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I am 28 years old and the single mother of two adorable, well-mannered and well brought up children. I do the very best I can for them, emotionally and spiritually but financially it can be a bit of a pain. I have just started my own business and attend university too, but believe I am a good mother with all our best interests at heart. I do not want them to ever think its OK not to work while you are physically able so I hope to prove a good role model to them.
Their father and I split up over 6 years ago, and to this day hasn't paid one penny in support. He is now in another relationship and has a son to his current partner who is claiming every benefit she can lay her hands on. I have tried claiming maintenance through the CSA, and although he has a very well paid job (close to £700 per week), his boss is very understanding whenever they get close to catching him, and lays him off for a week or two so he can claim dole and not have to pay.
he expects me to take the children to his home 50 miles away
On top of this he expects me to take the children to his home 50 miles away whenever he feels like seeing them. And I, thinking I was doing right by my children went along with this, at least up until 6 months ago when I found I couldn't quite afford the train fare if I wanted to get the weekly shop at the same time.
He refuses to come and get them from our home, claiming he won't spend any time with them if he is travelling and won't budge on the subject. He didn't even send the children a card or present at Christmas as it was too time consuming for him. I have contacted solicitors to try and come to some arrangement over contact, but he has ignored every letter, though he and his partner have given me abusive texts and phone calls whenever he gets one.
my children have not seen their father for 6 months
One letter sparked off a whole new argument, and it emerged that he wasn't supposed to be living with his partner as she was on so many benefits, and they were committing benefit fraud. I was accused of "grassing them up" and that they would make me pay for it. I worked it out that those two are living on about £1000 EVERY WEEK while me and the children survive on almost £200 if takings are good. Perhaps if he paid the maintenance that he can definitely afford, I might be able to afford the train fare. Then again, I don't see why I should make the effort to take them to him. They are his children so he should take the initiative and come and get them.
As it stands, my children have not seen their father for 6 months, I'm skint, and he's coining it in. Am I doing the right thing? I don't want to give in, but I don't want my children missing out either. Rant rant rant rant...
By: Kit
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my eldest childs father never wanted to know from before birth to present day. he wanted me to have a termination but when i said no he dumped me. He had 3 children ti 3 different women and does not have anything to do with any of them He was in and out of our lives until our child was almist 3, he would be consistent for 3 weeks and see her every weekend for a couple of hours on a saturday but then he would dissappear and we wouldnt see him for months at a time. No phone calls, nothing. I still kept giving him chances though but he let her down time after time after time. When she was 2 and a half i met another man who i am still with now. he knew the situation and he didnt get involved. Things were going ok but then her fathet started demanding money for petrol for picking her up and dropping her back off as i didnt drive. He did not however give me a peeny maintainance for her-all i wanted was for them to have a relationship. But i found his demands totally out of order. The week after he fetched her home early and said she was a little b***ard and he f***ing hated her. He never came for her again. Ses 12 now. She cant even remember the 'biological one' and calls my partner Dad, she has called him Dad since she was about 4 years old and they are thick as thieves. She never called her biological father Dad when he used to see her anyway as he was always in and out of her life. We gaave him chance after chance but he blew it everytime. I dont ever want her to see him, not even when shes older as he will only hurt her but because she will be older it will hurt more than it did when she was 3. Sh
mark Andersen, Seattle, new york
We still have no joy with the CSA, he isn't registered anywhere, doesn't pay tax, NI, and doesn't claim benefits, so is invisible now, and the arrears he has amassed has now exceeded £10,000. I won't ever see that money, but am quite proud that I have done all I have without any help from him or anyone.
We still have no contact with their father and to be honest, we have never been happier! My son came to me today with butterflies in his tummy saying "Mam! Its only 26 days til the wedding and we'll be a proper family!" (He is the ringbearer and has such a lot of responsibility, the excitement is bursting out of him!)
Jofaz, they probably will want to make contact with him in their own time, but you must remember, you grew up in a fatherless household and look at you. Were you asking about your dad? Did you demand to see him, or take his side? I really think not, and that is what we have to look forward to... Respect from our children for giving everything we have for them, and loving every second of it! I wish you and your girls all the best, I hope you all find the happiness you deserve. x
Whatever your ex is doing wrong regarding failed payments for the children's upkeep you should never use the children as a weapon against him. He is still their dad and their relationship with him is entirely separate from his relationship with you.
He is no longer your partner but he will always be their father.
kandl