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Child maintenance is reduced while ex lives the life

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My ex husband and I divorced 3 years ago, he was the Director of his own business and earned roughly £600 per week.  I worked for him and he basically blackmailed me into resigning by refusing to let me have the small amount of equity left in our house unless I resigned.  I was left with enough money to buy half a house, with a mortgage and no income apart from the maintenance that he agreed to pay. This was a private arrangement based hist earnings and me caring for the two children.  It amounted to £120 per week and took no account of all the other personal monies that he would take out as a director.  If, however, I had based the maintenance on his annual return then he would have had to pay me a lot more.

In January of this year my ex husband announced that he had gone into liquidation and that I would not be getting any maintenance until he started earning as a sole trader again.  Since then I have received £220 and he insists that this is based on what he has earned since the middle of January.  He honestly expects me to believe that he can suddenly live on having earned £1400 in three, when previously he told me he struggled to live on £600 per week before when things were going well.

My ex husband and his fiancee, who is a teacher, live in a detached house on the nicest estate in our town.  They're getting married in August in a fancy hotel and the wedding will cost approximately £10,000 and yet he can not see why I am pissed off!  I am struggling to raise our 2 children and we don't have much, while he drinks and smokes every day (he's also an alcoholic).  He pays for his £900 per month mortgage (somehow), drives a Shogun on finance which is apparently costing around £350, has splashed out on all the new furniture for the marital home.

A letter from the Inland Revenue Meanwhile...  I'm stuck unable to do anything about maintenance for our children and have to wait for the CSA to assess his next tax return in April 2011.  This is because of his going into liquidation and the fact that he hasn't filed his last tax return so they cannot assess his earnings!  To add to the whole mess, I receive numerous emails and letters from his fiancee and her parents telling me how greedy I am being, and that I should not be insisting on money from him; they tell me how hard it is for him not living with his children (By the way, he left me for his fiancee who was 24 at the time, he was 37!).

My ex demands to have the children whenever he feels like it and tells me that I am not flexible enough.  He's even broken a court order for contact instigated by him, as he reckons that he can not afford to drive the 30 minute journey to see the children!  Has anyone else out there been in a similar situation, where the ex's company has gone into liquidation?  I feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall as it all hangs on his last years return, which presumably doesn't exist as he didn't file it!  How fair is it when he can live in luxury on one hand, and yet plead poverty with the other?

By: Karen


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Laura

Laura

Dear Karen,

I am completely in the same situation, my fiance and I were together for 12 years, we had 2 girls, he would never committ to marriage and we ran our own IT Company. I left my own career and family behind to start a new life with this man and now I am struggling to bring my kids up whilst he leads the life of a batchelor millionaire (and I aint joking). He gives me £500 per month, I was blackmailed into this also, he asked the staff to down tools until I agreed this figure. He held back orders on the business at time of valuation and now drives a top range rover, helicopter and has an interior designer for his home (which originally belonged to his family), I had no claim on anything, he had everything well tied up, hidden in trusts and I walked away with a house, of which I paid £30,000 towards, had to take part-time work to cover bills and the kids are running around in old clothes. I was too soft because I still had feelings for him, but tonight he had another new girlfriend in the house ( the kids must think he changes one every week) although we had been communicating about getting back together. Im disgusted and I am visiting the lawyer in the morning, as I sick of this situation that he gets away with this, whilst his kids suffer. The law in Northern Ireland didn't help me as we weren't married, but I'm contacting the CSA as you say they look at his last tax return and his must have been massive. I know he said he took out a loan for the house, so that if the CSA chased him he could say he had loans, but this was falsley done and was for his hanger for his helicopter!! I neep help too, I am at my wits end as I don't get financial help from government, as I have no mortgage.
07/10/10 Laura
28
feduphardworking mum

feduphardworking mum

Throughout our 19yr relationship my ex played the field BIG TIME! 3 years ago he left me and our 2 daughters aged 7yrs and 5yrs for a THING 20yrs his junior.
Since then the CSA failed to collect payment (blaming admin errors) several times over the last 18 months resulting in my ex now owing me and my daughters £6000+. After my always having to track him down and then having to contact the CSA with my findings it now appears he has started a college course learning how to play the guitar and is classed as a Full Time Student even though he's also working 30hrs. Yes you've guessed the CSA state they do not have the power to chase him for payment to keep his children.
05/10/10 feduphardworking mum
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sami

