A child should not behave like this

I was at a country show a few years ago and witnessed a young boy of about 7 years old picking up and throwing stones at cars as they slowly drove past, much to the annoyance of the drivers.
His mother, (I presume), was with him all the while and all that she was doing to stop him was to say in a thin whining voice, "Don't do that..." each time he threw a stone.
The boy just ignored her and carried on throwing stones.
Then dad came back and mother complained to him about their boys' behaviour. Boy was still throwing stones at cars, dad saw this, grabbed boy by scruff of neck and smacked him across the backside and gave him an earfull of parental guidance.

Boy stopped throwing stones.

I had a lil smack or tap on the bottom as a kid and it never done me any harm. No trouble with the police, I have a full time job and a part time job, I dont steal etc etc..

i think if I was allowed to get away with things as a child I would be different today (in a bad way)

i dont think there is anything wrong with a light tap on the wrist when your child is playing up.

I have a step daughter who I view as one of my own aswel, so if shes being naughty she will get the same treatment as my own children

Hi Mantis ,

Find yourself another man who repects your principles ,IIf you are to look after the children at times they should let you have the right to do it your way there is a big difference between hitting children and letting them do as they please ,this is probably why they have split up in the first place Things will not get better unless you put your foot down , there is an old saying If you love something set it free and if it comes back to you it was mean't to be in other words put your foot down be kind but let them know that you are entitled to your own opinion , they will respect you in the end.

Mantis - you're in a difficult situation that's for sure! You've been asked by your partner to help bring his sons up, which is unfair on you if he's not supporting you, and being attacked by his ex-wife for doing what he's asking of you. No wonder you're at your wits end. There's no easy solution, but it sounds as if you need to have a damn good talk with your partner and lay down some ground rules, such as things he does and doesn't want you to do (smacking the boys, grounding them, or whatever), and get him to tell his ex to back off and that you're chastising his sons under his wishes. He also needs to sit his sons down and tell them that you're not an invader, that you're here to stay, and that your word is law when you're in charge.

And to Stan - yes you DO sound antiquated. If Mantis has been with this guy for 3 1/2 years don't you think the sons should have woken up to the fact she's there to stay by now, and that the relationship is pretty damn official? It's not her fault if her partner isn't divorced yet, these things do take a while to be finalised. There's nothing wrong with living with a married man who's permanently separated from his wife, so who are you to judge?

Mantis, regardless of what people believe about smacking generally I think that you should not smack them as they are not your children and they will use it to play their mother off against you.

If your partner wants you to help him raise the children then he has to start supporting you. The children need to see that the two of you are united or they will keep pushing boundaries with you. Could you not get some one to baby sit one evening and go out to somewhere neutral away from the home to discuss this with him?

If he is not prepared to meet you halfway then maybe you need to call time on this relationship because it is going to be an unhappy experience for everyone. The children may be making you nuts but they are probably very unhappy and insecure in this arrangement. They need some boundaries and security; you can't provide that if he is not willing to support you.

Mantis 02-Oct-2009 12:43

What are you doing? Have you lost your wits? You are cohabitating with a married man with 2 boys. No wonder those boys are acting up!

Those boys aren't stupid. They know their father shouldn't be living with his girlfriend while he's still married to their mother. They view you as an invader (and rightly so). This may sound antiquated, but you should NOT be living with this man under these circumstances. The boys know the relationship is not official, and they see you as just another woman sharing their fahter's bed.

Seeing as the father doesn't put his foot down with the boys, it shows that he's uncommited. I advise you to end this relationship.

There is a difference between smacking and assaulting a child.

These parents who understand this are good parents, those who do not are bad parents.

This is a very simple concept that even the most indoctrinated, rabid, PC quidnunc should be able to comprehend.

Hi to all you people out there. I am at my wits end. What do you think about giving kids a quick slap on the bum when they drive you up the wall?

I have been living with my boy friend for over 3 years now. He has 2 boy's 6 &1/2 and almost 8 years of age. He basically wants me to help him to bring the boy's up. I just got a few problems with that.

1) I got told by the boy's very early on that I can't tell them what to do,because this is not my house .(3 & 1/2 years ago)
2) He is not divorced as yet from his wife.
3)The older one is suppose to have ADHD.( I believe it is just bad up-bringing)
4)They do not listen. EVER! To get them to do anything is a constant battle.
5)They tell there mother that I constantly hit them(which is not true) I do believe that the odd smack on the bum has not harmed anyone so far.
6)When I tell the boy's (especially the older one)to do something small,they grin at me and say no. I want them to hurry with something, I get told that I am naughty because I don't let them carry on playing or do as they wish.

There is a lot more, such as his wife phoning me and telling me never to punish the boy's again. WHAT CAN I DO?

It is not necessary to beat a child or to shout at him or her. Good parenting is about setting clear and firm boundaries and not giving in. Punishments can take many forms but physical and emotional abuse are not acceptable. Parents must provide their children with a moral compass and lead by example. I have never beaten or even smacked my two children and we have a fantastic relationship. They are intelligent, questioning, compassionate, polite and caring. You have to WORK at being a good parent. Only lazy parents resort to violence.

'the warden' - Blimey, I hope your police work is better than your grammar. Your views are also rather worrying: '....don't beat them until they bleed'. I feel really safe with you out there.

I am a female police officer whom is a firm believer in discipline. It really pisses me off when people try to use the police as a escape goat to get the to behave. All that is doing is teaching the kids to fear us. Kids need to be taught that police are here to help when needed. Also, people think that if they whip their children they go to jail and that is NOT true. Peole need to understand that there is a difference between discipline and beating a child. Don't beat them until they bleed because then that's abuse and you will go to jail. If people would buckle down on their kids then there would be no need for juvenile detention.

People should need a licence to have children, the adoption agencey screen people before they get to adopt, Why on earth are people allowed to bring children into the world when the adoption agencey would not touch them with a barge pole !!!!!!!!!