripe,
My ex lives with someone(with a good income) and they don`t want to know as he works away and has his own house, she has thousands hidden that she dose not declare and I get screwed and to cap it all I have`nt been able to see my kids for 4 years as she has turned them against me.
13th Oct 09 12:10

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you are a joke GL

well sounds as if you were right in divorcing her, she sounds like my ex husband..although thankfully he did not sleep with anybody I know, my friends and family are loyal to each other, by the way what kind of family and friends would do that to a person they should love?! At least we share the same opinion about something, marriage is not a joke and should be taken seriously. (Who is florida girl? I have looked up and down the comments and there is no florida girl, if you are implying that I am florida girl, I am not)
7th Oct 09 11:10

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three cheers

What a gripping live some do lead, get your priorities right; entertain your family or tidy up the garage :)
5th Oct 09 11:10

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Gainsborough lad.

Mr Hicks, I had a look at that, not my type of interest I have to admit, but at least it's not a case of somebody running out of words and then changing their nickname and just giving off vile insults and false accusations, at least you and MikeP put some obvious thought into your letters.
4th Oct 09 07:10

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Mr Hicks

*That posting has got to be the most crappest on here since the site began.
*Gainsborough lad
NO, Its not!

The one MikeP(reposterous) posted at 15:24 on the poor use of english is!
4th Oct 09 07:10

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Gainsborough lad.

My wife was in the same room as me, she was watching tv, and I was on the computer, I hope that answers some more of your problems with me, by the way, floridagirl, have you ran out of words, because you are now down to changing your nickname when you are beaten, and resorting to insults, what's the matter, aleedsfella and me just too good for you, or you just don't like reading the truth.
4th Oct 09 07:10

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in agreement

I think you have a serious problem Gainsborough Lad, after reading many of your posts I think you have a serious attitude problem towards women and need professional counseling...thats not a dig at you, it will help you deal with your problems! I agree with you are a joke GL!!!! at 23.48 he should be tucked up in bed with his perfect wife.PS I am a man not a woman as you probably assume I am.
4th Oct 09 06:10

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Gainsborough lad.

That posting has got to be the most crappest on here since this site began, I suggest you read the previous postings before you put finger to keyboard.
4th Oct 09 06:10

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you are a joke GL!!!! lol

Gainsborough lad, I can't stand adulterers such as my ex husband who then put the blame on me for his actions, then left me for yet another woman and hates me for divorcing him, I feel sorry for your wife, you burden her with too much from what car you drive to what underwear you should wear...poor woman..you must be soooo lazy!!!!! oh and if she is such a good wife why are you up at 23.48 on here instead of being in bed with her....your life must be one big roller coaster of fun!!!
4th Oct 09 03:10

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Gainsborough lad.

Muse, she is european to be more precice, we met in Mallorca in 93, still together, 3 kids, and she runs our household not me, she chooses holidays, furnishings, days out, what we eat, and what we wear, even the family car, and by the way I like woman, but can't stand adultresses who when caught out, then think that their ex-husbands have to pay for their deliberate failures in the marriage, the likes of me just want fair justice in this country for our fellow men, not what they are getting now, I do hope that puts your pack of lies about me into a better perspective.
3rd Oct 09 11:10

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muse

monkeyface, ignore the likes of gainsborough lad, he dosen't like women very much, which is why he went out and bought himself a nice Thai bride, she knows her place and would not dare have an opinion that he dosen't agree with.
3rd Oct 09 11:10

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MonkeyFace

Thanks everyone for your comments...just to clarify a few things.

I was the only one bringing money in as he stopped working due to mental health problems 4 years before I told him to leave . But what I didn't know until he left was that he had been claiming benefits using his mother's address - whenever I found money in his trouser pockets when doing the laundry, he claimed it was a gift off his mum!

We had been best friends since childhood, but unfortunately he had a nervous breakdown and didn't recover - he took medication and was eventually able to work, however he refused to...he said he didn't see the need due to me earning money!

As for "girls breeding"...I was 25 and 28 when I gave birth to my children, and we were both working full time and had a mortgaged house...hardly straight out of school, one night stand and straight into a council house huh?

My sons have been to his house a couple of times, hence how I know about the entertainment equipment.

This week he has now said that he doesn't want to see them any more, because he is worried that his partner and himself will get prosecuted for benefit fraud if he discloses his address...this is now the 7th or 8th time he has said this.

No doubt in a few months he will surface again when he needs to have a bit of a adrenalin shot by trying to take control again...he is a control freak with a fear of responsibility, and has anger management issues.
3rd Oct 09 07:10

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aleedsfella

I refuse to pay the x ! I was their 100% for my kids but she wanted a change! me and my kids got no say in the matter ? As long as we men tolerate this pathetic system we will continue to loose our children and homes........Its time to get the battle of the sex's going for real!
28th Sep 09 10:09

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Lottie

MonkeyFace

I'm a little confused if you don't know where he lives how do you know that his house is decked out with the latest entertainment equipment?

