Single parent, dad doesn't pay maintenance
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I am fed up with parents who will not take responsibility of their own children. I am a single mother to my 4 year old daughter, her Dad left me for another woman when she was 7 months old. He has done nothing but move from one relationship to the next and now has a one year old and newborn by his current girlfriend. He always seems to have some excuse as to why he can’t pay me maintenance. Meanwhile his girlfriend is sat at home breeding and I’m burning myself down to the ground working full time struggling to make ends meet and being a full-time mum trying to provide the best for my daughter. |
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It really gets me when my daughter comes back from her Dad's with bottles of Ribena and MacDonald’s Happy Meal toys and then proceeds to tell me he’s only got £10 to last him until the end of the week. Then why go to MacDonald’s in the first place. And the amount of times when we’ve been to Tesco's she points out all these things that Daddy’s got from nice food to DVDs. In the meantime, we live off of value meals and anything we can find at the reduced counter and certainly can't afford to buy DVDs. He's not paying me any maintenance |
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The other thing that gets me is that he chose to move about 60 miles away from me and many a time has suggested we meet half way when he has my daughter. No way, why should I pay for the petrol for his convenience especially when he’s not paying maintenance. When he does eventually give me a cheque 9 times out of 10 it bounces. The final straw was the other weekend when he took the family to a wildlife park on Father’s Day and when he brought her back he told me that he couldn’t have her next weekend as he didn’t have any money for the petrol. Get your priorities right mate, don’t spend money on a day out if you can’t afford it. There are many places you can go for free and take a picnic with you so you don’t have to buy food at the venue. You do not have to spend money on your daughter to make her happy! Most recently he told me that he’s finally got a permanent job and things will be back to normal next month. Normal, what is normal? He mentioned that the wages aren’t very good and proceeded to tell me that he’s been in contact with the CSA and should only be paying me £26 a week. Well he’s seems to have forgotten that he hasn’t given me anything for the past 4 months anyway. What planet is this guy on! I just wish that he would settle down and face his responsibilities instead of swanning round like he’s got money when he hasn’t got two ha’pennies to rub together. |
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Comments from visitors
@niki you say its the men who say this and that what about a women who leaves her 4 kids with there fathers moves away and get married and as more kids this is what happened to me and csa do nothing but screw me for csa for my lad but will not touch her due to living on isle of man
sorry but its not right and some thing needs doing about it
sorry but its not right and some thing needs doing about it
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my ex moved to the isle of man and left me with the kids will csa help crap will thay but thay screwed me while I was single for my lad I feel hard done by having to bring up my 2 girls while having to pay csa
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if only the law would intervene at the splitting up stage. I mean properly to ensure that both parents take responsibility for their kids in both time and money.
Why some men choose to walk away from their own kids is beyond me. As is the behaviour of some women.
Kids are made by 2 people (50%) from each and therefore there should be an EQUAL share of responsibility.
It is too easy for men to walk away unfortunately.
Why some men choose to walk away from their own kids is beyond me. As is the behaviour of some women.
Kids are made by 2 people (50%) from each and therefore there should be an EQUAL share of responsibility.
It is too easy for men to walk away unfortunately.
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my ex has once again decided to give up work. Yes he decided to because he did not want to do it any more.
I wish I had the ability to 'decide' to give up work! If I did decide this who would pay my mortgage and feed my kids? I would not want state handouts thank you. I a fit and healthy and can work - oh just like he is except he will now have the state paying his rent and supporting him!
He has not seen the kids since august. He cant afford to see them - cant afford to feed them apparently. Funny that he can spend over £6 a day on cigs but not feed his kids every other weekend.
He sits back on state handouts while my kids are in full time breakfast, after school and holiday club. All paid for by me so I can work.
I want my kids to see their dad, all kids should have 2 parents. He cant be bothered seeing them or paying for them. It is disgusting.
The law on this needs sorting
I wish I had the ability to 'decide' to give up work! If I did decide this who would pay my mortgage and feed my kids? I would not want state handouts thank you. I a fit and healthy and can work - oh just like he is except he will now have the state paying his rent and supporting him!
He has not seen the kids since august. He cant afford to see them - cant afford to feed them apparently. Funny that he can spend over £6 a day on cigs but not feed his kids every other weekend.
