Friends with unruly kids

Is it just me, or are there any others out there sick and tired of having their friend's unruly children inflicted on them? I am in my early 40's, and my husband and I have decided not to have children. I have seven or eight close friends with anything up to four children each. Whenever we arrange a get together, I am astounded at how they always want to come to me, as they seem to see it as a cheap day out for their offspring.

Now, coming to me wouldn't be a problem normally - we like entertaining and like children, and we also feel privileged to be involved in our friend's children's lives. However, ALL of our friends seem to view a day out at ours as "time out" for the adults, with no need to discipline their children in our home, which is treated as a large play pen.

Some examples; I recently helped a friend by assessing her son's leg (I am a physio), while her other three children threw all the cushions off the sofas, used them as climbing frames, ran around slamming all the doors and throwing themselves around too close to our TV for my liking. Were they disciplined? Only in the limpest, weakest, most ineffective way. Another friend let her toddler crawl into our open fireplace and start throwing briquettes around. Apart from being concerned about our carpet... there was no thought for the child' safety.

I knew only too well that carnage would follow

Some friends arranged a get together for twelve of us + children, and asked me sheepishly if we could have it at ours - because we have more space. I said no, as I knew only too well that carnage would follow. Some time later I watched with dismay as same group of children wrecked the house of the friend's who eventually hosted it.

Am I expecting too much? I don't invite myself anywhere, and I don't wreck homes any more now than I did as a child. My parents brought me up to have manners and respect others and their property. My friends are intelligent, responsible members of society, yet I dread their children coming due to lack of discipline. How about some manners people, rather than giving in to children all the time. Also, how about respecting my decision to not have children, and next time, invite me to yours for a get together so I can see your children IN YOUR HOME, and not have to cater for them and clear up after watching them wreck my house every time.

By: Frustratednonparent

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honestly some children get so out of control sometimes...no wonder you don't want to have children. they can be little 'angels' sometimes even when they deserve a good telling-off. parents seem to turn a deaf ear to children misbehaving these days, and it seems to get more annoying by the minute.

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hazza - 30-Sep-11 21:21

I agree I only have one child and dont work and certain friends seem to think I am an unpaid baby sitter and end up out of pocket as well, plus they have no manners nor do the parents am giving them a wide berth as its just getting too frustrating!

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BUBBLYBLONDE - 6-Aug-11 21:32

Big mac meal your sil's attitude alarms me 'if he traps his finger he wont do it again' I appaud you for standing your ground. I strongly disagree with that kind of responce to a childs bad behaviour. Some people call it neglect.

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Chunks - 24-Apr-11 18:23

This is a gripe I can actually agree with. Its your right to a quiet life and as youve chosen to not have children its also your right to keep your home the way you like it. I assume you are able to talk to these friends? If so then it may be worth just asking that next time theyre in your home its with respect for your belongings. They may take it the wrong way at first but if theyre true friends they will understand. Failing that- invite yourself to their home and throw cushions around etc lol just kidding.

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Chunks - 24-Apr-11 18:19

Personally I find it's difficult for me to befriend or socialize with people who have unruly kids even if I agree that it may not necessarily be the parents' fault.

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ACM - 7-Feb-11 01:23

@Big Mac Meal -- you said your SIL didn't visit for 4 months. Consider yourself blessed. She is a real lamer to take that kind of lackadaisical attitude in someone else's home. I wouldn't want her around at all ever if she was that uncaring. And think about this: if she's that ho-hum about what her child does, she's not likely to care about anything else important in life either. You were missing nothing by her 4-month absence. When she showed up again, you should have told her to make it another 4 mos. before visiting again. :)

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Paul - 4-Jan-11 19:36

It's bad manners letting them run riot when they are visiting. I almost fell out with my sister in law once, my nephew insisted on going in the kitchen opening cupboards and pulling things out. I told him to stop and removed him from my kitchen several times but he insisted on this behaviour. I was scared he would trap his fingers or hurt himself so I asked her to please make him stop. "oh he'll be fine, he's just exploring, if he traps his hand he won't do it again." so flippant she didn't care! An argument erupted and she went home and didn't call or visit for about 4 months. My brother, who wasn't there at the time, apologised on get behalf but she didn't. If your in my house you follow my rules even if you are my cute little nephew I won't put up with it.

-1

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Big Mac Meal - 11-Nov-10 10:11

DO NOT EVER STAND BY SILENTLY AND TAKE THAT KIND OF TREATMENT! Those parents are NO FRIENDS OF ANYONE to allow them to get by with that kind of insane behaviour. Those children are sociopaths and psychopaths in the making. Any intelligent, reasonable and responsible parents would NEVER EVER in a million years allow their child to behave in such a manner at a friend's (or anyone else's!) home. That is NOT acceptable behaviour - and when you witness it - call it out for what it is - and LEAVE if it is not immediately rectified.

