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My girlfriend had already gone through one family breakup as a child, and this was the second separation she's had to endure. Being an adult didn't make it any easier, believe me. It affected her health, mentally and physically, and she had to take months off work due to ill health. She had to start getting counselling, and spend every waking moment looking after her distraught mother. As a helpless onlooker, I found it immensely frustrating and difficult to watch.
It affected our relationship in many ways, and almost broke us up due to the stress of it all. My girlfriend's brother was devastated too; he went off the rails, started drinking and even got arrested at one point. (Again I should point out that the step father broke off ALL contact with his step kids).
I mentioned my girlfriend's first family breakdown, as a child. That was her father. The difference between her father and stepfather is that her father was (and still is) civil and polite, and is man enough to maintain contact with his family despite what happened.
The adulterous stepfather, however, buries his head in the sand and pretends that none of us exist. On the few occasions anyone tried to approach him for an explanation, he bleated that he was being harassed and would take us all to court if we dared contact him again.
Meanwhile my girlfriends mum had another problem: Her elderly parents, heartbroken and confused by what happened to their daughter, died within weeks of each other. This double blow caused extra damage to her well-being, and along came anti depressants, counselling and sleeping tablets. Her adulterous husband, on hearing the news of his in-laws' deaths, did.... you guessed it, absolutely nothing! There were no words of condolence, no sympathy card, nothing at all.
What he *did* do, however, was insult their memory by flaunting his mistress in the pub where all the mourners were gathered on the day of the funeral.
The final insult came when his mistress phoned up my girlfriend's mum at 6.30 one morning and took great pleasure in telling her the various positions in which she had her husband the night before. (During this phone call, HE could be heard talking and giggling in the background).
It is just inexplicably cruel.
Meanwhile the rest of us struggle to support my girlfriend's mother at the expense of our own lives and relationships.
You might think, why not just sit down and talk to him. But that is impossible. All contact is OFF the agenda. Nobody can contact him.
This man, who I used to respect, has had a complete personality transplant. Everything that was good in him, is gone forever, replaced by cruel, cold hearted behaviour that I can barely understand.
My point however is this: People assume that marital separation, divorce, affairs etc. only affects young families with children. In fact, it can happen to families with grown up children, and can be even more devastating - because it affects the grown-up children's relationships, work, health, etc. even more.
By:Onlooker
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