Ex's girlfriend is jealous and insecure
I am fed up with my ex's girlfriend's jealousy of our little girl, and of the past that he and I shared. My ex was ultimately responsible for walking out on his child (he had an affair), but this woman has done everything in her power to take my child's father from her and has finally succeeded in my view. I'm concerned that many women out there disallow their boyfriends to maintain a proper relationship with their children out of insecurity. I have discussed this with many people and find that I'm far from alone in thinking this.
This woman (my ex's girlfriend) was so worried about the possibility of my ex and I reconnecting that she made it extremely difficult for us to continue doing our child exchanges at each others home. She was afraid of having to deal with me, even though she was the one who had the affair with my ex. I was never mad at her for this. I was mad at him, but for some reason or other this woman hates me!!!
She made numerous false reports to law enforcement agencies, along with my ex, because I refused to exchange our child in the street almost a mile away from their residence. They said I created a scene, when in fact I refused to exchange other than at the house. My ex's girlfriend demanded that I not be allowed at their home and my ex caved into this demand by lying to law enforcement to obtain reports, so that eventually he could seek a restraining order to keep me from the home. This was all to please his girlfriend. Never was my child's best interest a factor.
My ex also stopped coming to our child's appointments because his girlfriend did not want him coming alone. My boyfriend had no problem with this, because he was secure with my love. My ex then filed false CPS charges to try and wrestle custody from me after his wages were docked for child support. I understand that his girlfriend was furious that he did not have the same amount of money as when they began their affair during our relationship. Now, my ex had a baby with this woman and he has stopped visiting any of his children (he has older children from an ex before me).
I understand that my ex's girlfriend has not wanted any of the children present, because she wanted her own family and my ex's full attention. I am disgusted with the way these two are behaving. Why do women seek relationships with men who already have children if they are so insecure? They are destroying children's lives because of their own insecurities.
Comments from visitors
Sort:
I Hate His/Her Ex is a book for anyone having difficulty coming to terms with their partner’s past relationships - brilliant read! Available on Amazon or most bookstores - Kindle or paperback!
0
Click to rate 
Report
yes I have the same problem,my ex had a affair they now have a 6 month baby my ex still see my 6year old and 4 year old every other weekend .my 6 year old want to see more of his dad I tell my ex but he just repies and says I have ni more time. I feel so sad 4 my son .
-1
Click to rate Report
My view as a whole of society is that single parents ,for whatever reason that their single, is that
females have the children during the week, males on the weekend.
This means that I cannot have a real relationship with my partner during the week , as partner has children from exes during the week and I have a child from a ex on the weekend, as well as from a deceased spouse every day.
This is a very hard relationship for kids , partners , me.
She makes me feel like a bad parent, a bad partner, and wants to be out with her single mates at the weekend, she is almost a pensioner age.
I do not have any friends as I always have kids to look after and abandoned every weekend except for the kids.
I just want to be 1 happy family not 3 different families at different times and deprived off an adult
relationship.
I see her children yet she has a problem with mine, I had all these children before I met her.
What is the problem ?
females have the children during the week, males on the weekend.
This means that I cannot have a real relationship with my partner during the week , as partner has children from exes during the week and I have a child from a ex on the weekend, as well as from a deceased spouse every day.
This is a very hard relationship for kids , partners , me.
She makes me feel like a bad parent, a bad partner, and wants to be out with her single mates at the weekend, she is almost a pensioner age.
I do not have any friends as I always have kids to look after and abandoned every weekend except for the kids.
I just want to be 1 happy family not 3 different families at different times and deprived off an adult
relationship.
I see her children yet she has a problem with mine, I had all these children before I met her.
What is the problem ?
+1
Click to rate Report
Wow Miss Bella, sounds like you are extremely intelligent.
0
Click to rate Report
New girlfriends, new wives or new whatever, if you choose to be with a individual that already has or had a family, then expect to deal with the drama. It's their problem not yours and back the heck off. As a spiteful stbx spouse, I would not want any other woman getting all up in my business. These are our kids and it doesn't matter if your feelings are hurt or you get any respect. You knew the situation when you venture yourself into his life. My concern would be my kids and my kids only, are you for real, support for new partners, get real! I am spiteful because of women doing the exactly same thing after committing adultrey with my spouse.