-2

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Granny G - 5-Oct-10 13:11

I do believe that children should be seen and not heard. Maybe I'm a little Victorian in my ways but I do believe it be for the best. The good and benefit for one and all.

I can't imagine any other way of upbringing a child and if there be such a way, you must've failed somewhere along the line at being a parent.

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James Maybrick. - 1-Sep-10 23:18

send them to Cotillion ! :)
honestly it works rather well theyll learn manners, formal dance, how to eat and set up a seven course meal useing the right utensils, and how to RSVP to a ball or other parties.

-5

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Debutante - 24-Aug-10 19:48

Hi its simple, its your home and you dont want it wrecked, you could say it in a light hearted way the next time they ask to come to yours say that you were thinking of redecorating and could their kids give you some quotes. Then sit back and watch the fireworks go off. Sorry some people you just cant talk to about their kids, their little darlings, Refuse to have them and their kids round, dont give reasons, go round to theirs,or if all else fails get a rothweiller who hates kids. Sorted.

-1

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Jasmine - 22-Jul-10 18:53

Emma, How many effing times are you gonna say children, their kids, not children,

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CHILDREN ARENT CHILDREN, THEIR - 18-Jun-10 00:32

Hi Frustratednonparent: Let's get this straight: NO - your friends are NOT intelligent, responsible members of society if they do not discipline their children! Look at the stress it has put you through! SO let's get this straight: your friends are NOT intelligent, responsible members of society! Intelligent, responsible members of society TEACH THEIR CHILDREN better from the moment the child can WALK and EARLIER. The children's education begins almost immediately as to what is acceptable behaviour and what is not!

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Pareil - 9-Jun-10 15:53

I just wanna say I agree! :) I have a 5 year old daughter ,and I am not saying she is perfect but she is pretty awesome and well behaved! I Am so sick of finiding new friends and then realizing I can't deal with being around ther unruley children.

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brittsgrl2002 - 5-May-10 20:56

By the way, clear up time make it a game.

"The person who is the best at putting everything away gets £1 "(from mums purse)

put slow music on to support the need for it to be slow

Remember we walk in the house.

You have 10 minutes before you leave........

I will be watching from ............

-5

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emma - 15-Apr-10 23:56

If people come to your home; you set the rules!

Shoes off indoors
You my jump only jump outside on the grass.
Cushions stay on the sofa
You may only throw a ball or items at your house.
drinking and eating at the table in the kitchen.
Walk in th house
Use nice words
Calm voice
sit on the sofa when watching the telly

Try not to use the word don't or no it gets everyones back up and looks more interesting if the word NO is in a rule (worth breaking).

If the children are unable to manage then you need a consequence: Ok mum you sit with the kid who cant stop licking his feet and wiping it on my TV. But give them the chance to put it right!!

Children are children, and if you don't like the way they behave then speak to your friends and set rules. You can always reward the children for being good with a piece of fruit, sweet or tv programme.

If your friends do come around ask them to bring the childrens toys that can be taken away.
I'm sure your friends just think you are cool with it, be honest.
Good luck

-1

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emma - 15-Apr-10 23:53

IWhen my children were small they had to behave when they were out or they did not go , My mother did the same with me and my sisters. I did not give my children presents and sweets to keep them quiet ,I said if you behave while we are out you will get a treat at the end of the week ,it worked ! so many people seem to take their children out and expect Doctors ,Dentists & shop owners etc to babysit come on we all have responsibilities and by letting our children do as they please; they will have no respect for us later on in life. I once heard someone say that Teachers no longer teach manners in school, That is because manners should most definatly be taught by the parents at home .

-5

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gix - 6-Nov-09 15:23

You are talking to the wrong people. This won't end until you speak to the parent about this.

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Stan - 10-Oct-09 17:44

You are talking to the wrong people. This won't end until you speak to the parent about this.

-2

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Stan - 10-Oct-09 17:43

No, but that wasn't the point in the original post! It's about responsible parenting. As such, you want to teach your child to respect other people's things etc therefore you don't sit back in somebody elses home and let your sprogs run riot. If it's beyond you as a parent for whatever reason, not to safeguard your pal's home, don't take you kids there. Have your friend over to YOU house where they can break stuff all day long if you want!!!!

Poster - don't let them come. Smile sweetly and say sorry, I have brand new cream carpets in my child-free home. Or by a nasty pet that runs loose and might be a risk.

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meg - 31-Jul-09 20:03

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