Modern living, some suggestions
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As we are fed our daily helpings of advertising, I felt it was really important to offer people out there some technology advice on what to buy. First of all, on the subject of Flat Screen televisions. Simply put, a flat screen television does not enhance your life, or make you sexy or help in any way with feeling good about yourself. It is still the same old crap on all 999 channels and unless you subscribe to HD, makes no difference to your viewing pleasure. Even if you do subscribe to HD, it still makes no difference, crap is still crap whether you view it in HD or not. |
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There, now you see - that's helped a lot hasn't it - you don't need that 50" horror taking up room in your house. I'd like to further help you with other technology decisions you may feel you need to make over the course of the next few days and months. Next, I'm sorry to be the first to tell you but you don't need an iPhone. You don't need to search the Internet on the move, or pretend you're an Apple zealot. You don't need a touch screen telephone/MP3 player/Sat Nav device and nobody thinks you look cool with one either. So there. Read a book on the tube/bus/train instead. |
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I have decided, on your behalf, that no one needs to buy a Sat Nav device at all, never mind an iPhone. You don't need one in your car or to carry one around with you. Buy a map instead, they are much better, more accurate and tell you more than a Sat Nav device ever could. You don't need a Kindle or a Sony Reader either now that I think about it. They use digital ink, but say printers ink is better, and a book is friendlier, nicer to look at and aesthetically more pleasing and who needs to carry 50 novels around with them. The last thing I want to help you with is watching TV or videos on your mobile phone. Don't. It's stupid a you'll probably hurt your eyes. It's pointless and it won't have escaped your sense of irony that in the house the flat screen TVs are getting bigger yet they want you to watch programmes on a screen about a millionth the size! Someone's trying to extract your hard earned dollars/pounds/euros by trying to convince you that you need those things or that you won't be hip, happy and sexually gratified without them. It's not true here are a few better things you can do with your money. Buy a book and read it. Anything by Stephen Fry is good. Listen to some music on a CD or Vinyl recording, it's much better than MP3s. Led Zeppelin, Joni Mitchel, Van Morrison, Beethoven and Arcade Fire are perfectly good. Which reminds me to remind you to go out and buy a proper Hi-Fi with separate bits, and make sure it's British, because we make the best Hi-Fi. Anything by Linn, Shearne or Meridian is acceptable. There you go, read books, listen to music and best of all have a chat with your friends, family or colleagues, and don't talk about Big Brother or anything on the TV or anything the newspapers tell you. That way you'll be happy and fulfilled - or not. By: Pimptastic |
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Comments from visitors
Nigel you have misjudged me badly. Why do you imply I am lacking in common sense?
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You must have more money than common sense to buy Apple stuff. Grossly overpriced.
+5
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To the author (Pimptastic)
You, sir, are a moron. I will now explain why.
Your first comment regarding televisions is a fair enough point, some TV's are over the top these days. Unfortunately, your intelligence seems to decrease over the course of your post.
I own an iPhone. I do not NEED it but one of the aims of technology over recent years has been to make things easier. So, regarding your suggestion that I read a book on the train, I can use my iPhone or iPad and do just that. You also pass comment about not needing 50 titles in your bag, I accept this, but why not have the choice? I can pull out my iPhone, read a book, play a game, surf the internet, research information, even make a phonecall! all on a device that takes up less space in my pocket than my wallet.
I do not want to carry a book around in the same way that I do not want to carry a map, I already have both in my pocket.
With regards to your suggestion to use a proper map. Apart from the size, the fact that you suggest that unfolding a map across your dashboard obscuring your view of the road and endangering other drivers, rather than have a small device give you turn by turn directions, is completely ridiculous.
Please refrain from being as much of a moron in future.
You, sir, are a moron. I will now explain why.
Your first comment regarding televisions is a fair enough point, some TV's are over the top these days. Unfortunately, your intelligence seems to decrease over the course of your post.
I own an iPhone. I do not NEED it but one of the aims of technology over recent years has been to make things easier. So, regarding your suggestion that I read a book on the train, I can use my iPhone or iPad and do just that. You also pass comment about not needing 50 titles in your bag, I accept this, but why not have the choice? I can pull out my iPhone, read a book, play a game, surf the internet, research information, even make a phonecall! all on a device that takes up less space in my pocket than my wallet.
I do not want to carry a book around in the same way that I do not want to carry a map, I already have both in my pocket.
With regards to your suggestion to use a proper map. Apart from the size, the fact that you suggest that unfolding a map across your dashboard obscuring your view of the road and endangering other drivers, rather than have a small device give you turn by turn directions, is completely ridiculous.