You seem to know alot about him.
28th Sep 09 03:09

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Gainsborough lad.

Steal, what it is , when you get wed in your early twenties you dont think that after your first child, that your bossy new wife will be having affairs behind your back, left, right, and centre.
then the ssa come along and financially ruin the rest of your life, then you can't see your kid, because in this country it is the ex who decides that, and finaly it will be all your fault because every-body sticks up for the xxxxs in this country, the only thing they can't take off the bloke is the truth, but they will have a bloody good go at it.
25th Sep 09 10:09

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Steal

You know what this whole site in the family section is about ex's that wont pay or CSA getting involved.. WHY.. are you people breeding cant you girls get on the pill or something or stop sleeping around?? its starting to become an epidemic this CSA issue... if he doesn't want to pay let him walk away.. let him miss out on your childrens life.. he will suffer not you.

But importantly people stop breeding with people you either don't know or have a future with... the child support agency isn't there for one nighters or short term relationships, its for REAL relationships, and marriage break down.. its smells to me that women are using the CSA as a career..... there are little peoples lives being effected here.. think you stupid people!
25th Sep 09 01:09

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eeek gadz

I really sympathise with you. I grew up with an absent father who never paid a penny to my Mum to help her bring up me and my 3 siblings. He left my Mum for another woman and went on to have another family with her, he spent money on left, right and centre on her/their new family and never gave a thought for us or how my Mum was managing financially. We existed (just about) on benefits.

I believe your ex is spiteful and manipulative. It's good that he now sees his kids and that he spends some money on them although I feel the money would be better spend buying them clothes than toys. Your in a situation where your children will think your Dad is the best thing on two legs because he spoils them, unfortunately you can't afford to do the same as money is really tight for you at the moment. This is probably one way where he feels he has some power over you and is making you 'suffer' but he doesn't see that his children are suffering too.

If you get his Mum on side maybe she could influence how he spends his money i.e. buying the kids clothes, I think you have a long hard battle ahead of you trying to get him to cough up and take some responsibility.

As the others have said speak to your solicitor, tell him/her the whole story and ask their advice.

Good luck.
24th Sep 09 10:09

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Clarite

All I can say is that you are lucky is out of your home, my ex is refusing to move, refusing to pay any money towards the keeps of the house and kids and is threatening to take me to court in order to sell the house. Our kids don't talk to him, don't expect anything out of him and wish that he was gone elsewhere but I picked the wrong guy to buy a house with and to have kids with and there is very little that the law can do for us apart from taking my precious cash away. I would suggest that if your kids are happy to go to their father's place, let them and if they don't want to then let them make it clear to their dad's in their own time and in their own way (otherwise he'll say that you have organized this). Same goes for the grandparents. Good luck.
24th Sep 09 09:09

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LDS

I've just re-read your post, whilst the new woman ihas nothing to do with you, if she is cheating the benefits system, that's her doing and she has to deal with the consequences! This has nothing to do with you or your kids!
23rd Sep 09 09:09

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LDS

Were you married at the time your kids were born? If he is on the birth certificate then he automatically gets parental responsibility? Or where they born after 1st Dec 03? If they were, and he is on the BC then again he has PR.

As for his new partner, her benefits don't come into consideration when calculating CSA payments, so he is just being selfish there! And really his ex and what she gets has nothing to do with you.

I'd write to his solicitor and tell them he is not providing them with his current address and that you'll be telling the CSA the lawyers details for address confirmation. Or do you have his national insurance number as they'll be able to trace him through that?

As for the inlaws, just because its not working out for you and the ex don't take it out on them. The kids will lose out and that's unfair and being selfish, so you'll have to swallow your pride with that one. As much as you hate it, you are putting your kids first there, which is great.

Good luck with it all.
23rd Sep 09 08:09

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Gainsborough lad.

So you wasn't working, and I presume he was, so you chucked him out for that, but still want his cash, you chucked him out because the government will take over from him financially, now he has found someone else, and he is treating her kids, he sounds like a good bloke taking on someone elses kids, do you now regret chucking him out?
sorry to say this but you are an architect of your own misfortune.
23rd Sep 09 08:09

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Onlooker

1. If he refuses to tell you his address, give the CSA his solicitors name/address instead. His solicitor can hardly refuse to cough up this information can they?

2. Tell your solicitor to write to your ex's solicitor, demanding that he hand over 6 months of bank statements to back up his claim of "I have no money". If he refuses to supply evidence, this will be taken as indication that he really has enough money, and must pay up. He may ignore the request but at least it tells him you're not accepting his claim at face value.

3. Suggest mediation through a professional mediator - again he may refuse but refusing mediation will not count in his favour.

4. If he's not working, and is a lazy slob, then where is he getting all this money?
23rd Sep 09 04:09

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