Jealous ex-wives use kids as pawns

My husband's ex has told him unless he gets a divorce from me, he can't see his daughter. His daughter is mentally ill and has threatened to kill me if she is in my presence. Psychiatrists have said she should never be around me. My husband has supported this for 5 years but even today, his ex called and told him he will rot in hell for not getting a divorce so that he can see his daughter. NO ONE has said he can't see his daughter - just not in our house. Her mother is mentally ill also. It has been hell. She fits all of the above in your case and then some. We have had the police involved because of death threats and her other daughter coming on our property to verbally assault me and threaten to physically assault me. It was so bad, the neighbours called the police. My husband and I believe we have a good marriage but with the problems of mental illness, etc., it has been too challenging to bear. To all of the jealous women out there, get a shrink. Your behaviour is destructive to all involved, especially the children. No child should have to be used as a pawn to support the jealousy of lunatic women. Everyone has jealous tendancies = it's how you deal with them that counts. I didn't ask for any of this. I just got married. You tend to make yourselves look good by using your own warped sense of logic. You have ruined everyone's life who is involved. Give it up and get on with your life using some positive sense of compassion, if you can at all.

My husband to be split up with his wife over 4 years ago he has got two lovely children and from the moment I met him his Ex has tried everything to discredit him.
He was having problems in his marrage his wife was having an affair, we met and he left as soon as he did it started small things at first damage to our cars threats from her family then she made serious allegations to the police which my partner got arrested for we went through a year of hell and because she is a very good liar a crown court case which the judge himself called her a drama queen and liar and my partner was cleared of all allegations.
His children were stuck in the middle of all of this and I am sure will be affected later in life since she was found out to be a liar she left the area taking the children, everytime we track them down (so we can go to court to get a contact order) she moves again 'Using the children as pawns' it has been 18 months since my partner has seen his children which breaks his heart he has always paid child maintenance always worked and loves his children very much I just wish sometimes certain so called mothers (not all mothers) could grow up and move on and put the most important people first CHILDREN.
Message to 'Jealous ex-wives use kids as pawns' dont worry you are not the only ones this is just a small part of what we have been through these women only attack the good men and it will make your relationship stronger my partner always says now I lost 10 years of my life and now I am awake and can see how good life can be.

Having read your message and the comments I realise im not alone in whats happening to me.
Lived with my partner 4 years his son moved in with us a year ago. when ex moved 120 miles away with 15yr old daughter .She constantly does everything she can to make life as hard as possible for my partner to see his daughter and says terrible things to her about both him and me (names)
He didnt leave her for me.
we had planned to take the 15yr old on hols for her t16th wife refused passport..caused so much stress.
I have never come across such pure hatred.
I sypathise with you.
I realise this will be with us for ever.
I just dont quite know how to deal with it as ive never been "hated" before.
my ex and I are better friends now than ever before
you cant change it happening
but
you can change how you deal with it
good luck

Charlotte--I've been there. No matter how hard you try, it is hard to not associate all the pain & misery of the abusive ex with the child/children. I did what I knew to be right as a parent & made sure my stepson felt welcome and we played together--and luckily he loves me very much--but that his mother is so constantly hateful--sometimes I can't be around the little boy. Once a month, I go away for the weekend by myself, and that has helped immensely! It also helps with my feelings toward my husband, because it's hard to not get really angry with him sometimes about marrying that woman in the first place.

Things finally got so bad for us--the child became disrespectful and hateful to both of us--that we have given up visitations and the exwife is forbidden to contact us in any way, and any attempts to do so will resort in a restraining order. It was a tough decision to come to, but a child going through these battles will start to identify with the abusive parent--not the target parent, so we felt removing the target was the best decision. Allowing a child to be disrespectful and hateful in your home isn't helping anything. We couldn't allow the child to behave that way in our home, so until he is old enough to make his own decisions, he's not welcome in our home. It was a tough line to take, but what are these kids learning, except that it's okay to be mean and hateful. We're creating a second generation of bitter ex spouses

Over the last 8 years my husband's ex-wive has done and said that much to his kids about me that they are now so aloof and disrepectful of me - I've never tried to be their mother nor would I, all I did was welcome them into my home and look after them when we had them.

Its got to the point now where I really can't stand the thought of the kids coming around that I spend all weekend out shopping or whatever. I have even spent 8 hours just driving aound parking up occassioanlly to read to avoid them!!!

When I do see them I just snap at them. Am I weird for disliking and resenting them so much (hate maybe to strong) after 8 years?

Unless you've lived it, you won't know what it's like to have a hostile ex. We've been going through the spite/hate/abuse route for over 3 years and an ex wife with a grudge doesn't get better. These are select individuals who don't want the exH to be happy--no matter what it does to the child. This doesn't mean all exwives are like that--this only pertains to the small percentage who need revenge. In our case, the ex has been blaming my husband for all the marital problems, so she really NEEDS our relationship to fail. If it doesn't, then it couldn't have all been her fault. She has made scenes at drop offs, can't be civil to me, actively undermines any rules we set, has made very wild accusations against my husband, complains about money, went ballistic if he was even a minute late dropping the child off but refused to even notify us if she was running late, sends letters & emails alternating between what a bad person he is, how many second marriages fail, accusing us of having sex in front of the child, driveling on about how much she loved him--it goes on & on. She even bawled him out because we were trying to teach the child about nutrition. Ours has a unique twist--she actively fosters behavior problems so she can blame her bad parenting on behavior issues--not her own doing. The school is threatening to take her to court, which will be interesting.

April 25 is Parent Alienation Awareness day-- It is a form of child abuse.

