14-March-2010

Lack of sleep and a thoughtless husband

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Yesterday my in-laws had invited us to join them in visiting a friend of theirs the following day. I had said I would think about it and get back to them the following day. At 10:30 in the morning my mother in-law calls and my husband answers the phone. She asks if we can be ready in 45 minutes as they wanted to pick us up and drive us over to their friend’s house. My husband and I had a late night and did not get into bed until midnight. I did not sleep and only started to drift off at about 6:30 in the morning. I had only four hours sleep when my mother in-law rang.

My husband had just woke up and was not dressed yet. I was still in bed sleeping. My husband woke me out of a sound sleep to ask if I would be ready in 45 minutes. I told him no. My husband did not even give me the opportunity to say anything else on the matter and he went out of the room before I could respond and told his mother that, "I did not want to go because I did not like their friend and I was in a bad mood."

When I overheard what my husband told his mother I became angry. I did not say any such thing! Had my husband allowed me to respond, I would have said I cannot be ready in 45 minutes but I could be ready later in the day and to please explain to his mother that I had a rough night, was not feeling very chipper and that the afternoon would have been better for me. When my husband got off the phone with his mother, I confronted him and asked him why he said what he said. He did not answer me and went into the bathroom to shower and shave.

While my husband was in the bathroom I rang my mother in-law and explained the whole situation. I told her that I did not say I did not like their friend and I was not in a bad mood. I explained that I had a rough night, had only four hours sleep and just was not up to it this morning but would be delighted to go later this afternoon. My mother in-law understood and said she could not understand why her son would have said such a thing. My mother in-law said that unfortunately her friend was only available in the morning for a visit so she said she and her husband would go and that we could all go together another time when I am not suffering from lack of sleep.

An alarm clock marks a sleepless night...

After my husband got out of the shower I approached the subject again. I told my husband that I had rang his mother and told her I did not say any of those things that my husband said I had said. My husband seemed very irritated by this that I should phone his mother and correct what he did. I am wondering if he thinks that makes him look like a liar to his mother. Perhaps, but his mother worships the ground her son walks on so I doubt that no matter what he said or did his mother would never think negatively about him. I could tell by the expression on my husband's face that he was angry with me and that he resented me for not being able to join his family this morning. I then told my husband that if ever I am not able to join his family and he wants to pay them a visit that he is free to go do so that he does not need to stay home just because I am unable to attend. With an irritated expression on his face and an angry tone of voice he told me that, "his place was by my side", acting the martyr. I told him I appreciated his loyalty, but that I am not some type of invalid that needs to have a babysitter and I can be left alone for a few hours on my own.

This was my husband’s attempt to make me feel guilt. It did not. Instead I just became angry but decided to just drop the subject. My husband never got over being upset with me and the whole day he gave me the silent treatment and sat around the house with a pout on his face. He reminded me of a spoiled child that did not get his way.

What had me so angry about all this was that not once did my husband take into consideration how I felt and did not seem to acknowledge or care that I had had very little sleep and was not feeling well. I was not trying to be difficult at all, I even tried to provide a compromise and offered to meet with his family later in the day, but I guess that just was not good enough for my husband. I am not a vindictive person, but it is situations like this that make me want to get back at my husband.

The next time he has a sleepless night, I just might wake him up early in the morning and tell him he needs to be up and ready to be out of the house in 45 minutes and see how he feels about it!

By: Mrs. G

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I am 58 years old. I lost my right leg when I was 48. I lost my left leg in December 2008. My stair glide just stopped working this afternoon. My husband is asleep upstairs and has a business golf game tomorrow. I am losimg my strength and sanity.... Any suggestions?

Used to be active 01-Sep-2009 11:28

Yes hon I aggree wake him up and tell him hehe. he does sound very child like. I would dump the likes of him a right mummys boy.

Frannie 27-Jun-2009 06:11

Anon, you mentioned your lady having depression, perhaps its the post-natal variety? I understand this can change a womans behaviour quite a lot. It's not an excuse though. It sounds like she's refusing to make any effort point blank.