0
Click to rate Report
spiteful stbx spouse - 28-Sep-10 20:25
Yes ex's girlfriends are very insecure like Missy Bella. Perhaps she needs an education on laws. Check out DOR child support guidlines. When you get with someone who has children from an ex. You knew Missy Bella so it is us moms protecting and fighting for our children. They come first always.
-3
Click to rate Report
I am the exes girlfriend u talk about and u dnt realise how hard it is for us women moaning and groaning ex wife wanting money wanting help etc ure fella left you for a reason not for u to use the kid as some sort of pawn, u lot open ure eyes see it from the other side I often wonder what I'm doing with a man who had a kid with a women he didn't love and he married her to stupidly!!!!! So stop moaning and wear protection unless ure sure
+3
Click to rate Report
This is very sad, and it is unacceptable that he doesn't see his chilren, that taken as read, then can I ask you a question?
Has your behaviour in any way contributed to this situation? I am sure you want to say no - but please take a moment to think about it properly.
My OH has an ex who has "reasonable explanations" for all of her hurtful, controlling and damaging behaviour and if my OH tries to explain his point of view - he is not showing her respect that she is due as the mother of his children.
We would love to have a better relationship wiht her for the sake of the children - but she makes it impossible!
Has your behaviour in any way contributed to this situation? I am sure you want to say no - but please take a moment to think about it properly.
My OH has an ex who has "reasonable explanations" for all of her hurtful, controlling and damaging behaviour and if my OH tries to explain his point of view - he is not showing her respect that she is due as the mother of his children.
We would love to have a better relationship wiht her for the sake of the children - but she makes it impossible!
+1
Click to rate Report
I'd quite like to give my point of view.. not as a parent, not as the 'other woman', but as the child, stuck in the middle of all this. Because yes, when my parents divorced, I was that child.
My mum quickly found a new man who my father hated, and my dad quickly found a new wife. My stepmum did not like me, perhaps due to jealousy that my dad wanted to spend time with me and she was being reminded of my dad's previous love. My dad hated my mum, and would constantly moan about her to me, and my mum hated my dad, constantly saying he was unreliable and a rubbish father.
I was put on the spot so many times, torn between loyalty to my mum and loyalty to my dad. I ended up hating all four of my parents, for constantly making me choose who I 'loved more'. Even worse, I was an only child so had to do this all alone without a brother or sister to help me.
I had to deal with this, confused and isolated, as a 6 year old girl.
It made my life difficult and now I'm having counselling for jealousy and self-esteem issues.
During break ups, parents really need to think about their children's feelings, rather than selfishly just doing what is best for themselves. Parents brought a baby boy or baby girl into the world, it is their responsibility as a couple (whether they are physically together or not) to give that child the best life they can have.
My mum quickly found a new man who my father hated, and my dad quickly found a new wife. My stepmum did not like me, perhaps due to jealousy that my dad wanted to spend time with me and she was being reminded of my dad's previous love. My dad hated my mum, and would constantly moan about her to me, and my mum hated my dad, constantly saying he was unreliable and a rubbish father.
I was put on the spot so many times, torn between loyalty to my mum and loyalty to my dad. I ended up hating all four of my parents, for constantly making me choose who I 'loved more'. Even worse, I was an only child so had to do this all alone without a brother or sister to help me.
I had to deal with this, confused and isolated, as a 6 year old girl.
It made my life difficult and now I'm having counselling for jealousy and self-esteem issues.
During break ups, parents really need to think about their children's feelings, rather than selfishly just doing what is best for themselves. Parents brought a baby boy or baby girl into the world, it is their responsibility as a couple (whether they are physically together or not) to give that child the best life they can have.
+6
Click to rate Report
How come you all know so much about your exes new partners? I can only assume that you quizz your kids about what goes on between them. Doesn't that make you just as bad?
