My ex-wife won't play fair
Ok, this is not quite to do with the CSA but they get a mention. My ex-wife and I had our lovely daughter in June 2000. I loved my ex-wife to pieces, but soon after we were married things began to change. As a couple we didnt last and she ended up having an affair then going off with another woman!
I was kicked out of the house, made homeless and I ended up sleeping in my car for quite a while. During this time she filed a CSA claim and I was of course hit by the maximum level of payment as I didnt have a fixed address and no household bills to pay as such.
Whilst all this was going through I had no regular access to my daughter and it took me almost eighteen months to get a proper arrangement in place so that I could see her. So basically I was paying nearly 300 a month for a child that I wasnt allowed to see, even though I dearly wanted to spend time with her.
I now at least quite often get to see my daughter at weekends and she sometimes comes to stay at my house. The ex-wife is at university now and I will often pick up our daughter on a Friday after school and take her home either on Sunday evening or Ill drop her off at school on the Monday morning.
Due to the nature of my job however, very occasionally this arrangement needs to change and I sometimes cant see my daughter at the weekend.
Also, sometimes my ex-wife takes her away for the weekend to her girlfriends house in London, or to a party or whatever and I cant see my daughter then either. Fair enough though, because I think there needs to be some degree of flexibility in these matters.
The problem is that when I say I cant have our daughter, the ex-wife throws a right tantrum and tells me that shes my daughter and I need to put her first. Yet when the shoe is on the other foot and she needs to take her away its a completely different story. If I could have my daughter full time I would, but this of course could never happen as the law is biased towards the mother!
Heres another example of her selfish attitude. This year the schools closed for Christmas on the Tuesday, so I asked if I could have our daughter from the Wednesday through to Christmas day; that way I could spend some quality time with her. Usually I pick her up on Christmas Eve and then have to get her back to her mother by lunch time on Christmas day. I thought it would be nice if I could spend the day with her properly for once.
The ex-wife turns around to me and says Shes my daughter too, and I would like to spend some time with her as well you know!
I couldnt believe it. She has her practically every day, picks her up from school and looks after her more than I do during the week and she wants more time with her! Yet as soon as I need a weekend off to do something important, I get a lecture that I never want to spend anytime with my daughter. Apparently she is lumbered with her all the time and would like some time off once in a while!
So come on ex-wives, ex-girlfriends. Give us a break, if we pay our way then let us have our say!
By: Stuartkeith
Comments from visitors
Dear all,
David Cameron and George Osborne are currently reading and considering Matthew's Law. This Law protects Fathers and Mothers equally. It enforces Prenuptials as a compulsory measure. This stops the CSA from holding up Fathers to crippling unreasonable and unqualified demands and prevents Solicitors from holding parents to ransom too who wish to divorce. It equally supports Fathers and Mothers where they too are clearly being treated unfairly. Matthew's Law lays down a consequence for any partner who chooses to break the new marriage contract. Marriage is a farcical arrangement where both parties enter into a potential minefield of financial and emotional ruin. The CSA has been set up to protect women only as it shows no regards to who has broken up the family bond. It functions discriminately without flexibility or understanding to Fathers as victims. It's archaic and highly inefficiently run body, and is due to be disbanded under Matthew's Law. It will be replaced by a fairer system, where both parents are treated fairly in the interests of the children and Both parents financially.
The law is currently in a mothers favour. So much so, that the Father has little or no rights. The disintegration of family life has been encouraged by the easy and plentiful access to benefits if you happen to be the Mother. Nobody is disputing that the Mother and Children shouldn't be looked after and neither is the amount they receive in question. However, the divorce rate is 2 out of every 3 and in 80% of all cases now, the Mother has broken the bond to seek greener grass. Thanks to the lucrative option most mothers discover through other divorcees that it's financially attractive to 'go it alone' with other single mothers and 'play the field'. This was a reverse situation in the 50's.
Matthew's Law has been set to bring the imbalance of separation and Divorce entitlements back to 50% in amicable situations. Unfortunately, most divorces are not amicable and the financial rights aren't either. Matthew's Law lays down consequences to re-address the 'Contract of Marriage' and protects all those who venture into its risky future. Thankfully it doesn't interfere with the enjoyment of marriage, but protects both parties, and ultimately and more importantly, the children. It will make a partner think twice about adultery, as the consequence is severe. It stops Solicitors from holding us up to ransom and makes an amicable separation cheap and fast. Soon, you will no longer be able to get married without a prenuptial agreement. So, before you consider marriage, be sure to set up your own prenuptial agreement. You're a fool in this day and age not to before Matthew's Law is released. Write to No. 10 for more information.
