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What do you do when your boss is a bully?

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I feel like my boss is bullying me, not all the time but probably 70% of the time.  He's an elderly man in his 60s and is very set in his ways.  He's not used to all the modern technology and quite frankly I don't think he really understands it.

My boss is constantly making me write things out by hand that can be pulled off Sage as a report.  He is always nit-picking and he expects his employees (not just myself) to be able to read his mind.  When trying to explain things to him regarding work, he won't listen and will often interrupt.  Apparently he's 'right' even when he is wrong!

There have been a couple of occasions where he has upset me so much that I have cried and on the last time that happened he said "I'm sorry for upsetting you, but you started it", and then continued to lay in to me again.  It's very unprofessional and all this happens in an open-plan office in front of all the other office staff!  There are many other examples but I will try to keep this short.

Stress at work Here's the problem, it is a very small company I work for and there is no HR department.  There is only one person to do each job if you know what I mean, so the Director is everyone's direct manager - so who should a complaint be made to?  Also, I am 7 months pregnant and so have no option of looking for another job.  My partner and I have financial commitments (paying our wedding off) until July, so walking out wouldn't be an option, even though I am sometimes very tempted to.

I have always shown willing within my job and I have even worked from home when on my annual leave.  I came in over Christmas to sort something out that he had upped and left when he went to his villa abroad for a month.  I am even taking minimal maternity leave so as not to cause the company too many problems etc.

My question is, how can a boss, or an employer for that matter get away with treating staff like this and is there anything I can do?  I feel like I'm stuck in a ridiculous situation with no way out.  Any advice would be welcome please.


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boblet

boblet

Starve him/her of any information. I used to misinform a boss I once had. He arrived at a meeting after pumping me for production data that he should have had at his fingertips & proceeded to make a fool of himself. He left me well alone after that. All bullies are cowards do not treat them fairly, they treat meekness as a weakness. Let the bully try & make a case against you whilst you stay calm & gather dirt on them. Once they suspect you are collecting dirt on them, they will leave you alone. This I will guarantee. As long as you are earning your keep I must add.
boblet
19th Jun 14 05:06

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Social Judo

Social Judo

One other way to stop bullying is not be too obliging or eager to please. Those who are eager get exploited - "used and abused" by some bosses.

You need to appear busy and to have a home life e.g. wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend and that you need to leave at 5pm as your child's au pair leaves then or I have to pick my partner up from the station. If you say this often enough then you will have trained them so they know you are time constrained so wont ask you to stay beyond 5pm.

If you have contractual hours of 9am to 5pm with 1hr lunch break, then you should arrive at work at 8.50am and start working at 9am, but only after chatting to your boss (about their favourite sport, etc - light conversation over a coffee - dont forget to ask them if they want one - "wearing them down") and have 40mins-1hr lunch and leave at 5.05pm. If you leave at 5pm everyone knows that you stopped working 10-15mins earlier.

One to watch out for is the boss who thinks that hours in the office equates to working hard. I used to work with someone who would arrive at 7.30am, crucially before their boss, log-on, then last thing they would go for a cigarette break at 5pm and return at 6.30pm, and then log-off at 7pm. The boss only registered that they started at 7.30am and finished at 6.30pm. They even one weekend went to their boss's house and helped to repaint it! It wasnt until they left that the boss realised that the rest of their team had been working more productively than that person.

Always appear smart and groomed, never shout or swear even if your boss does. Do this no matter what is happening...it shows that you are in control of yourself.
Social Judo
19th Jun 14 04:06

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Socia_Judo

Socia_Judo

I have always found that people who bully in the workplace tend to be very unsure of their position, promoted beyond their abilities and knowledge, and are very wary of the threat to their career that their team members pose to them often as a result of their team having more experience and/or better skils or qualifications. If you ever have an induction and your line manager doesnt give you any training then he will have a strong tendency to be a bully.

Those who who bully play two games one is to control (micro-manage their team) and often provide their staff with insufficient information to do the job/project, so they appear good or capable by their boos and by others who dont have to work with them on a daily basis. The other game is that they do, often in combination with the above, is to isolate individuals or their team from the rest of the business by spreading rumours, malicious gossip, providing inaccurate information, etc.

The best way to prevent bullying is to, if you can find out about your boss's interestsand hobbies and be able to chat about them. If the situation has just occurred raise it with HR. If the HR team is any good then they will be able to do something about it.

Needless to say a good boss in any situation will be open to new ideas, encouraging, and will build very strong motivated teams that are happy and successful.

If you are being bullied...keep a record date, time and what happened or was said. Alert HR, in person, and via emails (send a copy to yourself ie CC your work address and crucially BCC your personal email address....when you get home print it off and create a hard copy file)
Socia_Judo
19th Jun 14 04:06

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I'm out!

I'm out!

I work in a community nursing team in the NHS. I have worked in the team for around five years and have been the subject of indirect bullying for most
of that time.

