My ex-wife won't play fair

Just wondered if anyone could shed some light on this subject. I recently read somewhere on the web that when your divorced and transfer your portion of the marital home over to your ex this does account for and is used as payment for CSA . I have been paying for the last ten years for my daughter who has been slowly poisoned against me by my ex wife and my ex girlfriend who have become great buddies. As a result my daughter has decided she no longer wants to see me or even speek to me on the phone.I was under the impression that this transfer was'nt counted as payment to the CSA but this was a recent publication and I cant remember where I saw it. Would'nt this be great though guys !!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's so sad that mother's use children. Have you got parental rights? If not get them. If you are a decent person there is no reason why you can't get them.I have put up with loads of s**t from my husbands ex. At the end of the day kids want a happy, loved, relaxed life with fun. Try to do that and your kids will love you. xxxxx

I could not agree more and my ex is the same in all ways (apart from the Lesbian bit) Two faces, two rules and only on person that she cares about, and it's not the two little boys whose hearts she broke when she asked me to leave while she was having an affair. Now when I'm getting my life back, with a fab new partner and baby on the way a letter from the CSA arrives - she wants more money for herself, not the kids, so rather than work harder (or at all) she thinks I'll do for a few extra quid - but its not from me, it's from my new partner, new baby and the two boys since I won't be able to to take them on holiday if she gets her way.

I paid over the odds to help the boys when I could and will I get a rebate if the CSA say I ever paid too much - will I heck!!! will she get back pay if they say I paid to little - damn right and they'll take it out of my pay. And the best part is she got the house, the kids, the car, no debts and she marrying a dentists so I'm assuming he's not short of money - just short on morals.

Hi all, my name is matt and I am seeking advice on gaining custody of my identicle twin girls aged seven. My ex wife constently uses them as a wepon against not only my family and myself but her own family as well!. Mygirls are missing out on so much love and happyness, it is a long story and me and my children have a great bond but I have not been allowed to see them now for four weeks and its gutting me. Please help.

my e-mail is matt.sedgley@btinternet.com

kind regards matt

Get this then, x wife has made a claim through CSA after saying I was not giving her enough money for my son £200 a month also bearing in mind she had the house furniture. I had the forms through from them and a letter saying I owe her £55 per week. So called them up and told them about my situation, 2 children living with me, son staying twice a week and it turns out I only have to give her £112 a month now. Did I ever forking smile, nearly as much as when the divorce was over.

So all you guys paying through the nose to your x so she can p*ss it up the wall check the CSA website and calculate how much you have to pay. If the spitefull greedy old bike is getting to much then show her who daddy is and go through the CSA before she does.

Just make sure she doesn't use the kids against you though I am ok, my lads 12 and is as strong willed as me so she gets kicked into touch by the pair of us.

Let that be a lesson to any other greedy bloodsucking women out there.

My suggestion would be to "do away" with that dog of the female kind. She deserves it.
She is taking you for a ride my man, just do her!

Your not alone, I have the same problems with x seeing my daughters , at the momment I feel resigned to accept any unfairness to keep the peace, with the depression that has onset I sometimes go three weekends without seeing them so have dettached myself from them, I feel awkward talking to them on the phone so rarely phone them. our weekends usually go OK but it seems that I am expected to be the entertainer and provider of expensive activities or they will get bored and want to go back to Mums because there bedroom is there an its home to them, we share positive momments cuddling on the sofa watching tv together and there are lots of giggles and fun times, the children will come and ask for really big hugs like its a top up of all the hugs there missing, I dont like the tern Non Resident Dad that so many posts use regularly by the way I think it should be "The controlled father with no rights who somehow has learned to accept the unacceptable"

I don't understand how a mother can use her own child as a pawn to play games with her ex husband. Especially when she left him after only 4 months of marriage and sold her engagement and wedding rings after only days. Now 12 years later the games are getting worse. She moved to Chicago for a GREAT PAYING jOB "OVER 6 FIGURES" in her words and didn't even discuss it with her childs father. He let her go agreeing in court he would get 1 weekend a month and 2 weeks in the summer. She had to come on the visits for the first year and now that she's not supposed to come any more she begins making up stories. He and I are living together for over 8 years, which she knows and we've all been friends until now. As soon as she heard wr're getting married she flipped, what did she think we were gonna do? I can't understand this psyco!!!!!!!!!!!! The things she does are unreal, it's as though she sits up at night planning ways to hurt us, never once thinking how she's hurting her daughter!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT KIND OF MOTHER WOULD DO THIS?????????????

Chado: She is treated like a human and not a toy! if you read the post you might see what im trying to say! she says she wants her, yet palms her off, and then moans if I cant take her for a while if she wants to go and party!

My daughter is always asking after her brother and misses hime dearly and is always asking me to come get her so she can come over, yet its the mother who stops this!

And why should only one parent get to spend xmas with their kids? she is 7 now and I have not spent one xmas with her since she was born!

You should always remember and put your children first. They should not be tossed between 2 people. I guess I am lucky as both of my children are of the age where they can decide themselves when they want to see their father (15 & 12). However my problem is that he really thinks that spending 6-8 per week with them is quality time! It certainly is not quantity time anyway!
The other problem I have is that he left with no reason to the children but actually went off to live with another woman so the boys do not want to see him if she is around. I have told him this but he thinks I am brainwashing them, they are hurt and confused like many children in their situation.
I think that you must always remember who the adult is in these cirumstances and put yourself in a childs shoes. I try to do this and always tell them that I support them 100% whatever their decisions.

There is too much fighting over who gets the daughter and when? Your daughter is not a toy to be tossed and back forth with! She is a human being with feelings. Sounds like both of you two just need to grow up. I agree its not fair that you can't see your daughter and spend quality time with her as much as like, but consider her feelings. She is probably feeling like a yo-yo being tossed back and forth between you two. I can imagine one of the conversations with your ex may have went something like this: "She's my daughter!" "Well, she's my daughter too." "Yeah, well I'm the mother!" "Yeah, well I'm the father." "You need to respect your daughter for who she is!" "And like you do?"

In Seperations or divorces children have enough trouble coping with the fact that there parents don't know how to love each other correctly... why make it worse by treating your daughter in this way? I agree you should spend time with your daughter... but I don't agree in the mechanism of how you two each handle it, and can't learn to treat a person AS A PERSON. Your daughter not be treated as a toy that you two fight over at Christmas time, or any other time for that matter.

Stuart,

Your ex sounds like she just wants to be difficult. Play her at her own game. It goes like this:-

Scenario: you want to see your daughter this weekend

Stu: Hello ex wife b*tch, I'm afraid I cannot have our child this weekend. I'm working.

Her: You effing well better etc. etc. blah blah ungrateful blah I'm a b*tch.

Stu: Okay, I'll call work and make arrangements to have her.

outcome: You get what you want and she thinks she won. Everybody happy!

Good luck!