David Cameron and George Osborne are currently reading and considering Matthew's Law. This Law protects Fathers and Mothers equally. It enforces Prenuptials as a compulsory measure. This stops the CSA from holding up Fathers to crippling unreasonable and unqualified demands and prevents Solicitors from holding parents to ransom too who wish to divorce. It equally supports Fathers and Mothers where they too are clearly being treated unfairly. Matthew's Law lays down a consequence for any partner who chooses to break the new marriage contract. Marriage is a farcical arrangement where both parties enter into a potential minefield of financial and emotional ruin. The CSA has been set up to protect women only as it shows no regards to who has broken up the family bond. It functions discriminately without flexibility or understanding to Fathers as victims. It's archaic and highly inefficiently run body, and is due to be disbanded under Matthew's Law. It will be replaced by a fairer system, where both parents are treated fairly in the interests of the children and Both parents financially.
The law is currently in a mothers favour. So much so, that the Father has little or no rights. The disintegration of family life has been encouraged by the easy and plentiful access to benefits if you happen to be the Mother. Nobody is disputing that the Mother and Children shouldn't be looked after and neither is the amount they receive in question. However, the divorce rate is 2 out of every 3 and in 80% of all cases now, the Mother has broken the bond to seek greener grass. Thanks to the lucrative option most mothers discover through other divorcees that it's financially attractive to 'go it alone' with other single mothers and 'play the field'. This was a reverse situation in the 50's.
Matthew's Law has been set to bring the imbalance of separation and Divorce entitlements back to 50% in amicable situations. Unfortunately, most divorces are not amicable and the financial rights aren't either. Matthew's Law lays down consequences to re-address the 'Contract of Marriage' and protects all those who venture into its risky future. Thankfully it doesn't interfere with the enjoyment of marriage, but protects both parties, and ultimately and more importantly, the children. It will make a partner think twice about adultery, as the consequence is severe. It stops Solicitors from holding us up to ransom and makes an amicable separation cheap and fast. Soon, you will no longer be able to get married without a prenuptial agreement. So, before you consider marriage, be sure to set up your own prenuptial agreement. You're a fool in this day and age not to before Matthew's Law is released. Write to No. 10 for more information.
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Matthew's Law - 10-Oct-11 18:30
Also, as my ex partner is realising. If she still chooses to break that contact order she will be in breach of the order and can face prosecution as per the changes made to all contact orders made after December 2008. I urge you to do it for the sake of your sanity and for the sake of the relationship with your daughter. You can find plenty of sound advice out there. Get a good solicitor and use your free session wisley by familiarising yourself with the family court process, mediation, CAFCASS etc. It`ll pay dividends in the end. Go for it!
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Mate, I know how you feel I have been battling the same except I obtained a court order in 2008 to stop these games. She still tries to disrupt things but the door is closing in on her to do this. Thing is maintenance and contact are different issues and are dealt with seperatley. Do yourself a big favour and work out times when you can fit your daughter in and go get a court order wether the ex likes it or not, this way it will take her control away.
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my ex wont let me see my son I call her txt her and she always says she busy she say she does not trust me with him thinks ill take him and not come back what can I do
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This strikes close to home for me. I split with a french woman whom I was seeing after our beautiful daughter was born. Now it turns out that she was all-the-time seeing another man behind my back. I am very sure that the kid is mine but Im demanding a paternity test just to be 100% sure. She now is refusing to let me take the kid away for a few hours to spend time with my side of the family (my family now hate my ex). She says that I can only see the kid under her supervision for the time-being while the baby is very young. She has absolutely NO grounds for this whatsoever as I am very very capable of minding her. She basically treats me like I am not the father. Women can be incredibly manipulative with no sign of logic or understanding from the fathers point of view and completely selfish and ignorant towards the needs of the father regarding his own child. Im sorry to say but some women have no heart and make me utterly sick and disgusted.
-3
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disgusted father - 21-Jan-11 02:12
I travel 60 mile on a friday 60 mile on a sunday to see my daughter I would travel any distance for her it is costly for me plus I pay csa and whenever my daughter need anything etc new trainers clothing schoolwear etc I buy that to I only see my daughter at weekends due to the distance and work commitments its impossible for me to take my daughter to school because it takes nearly 2 hours to get ther and back so id hav to give up my job although I wish I could friday till sunday is all I can see her.during any school holidays I hav my daughter the full time shes off school my ex makes no effort in any way my daughter never wants to go home after shes stayed at mine for the weekend she sobs her heart out I wish I could live with you forever daddy it breaks my heart every weekend but I dont know what else to do my ex uses her as a pawn and has on many ocassions id do anything for my daughter.my point is wheres the fairness I pay csa,petrol,clothing,food,toys,fun times anything to keep my daughter happy my ex sits back n laps it all up geting all the benefits I think she only wants my daughter there for the money whers the benefits for us fathers everything is set up for women ive tried to get advice n the only thing I got was try for full custody but got advised that thers almost no chance of that I gues my coment is more of a rant than anything as I just get on with it because I always want to see my daughter but if anyone understands feel free to coment it does get alot deeper but id be here all day explaining
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Look, its a no win situation. I have a two and a half year old daughter and I am gradually coming to the realisation that it would be best for her not to have any contact with me.