He sits back on state handouts while my kids are in full time breakfast, after school and holiday club. All paid for by me so I can work.
I want my kids to see their dad, all kids should have 2 parents. He cant be bothered seeing them or paying for them. It is disgusting.
The law on this needs sorting
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bitter and twisted. i'm a single dad I have two children and get 10 pounds a week and I work full time, don't struggle the way you describe though. should stop get out of your current mind set a do the best for you an yours.
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Ah, also forgot to mention and it IS a pertinent point, our daughter was PLANNED, with him being the main one who forced the issue but she was only ever a status baby to him, once he'd lost the girlfriend (through his becoming a dealer), he simple saw no pnt doing the fathering bit by himself, there was nothing in it for him, this he admitted.
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Sorry last thread was meant to read Russell Voysey who now lives in the Isle of Man, though his daughter only found out yesterday. He moved MONTHS ago, she'd tried to get in touch to start afresh and he didn't even mention he was leaving and has ignored her since. No child deserves that. I sent the night with her crying in my arms, she is a beautiful, intelligent usually confident girl and he reduced her to doubting herself and feeling like crap. Do we have a right to shame these men?? Well you know what, as the saying goes 'if the cap fits'. I of course maintained a neutral stance and tld her not to take it personally, he is just looking out for number one. She's old enough to see the truth, hopefully he won't ruin her life.
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Regarding my Rseell Voysey comment, this is not 'father hating'. For years I didn't even as for maintenance but he decided NOT to see his daughter just in case he'd have to contribute. The court found him guilty of Culpable Neglect of his daughter in January 2010 and ordered him to begin paying back the thousands in back support he owes. His response...he moved to the Isle of Man at the insistence of his wife so he wouldn't be sent to prison when defaulting on payments. At NO point have we degraded ourselves asking for it from him directly even though he lived locally and it would have been easy to, we didn't want the indignity. My daughter, now eighteen was curious to make some sort of relationship with him, she's a bright girl off to uni, NOT a trouble maker, he got his wife to mail her back, in short he couldn't be bothered. He did for the first year of the last eighteen, wish her happy birthday, a day late by text saying he had 'no reception' her entire actual birthday. Yesterday I had her in tears wondering what's wrong with her that he doesn't want anything to do with her. FYI I don't hate him, I feel pity for the bloke, it's his loss but I do hate what he has done to his daughter over the years, why shouldn't s parents left holding the baby make public what they have done, it is a moral shame to deny your own child.
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funny how a lot of these so called "men" who post up here are blaming the woman saying she "got pregnant" and other such rubbish and that she should have "kept her legs closed". yeahhh so what exactly IS the mans responsibility then??? its scum like that who enable these deadbeat parents to continue the way they are.
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Many fathers are separated from their family through no fault of there own , like me! My ex met a new bloke and I was out. Now her and her partner are unemployed and living a pretty good life on my maintenance. I have often thought of quitting my job but I enjoy it too much.I know 100% my child only sees a fraction of what I pay. I would love custody of my kid, but while she is making so much from my maintenance she is going to fight tooth and nail against that. I try to have my kid as much as possible, this used to work well , but then my ex found out if I have the kid too many nights her maintenace might go down, so guess what, im only allowed once a week now.... men are not the only problem in family break ups.
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Can anybody give me some advice? I'm a single parent with a 7 year old Daughter I work and am about to start my teacher training in September, the thing is I don't receive any form of maintenance from my Daughters dad which is a real struggle!! The reason he doesn't pay is due to him becoming mentally ill over the past two years and refuses to be on any kind of benefits which leaves me on the receiving end of zilch!! I don't want to come across as one of those single mums that wing about it all the time I just think it's very unfair that I go out and work all week pay my rent, council tax and everything else that comes on top of that and end up with nothing at the end. What I want to know is, is there anything out there to financially support you? Or should there be something in place? As theres a new government maybe something should be put in place but I don't know how to go about it. It's just as well the CSA is there to help but they can't help someone like me in my situation or any body else experiencing the same. If there is anyone who can offer some advice it would be most appreciated, thanks for reading Emma.
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Hey Funky, single mums look down on me from the 5th of 6th floor of their council flat as I glide past on the train to work in the morning. Good for you, you should be proud. Your life sounds like absolute bliss.