If you do get involved with this man, this woman will never let up--I have friends that have been going through this for 15+ years. Get an attorney, put the attorney between you & the hostile ex, document everything, never be late on child support, never respond unless you have to, and remember that this man must truly be happy with you--otherwise the ex wouldn't be so flamingly bitter.

What new partners need to understand is that that man made a commitment to that woman by having a child with her. That commitment doesnt end when the relationship does, it lasts and should be allowed to for the childs sake. That goes for both men and women. I had a new partner who didnt like the fact I was still great friends with my ex - he actually asked me not to be!!! I told him that it was in the kids best interests and besides why would I suddenly want to ruin a great friendship which has always been supportive in return for an insecure selfish man. Needless to say that one didnt work out!!!! lol I think there are two sides here, some men do unfortunately move on whilst the woman who is left with the kids finds it harder to make a new life given that she is the one constantly providing care and attention for her children and doesnt have the same level of time to devote to making a new life for herself so go easy girls!!! Anyone who has kids would tell you that. Equally an ex shouldnt use those kids for emotional blackmail but she does need to make sure that the father remains a supportive and loving influence and any new relationships either the mother or father undertake should not detract from that. The children should always be given precedence. One last thing, most of the comments on this site, including this post are very derogatory and show a lack of maturity and compassion. Come on, grow up, get a life and let it go - for the kids sakes, they dont want to hear or read nasty names about mum or dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I married my husband close to four years ago,we still have problems with the evil ex.She always uses the kids as pawns.She tells the kids that she cannot stand me,she talks bad about there father to them.Every time we see the kids they tell us that there mother makes them feel guilty for loving to be with us at our house.We try to get the children as much as we can,I no that they want to live with me and there father but there mother makes them feel guilty for that. All we can do is talk to them and try to help them deal with this ugly mess. All I can say is what goes around comes around and her someday is coming soon.

you don't want to try to divorce.divorce is hateful feeling. it really alot of hurts. please to try to think of your life and family life and keep your sex alive with husband everyday if you saw something coming, just do. go to marriage counslers. and take you and your husband to church to save it, you don't want to lose him to other woman and take a awful control of his life.
those new woman will intend to be problem once or more. pleaes think twice, divorce is nowdays popular, no it not it sick and crazy. nobody want to go throu this. let have 50 yrs anniversary and able to see Grandbabies together. would that be a awesome. not need step grandfather or Step grandmother in the way. well good luck marriage people pls to stay longer and forever. once you married sit with it, because new people will take it from you. it not good.

to be honset why Divorce? have to end in bitter? well if you plan on Divorce then do not. because Divorce is awful it like you start to see real color of what guy has turning his ways.
if you ever thought about divorce, suggesst you to see Divorce counsler with your Ex- and to find out what went wrong and try to figure out and save your marriage. I would love to have my marriage last till old of ages. I would like have grandpa and Grandma together and see grandbaby. would that be so nice? yes of course. but Divorce is a long sad terms. have to find something different and get use to new style etc. miss old life when you look back and say gosh that was back. why can't woman think twice and slow down, don't get upset. breath and maybe you need a vacation time away alone. Divorce is bad really not a good feeling afterward. it is like other half is missing. well hope for all who ever almost is thinking of divorce do not .
think of kids first they comes first not you or wife. children will be bless and your time will be bless once you and wife and Ex- try to work out. find something and keep it excite. really all those kind of woman are different because usually when your ex slide in with new woman it different it is like new woman didn't want her 2nd husband to spend more time with his children.
well too bad why would 2nd wife knew that and complain? enough, Divorce isn't great peroid. save your marriage and work through it.

whoa who talking? is that # 2 wife talking? well don't label # 1st Wife like that. it is family children nature to need spend time with Father's time. are you blind? you wouldn't like the idea for kids to have spend time with your new husband? is that it? you need to back off and let kids feel secure and have time left to grab time spend with their Father, you know better not to blame kids. kids are kids, they have rights to have time with their Daddy. you need to learn to laugh and understand that, because you're taking their Dad's time too. so what the fuss? let Kids have all their time want to spend with their Daddy. aftermath Divorce it really not fair to children. Children didn't ask for divorce. so You Daddy need to be conern on how Children are. need to take them out to sprots actives, church, kids comes first not #1 wife or#2 wife. children are very first. they are young and have fresh mind, need to have memories to add Daddy in their life.
let it go and have it all their ways. so your problem burden will lift one by one.

Well I am an ex wife and am dealing with a really psycho ex wife! My ex husband was 7,000 behind on child support and since I have now gotten an enforcement order for it, he says I am ruining his life. He only has to pay 400 a month, and says that he doesn't see the kids because he can't stand to see me. Well what an excuse. His mother and I get along, so that is one way for him to see them,but its one excuse after another. On the other hand, I have been seeing a great guy for 4 months and we are getting serious, and making plans for a future. His ex cheated on him several times and got pregnant with another man's baby while they were married. My boyfriend has a vasectomy. She lost that baby and is pregnant again, by yet another man. They have 3 children who he sees every other weekend, every holiday, and pays 1200 a month religiously in child support. While she treated him like crap before I came into the picture, now she harrasses him and stalks him wanting him back. She texts and sends him messages of love songs. She tells him that if he brings me to pick up the kids, she will shoot me. She always makes up some excuse why she can't meet him half way with the kids for drop off and pick up. Then she had the nerve to drive 4 hours to stalk him at his work and expected him to let her stay with him in his apartment. I understand her desperation seeing the man that she supposedly loves falling for another woman, but she uses her kids to lie to him. she feeds them full of false information and makes them resent their dad. She tells them that I am more important to him than they are. His kids are young and are not understanding all of this. It is hurtful to them and to him. He tells her that he doesn't want to be back with her. He tried it numerous times before he finally divorced her and met me. I am not sure what to do. She says that she will never stop trying and never give up