Please refrain from being as much of a moron in future.
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Watch out for the next trick with computers in the very very near future, they will sell you a PC or Laptop which will have an operating system installed (no names mentioned) and that will lock the computer after a year until you pay a few hundred pounds subscrition charge for a code, if you dont you will lose all of your documents and access to the internet, which will drive most weak people insane with no social networking sites, they have been seriously looking into doing this and are planning right now, why sell software once when you can sell it again and again every year to make billions more, what are you going to do if you get locked out of your own laptop or office PC that you need desperately for your small business?
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They will bring in a raft of new EU and UK Car and Driving Laws and at some point between one of your regular 3 year Driving tests they will decide that your car is older than a certain age and so does not have the most current up to date safety feature that came out at the start of the year, and take it off of you, or they will decide that it is too polluting because it is a 4 year old model, come on, for a while there to prop up the car companies, they allowed them to put the prices up by 2 thousand pounds, then to tell you that you could have a 2 thousand pound discount if you trade in your older car that was probably worth 4 grand anyway, so second hand cars became worthless(Garages told people they didnt want but would scrap for a fee) and we were still being overcharged by about 4 thousand on each new car, while a lot of not very clever people were tricked into thinking that the government actually gave money to car makers and that it was an amazing fantastic great deal.
Just means that you will have to save hard again as soon as you buy a new car, there wont be such a thing as a second hand car and the manufacturers will line up a row of University lecturers (AKA Expert witnesses/Industry Experts) on 3 thousand pounds an hour to advise government that it is actually good for the Environment to make lots of new cars and sell loads more.
Just means that you will have to save hard again as soon as you buy a new car, there wont be such a thing as a second hand car and the manufacturers will line up a row of University lecturers (AKA Expert witnesses/Industry Experts) on 3 thousand pounds an hour to advise government that it is actually good for the Environment to make lots of new cars and sell loads more.
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HA HA, I'm keeping my 1988 Ford, so HA lol......um I dont think so pal, they will just start doing what they threatened before, taking all cars over six (6) years of age off the roads and scrapping them regardless of how few miles or how good a condition they are in, it will be like pass the parcel only it will be pass the car, and when the music stops, they will take your good car and crush it, so you lose your money and it is tough luck, any car over 2 years old will be refused a trade in and when you go for an MOT at 5 1/2 years, they will just keep the car and scrap it or send it abroad to Africa for sale on a RORO (Roll on Roll Off) car ship.
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continued from below - 16-Dec-10 07:38
Just wait until the service spanner comes up on your dashboard in the new car, it will either turn the car to "get home mode" and cap your speed at 29Mph or it will completely de-activate your car and put a nice little pop up message on the touch screen that encompasses the Blu Ray player, GPS, Stereo and heater controls informing you that your car has been immobilised for your safety and convenience to prevent damage to the car and for your safety...then when you try to put on the radio for some music while you sit there or maybe use the GPS to find out roughly where you are in order to tell a Garage on the phone, it will tell you "currently deactivated" the hazard warning lights wont even work.
Then you will tell the guy in the Garage that you dont know where you are, he will say "why dont you just use your phone it has an ap (software application, available for download by payment and purchase only) you will tell him your phone is 3 years old and he will laugh and hang up the call on you.
After you have been pestered by the Police and they have called a tow truck, you should be about 900 pounds lighter after the tow and a quick connection to a laptop to turn off the vehicle service counter...the next new car you buy after that will just decide to shut down, as you will probably have to start paying for the privilage of driving a particular car makers cars, they will say that you have to pay an annual or monthly subscription in order to have the right use their "unique patented engine and windscreen wiper technology Experience" in line with current trading practices (money grab)and it will have a timer just like many factory and industrial machines now have (you have to phone up and pay, and they give you a code to unlock via the touchscreen) whats that , your car wont start because the engine management computer is confused, oh the GPS cannot locate a tracking Satelite so the car refuses to start....I see..
Then you will tell the guy in the Garage that you dont know where you are, he will say "why dont you just use your phone it has an ap (software application, available for download by payment and purchase only) you will tell him your phone is 3 years old and he will laugh and hang up the call on you.
