Ex-husband buys daughter's love

iam gong through the exact same problem as you . I no how you are feeling you just cannot win.
my child fathers spoils my daughter rotton and gives her anything she wants, my mother calls him father christmas not a father, we are the ones that haveto get them ready for school,buy all there clothes make sure there homework is done, and when there see there fathers it just fun for them as there do not have the responsebility we have. All you can do is talk to her and explain things soon or later she will understand, and knowns that even if mummy tells her off she is doing it out of love take care maria

Oh my God, I am in the same boat. My Ex is constantly spoiling my kids and belittling me and My decisions when it comes to discipline or anything and he ends up being the hero. The good guy, the Best buddy/friend. I'm trying my best to be the parent and the person that guides my children, hopefully in the right direction and I'm the jerk!!! I hate this and also feel like giving up at times. I sure wish I could give you a better answer on what to do. Well I really didn't answer at all , I vented along with you. We can only hope that our kids will see when they get older, how difficult it was and that we did our best for them.

Do not give up. Your ex is only buying things for your daughter and taking her out because he wants to upset you. By gaining her affections he is torturing you on purpose. He wants you to be upset and one of the main things you have to avoid is showing him that he is succeeding. I would suggest talking things over with the father. Tell him that you do not want your daughter being spoilt like this, as it will not only affect the relationship between you and her, but it will affect her maturity as she gets older. When your ex buys her things he is showing her that money= worth and that is not what you want child to grow up thinking. Remember to be assertive with the father and never back down. This is your daughter that we are talking about, and you do not want her to make the mistake of becoming overly affectionate just becuase your ex buys her things. Also, do not 'mollycoddle' you're daughter. Seeming desperate will only make her think less of you. Continue to act normally around her and do not act upset whenever her father buys her things. If that doesn't work, attempt counselling. Make sure to completely involve your father and daughter in this. I would say that you're final choice, if it does get completely out of hand, is to bring the law back into this. You're ex clearly does not really care for your daughter and if you allow her to continue treating you disrespectfully then it is only making things worse. Make sure that whenever she steps out of line you discipline her appropriately and fairly and that she understands that treating people that way she treats you is wrong. Sooner or later she will realise this, you have to understand. But take action against your husband now, and you will create the best future, not only for you, but for your daughter.

Bloody ex husbands!!! and teenagers!!! that's my gripe! My ex didn't bother with the kids for years, lived literally one road away and never bothered. Didn't once help me out when I was on income support, struggling with school uniforms, school trips, proms, etc.

CSA said he didn't have to pay any maintenance because of debts that he built up (old system CSA)so for 1 year before I was on income support, he didn't pay a penny, then for 2 years when I was on income support, he didn't pay a penny. So for 3 years all my children received from their dad was a birthday card and Christmas card.

I have reclaimed CSA on the new system and so far this has taken over a year and I still haven't received any money to raise my kids, luckily I'm working now, so not as bad as it use to be. When my son and I had a row about him being kicked out of college, he stormed out and went to live with his dad, I am completely gutted and have asked him to come back home.

I really feel like I've been kicked in the teeth after struggling all those years with no help from his dad. I'm hoping it a phase and he'll come back soon.

Sally, you are obviously a troll and either don't understand the situation here or are just a kid spouting off without thinking. If this was anything other than a flippant comment then I shudder to think how you treat your parents!

Mariomom, hang in there - she'll come round.

I think thats its a great idea, very lucky daughter that you have, she must be getting amazing gifts. personally if I was her I would ask for a new ipod, as I got mine a few months ago. then I would ask for a brand new car!!!
good idea by the way.

He's exerting power over you in the only way he can - or rather the only way he can in his mind. It's not so much a case of buying daughter's love as buying your misery and from what I can see it seems to be working. My advice? Fight back and make sure that visitation rights are on your terms, when it is convenient for you and make sure he knows it.

As for your daughter, you don't say how old she is but my gut feeling is you have to get her under control here. If she's old enough explain the situation and show her how things are. She'll come round. If she is younger then bring her into line and make sure she knows she cannot walk over you.

'Time' will resolve this matter. When your daughter matures, she will realise that your ex-husband, whilst providing some material benefits now - the "fun" things, like going to Disney (an horrific thought!) - does not provide the fundamentally important things that you give, your time, emotional support, putting up with her teenage angst, etc.

Always remember that valuable relationships have to be '2-way'. Your daughter at the moment seems incapable of distinguishing between relationships, too easily bribed by your ex-husband. Again, time and maturity will resolve this. I find that sometimes displaying a little 'indifference' in a relationship works wonders. Maybe that is what you sometimes need to do with your daughter - otherwise all she will view you as is a less successful competitor in a 'tug-of-war' (for her, less material benefits = less successful).

Good luck