My ex partner contacted the CSA
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First off I'd like to say hello to all the good, responsible fathers out there who are treated unfairly bythe mothers of their children and the CSA. My story is simple one and may sound quite familiar to some of you. The mother of my children and I were together for 2 years when she fell pregnant with our first child. Everything was OK with our relationship and we soon had another child. Sadly, our relationship hit rock bottom and we broke up. Things were a bit fragile between us for a couple of months after we parted, but we began to move on and things soon got easier. I then received a letter from the CSA asking me to start making payments, which was fine, I was more than happy to support my kids. But after a while I moved into my own place and financially I was struggling. On top of bills I couldn't afford to pay the CSA as well as pick up my kids for 3 days a week, spend money on them doing things etc. I had a good chat with their mother and between us we agreed that I could stop paying the CSA, as long as I had the kids 3 days a week and got them anything they needed, for example new clothes. |
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This was the arrangement for two years and then after a big falling out with their mother, out of spite decided to contact the CSA and tell them I hadn't paid anything during that time. Shortly after I received a bill for almost £4,000!!! I was flabbergasted and immediately rang the CSA and asked how they had calculated that figure. I asked them to consider that I had the children for 3 days a week for the last two years and had been paying towards them as in food, clothes etc. Basically, the reply I got was "prove it" - which of course I couldn't. Who keeps receipts for a pair of trousers or trainers for their kids? Not me unfortunately. |
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As I result of this I now have a huge dept over my head and now have to pay 40% of my earnings straight to them. How do they think fathers can live and pay this? I lost my job recently and they still insist I have to pay. How the expect me to do this I don't know. I have no problem paying money to support my children but this is crazy. I would have to get two or three jobs just to earn enough to support myself and pay the CSA. A father who has to work all time so never gets to see them is not good for children. Both parents are needed and I'm fed up with being made out to be someone who does not care, or does not want to pay. Also, how can their mother simply choose when I can and can't see my kids? It's been about 5 months since I last saw them. How is this fair? There are to many cases like mine that go unnoticed. Something needs to be done here because clearly this system does not benefit the children. Women should not be able to use the CSA and the kids to exact revenge when they feel like it. |
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Comments from visitors
Gents I feel for you all. I do have a case with the CSA but am lucky to receive £5 a month!! But my partner's ex is similar to the women you describe - we now have her son every 2nd week whilst my partner has to pay her every week! We have fought every step of the way even involving our local MP. Through many letters and complaints we have had the maintenance assessment halved. My partner works nightshift and CSA would not take this into account. They said that since dad worked nights he didn't have care even though my stepson was with me not his mum. Our MP helped us get this rectified. As we have 50/50 care, we have successfully claimed children's tax credit and are currently waiting for child benefit to be awarded which would make maintenance payments null and void.
My advice to you all is document everything and keep fighting x
My advice to you all is document everything and keep fighting x
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Unfortunately there are loads of us in this boat, I'm a fire fighter have been for 15 years I've been involved with csa for last 4 1/2 years it's been a nightmare, I take home £1600 a month out of that I pay £380 a month, I also have my 3 kids over nt on average 3 -4 nights a week, I also buy school clothes , trips , bus money , and try giving pocket money . Csa will not believe anything I tell them and automatically takes my ex word before mine she says I haven't had or seen them since I left, I have 4 years worth of proof pics diaries some recipts for things, but honestly it's easier to pay the money , the law needs to change to make the process fair. Its the women that just want a free ride easy money like my ex she has not worked since I left and has been arrested for numerous things assault being one , where my now wife lost our first baby cos of the assault my story is so long and so many things happened this is just one of them, I don't think things will ever change for the better for fathers so just dig in and hope for the best .
