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My ex-husband was hiding my post from me for almost 12 months and only passing on the correspondence I would normally be expecting, ie bills, wage slips and my own personal bank account statements. We had a joint account which we opened over 18 years ago when we got married and there wasn't really much money in the account but there was enough to pay the domestic bills and shopping etc. each week.
My ex-husband was self employed and had his own business, which had started to fail (he successfully kept this hidden from me!). I have worked all my life - full time and my parents have been my child minders. Throughout my life I have conquered serious illnesses and still maintained a good working record and have saved what money I can from my job to enable my children to have the best possible quality of life.
spending money - money which was for our children's future education fund
To cut a long story short, he was spending the money I was saving in another joint savings account - money which was for our children's future education fund. I was completely unaware of this and still to this day don't know what he spent it on. One day I phoned the bank to query why a direct debit for £7.50 had been rejected, only to get the biggest shock of my life. We were £2,000 overdrawn and the bank had been trying to contact me. Wait for it though... the best bit was that my house was going to be repossessed within the next three days!!!
I went home from work upset and ready to face my husband, to get some answers to all the questions I had in my head. However, when I arrived home he'd already gone. He had known what was happening and had lied to the building society telling them that I was too poorly to attend a court hearing 6 months earlier where the decision was taken to allow us to pay a higher repayment amount until we had caught up. I was devastated to find out that there was nearly 12 months of unpaid mortgage!!! I returned home to an empty house, he'd taken his clothes and his paperwork, that was it, marriage over. He'd even left his wedding ring and posted his key back through the door. He didn't have the decency to tell either myself or the children what was going on OR TO FIND US SOMEWHERE ELSE TO LIVE - he just went!
I have tracked him down now and am living in rented housing. He has moved to another part of the country and is living with a family member. He is claiming sickness benefit and I haven't had any form of maintenance from him for the children. Does anyone know if the CSA can make an attachment to his sickness benefit and get him to assist me with the future of my children. I am claiming working tax credit, family tax credit and working 16 hours a week now. I cant work full-time because I need to get home in time to collect my youngest from school. Please - if anyone knows what can be done - please, please, please reply to this gripe!
By: Annoyed Mother
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I was in the military for 37 years and did not earn "loads a money"
Such deception by a loved one is not uncommon, you need to part of all financial processes.
Marriage should be much more like a business contract, limited by time period with the option of renewal should each party give consent. Other clauses should kick in if children are born, with clear legal mechanisms from birth to ensure that their needs, including financial, are met both in the short and long term.
You keep him.
The better you get the claim into the CSA the better as the child maintenance can only be backdated to when they first contact your ex husband and 'establish parentage'. If however he comes off IB then a default maintenance decision could be imposed if he failed to provide employer details in the event he finds himself a job. This is typically between £30 and £50 per week.
As other posters have mentioned have you thought about taking him to the small claims court to try and recoup some of the lost money?
Good luck!
So far as I know, so long as he's in the same country as you you shouldn't have a problem.
They might not sieze his benefits but they might make him pay a certain amount per month to you.
Good luck!
You definitely need to get yourself a decent solicitor though.
Unfortunately this kind of thing can and does happen when one person controls the financial side of things. Next time (if there is a next time) keep it all separate. It is a hard lesson to learn though.
Adam