Here's the argument; The State states it is inappropriate for a person to spend time with both parents if the parents are separated. Society states it is important for a person to have both parents actively playing a role in a person life, but does not actively encourage it.
Your ex is using the State against you. Society doesn't care.
Therefore play the State game. It'll screw up a generation of children but Society will eventually understands the importance of a supportive father.
We need Society to help us get 50/50 joint residency and 50/50 joint custody. This should be a right. Not a gift. However, to weed out the worms, if you do not exercise your right you should loose it.
If we can't get this and we let the situation worry us, all we will become is broken men.
Life is more important than your ex and her child.
We are men, we have cold hearts, we should shock society into understanding what is right, just and fair.
It hurts, but what else is there to do?
Ryan
Here's the argument; The State states it is inappropriate for a person to spend time with both parents if the parents are separated. Society states it is important for a person to have both parents actively playing a role in a person life, but does not actively encourage it.
Your ex is using the State against you. Society doesn't care.
Therefore play the State game. It'll screw up a generation of children but Society will eventually understands the importance of a supportive father.
We need Society to help us get 50/50 joint residency and 50/50 joint custody. This should be a right. Not a gift. However, to weed out the worms, if you do not exercise your right you should loose it.
If we can't get this and we let the situation worry us, all we will become is broken men.
Life is more important than your ex and her child.
We are men, we have cold hearts, we should shock society into understanding what is right, just and fair.
It hurts, but what else is there to do?
Ryan
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See, your problem here is not your ex wife but the state. Or rather the default attitude that the woman is always right. For example, I had a perfectly good relationship with my partner. Sweet loving, great kids and a lovely home. Not even a crafty look at any other women in 7 years, why would I? But then, you see, you have the mates. You know, the ones who are digging the oars in every five minutes because they are single and want their old freindship to be a 24 hour party. So it's off to war... First the planning stage... "did you know you would be this much better off each week in benefits if you could get rid of him?" then arm yourself to the teeth, a couple of inocent kids should give you around 15 to 20 years financial protection here. Finally, don't forget to encourage him to completly redecorate, buy new furniture and take out a loan for you.
Oh they do it... And they do it knowing full well that the Authorities will support them all the way. You may be really lucky and be told (as I just have) that she is flying off to Morroco today and that I will have to look after the kids for 10 days...
Honestly, never trust anybody again! EVER!!!
Oh they do it... And they do it knowing full well that the Authorities will support them all the way. You may be really lucky and be told (as I just have) that she is flying off to Morroco today and that I will have to look after the kids for 10 days...
Honestly, never trust anybody again! EVER!!!
+3
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My partners ex has refused to let him see his daughter, telling other people that he doesn't make an effort to see her etc, when it is her who makes it difficult. She claims that she already has plans to take her out or she is not well, or that his daughter said she does not want to spend the wekend with him. She has a new partner now and a new baby and has stooped to changing her number and moving home. It seems all she wants is money via CSA and must get off on making out she was left holding the baby. Women who do this make me sick, children are not pawns, they deserve to have both parents present in their life unless horrible circumstances such as abuse means it would not be in the best interest of the child. I'm the type of woman who wouldn't even consider contacting CSA, If you would like to see your child then fine, when you have him/her you can spend what ever money you have on your child, doing fun activities or buying them some clothes yourself. If you don't want to see your child then I will happily provide for my child myself. This is how it was with my parents, my dad would have me every other weekend and would spoil me rotten, buy me clothes, cinema, going to the seaside, the aquarium, the zoo. He would pay for my school trips when my mum couldn't afford to and every now and again her would offer her some money towards her bills and grocery shopping. They were amicable with eachother. I know everyones situations are different but it would be nice if it could be like this for everyone. Woman who prevent their children from seing their fathers without good reason shouln't be allowed to be mothers.
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Paying has nothing to do with it. Men have the right to be with their children as do grandparents. Women who stop fathers, block or harass access are child abusers.
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women the dame things that caused all the problems in the world
+8
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my husband also as same problem.she is married to women and are always demanding extra cash. they use the kids as weapons and emotionly blackmail him. when is it going to stop put up with it for 12yrs now. they av even told him he as to set up trust fund for there childrens future. we cant even afford holiday and they have four a year
+11
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So many women are absolutely disgusting in their attitudes to fathers..... When the kids grow old enough they realise what manipulative, lying ,state sponging wasters their mothers are.....