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women like u have'nt a clue u will never have to go through wot us men have to, u will never be in this situation forced to leave ya employment sign on the doll and start selling drugs wilst workin cash in hand, in the mean time the ex is laughin themselves to sleep claimin benifiets gettin rent paid by tax payers ie... me. sittin on there overweight arsses all day watchin jeremy kyle it makes me sick. when i get sent to prison for trying to support my family the only way i know how in this currupted sercioty, maybe i will be safe in there.the csa are surpposed to help kids in poverty not put dads in poverty. wot about all these 16 year olds with kids. all i can say is that i feel real sorry for young dads. u have it all to come. maybe they should put csa prices in educating kids not to have kids
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'disgusted at this' well said! I was appaled reading this gripe! you paid your ex naf- all for 2 years because you picked your kids up from school? grow up for god sake! god forbid you should have them full time, im glad your ex went to the csa fathers like you are the reason the system is there! your children come before your rent and new clothes etc not the other way round! you dont get to chose how much your children cost. god I cant stand men like you
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What a load of rubbish your talking. They ONLY make you pay 40% the FIRST time if they have been trying to get you to pay for sometime, after that it's 15% for one child and 20% for two. You ex could not tell them you own x amount, the CSA only start to build a debt from the first time they contacted you NOT before.
So cut the pity me story, you have children or a child then pay for them. 15% of your wages for one child is NOTHING compared to how much a child costs a month, get a grip and if you can't afford to feed them then put something on the end of it muppet.
So cut the pity me story, you have children or a child then pay for them. 15% of your wages for one child is NOTHING compared to how much a child costs a month, get a grip and if you can't afford to feed them then put something on the end of it muppet.
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DISGUSTED AT THIS - 7-Apr-11 23:35
I have been with my partner for a year now, he has a son with his ex partner and a stepson who he classes as his own, we have recently moved in together. Relations between my partner, his ex and myself were ok up until the move, we paid a regular amount of £35 into her acount, now through sheer spite she has contacted the csa, we have the children every other weekend and during some of the school holidays, it also costs us £80 fuel as they live over two hours away from us. I'm not working at the moment and money is already very tight. My partners ex uses the children as pawns and changes weekend visits to suit herself, she has recently found out that we are to be married next year and was far from happy, even telling us that the children are not allowed to go to the wedding, we have been nothing but good to her and the children and to be honest we are not sure what to do for the best reguarding maintenance and contact.
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I agree this seems to be the case now that the csa don't really care where the money comes from or whether it does get spent on the kids, just a s long they get their bonus they make a a NRP non resident parent pay.
The system seems to help women not only to withhold children but also to use the csa to make it as difficult as they can for a NRP to stay in contact, and after all this hassle the children get the blame for all the trouble.
The way the benefits system and family laws are set out a lot of NRP are trapped in a situation that they can not get out of.
The system seems to help women not only to withhold children but also to use the csa to make it as difficult as they can for a NRP to stay in contact, and after all this hassle the children get the blame for all the trouble.
The way the benefits system and family laws are set out a lot of NRP are trapped in a situation that they can not get out of.
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Hi, I have the same situation for two years but she has "never contacted the CSA" as she says but I dont believe her, the letter is due but I have records of all payments I made in maintenance through the bank, thank you for your comment, I will now be saving all reciepts also
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StokeonTrent - 10-Dec-10 00:33
Totally unbelievable and totally unrealistic way of looking at things - this is the CSA for you.
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just to add. my husband has got parental responsibility for his son, we had to take her to court in the begining because she wouldnt let us see him, it cost us thousands in solicitors fees because my husband was working and she didnt have to pay anything because she wasnt working we were having him every other weekend, now she has turnd him against us and stopped him from coming to see us.even while this was going on he was still paying her he had it taken from his wages.. so he has that proof but he changed his job and just started paying it direct to her .. we should have known she would turn on us..
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my husband was paying his ex £90 pw for his son. since we got together 8yrs ago it went down to £40pw then £20pw the csa recalcalated this because we I have 3 children at home..he has always paid this in her hand, she told the csa that they were dealing with it between them.. now because she has remarried and her new husband dosnt work she has gone to the csa and told them he has never paid her anything. he has no proof that he has paid her and she has no proof that he hasnt. the csa have told him that there is nothing he can do and he has to pay all the back dated money they want him to pay £78 pw now.. just on her say so.. so if any one has a friendly arrangment with there exs please make sure you get proof of your payments because you dont know when things could ...get ugly and she could turn on you and you will be in a lot of dept like we are.