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And as for Woodins
You have no idea the type of person who I am, I can assure you I will look down on you from where I am!
You have no idea the type of person who I am, I can assure you I will look down on you from where I am!
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Dear Albert
I work 50 hours a week running my own business, I used to run it with my husband and we planned to open a second. In the end we decided it wasn't working out, so the loan we arranged to open the second business I gave it to him so he could start the second by himself. I am still paying this loan and will be for the next 8 years. I can understand if you have been taken for a ride but as I said I do have morals and treated the both of us as equals so he could sort himself with a house and business.
My gripe is I think a little something would suffice to support her guitar lessons, swimming, martial arts and clothing that I spend on her. I don't need his money for myself I just want her to be able to enjoy the opportunities available to her.
Also if the shoe was on the other foot I would pay a reasonable amount of money for her. Thats why i'm unhappy as I did what was right when we split, it just makes me annoyed that he can't help with the lessons, school uniform, bags etc.
Many people say they have never known a woman to do what I have but atleast I can say i'm proud of what I did.
I work 50 hours a week running my own business, I used to run it with my husband and we planned to open a second. In the end we decided it wasn't working out, so the loan we arranged to open the second business I gave it to him so he could start the second by himself. I am still paying this loan and will be for the next 8 years. I can understand if you have been taken for a ride but as I said I do have morals and treated the both of us as equals so he could sort himself with a house and business.
My gripe is I think a little something would suffice to support her guitar lessons, swimming, martial arts and clothing that I spend on her. I don't need his money for myself I just want her to be able to enjoy the opportunities available to her.
Also if the shoe was on the other foot I would pay a reasonable amount of money for her. Thats why i'm unhappy as I did what was right when we split, it just makes me annoyed that he can't help with the lessons, school uniform, bags etc.
Many people say they have never known a woman to do what I have but atleast I can say i'm proud of what I did.
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@Funky
I think Albert hall is projecting his past hang-ups, but is based on statistical probabilities. Child Support for most single mums is made up of the guys cash and benefits so that the "Yummy mummy" doesnt have to work. When a guy is approached with over-whelming statistical and anecdotal evidence, and when we see that the legal system is so unfairly biased towards women, yeah, we get a tad upset. I'm not a parent, but been in two long-term relationships, had a near miss (what I like to call a "near death experience" as that parenthood means for a guy these days). You and millions of other women are what have convinced me to take the drastic measure of getting my balls cut. Fugly women with low self-esteem who fall preganant at the drop of a hat arent going to ruin my life. Again, you opened the legs to the loser and decided to keep the kid, so take some responsibility.
I think Albert hall is projecting his past hang-ups, but is based on statistical probabilities. Child Support for most single mums is made up of the guys cash and benefits so that the "Yummy mummy" doesnt have to work. When a guy is approached with over-whelming statistical and anecdotal evidence, and when we see that the legal system is so unfairly biased towards women, yeah, we get a tad upset. I'm not a parent, but been in two long-term relationships, had a near miss (what I like to call a "near death experience" as that parenthood means for a guy these days). You and millions of other women are what have convinced me to take the drastic measure of getting my balls cut. Fugly women with low self-esteem who fall preganant at the drop of a hat arent going to ruin my life. Again, you opened the legs to the loser and decided to keep the kid, so take some responsibility.
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I have just read Funky's post again and nowhere is £150 mentioned or any specific amount of money.
Looks as if someone is projecting their own hang ups or past problems on to someone else's situation.
Looks as if someone is projecting their own hang ups or past problems on to someone else's situation.
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Victoria Station - 7-Jul-10 12:25
Victoria station, £150-00 a week is not child support, it is money to put together with the free benefits to ensure the mum doesn't have to go to work.
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Funky,
Some advice from me is to give your ex full custody, then you won't have the worry of getting cash from him, and as an estranged parent who has been finding fault with him for not sending you any cash, I am sure that you will send him £100-00 a week as you wouldn't want to be branded a hypocrite would you? and to make matters easy he has his own playgroup,
One snag, bang goes your free lunch.