sami

I understand your point but did you ever think that perhaps his new girlfrind is paying for the house and the car? Teachers earn a lot of money these days depending on what level she is at.
Perhaps he is really is hard up at the moment and living off his girlfriend, who has savings?
If you follow this train of thought then perhaps you can see where she and the family members are coming from? You cant expect his other half to pay for your children.
My Husband has a 6 year old girl from a previous relationship and she has made his life hell by constantly demanding more money. More than the CSA has agreed he has to pay. She has stopped him seeing the child because he works long hours to ensure he can pay the child maintence. My husband and I have a lovely big house in a really nice area and its myself thats paying for that because my husband is paying not only his maintence but for every other knick knack that ex demands or else he cant see his daughter. We have tried going to a lawyer but its a long drawn out process and he cant go that long without seeing his child. So instead of giving him a hard time about it, why dont you speak to him rationally about his money worries and see where it gets you!
26/09/10 sami
3
anonymous female person who do

anonymous female person who do

danny boy / gainsborough lad, you say that you have sympathy for this woman but really this is just an excuse to tell everyone yet AGAIN what a terrible time you had with your ex wife.

You claim that this would have been worse had it happened to a man. As she was eight and a half months pregnant when her husband deserted her and left her to work two jobs and also raise his children, how pregnant were you when your marriage broke up?

In reality you have no sympathy for women, only men.
16/08/10 anonymous female person who do
-1
Full time working mum

Full time working mum

I can totally apreciate how you feel.I was left 8 years ago at the age of 32 with a 4 year old and pregnant with a our second child 8 1/2 months pregnant.
My ex husband left for someone else then married her, he had a court order for maintenance and a contact order to see his children. He broke every rule in book, down varying maintenance from £1000.00 to £200.00 shortly after it was agreed in court. Forcing me to struggle and work two jobs even though he was earing approx £100,000.00 a year a driving around in sports cars changing them every six months.They also had a big white wedding,took all the children on fantastic holidays and were as awkwward as possible with any kind of parenting.
He then went to the CSA who awarded hom a nil assesment for the last year as he has wound up his company and now put everything through his new wife (where is the justice).The CSA seem powerless to these type of people who shone their responsibilites and trade in their wives and children for updated models.The only hthing I can say is good riddence to bad rubbish and the grass is not greener.
15/08/10 Full time working mum
1
just a woman 01

just a woman 01

please ! , I totally understand you. my ex husband took everything I owned company,job, income, house even down to the broom! he put everything in his partners name, he is a multi millionaire,and also lives a life of luxury - he walked when our daughter was 5 and has never paid a single penny and rejected her. So my advice to you is let him get on with it,you have a right to be proud to be the mum you are, get rid of your anger, learn to love yourself and reward yourself for the priceless job you are doing, your children arnt daft they know you are struggling, but they will grow up to be loving appreciatetive human beings just like their mum.
There are so many decent men (who have been hurt,used and indeed frightened to love again)
when your ready im sure you will meet someone who truely deserves you and your children,
keep on going as you are it may not seem like it but YOU are doing so well as you are
best of luck xxxx
14/06/10 just a woman 01
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Hard working taxpayer

Hard working taxpayer

sigh, "depriving the adultress is only depriving the children" I know plenty of women that will spend on themselves first before their kids, booze ciggerettes and a full modern wardrobe come first before good quality food for the kids, and before you start a week long tirade I didn't say all single mothers.
17/05/10 Hard working taxpayer
5
sigh

sigh

ps I work 3-4 days a week to support 2 children under 2, their father gives us £30-50 a month if we are lucky, has a drug habit and continues to blame and attacke me for the past whenever I bring up the subject of money..... it makes me furious that he cannot separate the past from what his children need, my money goes on rents bills food provisions for the children.... most of the time I can make the money I earn stretch to everything we need but that is not the point? also there has been times when we have had nothing, his response is 'you are emotionally abusing me etc etc' this is why formal agreements are needed (our private arrangement fell through as he simply stopped paying after two months). It has nothing to do with why the separation took place, children are a shared responsibility. End of.
17/05/10 sigh
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sigh

