Friends with unruly kids
09-February-2010
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Friends with unruly kids

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Is it just me, or are there any others out there sick and tired of having their friend's unruly children inflicted on them?  I am in my early 40's, and my husband and I have decided not to have children.  I have seven or eight close friends with anything up to four children each.  Whenever we arrange a get together, I am astounded at how they always want to come to me, as they seem to see it as a cheap day out for their offspring.

Now, coming to me wouldn't be a problem normally - we like entertaining and like children, and we also feel privileged to be involved in our friend's children's lives.  However, ALL of our friends seem to view a day out at ours as "time out" for the adults, with no need to discipline their children in our home, which is treated as a large play pen.

Some examples; I recently helped a friend by assessing her son's leg (I am a physio), while her other three children threw all the cushions off the sofas, used them as climbing frames, ran around slamming all the doors and throwing themselves around too close to our TV for my liking.  Were they disciplined?  Only in the limpest, weakest, most ineffective way.  Another friend let her toddler crawl into our open fireplace and start throwing briquettes around.  Apart from being concerned about our carpet... there was no thought for the child' safety.

I knew only too well that carnage would follow

Friends with unruly kids, a broken doll

Some friends arranged a get together for twelve of us + children, and asked me sheepishly if we could have it at ours - because we have more space.  I said no, as I knew only too well that carnage would follow.  Some time later I watched with dismay as same group of children wrecked the house of the friend's who eventually hosted it.

Am I expecting too much?  I don't invite myself anywhere, and I don't wreck homes any more now than I did as a child.  My parents brought me up to have manners and respect others and their property.  My friends are intelligent, responsible members of society, yet I dread their children coming due to lack of discipline.  How about some manners people, rather than giving in to children all the time.  Also, how about respecting my decision to not have children, and next time, invite me to yours for a get together so I can see your children IN YOUR HOME, and not have to cater for them and clear up after watching them wreck my house every time.

By: Frustratednonparent


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IWhen my children were small they had to behave when they were out or they did not go , My mother did the same with me and my sisters. I did not give my children presents and sweets to keep them quiet ,I said if you behave while we are out you will get a treat at the end of the week ,it worked ! so many people seem to take their children out and expect Doctors ,Dentists & shop owners etc to babysit come on we all have responsibilities and by letting our children do as they please; they will have no respect for us later on in life. I once heard someone say that Teachers no longer teach manners in school, That is because manners should most definatly be taught by the parents at home .
*gix  06-Nov-2009 15:23

 
You are talking to the wrong people. This won't end until you speak to the parent about this.
*Stan  10-Oct-2009 17:44

 
You are talking to the wrong people. This won't end until you speak to the parent about this.
*Stan  10-Oct-2009 17:43

 
No, but that wasn't the point in the original post! It's about responsible parenting. As such, you want to teach your child to respect other people's things etc therefore you don't sit back in somebody elses home and let your sprogs run riot. If it's beyond you as a parent for whatever reason, not to safeguard your pal's home, don't take you kids there. Have your friend over to YOU house where they can break stuff all day long if you want!!!!

Poster - don't let them come. Smile sweetly and say sorry, I have brand new cream carpets in my child-free home. Or by a nasty pet that runs loose and might be a risk.
*meg  31-Jul-2009 20:03

 
I agree with you Meg but does that mean the child should be locked away and the parents should stay behind closed doors too!?
*what!!!  24-Jul-2009 16:55

 
Surely as a responsible parent, if you know that you have a "difficult" child or a child with a medical condition, and you are aware that that might mean things get broken, or rules disobeyed or that child might act up in some way then you wouldn't inflict your child on your FRIENDS' lovely homes? You'd invite the friend to YOUR house where presumably, child included, everybody could be a lot more relaxed?

I think a huge part of the objection we feel to unruly children is not to the child themselves, but to the parents who sit back and do absolutely nothing. I have every sympathy for parents that you can see are trying their best with say, a dhild at the terrible two stage. But none at all where the 2 year old is rampaging around and the parent does orand attempts to do, nothing.
*meg  24-Jul-2009 16:43

 
There are some kids on which the word "no" simply doesn't work. I grew up in one of situations, 1 good child 1 bad child. We were both raised the same way, only I preferred to follow the rules. I saw my parents take all of my brother's privileges away (TV, nintendo, going out with friends) and ground him for months, as soon as the punishment was over he went back to the same behaviors.
All children develop differently and until you've had a difficult child or lived with one every single day you won't understand how hard it can be.
*Michelle  23-Jul-2009 13:23

 
If you read the comments on the gripe about the folding bike you will see, not a grumby (?) that I am NOT the same person who wrote the gripe! It appeared while I was on my hols (which I do not spend in internet cafes!) and I only found out that someone had borrowed my name, almost, when I came back. This other Grumpy now signs herself as Grumpyxx to avoid confusion.
*grumpyoldwoman  23-Jul-2009 08:14

 
Very well put Mr Hicks! If grumpy old woman is the same griper who folds her bike into a shopping trolley and is offended by boy scouts helping with her shopping than you really ARE the biggest grumpy old hag there is! and any children in your life must really disrespect you.
*not a grumby old woman!  22-Jul-2009 23:38

 
What!!!!!!!!!!
Pay no attention to grumpyoldc**t and mooning ninnie,they have never had to take on the responsibility of raising kids.
*Mr Hicks  22-Jul-2009 00:08

 
It really is a puzzle why they can be so different! I was just wondering if it was possible to find out if the other two have any control over the behaviour of the naughty one; could they be encouraging it in some way?
I know it's difficult these days when a slap is looked on as abuse!

As to the one with the "red" condition; that really doesn't sound normal!
*grumpyoldwoman  21-Jul-2009 17:18

 
grumpy old woman, you misunderstood what I was saying, my 3rd child is always punished for bad behavior, but they always get treated the same, if they are good well thats fantastic, if 1 is not he/she gets punished, simple! My point is if they are siblings being brought up in the same way and 1 is unruly isn't it a problem the child has rather than the parent, that child is given as much love time and attention as the others so why is there such a big difference in their behaviors? and I don't think I should punish the other 2 when their sibling is "naughty" As for the child with the red condition (can't remember the name) it is something in her brain that triggers once she is in contact with the pigment red, just the same as a bull!
*what!!!!  21-Jul-2009 09:45


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