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Verbal agreement with ex-partner

Father and son, and a ten pound note

When I split with an ex-partner we had a verbal agreement between us so that instead of paying monthly maintenance for our child, she would receive a one off payment.  This was her idea so I remortgaged my home and paid her £30,000.  She had no legal claim to the property and we were not married.

The following Sunday she was due to come to the house with our son so that I could spend some time with him.  Well as it happened she just didn't show up.

She didn't answer her phone and seemed to have basically disappeared from the face of the earth!  I later discovered that she had apparently just gone and moved abroad, but in the mean time I ran out of money searching and had to stop looking.  I just couldn't afford the solicitor fees any longer and eventually decided to get on with my life and have since started a new family.

Recently however, I got a demand from the CSA through the door and when I tried to explain to them over the phone that I actually had a verbal agreement with my ex-partner.  I was told "it wasn't worth the paper it isn't written on" and that I still had to pay maintenance, bearing in mind that I was still paying the debt for the £30,000 I had borrowed.

I spoke to my solicitor who told me that there really wasn't much I could do other than take a civil action against her for the difference in the money, but even then there was no guarantee that she would pay up.  I haven't seen my son since he was two.  He is now seven, I am going to try and get access again to see my son, but am not sure if its the right thing to do as I doubt he will even know who I am.

My solicitor suggested that the money I paid her should have been declared to the Inland Revenue, which presumably it was not.  This could severely affect any benefit she may be on and probably land her with a hefty tax bill.  This may be the only route left to take, but unfortunately it doesn't exactly help our son.

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Hi, I hope you reported her. She sounds like a real money grabber!! (thats being polite) as a previous person said- fight fire with fire!

-6

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Chunky - 24-Apr-11 16:36 

No wonder men in the Uk dont want to enter marriage. I have never read s much money grabbing filth in my life.

+6

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gob smacked - 11-Sep-09 18:01 

you sound like a liar. why would you pay her 30 000 upfront unless she had been paying your mortgage for you? my guess is you owed her that money and her hold over you was the only way to get it back. as for child maintanance you have to pay theres no way out. you bought that child into the world and you must provide!

+8

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amy - 20-Jul-09 16:49 

if a pwc moves abroad they are not entiltled to claim maintenance. unless the parent are in the armed forces

the csa think they are above the law. let them take you to court also asked for a dna test

+2

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m - 11-Apr-09 04:35 

Hang on, if you paid her 30,000 pounds, then SURELY on your own bank statement, this massive transaction would appear somewhere? I suggest you fight fire with fire. Report this transaction to the Inland Revenue and land HER with a huge tax bill. That should get the message across.

+1

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Bystander - 5-Mar-09 15:35 

My ex-girlfriend has decided, after 9 years of a verbal agreement of cash each week for our daughter, that the csa need to be involved. Funny how this is just nine weeks after my daughter with my new wife was born!!!! Can she get 9 years worth from me? I can't prove I paid her!!!

+3

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Anon - 5-Dec-08 18:30 

Mash her into the ground.
Pull out all stops and grind this deceitful woman into paste.
She is a liar and a cheat.

-2

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Angry - 28-Sep-08 15:20 

30,000! ??? Get it back you dont owe a penny mate! do you have the love and enjoyment of raising the kid ........nope. Being a man is a mugs game aint it.

+1

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HOW IT IS - 28-Jan-08 13:18 

The csa are corrupt and their replacement this year is just a change of name on the door.

+7

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nemesis - 27-Jan-08 15:49 

YoYo

I'll bet the ex-beatle wishes he never met that certain person . He Laid her, but she certainly Screwed him.

I know there are a lot of good women still around, (including yourself ), but there's a lot of devious ones as well.

+2

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Alan - 21-Jun-07 12:50 

" It just goes to show what GOLD DIGGERS woman can be.
They part their legs, and have £ signs flashing in their GREEDY eyes.
As for the CSA, it's just a complete, one sided waste of space."


Hey! We're not ALL that bad!
My boyfriend earns less in a month than I earn in a week, and I still love him.
Call that greedy?
I think you've just met the wrong women, love.

+4

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yoyo - 13-Jun-07 05:21 

"My solicitor suggested that the money I paid her should have been declared to the Inland Revenue, which presumably it was not. This could severely affect any benefit she may be on and probably land her with a hefty tax bill. This may be the only route left to take, but unfortunately it doesn't exactly help our son."

She's nothing to you anymore. Your son is a stranger who wont even know you.
Why on earth would you care about this money grabbing cow or her spawn at all?!
You have your OWN familly to look after and worry about now. I deffinately think you should report her to the inland revenue. If it's her wellbeing, or that of you and your family,chosing who's is more important should be easy.

-6

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yoyo - 13-Jun-07 05:18 

If money was paid to her, I assume it would have been a bank transfer or cheque, then there would be a record of a large amount of money going into her account. This should be proof enough for the Inland Revenue

+6

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Mummm - 11-Jun-07 15:04 

Do you have any idea why she has suddenly decided she needs more money? There may be an underlying issue here revolving around her own capability to raise a child. I would suggest that you investigate the possibility of permanent custody for your son. This may be especially viable if you now have a stable family home.

+4

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Devongirl - 7-Jun-07 11:18 

Kayne west and another load of rappers have been warning us for some years of the gold digger generation that is coming out. The CSA is there legal back up. It doesnt matter if its a one night stand nor a married then divorced. The CSA has there back up. Nothing to do with the kids.

+7

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Steal - 3-Jun-07 10:12 

I feel very sorry for you, without a doubt you have been hard done by,
but you have also been very silly to hand over such a large sum of
money,with out any legal documentation.

-3

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dick - 2-Jun-07 17:48 

It just goes to show what GOLD DIGGERS woman can be.

They part their legs, and have £ signs flashing in their GREEDY eyes.

As for the CSA, it's just a complete, one sided waste of space.

-3

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Alan - 2-Jun-07 15:43 

It's painfully clear to see that you are nothing but a cheapskate. You tried to pull a real fast one on her with your £30,000 for the kid. £30,000 for a lifetime's maintenance for child, who are you kidding?

You are going to have to pay vastly more. More like triple the £30,000 in one way or another.

Firstly she and the kid should have probably had you out of your home altogether with half of whatever money that represented and then a big percentage of your pay on a regular basis.

Verbal agreement? Do whatever the equivalent of tearing it up is. The law is now after you to pay up your real share of maintaining the kid.

+6

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Who wants to be a millionaire? - 2-Jun-07 06:12 

Horrific! I can't believe the lengths some women actually go to.

On the other hand, with hindsight, it might have been a good idea to have gone for a written contract overseen by a solicitor, but even then I'm not sure it would have stood up in court as it would not have been deemed a regular maintenance order, which apparently is the right of every child with an absent parent.

I do sympathise and I hope you get to see your little boy.

+5

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Kit - 1-Jun-07 23:54 

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