sigh

meal ticket??? are we all missing the point here? the money mothers recieve is to provide for the CHILDREN - no amount of bitterness of any partner should affect the father's responsibility to feed and provide for the basic needs of his children. depriving the 'adulteress' etc is only depriving the children. If a woman takes care of, provides for, makes a home for children which are not just hers, the father can and should at the very least put food on the table regardless of who was to blame for the separation.
17/05/10 sigh
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Hard working taxpayer

Hard working taxpayer

karen mc, as you are not going out to work and just sponging of the taxpayers for years, it is very fair that you don't have much free spending money, people on the minimum wage working a full 40 hours a week pay £8-00 a week in tax to support the idle likes of you, they don't have any spare spending cash either, as they haven't got the free meal ticket that you have.
08/05/10 Hard working taxpayer
7
karen mc

karen mc

I have a similar situation, my ex pays me pennies for our daughter, he stopped supporting our son over a year ago after he left school. our son gets no benefits and I am only working part time and am not entitled to claim tax credits for him. he has re married and has 2 step kids. he and his new wife work and she gets maintainence for both kids from their fathers. I have been told by the csa that as her kids are in his care I will not get as much maintainence as I would if there were no step kids involved. so I have to struggle on next to nothing while her kids get financial support from 4 adults . I asked the csa if they thought this was fair and I was told that this is a fair system and that if I didnt like it then tough. how can they realistically say this is fair
07/05/10 karen mc
4
Misdy

Misdy

Although my ex partner didn't own a company, he was earning approx £600 a week. We have 2 children and he had to pay £120 per week. As soon as he found this out, he quit his job. He has since (whilst not claiming any benefits) bought his own house and is currently driving a brand new vw golf. All this whilst not working!!! The csa can't do anything, as like you he hasn't completed his tax return. I haven't had a penny in 2 years, and he still phones now asking if I can drop the kids to him as he hasn't any petrol. Well the problem with that is that my Solicitor says that I SHOULD take them over to encourage the relationship!!1 How bloody ridiculous is that?
19/04/10 Misdy
-8
feckless wreck

feckless wreck

One reason why men should not be allowed to hold good jobs.
Why everything should be turned on it's head and women should be the breadwinners.
Remember marriage = vulerability. marriage = dependance.
I'm never going to get married. Ever.
10/11/09 feckless wreck
-16
Melly 45

Melly 45

My husband physically and verbally abused me for nine years. I finally left him and he decided to go bankrupt. He has since set up a company in his mothers name and is earning in excess of £800 a week plus any company profit that he makes but is stateing that he is merely an employee of his mother and earning £289 a week of which I receive £42 for our two children (£7 is deducted because he has them every 14 days, he lives with his mother and she pays for their food whilst they are there). He asked me to put the company in his name and I refused!. I gave up a nursing course and several jobs because he refused to help look after our children and am now finding it difficult to get a job while he has had £2000 worth of porcelain veneers put over his teeth because he failed to brush them, a digger, a truck a new van and is treating his new girlfriend to I’m guessing anything she wants. He has a serious drug problem and always has had and lost three quarters of his lung because of it last year. Anyone who writes to you complaining that mothers decided to have they’re children so should get a job and stop relying on they’re meal ticket are completely missing the point that if absent fathers actually paid for they’re children, single mothers would not have to claim benefit that is being paid for by taxpayers. I could not get any help through CSA so have decided that the only way forward is to contact the internal Revenue Services and have him investigated for Bankruptcy Fraud. If you can’t beat them Join them!!!!
22/10/09 Melly 45
6
Gainsborough lad.

Gainsborough lad.

Optimistic1. sorry but your last 19 words dont ring true, there is little come-uppance for many adulterous women, only when their meal-ticket expires, but I am genuinely pleased that you have a nice place from your hard work, as there are too many people getting great reward in this country for contributing nothing whatsoever.
17/08/09 Gainsborough lad.
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