After you have been pestered by the Police and they have called a tow truck, you should be about 900 pounds lighter after the tow and a quick connection to a laptop to turn off the vehicle service counter...the next new car you buy after that will just decide to shut down, as you will probably have to start paying for the privilage of driving a particular car makers cars, they will say that you have to pay an annual or monthly subscription in order to have the right use their "unique patented engine and windscreen wiper technology Experience" in line with current trading practices (money grab)and it will have a timer just like many factory and industrial machines now have (you have to phone up and pay, and they give you a code to unlock via the touchscreen) whats that , your car wont start because the engine management computer is confused, oh the GPS cannot locate a tracking Satelite so the car refuses to start....I see..
+2
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tell_it_like_it_is - 16-Dec-10 07:35
The best is you must have a 50" television screen , but then you have to get the smallest notebook ( laptop) Im glad that I am not a sheep!
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Hello Pimptastic,
You're absolutely spot on about one thing (others too), British Hi-Fi is the best in the world and needn't be prohibitively expensive. The equipment I have is old but still sounds great. I'm sick and tired of explaining to smirky individuals that nothing beats a proper sound system and that the downloads (there's a pun there) and MP3's etc. they are so fond of are rubbish in comparison.
I've come across people who have said that they don't read books as it's a "waste of time" (whaat?!). I couldn't give a toss about Big Brother, X Factor, Pop Idol or any other rubbish show that's foisted on people.
I couldn't agree more with the sentiments pimptastic and others have posted.
PS, I don't have an i-phone, nor do I want one. I've got a telly from (gasp!) 1998 (still looks ok though). Lotsa love X
You're absolutely spot on about one thing (others too), British Hi-Fi is the best in the world and needn't be prohibitively expensive. The equipment I have is old but still sounds great. I'm sick and tired of explaining to smirky individuals that nothing beats a proper sound system and that the downloads (there's a pun there) and MP3's etc. they are so fond of are rubbish in comparison.
I've come across people who have said that they don't read books as it's a "waste of time" (whaat?!). I couldn't give a toss about Big Brother, X Factor, Pop Idol or any other rubbish show that's foisted on people.
I couldn't agree more with the sentiments pimptastic and others have posted.
PS, I don't have an i-phone, nor do I want one. I've got a telly from (gasp!) 1998 (still looks ok though). Lotsa love X
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Good article. I've never been one of those people that must have the latest this and that. Most of it is unnecessary, expensive and doesn't add anything to your life. I learnt a long time ago that the novelty of buying expensive gadgets wears out and you've got the horrors of a big credit card bill to drag you down.
So read good books, watch quality TV (buy some good boxsets of dramas and good films), buy a bike for exercise, buy few good quality clothes that last and meet new people doing healthy, rewarding activities. Cook your own food too. If you want to splash out some cash learn something. Go to evening classes or do some training that will promote your working life. All of these are much cheaper, more valuable than keeping up the Jones's, binge drinking. eating fast food and spending your weekends in shopping malls. Who the heck is Jones anyway? Who the hell cares?
Think quality, not quantity. Then you really will stand out the in the crowd.
So read good books, watch quality TV (buy some good boxsets of dramas and good films), buy a bike for exercise, buy few good quality clothes that last and meet new people doing healthy, rewarding activities. Cook your own food too. If you want to splash out some cash learn something. Go to evening classes or do some training that will promote your working life. All of these are much cheaper, more valuable than keeping up the Jones's, binge drinking. eating fast food and spending your weekends in shopping malls. Who the heck is Jones anyway? Who the hell cares?
Think quality, not quantity. Then you really will stand out the in the crowd.
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I have to agree with Pimptastic; a 50" Plasma TV is quite unnecessary, I find a 42" TFT quite adequate. iPhones are a complete waste and are mostly useful for making their owners seem more important and clever than they actually are.
Electronic books are pointless too, at least with a real book there are no batteries to go flat and ruin your reading pleasure. Just because it makes you look like you stepped off the set of "Star Trek" does not mean it's cool!!
MP3 / media player/ juke box devices are good but iPods are overpriced and awkward to use. I have a Toshiba Media player which is easy to load and despite having almost my entire CD collection on it, is still nowhere near full. It was half the price of the equivalent Apple device.
I will however have to disagree with you about SatNavs though. The problems associated with them are due to the users stupidity and not the devices themselves. People who just plug in a destination and press "GO" are asking for trouble. Always check the route it offers up and if during the journey it takes you toward a "No Entry" or some other inaccessible road; ignore the direction, carry on the way you are going and wait for it to recalculate. Don't just blindly follow instructions if there is obviously going to be a problem.
Having said all that, I love mine!! I travel all around France on holiday with it and always end up where I want to be which would not happen if I tried to navigate myself with a map whilst driving.