+9
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I think it's completely unfair how the laws are more biased towards the mother. I can't stand women who use their children against their father, if there was some sort of abuse or neglect (towards the child) on the father's end then okay but if the father has been nothing but supportive and loving towards the child, why should the mom have more leverage??
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A 'woman that wont play fair' ?
CSA women are a disgrace to their race
CSA women are a disgrace to their race
-6
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My ex wife and I had three kids. Two boys and a girl.. I Still to this day dont know if my baby girl is really mine. When we got divorced she was having an affair. She has since had another daughter from this guy. I have always paid my CS, and even when I was unemployed paid as much as I could. I see the boys every second weekend, but my daughter isnt allowed to sleep over and I only get her on a sunday. recently she hasn't let my daughter come to me. My daughter is 4, and she says that she doesn't like coming to me anymore. This breaks my heart, and I cry for days. She also asked for more money this year, even more than what has been agreed in the divorce agreement. My current fiance does'nt tolerate her, and tells me to stand up for myself...I'm just afraid of loosing the contact that I have with the kids.. What should I do?
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Woman, so that someone like you doesn't actualy miss out the fact that I was only "talking" to my own child,
I was also noted that you didn't offer any sympathy to the fact that my ex-wife is a vile evil excuse for a human being, stopping access because the governments turn a blind eye to it.
I was also noted that you didn't offer any sympathy to the fact that my ex-wife is a vile evil excuse for a human being, stopping access because the governments turn a blind eye to it.
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Gainsborough lad. - 26-Dec-09 18:36
Gainsborough Lad
You must know that U-God is just a troll trying to stir things up, it was a nice attempt until he over egged the pudding with the biblical "yea" and banging on about Adam and Eve and the bloody apple. (If men ever did the supermarket shop Adam could have bought bananas and still be in the garden of Eden!)
Why did you put "talking" in inverted commas? If you were not actually talking what were you doing?
You must know that U-God is just a troll trying to stir things up, it was a nice attempt until he over egged the pudding with the biblical "yea" and banging on about Adam and Eve and the bloody apple. (If men ever did the supermarket shop Adam could have bought bananas and still be in the garden of Eden!)
Why did you put "talking" in inverted commas? If you were not actually talking what were you doing?
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I think in "some" instances the women will stop access because they are frightened that the children will see their dad as better than themselves, (As working dads have more cash to spend on their childrens holidays, trips out, and toys)
A lot of women will spend the benefit they have been given for the children on themselves.... catalogue items, pubbing and clubbing, cigarettes, clothes ect,
The rest of them will stop access because they are absolutley evil, using any feeble excuse to justify their actions, even telling the children that "dad don't want to see you" and telling your friends and relatives the same,
Thousands apon thousands of fathers in this country have been, and are still going through this, it happened to me, I was even turned away from my childs pre-school nursery fence by an assistant, for "talking" to my own child, my ex-wife had obviously even closed this little access loophole,
Pure and utter scum they are, there's no other words to describe them, and the governments have let them get away with it.
A lot of women will spend the benefit they have been given for the children on themselves.... catalogue items, pubbing and clubbing, cigarettes, clothes ect,
The rest of them will stop access because they are absolutley evil, using any feeble excuse to justify their actions, even telling the children that "dad don't want to see you" and telling your friends and relatives the same,
Thousands apon thousands of fathers in this country have been, and are still going through this, it happened to me, I was even turned away from my childs pre-school nursery fence by an assistant, for "talking" to my own child, my ex-wife had obviously even closed this little access loophole,
Pure and utter scum they are, there's no other words to describe them, and the governments have let them get away with it.
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Gainsborough lad. - 26-Dec-09 08:10
Its a shame so much pain. The earth spins another day is gone and I have yet to see, speak, feel the presec of my two young ones. The mother always say to me oh the kids are not home right now when I can smell them. I have cried and cried and why go to the court so they can set me up with a payment plan and still get treated the same way. The pain never goes away and it can't be replaced with another child by some one else. So there is no answer but as men we have to realize that woman are crazy yes all of them even EVE yea the first one who made Adam bite the apple. Fathers we have to become sneaky. Stop asking for permission. Just go to the schools and speak to the children. Its a shame but what can you do you cant kill the mother or assault or threaten then you will be in jail. You have to prove to the court that she is an unfit parent. and to do that you have to be cold blooded even if it means planting evidence and so on. Or feel the pain over and over and the earth spins. Women have no problem watching you cry feel miserable so why do we care about there feeling so much.
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