I don't know much about my husbands ex, don't want to, not intrested, oh yes I know who she is, when her birthday is (kids out it on the calendar) but that's about it. I don't my husband or the kids.
I don't know much about my husbands ex, don't want to, not intrested, oh yes I know who she is, when her birthday is (kids out it on the calendar) but that's about it. I don't my husband or the kids.
-3
Click to rate Report
its all very well sayin 'blame the bio parent' but when the new girlfriend decides the throw a tantrum and make it difficult for her new spouse to see his kids thats bang out of order!!
''sorry for the rant, at the end of my tether'' youde have been better off staying out of hat situation, that girl was bought into the world by her mother and father, who are you tryin to kid by playing the absent parent in this childs life? no wonder the mother is frustrated with your interferance, possitive input or not you should leave your boyfriend to make his own mind up. and if he does choose to let go of his daughter then its upto you whether you want to remain in a relationship with such an imature irresponcable boy!!!
''sorry for the rant, at the end of my tether'' youde have been better off staying out of hat situation, that girl was bought into the world by her mother and father, who are you tryin to kid by playing the absent parent in this childs life? no wonder the mother is frustrated with your interferance, possitive input or not you should leave your boyfriend to make his own mind up. and if he does choose to let go of his daughter then its upto you whether you want to remain in a relationship with such an imature irresponcable boy!!!
-3
Click to rate Report
I also have awful problems like yours ( and have done for many yrs) My ex husband is with a woman who is obsessed with me and uses my children to try and gain as much information about me as possible. I would put it down to her being so insecure and the fact that their relationship has been based on lies and deceit for many yrs,
I wonder how I,ve not had a mental breakdown caused by the stress and trauma this woman has caused me..( I, like yourself, did no wrong and wonder what I,ve done to deserve all this)
I,ve been alone for 8yrs since I discovered my husbands affair with this woman - may I add they are not married and do not legally live together - and she suffers from an eating disorder therfore can't have children of her own.
I can't help you but can only let you know you're not the only person with similar problems.
I wonder how I,ve not had a mental breakdown caused by the stress and trauma this woman has caused me..( I, like yourself, did no wrong and wonder what I,ve done to deserve all this)
I,ve been alone for 8yrs since I discovered my husbands affair with this woman - may I add they are not married and do not legally live together - and she suffers from an eating disorder therfore can't have children of her own.
I can't help you but can only let you know you're not the only person with similar problems.
-1
Click to rate Report
@openyoureyes - so true!
@sorry for the rant - calm down! I get what youre saying and that's not fair either - same position here and it sucks, but have faith - if your conscience is clear than let the childish mother blame you for her shortcomings. that's what i'm learning to do - and at least I can sleep at night cos it's not my fault.
i think there is too much bitterness directed at new partners, and it is all too easy to blame them when in actual fact it;s the bio parents' conduct with each other which has caused a break. spare a thought for what the new partners might be going through trying to keep it all together, and don't blame them just cos theyre there.
@sorry for the rant - calm down! I get what youre saying and that's not fair either - same position here and it sucks, but have faith - if your conscience is clear than let the childish mother blame you for her shortcomings. that's what i'm learning to do - and at least I can sleep at night cos it's not my fault.
i think there is too much bitterness directed at new partners, and it is all too easy to blame them when in actual fact it;s the bio parents' conduct with each other which has caused a break. spare a thought for what the new partners might be going through trying to keep it all together, and don't blame them just cos theyre there.
+1
Click to rate Report
sad and angry - 29-Jul-09 14:21
some of us new girlfriends are more responsible than the biological parents. I feel for what youre going through. my fiance doesn't see his daughter and i've been blamed for it when I have paid maintenance to her, looked after her, and completely disagreed with my fiance's choice to give up. I get abusive messages - got a doozy the other day - personal attacks, and because i'm his new mrs IT''S ALL MY FAULT. well i'm sick of it. where's the support for new partners who have ripped their emotions apart trying to do the right things and got sweet f all for their efforts? sorry to rant but it's been a year since i've been able to see the girl I consider a step daughter, and despite numerous posts and please for advice on what to do - everyone is blaming me for them not seeing eacfh other. too many women use their kids as a weapon and IT MAKES ME SICK that not onoly is this what his ex is doing, but I'M STILL BEING BLAMED AND ATTACKED.