One final point; unclamp that mobile phone from the side of your head and look where you're going !!!!!!!
Electronic books are pointless too, at least with a real book there are no batteries to go flat and ruin your reading pleasure. Just because it makes you look like you stepped off the set of "Star Trek" does not mean it's cool!!
MP3 / media player/ juke box devices are good but iPods are overpriced and awkward to use. I have a Toshiba Media player which is easy to load and despite having almost my entire CD collection on it, is still nowhere near full. It was half the price of the equivalent Apple device.
I will however have to disagree with you about SatNavs though. The problems associated with them are due to the users stupidity and not the devices themselves. People who just plug in a destination and press "GO" are asking for trouble. Always check the route it offers up and if during the journey it takes you toward a "No Entry" or some other inaccessible road; ignore the direction, carry on the way you are going and wait for it to recalculate. Don't just blindly follow instructions if there is obviously going to be a problem.
Having said all that, I love mine!! I travel all around France on holiday with it and always end up where I want to be which would not happen if I tried to navigate myself with a map whilst driving.
One final point; unclamp that mobile phone from the side of your head and look where you're going !!!!!!!
+2
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well Jimmy Riddle - you are so right. HD is soon to be the thing of the past already.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/7617702.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/7617702.stm
+2
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sonofsilence - 16-Sep-08 16:52
I bought the hottest thing in town sometime last year - a Nintendo Wii. After a few months the novelty wore off and I haven't used it for over 6 months. And now, quite frankly, I think it's a silly little toy. It is/was targeted at all people but I guess in the 14-40 bracket? So it seemed OK to buy one at 18 years of age. I wish I hadn't. Spent £230 on a waste of time, just like clubbing. Just hope I'll be more ready to resist next time or use the one in the shop.
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Sat Navs are useful as a 'get me out of here' solution to road navigation. A few weeks ago I traveled from Snowdon (North Wales) down to Bristol which is just over 200 miles and planned what looked like the quickest (not shortest) route using mainly motorways and A roads with a road atlas (remember them?). Someone else who came on the journey brought his Sat Nav, so we entered the same destination on that as well, just out of interest. We specified that we wanted the quickest route and expected it to take us the same way, but instead it insisted on going straight down through Wales using A roads. At the point where the two routes separated I decided to ignore its instructions and carry on to the motorway as per my own route. When the Sat Nav recalculated its route immediately after I missed the turning it wanted, this time mimicking my own, it shaved 20 minutes off of the expected arrival time! Quickest route, eh? I don't think so! P.s. I'm no technophobe, in fact my dissertation concentrated on the effectiveness of a GPS-enabled device (not a Sat Nav) in real-world applications!
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I agree with the poster on the issue of HD television, and I would probably add 'Blu Ray' to that list. It seems not so long ago we were being shown the virtues of DVD, and apparently they aren't 'high quality' enough now.
As for Apple products, well if you want to pay twice the price so you can get a white laptop with a little logo on the top, but at the expense of actually being able to do anything with it, go ahead.
Regarding Satellite-Navigation, these are actually fairly useful tools in that they serve a purpose and have developed from applications that also served a purpose.
As for Apple products, well if you want to pay twice the price so you can get a white laptop with a little logo on the top, but at the expense of actually being able to do anything with it, go ahead.
Regarding Satellite-Navigation, these are actually fairly useful tools in that they serve a purpose and have developed from applications that also served a purpose.
+2
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Jimmy Riddle. - 9-Sep-08 22:12
Electric tin openers drive me mad and should only be available to people who are unable to use their hands properly! Battery operated carving knives and toys that tell stories to children are a real bugbear of mine as well.Only Bone idle people who like gathering pointless bits of tat use them!
+4
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Muppet - noone cares if you're sorry or not!!
I think the Sony ebook if the latest example of inventing a gadget for the sake of it - I mean what's wrong with an actual book?
I think the Sony ebook if the latest example of inventing a gadget for the sake of it - I mean what's wrong with an actual book?
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Note to oneself : I really must do something about this split personality thing. You're a really funny person Muppet.
No I'm not.
Yes I am.
Still not sorry though.
No, neither am I
No I'm not.
Yes I am.
Still not sorry though.
No, neither am I
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That's funny, I don't remember typing that reply, and I certainly don't apologise for any of it especially the bit about the dog. Get a sense of humour you miserable people.
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Muppet (genuine one ) - 6-Sep-08 15:57
Apologies for what I said the other day... I'm a complete Berk.
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