Bearing in mind the other members of the team are mature individuals with advanced qualifications the situation I found myself in was unbelievable.

Very briefly team of around 13 adults including a team leader sharing an office all responsible to a line manager who is based elsewhere.

Team leader notorious reputation for poor time keeping with a high sickness rate has four very close friends within the team who they socialize with outside of work.

Team leader reports directly to line manager and only reports what they want line manager to know. Other team members are 'left alone' unless they cause any 'trouble' for the team leader.

Those other team members that comment on anything team leader does not approve of are bullied until they leave. This can be anything from leaving team members out of lunch invites to failing to share passed on communication to line manager so leaving the team member in a vulnerable position.

Once the bullied team member has found alternative employment and left the team the team leader then targets any colleagues that the recently departed team member might have been close to and so the bullying goes on.

As new employees are recruited into the team they soon observe team dynamics and very quickly learn how to stay safe in the team. head down moth shut or join in.

To date I have observed three work colleagues leave under bullying circumstances and I leave in five days, however I am leaving two good supportive friends who may not be as lucky as I have been to find alternative employment.

I am a grandmother bullying is not confined to the young.

I leave my current employment with mixed emotions and a degree of disappointment in myself for not being strong enough to confront this head on.
I'm out!
9th Sep 13 08:09

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book worm

book worm

Jedi mind trick, more often than not the tyrant does his or her bullying out of unconscious ignorance, they are often shockingly unaware that they are actually bullying. In fact they may believe they themselves are the victim !! It is wiser to educate oneself and use more subtle psychological methods. . There is a good bookshop, "karnac books (google it) that sells useful books on this subject.
book worm
19th Jul 13 12:07

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Jedi Mind trick

Jedi Mind trick

If anyone in 'authority' tries to belittle you, stand there and say 'STOP TRYING TO CONTROL MY MIND' in a firm, calm and even voice, believe me, it works every time.
Jedi Mind trick
19th Jul 13 12:07

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book worm

book worm

I recommend reading a book called "the 48 laws of power" by Robert Greene. It is an international best seller. It teaches the ordinary person how to arm themselves against those who have some power over them. I have found several of the techniques extraordinarily useful in the workplace. It employs historical examples and various quotations, anecdotes and fables.
book worm
18th Jul 13 11:07

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Jethro

Jethro

Although everybody knows what should be done to alleviate the root causes of stress, the pressures in the work place, home and life in general are now so great it is, I believe, uncontrollable. Material greed has led to the ever increasing speed of peoples life styles. Unless society learns to slow down and demand less they will be storing up untold pressures on themselves in the form of illnesses of all kinds, and with the NHS in the state its in now the future for some is not good.
Jethro
15th Jul 13 10:07

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Takenforgranted

Takenforgranted

I've just just been on a stress reduction session at my local NHS department, here's what the advisor said I should use as a mantra. " Everything I do is by choice, there is always another option" or "I will slow down and become conscious of my life's simple pleasures". That approach may work if your employed in the NHS but just try telling any bad boss that's what you intend to do, and see the outcome. The trouble with these NHS clowns is they think every job is like their's and every boss adheres to the rules. Dumb NHS ass's, just wait until more of them get the sack and face the real world.
Takenforgranted
15th Jul 13 05:07

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4
ahforfoulkessake

ahforfoulkessake

I'd rather tell him where to shove it with a right hander or if you can't take a dump in his desk drawer on friday hometime so he finds it monday morning.
ahforfoulkessake
26th May 13 12:05

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S

S

I was bullied by my boss for months - had to leave and take legal action.

Your priority must be your baby so you should take as much maternity leave as possible and then decide if you want to deal with your boss again. If not, then you can look for another job.
S
12th Mar 13 05:03

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david

david

I totally understand what it means being bullied most of my life, so i made myself a website with all what i know and learned. That include also how do fight bullying back in the right way ect.

My website is: https://sites.google.com/site/weareagainstbullys/

I hope my personal experiences and also what i learned from college is helpful to you all.
david
24th Dec 12 06:12

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Youthful Griper

Youthful Griper

Have you considered what all the stress and anguish could be doing to your unborn child? Obviously you work for a self-centered and arrogant pen!s who doesn't care about how he treats his staff or thinks about their wellbeing. Think very hard about what you can do to help the situation without leaving yourself open to more flak.

As 'You' has suggested, write down your thoughts and meet with him one-to-one, at least then he hasn't an audience to pander to.
Youthful Griper
6th Feb 12 08:02

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Funkg

Funkg

Keep a diary and document everything DONE/SAID and I mean EVERYTHING. If it gets too much for your try and find an independant adviser or go to the CRB
Funkg
2nd Feb 12 05:02

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You

You

Write down all the things that you feel are wrong. Meet with him and say you're going to put in writing your concerns. You could even say you feel it's bullying in the workplace and that you feel you have no option but to leave and you consider this constructive dismissal. Or go off sick with stress until your maternity leave.
You
2nd Feb 12 08:02

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