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There seems to be unhappiness on all sides of this argument, but it really is a case of person to person. There have to be guidelines. The CSA can not be blamed for working to them. It seems to me that it is the parents, either one or the other, that are not being reasonable and acting out of spite. Break ups are messy and it is easy to forget about the children and their best interests which is certainly not listening to their parents argue about money. I split from my partner 2 years ago now. We had a VERY bad break up but I gave him parental responsibility without him having to go to court for it. He sees our son on a regular basis, every other weekend, every other thursday night and half the holidays. He has a well paid job, and taking everything into consideration he should pay £25 a week. In mediation he told me to take him through the CSA because he assumed I may try something similar to what you have described. I pay for everything he needs, to my son he is just the 'fun' Dad, he spoils him bad mouths me and laughs at my efforts to get any money off him. He has paid nothing and the CSA are useless. It amazes me that they are making you pay this money. They seem to be unable to get money from my ex. Even with his NI number, address and place of work. I am at my wits end, have two jobs to support myself and have never tried to keep my son away from him. He deserves to know his father. All I can hope for is that he sees just what he is like for himself. Because you never really know someone until something like this happens.
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the problem is clearly not the csa or the law but the morons who cannot act like responsible adults/parents. if your realtionship breaks down and the bile starts spilling the one thing kids can rely on is a small contribution from the parent who is not there supporting them fully as they should be because they cannot grow up and deal with their broken relationship. yes its bitter and your hurt but - a big but - they are just kids, and they are yours.
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I do think the csa are bad but on the same token the parents have to take responsability for etting them involved in the first place.the csa cannot be blamed for 'spitefull mothers' for instance or 'absent fathers' ...my 5 year old son gets 150 in his savings account a month through the csa from his dad but still no contact, ive told his dad I would much rather he keep his money and have more contact with his son as he misses his dad yet he still chooses the berr/mates/girlfriends/nights out over his son....therefore my little man goes without a dad. I had no choice but to involve the csa as I dont agree with fathers spendin money on beer etc and leaving us mothers to fend for everything
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not a happybunny - 13-Jun-10 22:02
Anndy..... because you have 2 kids for god sake! it doesnt matter how much you earn, you should still contribute.
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hello
I have got 2 children my ex sometime she saying is not my kids and also she saying is my kids only when I pay ,but now I last my job and I am on jobseeker allowance even now I pay them 5 pound a week ,since I lost my job she doesnt let me see my kids .
I get less than 50 pound a week , and my ex she get more than 200 hundred ,now I don't understand why I should pay for CSA when she get more money then me
I have got 2 children my ex sometime she saying is not my kids and also she saying is my kids only when I pay ,but now I last my job and I am on jobseeker allowance even now I pay them 5 pound a week ,since I lost my job she doesnt let me see my kids .
I get less than 50 pound a week , and my ex she get more than 200 hundred ,now I don't understand why I should pay for CSA when she get more money then me
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It's not always fathers who are treated unfairly. My ex husband decided to stop maintenance payments when our daughter was still in her last few months at school moving on to college after the summer holidays. I never initially asked for maintenance and he paid a small amount monthly of his own accord for 8 years. I got the CSA involved believing it would be fair but they couldn't assess him properly. He took my daughter and put a claim in for child benefit in which they just gave it to him (don't even get me started on them) and told the CSA he'd now claim off me. You know what they said to me? Oh we didn't expect him to do that, sorry, you'll only have a short time to pay though until she's left full time education. Needless to say I wish I'd never got in contact with them. They made an absolute mess of the whole case. How on earth could I end up paying child maintenance when I was the claimant to start with. It ruins your family and my daughter doesn't want to be living with him but nobody seems care about that.
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CSA should in theory only deal with a case from the day they are contacted, they cannot as far as I am concerned, back pay demand for before they were contacted you should have found this out when they contacted you. Also if she is stopping you seeing the kids, get a contact order, and LIP its as easy as a walkint he park I did it and now know when I will see my kids, she has lost all control, they hate it but its law.
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These single mothers are just using their children to claim the equivalent of incapacity benefit, (but no questions asked in these cases), a free house and a free meal ticket off the non-stop working taxpayers..... working taxpayers that would love to have more time to themselves instead of working, but can't afford to because they have to work hard to pay more tax so these parasites can rest all day long.
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payitallback - 30-Mar-10 09:06
Working hard, all these single mothers out there that have lived for many years off the taxpayers and fathers, should now have their houses equity taken away from them to re-emburse the taxpayers and estranged fathers, that would make things fair, oops I forgot, the governments wouldn't do that as girl power wouldn't let them.
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