Some advice from me is to give your ex full custody, then you won't have the worry of getting cash from him, and as an estranged parent who has been finding fault with him for not sending you any cash, I am sure that you will send him £100-00 a week as you wouldn't want to be branded a hypocrite would you? and to make matters easy he has his own playgroup,
One snag, bang goes your free lunch.
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Hi, I am in a similar position, i.e my ex not paying any money.
We have been divorced and separated now since 2005, he has run his own business with his girlfriend and can conveniently take money out of the business to live by his means. He puts himself on a low wage so when it comes to csa he does not have to give me anything.
After a few years he got a new job, (probably due to the downturn in business due to the recession) so I could eventually go to the CSA and claim at last. Up till 4 months ago I was getting a little money but now its stopped again and he's telling me he is building a second business to 'expand'.
He also tells me he isn't working at the moment, (claiming benefit most likely) but I know he's working as he's back in his play centre (not paying himself a wage), and boasting about expanding!
Yes my ex husband runs a play centre in a town that is full of single mothers in all our positions.
It angers me he doesn't pay for anything, ok he has his daughter, which is a bonus.
If you were a customer who went to a play centre and knew the owner acted like this, would you like the guy?
Didn't think so.
I don't know what to do, is this right to not pay for your child and is it right that he thinks its acceptable that she has a bedroom at his house and clothes so this makes it alright not to pay?
Ill also note I gave him money when we separated as i'm a fair person, so he could start off a fresh
I have morals, he doesn't
Please advise x
We have been divorced and separated now since 2005, he has run his own business with his girlfriend and can conveniently take money out of the business to live by his means. He puts himself on a low wage so when it comes to csa he does not have to give me anything.
After a few years he got a new job, (probably due to the downturn in business due to the recession) so I could eventually go to the CSA and claim at last. Up till 4 months ago I was getting a little money but now its stopped again and he's telling me he is building a second business to 'expand'.
He also tells me he isn't working at the moment, (claiming benefit most likely) but I know he's working as he's back in his play centre (not paying himself a wage), and boasting about expanding!
Yes my ex husband runs a play centre in a town that is full of single mothers in all our positions.
It angers me he doesn't pay for anything, ok he has his daughter, which is a bonus.
If you were a customer who went to a play centre and knew the owner acted like this, would you like the guy?
Didn't think so.
I don't know what to do, is this right to not pay for your child and is it right that he thinks its acceptable that she has a bedroom at his house and clothes so this makes it alright not to pay?
Ill also note I gave him money when we separated as i'm a fair person, so he could start off a fresh
I have morals, he doesn't
Please advise x
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I'm just curious . . . . . . . What did your ex do before you fell pregnant? Was he a low wage earner/unemployed before you allowed him to cum inside you? If he was such a loser why did you to a) Sleep with him - and not use adequate protection (the statistical probability of falling pregnant whilst using a condom AND the pill is 0.002%) b) Not have an abortion? - You could be following your career aspirations now and/or having fun sleeping around with other irresponsible but fun guys or c) Think of your childs future and put it up for adoption as their are thousands of emotionally and financially stable couples waiting to give a child a decent life if you can't really afford it? Your life sounds like a nightmare, and I can understand why.
I feel sorry for the next guy who comes along, as your probably going to settle for a nice "beta-male". No financially comfortable, successful alpha male is going to go anywhere near you, your a hundred red-flags waving in the breeze. The ultimate proof is in your irresponsibility.Your a biological time-bomb just waiting to go off. Only a mangina (what women call "nice a guy") with low self-esteem and probably low earning potential will touch you. And statistically, you are for more likely to have another "accident" again. The first thing a single mum does is bang out another kid If the guy looks as if he might stick around. I feel sorry for this next guy, as you probably have the CSA on speed-dial on your mobile.
I feel sorry for the next guy who comes along, as your probably going to settle for a nice "beta-male". No financially comfortable, successful alpha male is going to go anywhere near you, your a hundred red-flags waving in the breeze. The ultimate proof is in your irresponsibility.Your a biological time-bomb just waiting to go off. Only a mangina (what women call "nice a guy") with low self-esteem and probably low earning potential will touch you. And statistically, you are for more likely to have another "accident" again. The first thing a single mum does is bang out another kid If the guy looks as if he might stick around. I feel sorry for this next guy, as you probably have the CSA on speed-dial on your mobile.
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