You probably need some professional advice, maybe start with RELATE and go from there. You may find its worthwhile seeking legal advice too (without telling your missus) because if it comes to the crunch, you would benefit from knowing your rights in advance, and being prepared. I wish you luck sorting this out.

Onlooker 19-Mar-2009 11:50

The happiest day of my life was the day our son was born but a year later things are not going how I ever thought they would be. what I am getting at is my girlfriend, she has turned against me for reasons still unknown. she is nice to me when people are about but when we are together she is evil to me calling me names and doing very usually sat down giving orders and when im not around she would be at her mums. I am starting to break down as I work full time and go to college evenings to keep the mortgage etc paid and am not sleeping hardly at all. the second I get home I do all the cooking the cleaning washing and if I moan about it I just get called another name and told if you dont like it you know where ther door is. my biggest concern is for our son because as he gets older he will start to pick up on this and it could have an effect on him.

the thing is she never used to be like this and she is already going to the doctors with suspected depression but she refuses to take the medication and if she does she will only do it for about a week and then give up.

I really am at a loose end and need advice.

Anonymous 18-Mar-2009 23:14

My gripe is the total lack on conscience some people have regarding their past behaviors. My ex-wife was (and probably still is) both an alcoholic and an adulterer, BUT "has never" had the personal strength, or fortitude, to acknowledge her behavior while we were married. Since most of her wrong doing's happened while my children were little they either aren't aware of her history, or simply don't want to remember it. I've made some mistakes in my life, but at least I've tried to let those people know how sorry I was. But there are certainly some people out there "TOTALLY DEVOID OF CONSCIENCE" - my ex-wife leading that brigade.

Prince Sheam 16-Mar-2009 12:10

My husband drives me mad. I love him dearly, but after a few years together we still get deb collectors' letters over unpaid bills and credit cards. I knew of his problems, but I thought we'd handled it together a long time ago. I'm at my wits' end. What the hell am I going to do, our financial situation can't take too many more blows. He says there's nothing more I should know about, but I don't trust him anymore... I'm just sad and depressed and can't be bothered anymore. Let them take the house if they want to, I'm tired of fixing things...

Yallabunny 27-Feb-2009 15:08

Grow up the pair of you. This all sounds very childish, mostly from him, but also from you lowering to his level. Rise above it.

A man 11-Feb-2009 09:28

I lost interest halfway through the second paragraph. Did you eventually divorce him?

Manx Hound 14-Jan-2009 12:36

I agree that isnt fair at all, I think you should get him back and say it to him and see how he responds

P-J-TRASH 01-Dec-2008 22:16

Cancelling an appointment after "only" four hours sleep? I do a full days work requiring constant concentration after little more sleep than that - every day. Let's face it, you're lazy. He's not angry with just this one issue; he's angry with the pile of ironing that's been sat in the basket for a week, the half-hearted cooking, the inch-thick dust around the house...... buck your ideas up, girl - or he'll be off having an affair shortly - that is, if he isn't already.

Yoyo 06-Nov-2008 13:25

Actually I don't agree with TopsyTurvy on this topic- if you read carefully I was commending her comments on BBC HYS (if it is the same person)

In fact I have more respect for Mr G's comments lol

kodkod.84 24-Oct-2008 08:30

Oh dear God! When this this site become the Jeremy Kyle Show?! Having read through just a few comments I have to say that I am amazed. So amazed in fact that I could not continue reading them all. I know by posting this comment I am going to get every feminist South of the Arctic Circle having a pop at me but here goes...
Kod Kod and Topsyturvy amoung others, get a grip on reality. Divorce or get rid of him just because he has a one day sulk!! Are you kidding? Why not go the whole hog and hire a hitman?
As for everyone else saying "talk to him", that is assuming both of you can stay awake at the same time, obviously, you need to talk to him.
Also, Midnight is NOT a late night. You were suffering from "lack of sleep" not a terminal illness. Address WHY you were awake until 6.30am and blame that, NOT your husband.
As for all the talk about "Control". Lighten up for christs sake.
Now please excuse me, I have to untie the wife so she can make my dinner!

Angrydadcalledray 23-Oct-2008 22:35

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Lack of sleep and a thoughtless husband

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