Pushy parents at the school gate
My gripe is about pushy parents, you know the type – every time you arrive at school to collect your little angel they’re there, itching to compare SATS scores, swimming certificates, spelling ability… in fact anything they think their child may be better at than yours.
In my area the worst time is without doubt the six months preceding the ’11 Plus’ exam. Don’t be fooled; some of the worst offenders are the “I’m really laid back” parents who have always insisted all they want is for their child to be happy at school. As soon as the exam countdown starts however they become jittery with nerves, convinced their child’s ‘mock’ results have been tampered with by evil school staff bent on keeping them from realising their full potential at the local Grammar.
The parental bragging can start alarmingly early. With two children attending a Montessori nursery, I was regularly privy to discussions about pre school birthdays and how to throw the best party. These people had more money than sense, quite frankly, and it was all about impressing other parents – never mind what the child wanted. While a trip to the cinema followed by a pizza would have been quite sufficient for most children, these people were hiring expensive venues complete with bouncy castles, entertainers and DJs.
This is great if you’re ten, but these children were often as young as three! And who in their right mind would want fifty screaming, sugar fuelled preschoolers at the same venue?
Where does this pressure come from and what turns these people into pushy parents? Surely the most important thing is for a child to have a school (and indeed a family) that values them as an individual and nurtures their unique blend of talents. A valued child is a happy child. For some parents only the name of the school matters. So what if your daughter feels inadequate and can’t keep up because she scraped through the exam but is now being left behind? She’s at a Grammar school! The facilities are fabulous! She could row for the school’s own team!
My daughter sits her 11 Plus in September, and you know what? I’m not bothered. She is considered bright, and is tipped for a Grammar, but at the end of it all I know she will continue to do well wherever she ends up because she has our support. I have never been pushy; I only hope I can rise above the petty point scoring at the school gate.
By: Attila the Mum
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Congo is all for the lower orders trying to better themselves however a simple test to determine if a parent is "pushy" or "proud" is to establish if they ever express an interest in other children's achievements. If not, and all conversation is originated, or turned to their offspring then I'm sure you can tell what sort of person they really are.
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It must be a great feeling to share with "friends" and "parents" how well the child is achieving.
I had a parent-friend who's daughters excelled in their swimming lessons and one of them finally reached "life-guard" level. Of course she was very proud and could not help share the happiness.
I enjoyed listening to how they achieved in the swimming lessons which was a learning curve for me.
I feel that the UK has always dampened down children's achievements. The classroom reflects this where achieving children may be called names. Other countries, parents would praise the other parents' children who have excelled in their skills/talent/academics.
It is a lesson that all parents can learn, that children can achieve so much and that we should not undermine their capabilities, otherwise our future generations will end up behind the rest of the world.
Be proud for her and do not let your jealousy get in your way. Perhaps, think of something that your child is really good in and encourage it. There is no harm in that and one day your child will be very thankful for your support.
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Bet the parents are not quite so smug now.
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WEhy must these smug often middle class women rub my nose in how much of a crap parent I am and jog on over to their mother and baby pilates class or what ever it is that those horrid women do - go I hate them!
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Attila the Mum - 28-Oct-09 03:15
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Attila the Mum - 28-Oct-09 03:13
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Not Limited to the U.S. - 31-Jul-09 16:50
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I know that when I may become a mother I won't jeopardise their childhood as its the best time of anybodies life, even though they may not realise!
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Just me (Spain) - 28-Jun-08 13:11
I mean:
" I only hope I can rise above the petty point scoring at the school gate...."
puke puke puke
Tell me this love, How do you know what theyre talking about at the schoolgate unless you have been involved? They could be talking about Tracey letting the postman stick one up her this morning for all you know. But no, you know because you are probably the ChairWitch for this particular hideous coven of bragging hags before they all speed off in their Ess-You-Vees to yoga class where they can fantasise about having an orgasm one day..........
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Marjorie Proops - 12-Jan-08 04:07
What kind of imbecile contradicts themself like this?
Why don''t you just be honest and admit that your child cannot make up for your own academic failures?
Why don't you let us know what school YOU went to and how far you got?
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PeterBungHain - 12-Jan-08 04:01
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