Single parent, dad doesn't pay maintenance

Many fathers are separated from their family through no fault of there own , like me! My ex met a new bloke and I was out. Now her and her partner are unemployed and living a pretty good life on my maintenance. I have often thought of quitting my job but I enjoy it too much.I know 100% my child only sees a fraction of what I pay. I would love custody of my kid, but while she is making so much from my maintenance she is going to fight tooth and nail against that. I try to have my kid as much as possible, this used to work well , but then my ex found out if I have the kid too many nights her maintenace might go down, so guess what, im only allowed once a week now.... men are not the only problem in family break ups.

Can anybody give me some advice? I'm a single parent with a 7 year old Daughter I work and am about to start my teacher training in September, the thing is I don't receive any form of maintenance from my Daughters dad which is a real struggle!! The reason he doesn't pay is due to him becoming mentally ill over the past two years and refuses to be on any kind of benefits which leaves me on the receiving end of zilch!! I don't want to come across as one of those single mums that wing about it all the time I just think it's very unfair that I go out and work all week pay my rent, council tax and everything else that comes on top of that and end up with nothing at the end. What I want to know is, is there anything out there to financially support you? Or should there be something in place? As theres a new government maybe something should be put in place but I don't know how to go about it. It's just as well the CSA is there to help but they can't help someone like me in my situation or any body else experiencing the same. If there is anyone who can offer some advice it would be most appreciated, thanks for reading Emma.

Hey Funky, single mums look down on me from the 5th of 6th floor of their council flat as I glide past on the train to work in the morning. Good for you, you should be proud. Your life sounds like absolute bliss.

And as for Woodins

You have no idea the type of person who I am, I can assure you I will look down on you from where I am!

Dear Albert

I work 50 hours a week running my own business, I used to run it with my husband and we planned to open a second. In the end we decided it wasn't working out, so the loan we arranged to open the second business I gave it to him so he could start the second by himself. I am still paying this loan and will be for the next 8 years. I can understand if you have been taken for a ride but as I said I do have morals and treated the both of us as equals so he could sort himself with a house and business.
My gripe is I think a little something would suffice to support her guitar lessons, swimming, martial arts and clothing that I spend on her. I don't need his money for myself I just want her to be able to enjoy the opportunities available to her.
Also if the shoe was on the other foot I would pay a reasonable amount of money for her. Thats why i'm unhappy as I did what was right when we split, it just makes me annoyed that he can't help with the lessons, school uniform, bags etc.
Many people say they have never known a woman to do what I have but atleast I can say i'm proud of what I did.

@Funky

I think Albert hall is projecting his past hang-ups, but is based on statistical probabilities. Child Support for most single mums is made up of the guys cash and benefits so that the "Yummy mummy" doesnt have to work. When a guy is approached with over-whelming statistical and anecdotal evidence, and when we see that the legal system is so unfairly biased towards women, yeah, we get a tad upset. I'm not a parent, but been in two long-term relationships, had a near miss (what I like to call a "near death experience" as that parenthood means for a guy these days). You and millions of other women are what have convinced me to take the drastic measure of getting my balls cut. Fugly women with low self-esteem who fall preganant at the drop of a hat arent going to ruin my life. Again, you opened the legs to the loser and decided to keep the kid, so take some responsibility.

I have just read Funky's post again and nowhere is £150 mentioned or any specific amount of money.

Looks as if someone is projecting their own hang ups or past problems on to someone else's situation.

Victoria station, £150-00 a week is not child support, it is money to put together with the free benefits to ensure the mum doesn't have to go to work.

Albert Hall ( as advice is being given can I just say we know who this really is. WE ALWAYS KNOW IT IS YOU!)

If a man was in this position, left with a child to raise alone and the mother was earning good money but cheating and lying about her real salary to get out of paying for the child she had abandoned while with a new man you would call her a whore and be full of sympathy for the man but as it's a woman .... oh yes, still full of sympathy for the man and still hating the woman. You who accuse women of being man haters are a WOMAN HATER and can't see past your twisted bitterness and resentment of all women.

FYI, wanting a man to help support his child is not a "free lunch".

Funky,

Some advice from me is to give your ex full custody, then you won't have the worry of getting cash from him, and as an estranged parent who has been finding fault with him for not sending you any cash, I am sure that you will send him £100-00 a week as you wouldn't want to be branded a hypocrite would you? and to make matters easy he has his own playgroup,

One snag, bang goes your free lunch.

Hi, I am in a similar position, i.e my ex not paying any money.

We have been divorced and separated now since 2005, he has run his own business with his girlfriend and can conveniently take money out of the business to live by his means. He puts himself on a low wage so when it comes to csa he does not have to give me anything.
After a few years he got a new job, (probably due to the downturn in business due to the recession) so I could eventually go to the CSA and claim at last. Up till 4 months ago I was getting a little money but now its stopped again and he's telling me he is building a second business to 'expand'.
He also tells me he isn't working at the moment, (claiming benefit most likely) but I know he's working as he's back in his play centre (not paying himself a wage), and boasting about expanding!
Yes my ex husband runs a play centre in a town that is full of single mothers in all our positions.
It angers me he doesn't pay for anything, ok he has his daughter, which is a bonus.
If you were a customer who went to a play centre and knew the owner acted like this, would you like the guy?
Didn't think so.
I don't know what to do, is this right to not pay for your child and is it right that he thinks its acceptable that she has a bedroom at his house and clothes so this makes it alright not to pay?
Ill also note I gave him money when we separated as i'm a fair person, so he could start off a fresh
I have morals, he doesn't
Please advise x

I'm just curious . . . . . . . What did your ex do before you fell pregnant? Was he a low wage earner/unemployed before you allowed him to cum inside you? If he was such a loser why did you to a) Sleep with him - and not use adequate protection (the statistical probability of falling pregnant whilst using a condom AND the pill is 0.002%) b) Not have an abortion? - You could be following your career aspirations now and/or having fun sleeping around with other irresponsible but fun guys or c) Think of your childs future and put it up for adoption as their are thousands of emotionally and financially stable couples waiting to give a child a decent life if you can't really afford it? Your life sounds like a nightmare, and I can understand why.
I feel sorry for the next guy who comes along, as your probably going to settle for a nice "beta-male". No financially comfortable, successful alpha male is going to go anywhere near you, your a hundred red-flags waving in the breeze. The ultimate proof is in your irresponsibility.Your a biological time-bomb just waiting to go off. Only a mangina (what women call "nice a guy") with low self-esteem and probably low earning potential will touch you. And statistically, you are for more likely to have another "accident" again. The first thing a single mum does is bang out another kid If the guy looks as if he might stick around. I feel sorry for this next guy, as you probably have the CSA on speed-dial on your mobile.