-3
Click to rate Report
sorry for the rant, at the end - 29-Jul-09 11:07
i agree with everything you say- I had murder with my ex's girlfriend. thankfully they split up after a year of hell and things went back to normal for a few weeks -untill he realised he could live the single life. he pays maintanance although he doesnt bother with my son. I give up now I changed my number and cut all contact although I still claim csa payments and he still pays to keep the peice. after all he made the choice no to see his son
+3
Click to rate Report
deadbeat dads - 18-Jul-09 18:32
thank you "open your eyes" for your comment, I have witnessed their arguments from afar, she telling him off like a little puppy about his children, he thought he had a bad marriage with me that is why he did all the stuff he did, well now looks like his girl friend is the controlling one, I want to stay away from the both of them, its just a shame the courts don't take that into account!
-2
Click to rate Report
what on earth! - 18-Jun-09 09:36
Rather than blaming your ex's girlfriend, shouldn't you really be placing the responsibility upon your ex himself? Your post reads as if you are 'a fly on the wall' when it comes to decisons being made by this girlfriend of your ex. However, how do you really come by this information? Is it really your ex himself, blaming his girlfriend? If it is, he is perhaps conveniently getting what he wants - which is getting you and his daughter (as horrific a thought as that may be) out of his life, whilst at the same time shifting the responsibility onto his girlfriend.
I strongly suggest that the author of the original post considers seriously the role of her 'ex' in all this, and is perhaps a little less trusting of him as a one-sided source of information regarding the motives of his girlfriend. Youthful Griper (the previous post) has focused in on the role of your ex and has questioned his commitment to the 'father-role'. I agree with him. The original poster of this grip needs to stop being so trusting, so naieve, so "blind" to her ex; it is he that really is the problem in all this, not the girlfriend. Well, that's my opinon.
I strongly suggest that the author of the original post considers seriously the role of her 'ex' in all this, and is perhaps a little less trusting of him as a one-sided source of information regarding the motives of his girlfriend. Youthful Griper (the previous post) has focused in on the role of your ex and has questioned his commitment to the 'father-role'. I agree with him. The original poster of this grip needs to stop being so trusting, so naieve, so "blind" to her ex; it is he that really is the problem in all this, not the girlfriend. Well, that's my opinon.
+2
Click to rate Report
openyoureyes - 17-Jun-09 23:39
Your ex's girlfriend sounds pathetic. If she had an ounce of maturity, she would realise that its for the benefit of your little girl that you and your ex remain on good terms. My partner has a son, and I wouldn't dream of preventing him seeing his little boy. After all, that's his flesh and blood and he always will be. Perhaps its because my parents are divorced, it doesn't bother me so much. I really think you should have it out with your ex and explain that if he wants to take an active role in your daughter's life, he should learn to put her first. He should be looking after his little girl, not going out with one!
-4
Click to rate Report
I don't feel qualified enough to comment on this as I'm not a parent (yet) and haven't been involved in any sort of predicament such as this. Though I do have to say that whilst reading this, I couldn't understand why your ex's priority laid with his current girlfriend and not his child.
I imagined myself in that situation whilst reading this and thought that I'd have stuck up for myself a bit more than your ex. If he's that bothered about maintaining a father-role then he should be telling his current girlfriend how it is and that if she doesn't like it then she can find herself another bloke. It sounds like your ex is under the thumb by an insecure manipulative money-grabber.
I imagined myself in that situation whilst reading this and thought that I'd have stuck up for myself a bit more than your ex. If he's that bothered about maintaining a father-role then he should be telling his current girlfriend how it is and that if she doesn't like it then she can find herself another bloke. It sounds like your ex is under the thumb by an insecure manipulative money-grabber.
-9
Click to rate Report
Sort:
